#tw oa

[lennylemlem]

psych wards are organised abuse but society isnt ready for that conversation

[starfruitfleshsys]

【- Post made by Luxy ❌️🦊 -】

I said that no more $*$c0ur$e (censoring because i think its funny) because i get exhausted in places full of discourse about actual issues but i felt like it had to be ACTUALLY SAID.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DONT POST YOUR TRIGGERS!!!! POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE, DONT DO THAT! Someone is very likely to use that information against your system (especially if you are a programmed system or a RAMCOA / OA survivor). Think about it! if you post littles / syskids that act and think remotely like children, a groomer may try to get that alter to front to abuse your system. I CANT BELIEVE I HAVE TO SAY THIS 😭

Is this even syscourse because it just feels like a PSA about common sense to me. (Not meant to be offensive btw i may word things in a clanky way because i am really blunt and even if im the host, i definetly hold our body's social akwardness related to autism...)

[there-will-be-a-way]

I talked to my support worker about the cp and that I want to do something. She immediately jumped into support mode which felt so nice. We'll drive to our local police department on Tuesday plus she'll make an appointment for me at Der weiße Ring (support organization for victims of violence) to see if I can get some form of financial compensation. Plus she knows three people who work for the KriPo and she'll contact them too. Just a couple of days ago police busted a huge child sex ring in the state where I grew up and where he still lives. There is this tiny voice of hope inside my head that says that maybe they will arrest him too. Or that some evidence will lead to him.

I don't know if I should report him to the police or not. My other support worker said that I have to consider the possibility of him not getting convicted. That I could possible be made to look like a liar - and I fear them hunting me down for speaking up. There are so many obstacles.

[disabled-sysboxes]

[TEXT ID: this system has EOAC-DID]

[IMG ID: a light blue rectangular box with the OSDDID flag - a flag with four stripes, black, blue, green, and yellow - to the left, and the text 'this system has EOAC-DID' to the right]

[TEXT ID: this system has EOAC-DID]

[IMG ID: a light orange rectangular box with the original OSDDID flag - a flag with three stripes, white, orange, and black - to the left, and the text 'this system has EOAC-DID' to the right]

–

EOAC-DID:  A term for systems who have been through EOA. It stands for “Extreme and Organised Abuse caused DID”.

Like & Reblog if you use!

(Reblogs can be private)

[there-will-be-a-way]

Therapy today

Cw for talk about cp, oa and murder

In bullet points because my memory is scattered

My grandma died last night. His wife. The person who knew about all of it and did nothing. She continued the cycle for all of her life and then died.

My mother had to know too and still chose to give me and my sister into his hands every other weekend. She knew what would happen to us and just let it happen. This has to sink into my brain, it has to reach the parts who think my mother loves me. She didn't love me enough to keep me safe.

We talked about the bathtub girl and how I keep questioning my memories. My therapist pointed out to me that I don't question my other memories. I don't question having graduated school, for example. So he asked me what is so different about these memories. They are too horrible to be true is what I said.

We talked about what might have happened to the bathtub girl's body after...all of that. My therapist said it does happen that people go missing and are never found. It does happen.

We also talked about how the bathtub girl is related to my grandpa and came to the conclusion that it's most likely she was the child of one of the people from the "group". The faceless men who came to "visit".

The cp that was produced was pretty "professional" with professional lights and expensive cameras and all that. So my grandpa probably sold the material for a lot of money.

My therapist offered to look into options for checking if I'm in any cp material that's already in the hands of the police. And if there is a way to direct the police towards my grandpa.

I told my therapist about my sister's and my plan to go to his house once he dies to find the cp material. My therapist said it would be highly unlikely for our plan to succeed because this group has managed to go unnoticed for all these years. They would take measurments to make sure no one finds anything.

We don't know if the grandpa still does what he used to do. He still has access to children though, that's for sure.

I will also talk to my support worker about all of this because she has a friend who works at the KriPo.

I showed my therapist a picture I drew of the bathtub girl. I don't even know her name. But the picture shows an emotion that's feeling like part of me died with her. My therapist said it's horrifying but that the picture also shows so much love in the way I hold her. I wish I could hold her as an adult. I wish she was still here with us. I see her in my mind every day. In some moments I see her face, but most of the time I don't. I wonder if I'm the only one who still remembers her. I will keep her alive in my heart.

We also talked about how close I felt to remembering the missing puzzle pieces the other day. And how I felt like I wouldn't survive remembering.

[abuzd]

Found out recently we are a programmed sys from OA and don't know what to do. - 🥀

I'm very sorry lovelies 😔 it's a horrible and awful realisation. i hope your system finds what it needs to cope and slowly deprogram and unlearn the conditioning. please make sure you have an experienced guide, don't dig for memories that aren't ready yet, and look into biofeedback if you have the brainspace, it can help a lot with nonverbal alters or parts that have trouble communicating <3

[abuzd]

ramcoa cw (please answer this when youre in the right headspace if you want to /nf)

Ive been questioning some of my trauma and events in my life. Every time I look something up about it, it's full of misinformation or conspiracy theories. When I did find valuable information, I "black out" or cant find it anymore and all my thoughts on it "vanish". I dont know what part of ramcoa or the whole thing i might have (if at all). People i live with tell me (event) and that I wasnt myself and "robotic" and I have no recollection of it. Sorry if my wording seems weird, its hard to explain it. I vaguely remember asking someone about this, then when I try to remember, someone or something "wipes" it from me like Im not allowed to.

hello ♡

i'm sorry, we get questions like this a lot because i suppose we end up in ramcoa tags quite often, but i (body) am 31 and only am just now understanding a lot (we started getting ramcoa memories back in 2020, but we had/have a lot of other trauma too to trudge through) and barely wading through the misinformation ourselves. honestly it's just not a good idea for us, a fellow victim, to give advice on this scale ("did i experience X?" "what do i/we do?"), it's faaaaar to convoluted for us as one system to understand. we wouldn't know where to begin with someone else starting from scratch.

we are by no means an expert. like anyone else, we did tons of our own research and found what did and didn't track, what was society trying to be shock-value vs. what is actually super common and decades-old criminal/grooming techniques. OA expands on these techniques for business tactics and to avoid detection. but those techniques rely entirely on the situation and the individuals involved. there's hardly any general advice i could give on questioning OA/TAMCOA/TBMC trauma memories except this:

are you blacking out or not allowed because it's horrifying what people, humans, other humans, can and willingly do to children? because that's more than enough reason to black out. especially if you have violation trauma and childhood trauma, including neglect and not necessarily including sexual abise or OA at all.

child (usually sexual) exploitation material is the worst shit to ever be made. who could do that??? to a child?? to childREN?? it's so high-key disturbing that your brain WILL avoid it ANYWAY, no matter how well adjusted someone is.

so. i can't say you have ramcoa trauma and i can't say you don't. have zero idea. you are an anon and i have zero to no context ahah. so all i can say is please be careful out there, and intense biofeedback is not always telling us that Something Happened that you Went through. it can be our nervous system telling us they relate to that level of violation.

again--not saying you didn't go through ramcoa. we're just sayin: don't dig.

memories that Need to come back Will. trust your system and your brain to know when to drip feed you context. but don't take all context as fact.

WHAT happened is never as important as HOW to help your CURRENT nervous system adapt to your current reality. only when your brain feels safe will it start releasing information because then you're in a mental place to start handling that information. going and digging for it risks filling in blanks with the wrong information because it FEELS right. does that make sense? 👀

this will be a process for you that your brain sets the pace for. we wish you kindness and safety going through this <3

[abuzd]

system info

#dogwarning

blurry/operator:

🗣

📺 yellow room TV static

black vignette of a red room in the TV

VHS in the player by a #2s to show me

I sat on the floor. that became my neon door. they're gunna do what to me? what is that?

it was worse than what the VHS on the wheeled in TV showed in the yellow room. the sounds were similar. #2s said something.. about how it's a special kind of class. after, though, master called it warfare. because it hurt and i couldn't win. i lost every time. they made me think that it wasn't about me. it was about master and the 2s purity and the future war with Evil Itself. my pain was righteous, i thought, at least. and then it was also about mr cowboy and making him happy but making him happy and making his friends happy made me filthy. i was a cumdump for men's filth. their sins forced into me where they'd leave it. made to make men feel cleaner. the surrogate for the ones they really wanted to hurt. but back then i didn't know why. only that it happened. it was happening. and there was nothing i could do to stop it from happening forever. this is what i was made for. what they made me for.