The Ballad of the Fishercuck
It was a sunny day, a quarter past noon
The wind whooshed through the trees as if humming a tune
Feyre was watching, she mustered a cough
Lucien had to prove himself, people thought he could only jack off
He stalked through the river, trying to pick
but the only fish he saw were short, though still longer than his dick
After a while, one he finally did spy
but who really was he? Just some guy.
When he actually caught it, he thought he wasn't some shmuck
He learned to catch fish, since nobody wanted to fuck
The fish flopped around, scaly and limp
it reminded him of his cock, that measly little shrimp
He tossed it on the riverbank, already quite sore
"Goddamn," said Feyre. "this guy's a bore"
But Widdle Lulu stayed silent, ignoring her qualms
He had to be sexy for all his pathetic boy moms
He gasped, lunged, and another fish he seized
It looked like all the girls he’d ever had in his bed: not pleased
But that didn’t matter, Lucien tossed it aside
He didn’t care, only three times a week he cried
Okay maybe it wasn't three, maybe it was four
Nobody could stand his annoying ass long enough to make sure
Happy with his bounty, he climbed onto the bank
“My goodness!” cried Feyre “Dat pussy stank!”
This was too much, and tears filled his eye
"I’m using antibacterial soap to fix it, don’t say I don’t try"
Eventually he grew some tiny balls and began to cook the meal
He didn't really like fish, but he wasn't man enough for veal
He wanted to catch a deer but couldn’t follow that plan
He wasn’t even a real fisherman
Though he did catch two fish, that was something he could flex
It felt almost as good as watching people have sex
Lucien couldn't pleasure a women, he needed a lot of help
He tried once, came quick, and fainted with a yelp
So he watched better men, while he sat in his chair
If he imagined really hard, it was almost like he was really in there
Just to make sure you didn’t miss the point of this song
LUCIEN’S DICK IS NOT AT ALL LONG
So he can’t winnow, can’t sing, definitely can’t fuck
But at least you can say he’s in The Ballad of the Fishercuck
