Trigun manga spoilers ahead
.
I've been thinking a lot about Elendira's villain origin story, and I think we very much do get one, it's just explained in a more subtle way.
In short, it's definitely grief, which I've seen mentioned before, but also abandonment.
Time and time again we see her having very strong feelings whenever a person prioritizes someone else's survival over their own.
We see this when she's shocked that Vash would do that, then there's that other line of hers about how people will always ruin what Vash tries to do... and then we have her dialogue with Livio
She tries to make it about him and Wolfwood, like she did with Vash, but it really is all about her.
My take is that, back when Elendira was very young, she had someone (she says nice men so I'm going to assume it was a man) she depended on, a family member or a caretaker of some sort. This person was like Vash, like Wolfwood, and he died protecting other people while she still needed his protection and love.
She must have been very young when this happened as 1. she is still very young when she's shown traveling with Knives, and 2. it's a very childlike way of processing trauma, which she cannot deal with, and tries to explain away with logic as she grows up.
She should have been the little girl that someone should have stayed behind for, she should have been that man's "something to protect", but instead she was left to fend for herself.
This, to me, is what she ultimately wants from Knives too, though she'll never admit it. Something like family, even if she has already decided by now that it's a scam. Similarly, I see her relationship with Legato as sibling rivalry. I imagine that Knives had recruited Elendira first, based on how she is walking in front of Legato in his flashback, and once again, someone else was prioritized over her. Someone who, unlike her, had been hurt directly, and "deserved" Knives' attention more. Even as she walks in front, she is still left behind. But she cannot rebel against Knives. She can only despise Legato.
She already has her weapon at that point, and she knows that Knives will not protect her. She becomes unstoppable, so that she will never need to be protected, especially not by someone who doesn't have that capacity. It's fine if he doesn't, at least he's not lying to her.
So yeah. I very much hc that Elendira was abandoned at a time in her life when she needed support the most, whoever that man died to protect probably wasn't even grateful, possibly other children - hence the scene where she tells the kids to bury Livio as he sacrificed himself for them. And the way she is completely fine with wiping out all of humanity.
And that is how I believe she grew up to be extremely independent, extremely powerful, extremely selfish, and extremely lonely.
She acts like she doesn't need anyone because she is convinced that she will never be anyone's priority.
sjfhdjfskfsdf I lov her so much 😭
