I feel so drained. It feels like it’s constant financial emergencies and we’re unable to make all our monthly payments with the amount of debt that’s come from all the emergencies. Vehicle issues. Plumbing issues. Vet emergencies.
I’m just so tired and I hate getting to a place where I don’t know how to catch up because our income just doesn’t even cover all our payments. I’m using one card to pay another’s minimum payment and I’m running out of room to do that.
Recovery is hard enough without extra stress. Dang.
ngl if Slade ever took his apprentice on any job it would just remind me of the “there is no your half of the money, only my all of it” meme
Like if they beg enough he might give them like… fifty dollars (they shouldn’t be trusted with money in his eyes, it’s safer in his account, besides he’s training them, he might as well get money for it, he did most of the work anyways, they don’t even need the money for most things because he has to drag them places anyways, yada yada yada). Worse if he’s fucking them because that’s another reason they shouldn’t get the money in his eyes.
Of he’s happy for you to take a cut, but by the time he’s finished deducting the costs of lodging, food, travel, equipment, training, sass fees, your disguise, your fake IDs, etc., you’re indebted to him.
So, are you gonna keep whining for a cut, or are you gonna put up and shut up?
Yeah, that’s what he thought. Don’t worry, he’ll still reward you for your troubles, your generation still likes milkshakes, right?
Also, nobody bites when I talk about this, but I’m gonna keep saying it whenever I can cram the concept into a relevant conversation: Financial Dom Slade! And not in a healthy way.
Mentor Slade, who is slowly corrupting you, draining you, and making you completely dependent on him. Who convinced you to quit your job to become his apprentice full-time, it’s okay, he’ll give you a cut of all the jobs you help him with.
Only ↑ every pay packet you receive leaves you in more and more debt to him, but if you move into his safe house, you won’t have to pay rent, so that’ll save you money. → Until he starts charging you rent to.
And you’re not seeing clearly about how he’s taking advantage of you because you’ve become so dependent on him. He’s your work, social, and home life all in one. He’s the thing that’s dragging you down, but he’s the only thing that offers a glimmer of light to your life.
And he’s not all bad to be around. He’s funny, he’s motivating, his sharp tongue is laced with silver; able to sting you and lick the wound all in one.
And his dick? Fuck sensational.
And when the rest of your body is in a constant state of aching from trying to keep up with him, the sensation of his cock stretching you out, hitting that sweet spot deep inside your loins, it’s like salvation. You’d do anything for him to earn a night off, spent wrapped up in his sheets, riding him until your mind is numbed to the plaintive whispers creeping from your psyche. Cumming over and over, socking his cock, ruining his mattress, easing the sting of your muscles.
So, when he says, “We don’t have to take the job if you’d rather stay here and keep fucking, but it’ll cost ya.” You don’t even hesitate to grab your purse.
I think this was the first time I mentioned the concept if anybody is interested.
Everyone's all like "oh if the country gets too bad, just move to another country :D"
As if that's a realistic solution for everyone in this backwater country. You think I can just *immigrate* to another country when we're surviving off disability and cannot get/hold down a job that other countries expect me to have in order to even get a Residence Visa?
I have made the difficult decision to rehome Pepsi the mini rex and Jasmine the Netherland dwarf.
Pepsi has already been rehomed yesterday, and Jasmine will most likely be rehomed next weekend due to me relying on my dad for transport (I don't drive), and the rescue only having space for one.
This heartbreaking decision came about due to a combination of difficulties this year.
I have been out of work now for a little over a year, relying on Universal Credit, which does not stretch far. Sadly, all my savings are gone, and Pepsi's teeth trimming is getting more expensive on top of this.
This has increased financial difficulty due needing to pay for my cat's food and litter, pet insurance, and medivet health plan, four rabbits' food, hay, and woodchip, my prescriptions (need to get free prescription sorted), food shopping, basic necessities and more.
This has heavily impacted my depression. This is not the only stress, I am also impacted by my cat's EGC, my main support (Step mum) moving to Bournemouth for 3 years for my sister's university without me, and other things.
Unfortunately, my parents cannot help due to needing to pay for the Bournemouth apartments mortgage and the home costs, respectively.
It is just too much to take at the moment. So, I have decided to downsize my rabbits to help cope with all this.
I was originally going to use the local RSPCA to rehome them. But they cannot take anymore rabbits in currently and recommended the Pet Foundation which is a rescue centre for small animals inside some Pets at homes stores. Sadly, the other rabbit rescues are too far away for me to reach easily as I don't drive and rely on others for transport.
I did not want to sell them due to worrying about people neglecting Pepsi's malocclusion, which needs three monthly trimly. The difficulty in selling older rabbits online, aswell as rabbits being heavily neglected by impulse buyers.
It is a very tough decision, since I have had these rabbits for 2 years and 4 years, respectively, since one was a baby and the other 12 weeks old. Originally, my job allowed me to comfortably care for them. But I no longer have a job. So it is just getting harder and harder to do so without stretching my finances to the limit. The depression is making it even worse.
I have tried to care for them for a year now since losing my job. This is not me just giving up at the first hurdle.
It is very hard, but it is the right option for this situation, sadly.
I am still keeping my cat, and two rabbits (Juno the mini rex and Amber the Dutch).
Old photo of Pepsi, the 2 year old Mini rex
Old photo of Jasmine, the 4 year old Netherland dwarf
finally getting paid for a job i did a while ago and i should use the money to pay off my credit card but i ... kinda wanna go get my lips redone instead
Summary: Hanamaki Takahiro thinks you deserve the world with how much you brighten his. But he gets insecure that he can’t provide that.
Content (warnings): some angst (insecurity, financial troubles), is mainly fluff / has a fluffy end
A/N: posting this on this sweet boy’s birthday. this was inspired by the song “all the pennies” by mindy gledhill. i used to listen to this song A LOT and thought this could fit our boy who's “in between jobs.” aughhh I LOVE MAKKI SM askdjf
Hanamaki couldn’t help but feel a twinge of shame when you handed him the beautifully wrapped present.
He hid it with a grin, “Oh come on, angel. I thought I told you, you didn’t have to get me anything.” His tone came off light-hearted.
“I know I didn’t have to but I wanted to,” you smile at him. “Plus it’s your birthday! Of course I’m getting you a present!” You placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. When you pulled back he can see the excitement building in your eyes, “Okay, open it!”
He cupped your cheek before unwrapping the gift. Inside was a watch, it was beautiful. He inspected it in awe. He gasped and turned to you. “You got it engraved?”
You nodded excitedly.
He smiled as his fingers brushed over those words ‘My love’ and the date of your anniversary. “Angel, I love it. But I told you, you don’t need to spend your money on me like this, really.”
Your smile was playful as you put the watch around his wrist.
“I know, love, but like I said, I wanted to.” You held his hand up to admire the watch on him. He couldn’t suppress his smile from the look on your face, happiness. You whispered the anniversary date in wonder. Only a week from today. “Think of it as an early anniversary present,” you told him, still admiring the watch on him. You giggled, “It looks good, no?”
“It does. It’s perfect,” he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you in, “Thank you.”
Hanamaki didn’t cave into that little pit in his stomach until you left for work the next morning. When you were gone he grabbed the watch from its box and looked at it again. And he let his mind wonder.
It’s not like he had a problem with you getting him a present, not at all. Or even that you must’ve spent quite a pretty penny on it. It was that he couldn’t do the same for you.
-----
He wished with his whole heart that he could spoil you rotten. You never asked for a thing but he wanted to give it all to you. The whole world. It’s what you deserved. It may have only been a year but he already decided that what you two had was forever. You brought a whole new level of life to Hanamaki and he knew you were an angel he was blessed with.
On your birthday he wanted to take you to that new amusement park. On Christmas he prayed he could get you those shoes he saw you eyeing. But he couldn’t. Not with the situation he was in right now.
You never thought any less of him or of the small presents he did get you though. It was another thing he loved about you. Your heart was always pure and in genuine appreciation and love when you opened the love letters he wrote you, the pictures he printed out, the plushies and snacks he got you. You were so content.
But he still wished he could give you more. To show you how much you meant to him.
With one more look at the watch he decided it. He had one week and he was going to give you an anniversary you deserved.
You were a little shocked at the news when you got home. Apparently an old alumni from his high school was a manager at one of the large supermarkets in town and one of his workers was on vacation for the week. Hanamaki was going to temporarily fill in.
You saw how excited he was to be working again so you smiled and congratulated him. You were honestly a little worried when he told you he’d be stocking some heavy supplies and would be leaving and arriving back home at irregular hours. But you knew he was struggling to land an interview for the job he actually wanted, he had been since he graduated college. You saw how eager he was to be earning a wage, so you were supportive.
But that week was hell for you.
You liked seeing Takahiro happy and more confident during the week but you also hardly saw him. Your worries stayed with you through the week, you could see how laborious the job was on him. And you missed him. Plain and simple. But were you being selfish? Was it selfish to want your boyfriend’s arms around you and for him to whisper jokes in your ear? You pushed yourself to be supportive nonetheless. But you were itching for the week to end.
And both of you were looking forward to it. Because at the end of this long week was your anniversary.
The whole time at work you were restless to get to your boyfriend. Besides a sleepy kiss to him that you were leaving, you two hadn’t even seen each other this morning due to your differing hours. But you did get a little sticky note saying ‘Happy Anniversary’, he had stuck it to your front door for you to see. You fiddled with it the entire day and counted the minutes before you could bolt to him.
When you got home Hanamaki was nowhere to be found. You walked into your bedroom and gasped.
He had laid petals on the end of your bed with his favorite date-night outfit of yours laid out. Near it were a big box of chocolates, a small pretty box and a card waiting for you.
Your heart began to beat fast as you read the words on the small paper.
Hello, my angel. I hope your day was lovely. Meet me at the pond?
-Takahiro
PS I thought this all would look gorgeous on you. Can’t wait to see you!
You grinned at the surprise date, meeting at your special spot. The little pond in the city that not many people knew about. You two stumbled upon it on your first date together.
You nervously opened the box and once again gasped. You pulled out the most beautiful bracelet. Your heart only raced faster when you saw the engraving on the inside of the cuff. My angel. You were speechless. You quickly changed and left to meet with Hanamaki.
When his eyes landed on you he felt like he was floating. You indeed looked gorgeous. And suddenly the strain of his muscles from the relentless labor of the week and the loneliness from not seeing you as much both vanished and he was consumed with an overwhelming amount of love.
“Hey,” he grinned goofily at you.
“Hey yourself, handsome.”
He chuckled. “I’m not the one who looks breathtaking. And I guess I was right about this, it looks good, no?” He imitated what you said when you gave him his watch last week. He lifted your hand and placed a gentle kiss on the top of your palm.
When he let your hand go you pressed it to his cheek and looked at him, “It’s beautiful, thank you.”
“Happy Anniversary, angel.”
His smile and the love in his eyes were captivating. “Happy Anniversary, my love.”
“But it’s only beginning,” he took a few steps and picked something off the ground behind a tree.
“Oh my gosh,” you laughed when you saw it. A bouquet of the most striking flowers. “They’re beautiful, Takahiro.”
“The best for you, come on, let’s stroll.”
And so you two walked around the pond, finally catching up on the long week. You felt so good being by his side again, holding onto him. And you two reminisced on the past year.
“Okay, one last thing before we head to dinner,” he pulled something out of his pocket, an envelope.
He looked at you with excitement as you opened it. When you did your jaw dropped. They were tickets to your favorite show, one you only ever dreamed of going to. You whipped to face him. “What are these?”
“You know what they are,” he laughed, “We’re going!”
“No,” you whispered in disbelief. You looked at the tickets again. This was too much. The bracelet itself was more than you could ever ask for, he bought you these tickets too?
“We’re going,” he repeated, snaking an arm around your waist. “Are you surprised?”
The look on your face was enough to answer but you nodded your head slowly, “But love, are you sure? These are costly aren’t they?” These were unbelievably amazing gifts but you weren’t used to these kinds of presents from Hanamaki and you weren’t quite sure how to react.
“Don’t worry about that, now let’s get going, the restaurant is just around the corner.”
When you two were near the main street you expected him to guide you to his and your favorite little restaurant. A place you guys frequented a lot in the beginning of your relationship. But he turned a different way and you two stood in front of a place you’ve never been to.
And you gasp realizing it was the new restaurant they just built and you turn to your boyfriend, “We’re not eating here are we?”
“Of course we are!”
“But it’s so expensive!”
“I already told you don’t worry about that, angel, come on,” he gently pulled your hand.
But you didn’t move. “Takahiro.” You knew something was up. “Come here,” you instead softly tug him back behind the buildings back to the path that led to the pond. When you're away from passerbyers you look at your boyfriend. “What’s going on?”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know,” you shuffled your feet a little. What if you were wrong? And would it be wrong to say? “I just, I feel like you’re being different today.”
“It’s our anniversary, I want it to be special,” he gave you a smile but you still saw something in his eyes.
“And it is special but..” you knew there was something going on. You swallowed away the hesitation and looked at him directly. “But something’s bothering you and I want to know what it is. I know something’s up so tell me, love.”
At that moment Hanamaki realized something. That you really knew him, that you really knew his heart.
He sighed. There was no hiding it from you anymore. “I wanted to make our anniversary special. Y/N, I love you so much and I know you don’t ask for these things but I wanted to buy you all these fancy things because you deserve them. They’re all the things I’ve wanted to give you since the first time you smiled my way but I never could get them for you. And I got tired of always feeling guilty when you give me an amazing present and all I give you are letters and kisses.” He lifted your wrist and looked at the bracelet, “You should be showered with gifts like this bracelet, and nice bouquets, and fancy dinners way more than I can afford to give you.” He didn’t realize he was crying until you were gently wiping the tears off his cheek but he continued on. “I wanted you to have these so I got that job, and I would do all that work week after week if it meant seeing your beautiful face showered with love.”
You wiped at your own tears. You never realized how much Hanamaki thought about money like that and you certainly weren’t expecting such heartfelt words. “Oh my love, all these things are beautiful but they’re not you.”
His face scrunched in confusion.
“Takahiro, I know you love me. You treat me like royalty everyday of my life, I can’t believe someone can look at me the way you do. I can’t believe you would sacrifice so much of yourself for that job because you want to get me these things. And yes, the bracelet, the tickets, those are beyond amazing but all the luxuries in the world could not make me love you any better. The love you have given me this past year has been the best love I can ever be graced with. I don’t need money and material things to know you love me. You want to know the things I treasure the most? When you kiss my head in the morning, when you open your arms when I climb into bed, and when you smile and tell me you’re happy. And those love letters? Love, those are the most precious things you have ever given to me.”
His eyes widened at all your words. “Really?”
You nodded, “Can I be honest? When you pulled out that envelope earlier I was excited to read another love letter I could add to my collection.”
He took everything in. You were telling him you accepted him, all of him. And that his love this whole time has been more than enough to let you know how he feels about you. He takes a few moments to process it all before he lets out a sigh of relief, one that’s been weighing him down for a while. And he looked at your beautiful face and smiled, “So maybe we can skip the fancy dinner and grab some takeout? I’ve missed cuddling with you on the couch.” He gently pulled you in closer to him.
