time taken: 36 hours with 30 being the time i took to stop breaking down per para.
rating: erase my memory/5
first infernal devices. then dark artifices. then jujutsu kaisen. then attack on titan. now song of achilles.
spoilers ahead just lemme vent bc this book hurt me on levels i couldn't imagine pain at.
okay i accidently read the spoilers on wiki bc i had the book in my cart and removed it bc something told me not to buy it so i read the review the summary and oh no.
istg nothing can hurt me like this book did and my advice: stay tf away from this book if you’d like to keep your sanity as ive developed a fear of falling in love along with rethinking my life decisions to understand dark academia better 13/10 kids don’t read books should’ve w rewatching fruit animes when I felt shit.
baseline: they both die at the end and what i was doing to myself was watching 2 lovers dive into their death and the worst part one of them knew exactly the same but did it anyways in the name of love.
i get the whole ego and pride being commanding factors when you are a person of power in ancient bc thas just how every book works when you involve greek gods and they did the vilest ruthless disgusting things in the name of it too. but listen. how can call someone your lover yet go forth and do everything possible that caused their demise? how can you be so blinded by fame and image you forgot about the one who silently wept by your side?
characters (too many btw):
patroclus: a boy who was not that favoured by his dad for being not masculine enough and exiled from his own kingdom for committing a murder (on accident bc he pushed a kid too hard).
achilles: golden boy, perfect child, blue eyes blonde hair vibe, strongest warrior (bc greece), literally a demigod (mom was a tier 3 goddess)
thetis : achilles' mom and a huge homophobe just did not pass the vibe check until the last page (also i need to talk about her)
chiron: mentor and major dilf energy dude and possibly the only one who actually likes achilles and patroclus doing their lil thing 13/10 this man
note: whole story is patroclus’ pov
part 1’s not much just setting the scene intros and stuff and things about mom and why she was a fake homophobe.
like okay everything’s fun and games in the beginning 10-year-old boys patroclus and achilles starting this platonic relationship. enter thetis evil homophobic mom who just could not stand 2 boys in love (who haven’t outted themselves yet). she cannot stand her son focusing on something else other than turning into a god bc ancient greece it’s what mattered the most.
lemme talk about mom here. so thetis, shes a sea nymph who was forced to have a child with achilles’ dad by the gods bc they felt like it aka she was raped. what she went through was terrible just no zeus and hades what the actual fuck and she held this ill will for the longest and only wanted her son to be the most powerful warrior to take revenge on the gods for what they did to her.
mom gets mad, sends her son away to the mountains to train with chiron, to separate them. but lovesick patroclus could not stay away so her ran and followed him into the unknown.
now chiron here (yea same centaur guy from percy jackson) absolute sweetheart i loved this man he was a comfort character. he saw these 2 boys and realised oh. they’re in love. fam doesn’t like it. they ran away. and literally protected them until they were called away.
so they stayed with chiron until they were 16 aka they realised this wasn’t just platonic and patroclus realised this was his soulmate and achilles was still a lil confused but got the hang of it. never talked it out but they just vibed all cute all great. end of part 1.
agamemnon (code name AG): just a bitch like yea that's about it.
paris: this bitch the villian the worst guy just disgusting he steals someone's wife for fun and refuses to return her bc ego bruise was a sin w ancient greeks thus started a whole war "the trojan war" which ended in the death of half of greece so like way to go my dude
helen: the kidnapped who i feel terrible for but it’s said she loved paris so idk but yea she was the cause of the war
(note: basically happened was calling war on troy to return the wife by force bc paris)
menelaus : helen's husband. mans really loved helen but sadly helen had other people in mind but womans intrests were not really a thing back then so she was kept by force.
mmkay messed up shit starts aka shit that made me lost the 1% sanity i had left.
so the boys were called back home (to achilles kingdom) due to some ‘unknown emergency’ and turns out trojan war was beginning as paris refused to return helen (who he kidnapped in the first place) and menelaus(her husband who she was on :/ terms w) did not accept the ego bruise so he waged war againt troy to get her back.
achilles’ dad wants him to go as he is said to be the strongest soldier, but his mom doesn’t want him to go bc she knows he will die. bc shes told a prophecy by the gods about someone named ‘hector’ being the cause of his demise. and she tells this to patroclus too and this man overthinks to an alt universe so he concludes that hector will be someone’s murderer and so he lived in fear of the loss of his lover he started counting day and this is where i started breaking dams bc the way the books describes how in love they were. and thetis never told achilles about the death demise part but she did tell patroclus bc she wanted him to leave her son alone by knowing he won’t be alive for long. ma’am? who told you anyone would stay away from their lover if their days were counted?
and so, she once again sends him away to an island in the middle of nowhere and makes him live there as a woman. yea. his mom also forces him to have a child w the princess of the island bc she felt like having a child can weigh him down and he wont be able to leave but lil did she know love has no limits he did no care about no child no wife (which i felt bad about but like patrochilles>>>>)
now they still hardcore in love aight so patroclus finds him once again and runs into his arms in seconds. now ag (another king) and menelaus need achilles to fight for them bc troy warriors are like literal gods so they find achilles via a dirty game and threatens to expose his whole living as a woman to the rest of the world and listen this is considered gay in greece but not being in love with a man. Greek 101 w boby. so like if the world knew you lived as a woman, you’re go down the charts no one likes you. and pride be the most important thing out here so achilles went fine ill go.
and they sail for troy and pls note patroclus still knows the whole someone about to die so he is just bracing himself for impact hoping its anyone else except them but lil does he know the shit that awaits them. end of part 2.
briseis : absolute sweetheart i love her she desvered better
i think i cried for every chapter here bc patroclus was suffering. just bad read bad.
so these guys go full out war. achilles killing taking people down one by one. al good people of troy are rethinking life out there.
and war prisoners are a thing alright and after raiding one of the villages they get a girl named briseis. so its like an army of men. and one woman yea brutal. and all the war heroes can claim their ‘prize’ so patroclus sees how helpless and scared she looks and ag here has a viscious appetite for woman this disgusting man whore so to save her from ag patroclus asks achilles to claim her and thus they save girls this way a lot of them (ugh power couple).
so briseis here grows quite close with patroclus you know falling in love w your saviour and shii but she knows hes in love w achilles but still she asks patroclus ayo how about we have a child. uwu theres this moment where patroclus asks achilles how would you fele if i had a child and achilles has this tone of jealosu telling him ‘i wouldn’t mind bc i already i have a son myself’ but patroclus mans in love blinded by love and couldn’t imagine life without achilles so he was like meh no.
fast forward, ag claims another war prisoner a 12 eyar old girl bc full blown pedophile creep. turns out shes a priest’s daughter. so like thas a big deal bc gods and priest were a thing like they talked to each other and shii. so next day priest comes with offering and asks ag to give back his daughter. this bitch and his humougous ego said no. preists conducted rituals and the gods decided to rain down a plague on ag and his army. so like hundreds of soldiers died and no one understood where and how the plague came form but everyone knew it was the pedophile.
so one fine day achilles calls forth ag and goes. aye man return the girl the gods say they’ll take back the plague if the girls returned along with a sacrifice of sheeps. but ag oh no mans toxic masculinity is showing right and hes like ‘how dare you ask me to return my war prize thas the equivalent of asking me to surrender my pride to the enemies and shit’ it’s a huge deal in greece aight. ag goes ‘alright if i have to return her, you should give me briseis’.
oh now this enraged achilles bc he had the ego issues. toxic masculinity was a personality trait for every greek man except patroclus bc my boy deserved better.
so achilles was like gtfo. but ag was the one in power so they returned the girl, did the sacrifice, and took briseis. so this was a huge ego bruise to achilles he declared he wouldn’t fight the war unless and until ag came and apoligzed bc his pride was hurt. and if achilles doesn’t fight everyone dies bc men of troy are powerful hell one of their warriors be the son of zeus so.
war goes on millions pour in injured and dead all bc achilles is still a lil bitch istg these chapters had be crying in rage bc the whole war is failing bc 2 men decided to throw temper tantrums on whose ego is better bruised.
lets get to patroclus. he is a mess (same). he is stressed he doesn’t know what to do he cannot talk to achilles bc he knows how much pride matters to men of power. he loves briseis as a friend and he knows ag is ruthless with woman. he has to see all these bodies being burned all his comrades friends all that mess he is helpless.
war goes on it gets so bad, men of troy invade ag’s forces.
hector : listen. i have a lot to say about this man.
so war goes on, people dying, achilles watches on, patroclus throwing panick attacks by the second but cannot ask his lover to help. theres even a moment where patroclus breaks down crying to achilles, tells him about the lives lost, the kings falling but achilles just nope i wont do it till ag apologizes. bestie. ugh i was so mad istg so mad. that is your man crying begging you to help and you refuse because.
so patroclus charges into his death and decides to do the best thing possible. he puts on achilles armours and goes off to war. in disguise. to scare away men of troy. pls note this man is the biggest softie i know but at the same time the epitome of a power bottom but secretly i think achilles was the actual bottom but we’ll get to that later
boy when i tell you i felt like slapping this man upside down why would you do that when you don’t even know how to fight and achilles is the strongest man out there. sir this is suicide stop it boby he actually dies.
so plan borderline works out but the author keeps emphasizing on how achilles had this uneasy feeling since the time patroclus yea bc your lover is about to end u ded bc you couldn’t keep you pride aside now could you.
so men of troy go like oh shii achilles is back lets back up everyone gonna die. but then obvi shit happens. somehow patroclus (in achilles’ armour reaches the walls of troy) and tries climbing it and now the god apollo makes an appearance.
listen im sorry if the gods were actually worshipped but this man this god made me lose it like i do not care if you are a god but you hurt him im down to fight like lessgo 1 on ½ i will take your ass down if you touch him. yes the half of me takes down whole of you short people can fight better w pent up anger sir do not test me.
and he does. everytime patroclus climbs the wall he picks him off (bc gods are huge so) the wall throws him down each fall ending with a concussion. pls note patroclus is in such a hazy state of mind his only thought was climbing over the wall, getting helen, just to put an end to this cruel war as he was tired of seeing people die. i was weeping at this point i was.
at one point apollo threw him so hard, his helmet and armour and all fell off. so now everyone sees its not achilles. so men of try come rushing to kill this man in disguise.
honestly the pages were blurry at this point through the tears but heres what happened. hector throws a spear at patroclus. it goes through his stomach and as he falls hector removes the spears, stabs him again to twist his stomach inside out.
(back story on hector: so he had a lover and 4 brothers who were murdered by achilles and he was the man mentioned by thetis to patroclus the man who was said to be achilles’ downfall the man who would cause his demise. so i love how the author took 2 shots here. the man he thought was achilles, wasn’t him but his lover and achilles killed his lover so theres this weird dilemma here bc i cant hate him he went through a lot too and this is war so he just murdered whoever it was.)
please note. the worst part: everything after patroclus’ death is narrated by his ghost. it’ll make sense by the end.
back to camp, author emphasizing on achilles having an uneasy feel the whole time his lover was at war okay but did the bitch think about checking up on him? just trying to see whats up w the war? tho the man he is in love w is out there? no. no he didn’t. so like hes out here stressing.
war’s borderline over forces started coming back home. achilles doesn’t see patroclus. his vision goes blurry seeing a man carry a body covered in cloth. opens it up and voila patroclus. and he loses it. like full on loses it. you know what i hated. when he died, achilles realised how in love he was. he felt like a half of him was broken right there.
i had to pause the book for 2 hours to contain myself.
time goes on i cant describe the thought procedures tha took place achilles goes full on rage to murder hector and hector’s death was terrible too bc even in his last moments all he said was ‘take my body back to my family’ but achilles was blinded by loss and sadness he kept hectors body to grieve better for patroclus now that he knows the killer is dead. there’s this conversation between achilles and hector’s dad when he comes to ask for his son’s body and they talk about how war causes nothing but lose for one and all. achilles realises both him and the dad are grieving so he gives him hector’s body and returns to weeping over patroclus.
then comes the day for achilles to burn the dead body bc at this point he was reluctant for 5 days straight he was in denial. he picks out the ashes (and patroclus notes on how ashes are used picked by the wife during a funeral thus my theory of how achilles was the actual bottom okay bye) and tells his fellow greeks to mix his ashes in with patroclus’s when he dies so they can unite in the afterlife.
alexa play no tears left to cry.
but remember bitch boy paris? yea, after the funeral, achilles becomes a mad man roaming the land. then apollo goes to paris and be like wanna kill the greatest warrior at all time bc he’s at his weakest and we both be lil bitches so we kill people from behind? yea achilles was shot in the heart and dies.
pyrrhus : achilles’ son from the woman in the island yea hate this guy pls such a bitch
so fast forward, we in the future. patroclus still watching over everything as a ghost.
so time comes to build monuments for fallen heroes from and ag and everyone goes we should honour his wishes and mix his ashes with patroclus and write both their names on the tomb.
outta nowhere bitch boy pyrrhus shows up and goes ‘no’. and everyone listen. bc this kid is achilles’ kid so.
and nows the part where i had to stop reading bc i was blind with blood shot eyes.
so they erect a tomb for achilles. with just his name. bc of his homophobic bitch boy son. and. an unmarked no name grave for patroclus. bc a fucking 12 year old said his dad would never be in love with a man.
and they ask me why i hate children.
so its said once you have a tomb erected, you make it to afterlife. so guess whose roaming the world as a restless soul? patroclus. even in death he sufffered. imagine the typa non exsistent sin this man to be cursed this cruelly this ruthlessly this brutally what did he do.
and so he roams the earth and comes across thetis (yes the gods can see ghosts) and the both reside over achilles tomb. they have a convo where she goes ‘where are your memories’ and he goes ‘i am made of memories’.
what does this mean you ask? the whole damn story. yea it was patroclus’ ghost retelling his life story to thetis so she could relive her son’s memory. he had to relive the pain twice over and he did it for a grieving mother.
by the end, she is crying i am crying he is crying everyone is. and she goes “i made this” and shows him a tomb with both their names etched on it. and he finally gains peace in life and reunites with his lover in the afterlife. she didn’t hate them. she really didn’t. but she had to because of the cruelty the gods showed her.
OH CHERRY ON TOP: that song “achilles come down” YEA. ITS PATROCLUS’ GHOST TELLING ACHILLES NOT TO COMMIT SUICDE OVER THE DEATH OF HIS LOVER. Him telling him to keep going as life has a lot more waiting for him. And theres this French portion inbetween. Yea its achilles hearing hector’s voice telling him to kill himself for the all the pain and death he caused. And there’s a part where hector’s voice and patroclus’ are heard together aka one trying to protect his lover from the voices in his head one trying to get revenge of the damage he did to him, and I lost it I listened to the song 7 times trying to decipher a diff meaning but no. I didn’t and that did a lotta damage.
If you made it till here know that I love you thank you listening to me vent I been wanting to start a book review blog for the past 4 years but I get carried away w fan fics and go meh too much commitment but I love venting about books but okay bye I quit reading after this.
