wasnt gonna talk ab it here but we kinda dont have anyone to talk about it (vent , tw for possible ableism ? still figuring out what happened)
im pretty sure we almost got fired today. ↓
i wanted us to take a break because we forgot our heart, pain and blood medicine.
i asked our brother whos the main cook on the shift if we could sit down because we were in a lot of pain. i then bought some food so we can regain more energy. our boss did not like that at all. i kept asking our brother if he needed help but he said no its ok take your break
then our boss showed up, and instead of telling us anything he decided to talk about how irresponsible we were being to our brother IN FRONT OF US. he said we cant afford breaks since we barely work three hours a day (because of our disability) and that he shouldn't let us take breaks like that. he said if were not gonna work then we should just leave.
we ended up getting back up without being able to finish our meal and went back despite our pain. i was silently crying so much from it.
when we were clocking out, he pulled us aside telling us how he cant have us doing a half assed job because we barely work and that we have to work better next time.
he also said we "shouldnt just eat free food whenever we wanted" and said we shouldnt have ate because we're stealing from the business??? but we paid for our food?? and told us we should have asked him for permission.
so we ended up leaving work with me sobbing our eyes out because of everything he said to us. we worked this body to exhaustion to keep doing our job. we came in sick, in pain, even when we couldnt stand. and the one time we willingly take a break and suddenly we're just the employee that does a half assed job and risks everybody's job with our behavior??
i always knew they looked down on us for our ability to do our job but i couldnt imagine this. i feel so awful. luckily we went to celebrate our friend's birthday after work so that helped me calm down. i dont want to come back after that. am i overreacting?? am i being reasonable? i dont know but i dont feel safe for us to be there anymore because of our disabilities. if they can't handle us having a break, what will happen if our condition got worse?
im going to talk about this with our mom and see what she thinks, shes been wanting us to leave anyways because we've been struggling healthwise and with our disability claim. 🐹🪽
( WARNINGS: VIOLENCE, GORE, MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH, RELIGIOUS THEMES )
You can only read that, which is written. And that what hasn't happened yet, has not yet been written.
Red smoke, cold flame.
Black cloud rises high.
It bleeds through overhead ventilation ducts, tinged with bitter taste of static.
The fight isn't going well. The fight, is going... exactly as planned.
Playcare's halls draw a reluctant breath as their tall Watcher only barely staves off oblivion, once again left by mortal hands- the hands of an Angel of Death, to twitch and writhe miserably across the floor.
He believed he'd thought of everything.
He thought they'd be fine.
One perfected cage, for the perfect follower. And... what a glorious cage Playcare was. It was, perfect. It was entirely his. Shaped and reborn of their very own mutual, eternal obsession.
He had started to forget, his many old wounds had at long last, began to close.
He had done such splendid work on the Great Book, beacon of hope in the dark.
He had been Awoken to true beauty of it all, of a perfect lie. One sleepless dream.
Those Critters adored him, he cherished them, protected, took good care of and preached, to them... every need, was met.
So, why... WHY, did he want to leave...? What had it missed, failed to consider?
And, truly... how much longer COULD they bear to keep denying him? They knew the cat, his strive only matched its own. Once his mind is set... will they be able to do it?
Naps is but all they truly have left.
Or- would he try and play into the feline's own ailing memory, „talk him up” until he's let the topic go- yet again? HOW many more times can he forgive itself in doing so?
Could he?
They no longer needed him, as he needed them no more. He can go.
Could they trust himself not to..?
Can't just leave. It isn't fair. How dare he.
Eternity will be lonely.
"--THEODORE-!? WHERE ARE YOU?!" Its voices demanded- wading rolling clouds of ash fumes on rapid, chittering talons.
"In, here..! You must... save me..!" Oh, no.
They needed not even ask about what happened.
Following the sounds of that damaged, ever filtered voicebox... The sight before him is a wretched one. The very last thing they hoped to see. His, own, High Priest... toppled, scorched and ruined in COLDblooded thunder, awash in warm glow of an open vent high overhead.
What's to come, is written in what's done. None escape.
He lowered itself to a kneel beside him. "So... both my trap, and my vessel failed... but HOW?" The large Critter scrambled, indignant fury in weakened movement. "It was as if they KNEW... that, employee, they KNEW every BUILDING INSIDE and out!" Naps hissed out on a filtered snarl, wrangling himself upright to face them.
"By the time the trap was set... they had already RANSACKED all of Playcare's power supply, and, and... I tried to stop- I swear, I TRIED, I-!" A fierce attack of tormented coughing interrupted his rage- his guilt.
"Calm... save your strength. We'll fix this." Claws of Providence tried, open at him to offer support at the feline's struggle. "--You ALWAYS say that..!" He smacked the cautious hands away with a growl- yet, immediately shed ALL pride once that flickering eye narrowed upon him. "I--! it HURTS so much, I'm, sorry, please..."
"You ACHE, because you know too much, old friend..." It chuckled at such whiplash, easily forgiving him. "Yet it- never, seems to be... enough." He huffed- oblivious to just how true that is.
"Tsk... a mere employee, showing SUCH disrespect, on such... hallowed, ground." Absentmindedly tacked on their weary vocalizers instead. He loped around to look him over, moving with weight- but not without finesse. "Your mind's wounds were recovering... but now-" The Machine extended a touch, to which he flinched away. "They're... only, getting, worse."
A beat passes... cinders floating lazily through the air around two deities.
"-Fear not. I'll deal with them." With this... Angel. "Please, please I can-- I can't TAKE it anymore-!" His paws flailed through the air, clutching at his own head, pulling at loose hide upon it in utter desolation of self. Manic, so terrified, so exhausted.
"I SAW them... Angels of Death, ruining their world before coming after ours... it was so REAL, Br-- I, I mean, Savior!" He caught himself post slip-up... sockets agape, ears pinned back with rippling anxiety. "-That would be BECAUSE it, IS.... real... Brother." Reluctantly they soothed, taking his paw. "Someday, that horror WILL come to us... which is exactly WHY, Theo... we must see to it that we PREPARE ourselves." Every piece, every memory counts.
"... I'm so tired, Oliver." No- don't say that.
"The bad dreams, my, visions... I've long seen the truth, and I've at last completed the Book... as you asked." Finally, a lanky arm moved, unzipping his body to pull out the beacon, safely nestled between folds of protective leather bind.
"I... long, to GO up."
They hope he'll mistake its growl of MAD engines for righteous fury, alarm for the work's own wellbeing or intrigue- rather than that of selfish indecision-- as Naps revealed its full, steaming form into the light. Had internal condensation helped protect it... or was its purpose JUST that valuable, not even corrosive fire braved chance upon damaging it?
An artifact of such power... WHAT a gift.
How... DARE... he.
The Savior bowed, claws ghosting over the Book's leather covers, over a gilded moon pressed into it... right. The... Book.
"The Book of Playcare..." it sighed in soft reverie. -"The Book of Joy." Catnap fondly corrected, with an ever smug tilt of that smile while handing it into their talons.
"...The Book of Joy." They echoed, failing to hide the brittle shiver in many voices. Its hands are barely theirs to command as they let the Book spread open in his embrace, letting pages fly by and fall, a stunning song of shapes and colors.
Pages... upon them, drawings- of times, long past. Every tear... and, every laugh.
The final page is what leaves breath in his chest fractured- like blades of glass sinking in their jagged teeth.
The, two, of them... together- from afar.
„t h a n k y o u f o r p l a y i n g w i t h m e.”
"This... this is, the most... beautiful thing, that you, COULD'VE... GIVEN, me." Still warm was the haunted tome in their hold, borrowed reverb of a petering out pulse.
-"Debt is a debt... Savior, of mine." He says.
He knows.
Its chassis ran cold.
He can wait no longer.
A... debt, is, a debt.
Act now.
"But--before that. That... thing I GAVE YOU- do you still have it? ... does it, still work?" It switched up the tune instead, craning his neck around on a prolonged, slow swivel with a trilling croon.
"I-I do... yes." Stop looking at me like THAT.
The cat forcefully buckled over... hacking up a weak, watery spray of crimson fog, but the Joymaker's hesitation... didn't go unnoticed.
Not this time. "Ollie... you, promised." The Awoken gasped out on a pained wheeze, claws scraping the smooth flooring.
"... so I did." They steeled its resolve with a resounding SLAM as the book swung shut in their grasp, before then far more kindly being set aside. He flinched again, but didn't waver- recognizing concealed strength.
Trusting it.
"VERY well... despite all your failures, you DID still lead them here, to a DEAD end of labyrinthian halls and haunted corridors." Mused one swirling cacophony of lost souls, of minds stitched together in one. "-I... SHOULD, reward you... for that." They began lining up its very stainless claws, other hand bracing them tightly together around the base of every knuckle to stop itself from shaking... Clutching a rite dagger.
"And, as I do... your remains, old friend. What will you, that I do of them, once... you are free?" He halted its approach, head angled with a patient dip of their mask. "-... make me... art. Make me, a- part of, your design... M-Midas, touch. Give me MEANING, give me a purpose... I hope, to grant the same hope you do-! I... p-please." The cat recoiled his excitement, claws twirling mindless shapes in the floor.
"... but of course. You always DID, have my back... didn't you, Brother."
The feline bowed his head, muttering a thankful, gentle prayer.
"Flames, have, tainted you... but now, they shall help you pave your way, to your own redemption."
Light the path.
Show them the way.
Or change the song-
Lead them astray.
He takes his position. Willing, an open embrace. Offering, his heart- his SOUL.
Oh how it MADDENS him.
Don't make me do this.
How DARE he.
It's what he wants.
how HAPPY he is to leave.
STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT.
HOW...
dare he.
"But, that thing I gave you..." Coils cry,
"-now I must have it BACK." he doesn't-
And their servo went down the Awoken's throat instead... as Critters bore witness.
He still hears it, to this day.
The chokes, pleas- muffled, despairing sobs, unable to swallow a bitter reality- as cold metal crawled on down his spine.
In pain, they found REVEL.
And, in revel... pain.
Critters mumbled, cried and whimpered, watching helplessly as their biggest was gored into. Several had dared rear their heads, from the shadows... exchanging shrill gasps and lingering, insecure glances.
Do... THEY dare?
His paws grasped at once loving limbs- now brutally carving into him from the Wrongside, eyes gone wild and wide in terrified, tortured confusion.
And, yet, for a single moment, no matter how brief, The Awoken... finally SEES it.
The Truth.
Feels it.
TRUE...
Happiness.
Immortal touch, purifying frigid fire as the blood rushed, down- into his lungs.
Pure.
For that one moment, eternity paused... blessed by steel. He, felt... COMPLETE.
Divine.
Bone against bone, their raw obsession, pulses touching, marrow merged as ONE as they struggled- in imperfect tandem.
Passionate sadism in his suffering... perfect pain.
I'm...
so
Happy.
Yet, as all that was perfect... it was over, craving claws twisting- and PULLING the smoke organs out of him, blackened and burnt blood trailing it in a shower of ash.
It hurt.
It dripped with pulsing remorse.
He hacked, coughed... watched, and spat out chunks of severed meat, as his own glistening core was wrung out for as those above, so those below to see.
It was Beautiful.
And smiling with that truth, he collapsed into silent delirium- tremors wracking his charred, mutilated body... vision, fading.
"You children are simply far too young to comprehend MY design..." The Joymaker began to address hushed clamors and soft toy whispers on a low, grinding rew... "-THIS, alongside every key, keycard and opened door left in their wake..." It held up the tarnished string of wrongturned innards, speaker and wires and vein, as if embracing a newly reborn soul- golden cascading light from above baptizing it in blinding purity. "-Shall transcend us... to true, immortal perfection. FREE of fear."
Whether old Naps was STILL listening or not... did not seem to sway him as they spoke, prowling back on around to him.
"Rest assured, old friend... I'll AVENGE you." They then easily coiled sideward, legs shifted to full height to stand over him, over his bleeding form, to be HIS monolith of salvation... "Now- let GO, of your misery..." Until a servo surged across, slitting the throat asunder, at last- his sad, gurgled breaths finally dying out on one pained rasp. "And... sleep well." They sighed... before reaching both of his bare hands down, to start working away at a freshly formed cut in the neck. Opening, unzipping his skin, taut fabric blooming apart without resistance.
From there, they finally started... to flay the hide.
Claws clacked along soft ribs, lovingly feeling each, and every individual one.
A pack of Critters crept ever closer, low growling beginning to pour into a room around their saints, sages, great deities. Around that ever growing pool of blood forming around what's still left of theirs.
Until a drop strayed just too far off the brim- and one, lone Dogday- pounced.
Getting snagged on its needles midair, the toy is promptly swatted to the floor-
Before meeting it with a wet, resounding crunch.
A shriek beckons them into motion- fear gripping lost minds, young, naive minds who'd just lost their Lunar searchlight...
A new one befalls them- scorching Sun.
"-HOW can HE ever find peace in KNOWING that YOU little ones have turned AGAINST me--?!"
And that was when the screaming began.
The swarm closed in, jumping onto him from all directions, clambering over his legs, all over him- panicked, scared paws in blind need of answers- of understanding, of justice.
Of salvation.
They freed his hands- head tossing back to force an uprooted mechanism down, through his own gaping overbite- down his own throat, and along their own spine.
Marrows merged. Red smoke bled free.
Death dance of blades, string and mist-
tossing,
threading,
piercing
and
tearing.
It went on for so long.
"You tiny BEASTS, you... let THIS, BE the LAST time you've shown me such disrespect." Engines revved, holding up „handful” of their scrambling bodies up to eye level with a ferocious, betrayed leer.
"I have just the THING for you, Critters..."
Too long.
"A lesson, must be learned..." The Martyrium prowled forth into their workshop, hand reaching overhead for, ONE... very, SPECIAL VHS tape.
Summary:Floofty finally has the realisation that how they were treated was wrong
Or
Floofty feels truly safe for the first time in over a decade.Unfortunately,so does their trauma
Genre:whump
Prompts:painful hug,moment of clarity
“I did good,right?”
Floofty,even to their own ears,sounded small.
“I-…” they swallow.Don’t cry.Not now.Not in front of her.
“I followed all their rules.I did everything right.I did good.”
“You did,Floof.” Beffica answers gently,stroking their wicks “you did so good,baby.”
They hide their face in their paws.A sound that’s not quite grumpus comes from their throat.Beffica hushes them and rocks slowly back and forth
“You did everything right.You were a good kid.You deserved so much better.”
She punctuates this with a kiss to their forehead.
“You were a kid.You shouldn’t have needed to be good to be safe.”
Something within them,something small and broken,hisses that she’s lying to them,that she’s just saying that because she’s soft,that they need to carve themself with grit and suffering to be worth something.
She silences it by threading her fingers through their wicks.
“I love you.All of you.Don’t doubt it again,baby.”
They swallow,whimpering in the most humiliating way possible.
Something within them snarls a filthy word beginning with r.It pulls them under,and they start to drown until-
“Floofty!”
They gasp-when did they start holding their breath?-and manages to take deep,shaking gulps of air.Beffica sighs.
“There you are,baby,there you are….” Beffica gently pets their wicks,smiling, “lost you for a sec there.C’mon,pick out one of your nerd books and I’ll read to you.”
Floofty’s asleep in their girlfriend’s arms before Beffica’s made it through chapter one of their favourite non fiction book.
Before I post more TD content, I just want to say one thing specifically.
One thing that made me hesitant to post Tentative Devotee in the first place was Lieutenant and Brute.
They genuinely love and care about Leo, just as they do Casey. They have sweet moments with them. But they're still raising children in a cult.
I've gotten shit for this before
"Why'd you make them likeable?"
"Why are you making them good people?"
and I'm just gonna say now:
Nuance.
TD barely started and I haven't been able to show much yet, but even so, let me tell you something. Again, I was born and raised in a cult.
I have no doubt in my mind that my bio parents loved me and my siblings. But I also have no doubts that they've said and done things that hurt us. Valued their reputation and integrity of belief of the cult over the emotional/psychological needs of their children.
There were good moments and times where we knew they actually loved us
But we were still hurt.
We felt awful.
That it was our faults if we felt upset.
That we didn't have enough hope.
That we didn't love them enough.
That we wouldn't be saved because of how fundamentally sinful we were with the nature of our existence if we didn't overhaul ourselves entirely.
I won't write Lieutenant and Brute to the extent of what my bio parents have said. The Foot Clan vs. what I grew up with aren't the same and not the most comparable in the world. Like make them have the exact same views as my bio parents- fuck no, I don’t wanna write that. But regardless.
I'm just begging you to remember that this shit can be grey as hell.
You're allowed to think that Lieutenant and Brute are sweet in Tentative Devotee when they are sweet. You're allowed to acknowledge when they're kind and show genuine care to Casey and Leo. You're also allowed to acknowledge when they will inevitably be in the wrong.
i dont think some people understand the importance of braces and supports, especially with physically disabled people.
i personally have many braces and supports. i have four braces right now and will be getting more in the future. i have two support wraps, as well.
out of my six mobility aids, i have one that i use the most: my knee brace. but every time i wear it, i get hurtful comments such as, "do you really need that?" or "why do you wear that all of the time?" and many more. they mainly come from my parents, but i hear them from other people, too.
im tired of hearing these things all of the fucking time. im tired of being told to use my braces when i "truly need" them, specifically when it comes to my knee brace.
i will always "truly need" my knee brace. every day, i need it. can i wear it every day? no, because people are fucking ableists and it pisses me off when my parents give me shit about using something that makes my life significantly better.
people seem to think that im wearing it because i have an injury, or that im still wearing it years after the accident that disabled my knee because im "refusing to let it heal." that is simply not the case. you dont have my knee. you dont experience the debilitating things my knee experiences on the daily.
my knee used to be perfect. it was one of the best joints in my body. it was healthy and it wasn't impacted by whatever thing i have that results in my chronic pain.
my knee is now permanently disabled. there is damage in the muscle tissue and ligaments. there is scar tissue embedded on my bones, resulting in deformation and weakened movement ability. my kneecap dislocates itself and snaps back into place whenever i move it. (yes, im serious.)
my knee cannot be fixed. a lot of knee injuries that occur from how i received the damage in my knee can be fixed with physical therapy and/or a knee replacement. that is not possible for me. if i were to have my knee permanently fixed, it would probably have to be an over-the-knee amputation of my leg.
even though my knee cannot be fixed, it can be supported to make living with it a little less painful and excruciatingly annoying. that's why i use my brace. my brace keeps my kneecap in place and offers stability that i no longer have.
to all of the abled-bodied people out there, dont tell a disabled person that they dont need or should stop using their aids. it doesn't matter if its a brace, a support, a cane, a pair of crutches, a wheelchair, or anything else. if they're using it, they need it. so fuck off.
The next time someone gets on your case for using an assistive device because it's 'lazy' look them in the eyes and tell them they're hypocrites unless they never use lifts, escalators, kerb cuts, automatic doors, dishwashers, those potato peelers with the y shaped handles, stand mixers, blenders, electric coffee grinders, washing machines, tumble dryers,
