It's about time we had the hard discussion about transidentities.
This is a discussion I've been praying someone sparks since radqueer was coined. I did try at first, on my transid resources blog, but I got terminated and banned for defending paraphilia.
I originally wanted to say this as an affirmation to myself. But also any other queer or transid folk that resonate, and to the queer or transid folk that don't see it yet.
Sometimes being trans means coping. Sometimes being trans, or queer, means trying to reclaim your autonomy in a life or situation you didn't have, or don't have autonomy in.
Sometimes being trans means making mistakes. Making decisions you end up regretting, not doing right. Hurting yourself, needing to re-learn or recover. Your life has changed and you can't go back.
Being trans or queer can be regretful sometimes. Some people stay this way. Some people don't. they denounce that they were ever "truly trans/queer". Some people acknowledge that an identity done wrong doesn't mean it has to be incorrect.
It's okay to not be okay. It's okay to try to find what you believe is the best choice out of all your options in a situation you're struggling with. It's okay to pursue something risky- with awareness. Unfortunately, because of the niche of our identities and experiences, the majority lack that awareness we need to make informed, healthy (as what is uniquely healthy to the individual) consentual decisions.
This is not to deny, invalidate, or reject anyone, but to discuss a truth that a lot of us associate with uncomfort, pain, or trauma, because bigots use it as a 'gotcha' point. I am a believer that a lot (but not all or the majority necessarily) of transid folk have identities rooted in pain or discontent that could be soothed in other, perhaps better, ways, but do not or cannot because of societal, systemic or social failure. Because this is the experience I am living right now. These `better options' are often inaccessible or difficult to access to transid folk because of such failings. Even if it's easy, there's other things stopping us from pursuing it.
I didn't want to write a whole spiel, just. I think this is a discussion we as a community need to have, instead of kicking aside in defense because bigots weaponize it. But here's the thing they don't see: people who make mistakes regarding their identity, those who regret it or suffered from it, or have to change or recover from it still don't deserve moral or social shame. They still deserve the autonomy and freedom to fuck up. They are not "reasons to get rid of transids" or "proof that transids are sick and bad". Let us be reasons why people need to learn about transidentities and make education about us important. Direct your anger away from our right to choose, onto the societal, political, and social causes of what led us to choose this in the first place: Capitalism, racism, ageism, ableism, hyperindividual atomization, classism, systemic abuse and violence.
We need to seriously consider what we're actively and passively teaching ourselves and others. and what we're missing.
It is not common knowledge for a lot of folk that desiring to have more intense or worse symptoms or traits, more trauma, or to inflict trauma onto others, is a sign of existing severe trauma- and we're sitting here encouraging that. when the inevitable outcome of that is eventual self-destruction in part fueled by passive, sometimes subconcious, suicidal ideation. We need to discuss the severe and horrifving lack of resources for transabled, transrace, transage, transorientation transharmed/transharmful folk, and more, yet abundance of transition tips, affirmations and validation.
How can we properly validate and encourage when we don't even know what, or who we're encouraging?
We tout about being trans for fun or for the aesthetic, but have any of us tried to apply critical thinking and ask why? Or did we condition ourselves to ignore any potential risky reasons why someone would do that because we want to uphold our reputation and validity?
A lot of us are traumatized and struggle to relieve ourselves of that trauma, so we seek out trans identities to cope. Or we're left with the after effects of trauma even when we acknowledge we are- chronic boredom, understimulation, self pity, isolation. We end up comfortable in our own trauma, understand that living outside of trauma is uncomfortable (because it always will be at first), retreat back to our trauma literally or try to recreate it, and end up believing "I have no other choice, so this is what I will choose, its comfortable, even if I'm not happy or satisfied, I think I feel good, i think im happy enough."
Respectfully, very few people that are healthy or well find other disabilities, races, ages, or identities "aesthetically pleasing" or "fun". Why? Because they're comfortable with themselves and healthily acknowledge they have no desire to seek a life or experience they don't intristically need or want. There is nothing aesthetic or fun to find in other people or identity concepts. The aesthetics and fun we think we find in identities is constructed.
If you have a trans identity not rooted in aesthetics but instead a mysterious "draw" or attraction to- have you ever done introspection on why? Have you seeked out external opinions? Because it's probably coming from a lack of something you need. Whether it be attention or affection, connection, safety or security, experience or satisfaction.
I'm going to attempt to give an imagination based example.
Imagine you as you are now, and your transidentity. Imagine your current life, without your transidentity. How do you feel?
Now imagine the same, except now imagine yourself somewhere safe and secure, with a community and people to support you, where you have access to your hobbies and interests, where all your needs are met- there is nothing more you could ask for. Now add your transidentity into there. How does it feel? Does it feel... Unnecessary? Not as interesting?
If you can imagine a good life without your transid, then its probably an identity coming from lack. But if you picture a very good life, and your transid is adding to that experience somehow, how is it adding to your life? Do you know why?
For some people, like with BIID, its the persistent unexplainable dysphoria and pain associated with having a certain body part or function. Some are able to relieve that dysphoria through psychological treatment. Others are not, and removal surgery is left as a final option.
Even with BIID, ones lifestyle and circumstances are questioned. Once improved then neuro/bio/physical/psychological testing is necessary to rule out other factors. Then psychological treatment is done or the other issues are resolved. If even after more aggressive treatment the dysphoria remains present, only then should surgery be done to relieve it.
We should be treating every form of dysphoria, discontent or desire for something more or less from our bodies the same. We NEED to be as informed and knowledgeable about what's going on with us as possible so we can make informed decisions. We need to exhaust every option available to us, but not at the expense of our long-term health.
I encourage all of you to question all aspects of your identity, from your transabilities down to your "transappearance", it does not matter, there is a reason for everything we do or think.
