Most damaged relationships are impossible to fix. If you have endured pain and disappointment for a consistent, steady period of time, you are unlikely to muster any sort of healing or positive change by being around/with that person.
And we need to start normalizing it.
It doesn’t matter what they may have done for you. It doesn’t matter if they believe they’ve given you everything.
If you don’t believe it and you no longer feel the same about them, it’s your body and mind warning you that it’s time to back off from the toxicity.
✨ uraz kaygılaroğlu, cis male, he/him — whenever i see kadir korkmaz meandering down agnes street faith by the weeknd starts to play inside my head. maybe it is the vibe they give off. missed calls at 3am, idyllic escapes and a tarnished dynasty ; you know ? sunset gardens is what keeps them interested in agnes. i heard they are a thirty-two year old restaurateur. they look like the kind of person who would blame you if he bumped into you. ⧸ @agnesextra
hello, hello !! sam here with some details about kadir. also known as an actual human trash can. actually, let’s go with dumpster fire. ♡ this and i’ll come to you for plots ✨ thank you for reading this total mess in advance !!
kadir has long been used to being the family black sheep, the disappointment. by choice
poised to be the third part of the perfect korkmaz trio of heirs, he has wasted no opportunity in dragging the family name through mud as best he could as a pathetic form of payback dished out to his parents
they ‘won’ by pushing an unwanted marriage on him. typical high society folk. his elder siblings’ alliances where their parents decided worked, but they were different. arranged but also… natural. in the sense that they, too, wanted to be married to their spouses
unlike kadir. his heart lay elsewhere
and because he didn’t defy his parents, he lost the woman that he loved. the cruelest twist of fate was that if his father didn’t betray hers, they would most likely have been a shoe in
losing her led him down a spiral wherein he transformed from a dedicated, caring young man to a spiteful free-loader who rides on the coattails of his family
he denied them of his contribution to the business yet invested their money in a chain of restaurants with his best friend
not only that, he left several messes behind for them to clear up for him. and they did, for the family name. before every event, every interview, they were left tensed that he would create a blunder that the crisis managers would have to jump in to fix
but what was the point? no, really, what was the point?
despite not regretting anything he has done in all these years, he felt… nothing. he didn’t feel the victory that he would imagine course through his veins; there was nothing to gain from these insignificant acts
for they may have been the cause of several thorns in his family’s side, they did little (if anything at all) for the bigger picture. and more importantly, him
two weeks ago, he sought to change it all. announcing his intention to get a divorce at a press conference with every reputable (and non reputable) paper in the city covering it
that one single act of his brought the most chaos in the korkmaz lives than anything else he had done in all these years
and it wasn’t even something he did to enrage or humiliate them, unlike the others. this was just his way of finally taking back some control. because in his quest to bring down the family name, he lost himself
so when he got told to fuck off somewhere quiet, he did. so very gladly
the only reason he didn’t get cut off was due to his grandparents intervening. both because it would be even worse for the family name, and because they actually do love him
they could explain away the divorce as something private between the couple, but cutting him off would only serve to bring more uninvited drama that they certainly didn’t have the appetite nor capacity for
despite not knowing (and not wanting to know) exactly where kadir was headed, his father was aware whom he was going in search of
a search that has since landed him in islesbury
while he didn’t reach his goal within 24 hours - despite having the best investigators money could buy at his disposal - the relief that washed over his face when they found her was immeasurable
he was self aware enough to know that he lost his chance with her years ago due to his cowardly decision, though couldn’t stop himself from seeking her out
cliché as it were, he hasn’t been at peace since the day she left
but her address wasn’t the only thing that the investigators found out. it was the simple fact that she had a daughter. that, to him, signalled that she had moved on
and that he should let her go. she most likely wouldn’t even want to see his face, much less an apology. but kadir decided against his better instincts and made his way to agnes street
If you’re grieving because your child died that’s perfectly normal and you deserve emotional support.
But please don’t force your younger friends to visit and be your Counsellor for free (even if they have counselling qualifications). Pay to see your own Counsellor. Your friend can’t be your Counsellor because boundaries need to be maintained. Also don’t insist that your friends be your Counsellor if you keep ridiculing and rejecting everything they suggest.
What it is, how to know if it applies to you, why it’s dangerous and what to do if so 🚩
From Medical News Today:
“A person who is codependent will plan their entire life around pleasing the other person, or the enabler.
The codependent’s self esteem and self worth will come only from sacrificing themselves for their partner, who is only too glad to receive their sacrifices.”
The most useful steps to follow when someone has triggered your PTSD / Childhood wounds / Past wounds
Step 1: Become aware of your physical sensations. You will immediately feel a shift.
Personally, I feel my heart racing, my neck and my ears feel warm, I feel a stirring in my stomach, I feel a tightening of my chest and find my breathing disregulated. This can vary person to person
Step 2 : Take action to regulate the above sensations
By ‘regulate’, I mean acknowledging that these unpleasant feelings, thoughts and emotions are whirring inside you. But remind yourself that YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS! Breathing will literally challenge your anxiety. You can’t be anxious if you’re breathing and actively relaxing your muscles.
Step 3: Pull out your journal. Write down:
Who triggered you?
What was the situation?
How did it happen?
What does this remind you of? What past pain has been invoked?
What feelings surfaced? Identify each and give it a name.
Where did it happen? Was it your relationship? A friendship? Had you drawn your boundaries?
Step 4 and the MOST crucial: Sitting with the unpleasantness. Finding your way forward.
This can legit be the most uncomfortable, unusual thing. But you must read what you’ve written. You must acknowledge the situation and observe how your body responded to it first.
And you must set your boundaries. You must communicate with yourself and the other person who hurt you. This can be daunting, this can be terrifying and this can be difficult to digest: but nothing changes until something does.
