Reeve handing out Cait Sith plushies to everyone who comes into his office like a children’s therapist.
*Tseng aggressively corners Reeve outside the men’s room*
Tseng: I know what you’ve been doing.
Reeve: Ok fine! It was me who started the rumor that the President’s hair is a wig, and it was me who anonymously donated three tons of materia to the slum sectors in the hope it would encourage organized resistance, and it was me who programmed a “kick Hojo in the face” minigame into the Skyview Hall training simulator! Sue me!
Tseng: WHAT— I —that’s —I meant you turning your office into an unlicensed therapy practice!
Reeve: ...Oh. Hehe. Forget everything I just said.
Tseng: REEVE. You don’t hold a psychology degree! You have no clinical training! You are directly influencing the emotional states and behavioral patterns of people who work for the most powerful corporation on the Planet. Do you understand how many things are wrong with that!?
Reeve: I just feel bad for them! A lot of these people genuinely need someone to talk to!
Tseng: Look, you’re a good man. And I’d be more than willing to write this off as “aggressive socializing”. But the Cait Sith plushies, Reeve, HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?
Reeve, guilty: I uh...have absolutely no idea what you’re referring to.
Tseng: The stuffed animals you’ve been distributing to people upon leaving your office. Which, when squeezed, dispense personalized advice.
Reeve: That sounds like something a very unwell person would do! Haha. Not me though.
Tseng, pulling out a clipboard: I’ve confiscated seventeen of the thirty-four you’ve distributed. Let me walk you through some highlights.
*He flips the page*
Tseng: The plushie given to the Vice President, which when squeezed says—and I’m reading this directly— “Aye, listen here, lad. Yer faither’s had his time. The Planet willnae miss him and neither will you. Just sayin’”
Reeve: I would never encourage a political assassination!
*Flip*
Tseng: The plushie given to Reno, which when squeezed says “Reno, ye brilliant idiot. Quit the Turks an tart a wee business selling yer greens. Ye know what grows well in the slums and the people would appreciate it.”
Reeve: I would never encourage drug use!
*Flip*
Tseng: And the plushie distributed to Sephiroth, which when squeezed says “All yer problems will resolve themselves naturally once the primary source of yer trauma is removed from this mortal coil”
Reeve: What?? But I programmed that one to say “Hojo. It’s Hojo. Kill Hojo. Have a nice day.”
Tseng: GOTCHA—
Reeve: WAIT—
Tseng, clipboard as weapon: COME HERE—
