Name: Training Dummy
Debut: Mario and Luigi: Dream Team
Choo choo! It's time for train! Ing Dummy. What an unfortunate thing, a training dummy is. Not only does it exist to be beaten up, but everyone calls it a dummy! And, to be fair, it is a dummy. It is an inanimate object, and incapable of any intelligence. But why add insult to injury? We don't call paper towels Absorbent Idiots, or traffic cones Visible Fools. Yet...?
It's a cute training dummy! It represents a generic Enemy, but doesn't quite resemble any in particular. Dream Team loooved to put some eyes on a shape. With the coloration, and especially the red eyes, I think it evokes a Scare-Eye Balloon! There's our motivation. We must avenge the theoretical birds that would say "yikes" upon seeing it.
Training Dummy would be a great target if you wanted to practice your special attacks without hurting anything! Or it would be, if it wasn't alive. It moves! It has many frames of animation! It doesn't actually move AROUND, just idly animates, but whoever created this machine was a sick and twisted individual. It did not need to move. Who's to say what else it does? Maybe its creator gave it the capacity to feel pain, too. And yet, we are legally required to punch, hit, and pelt Training Dummy with all manner of stuff.
But what if... there was another way?
Come with me. There's something I'd like to show you.
It's this one. This one is a crab! Woohoo! Hell yeah! This nautical nonsense is something I wish! This is what the training dummies at Ol' Cap'n Barnaclescrotum's Dilapidated Old Seafood Shack would look like. I'm at a loss for words, not because it's so beautiful- it is quite beautiful- but because there is very little else to say about a training dummy. Now the thing you clobber looks like a crab! That makes it worse, I think. I don't WANT to hurt a crab! I want them to be happy. Crabs deserve to hang out and eat crab cakes, which I assume are cakes made for crabs, the way dog biscuits are for dogs.
There is another training dummy to discover... but what's the point? What could top crab? Sigh... kicks a rock while slouching with my hands in my pockets... it's not like it would be like an enhanced crab one, of some kind...
It's an enhanced crab one, of some kind! The kind is "big". The bigger the crab, the more crab there is to appreciate, in any situation! And this one feels like it could probably contain many smaller crabs within. She is gravid! Yippee! I hope someone volunteers to deliver the babies!
