I was watching a YouTube video yesterday from The Nameless Narcissist, and I was really moved by a concept that was discussed. It's important to him as a person with NPD, but I think it's universal as well to some extent. He talks about how good it feels for someone to listen to the things you like because they like YOU, not because they actually have the same interests or derive some kind of value from it. Unconditional attention, in a way - to pay attention to someone whether or not their words/activities actually interest you, simply because you care.
This is difficult. I don't always have enough energy for it. And I've often thought that people wouldn't want that, because it would mean pretending to like something when you don't. If I fake interest in things, won't other people notice that and stop trusting me? Isn't it better to know that we're connecting over the same topics because we truly have things in common? But you don't have to be inauthentic about it, I think. You don't have to show any interest that's not there. You just have to give attention, even in the absence of interest. That was what made an impact on the guy in the video: the person he was talking to clearly didn't care about the subject, she only cared about him.
And I think that's…the point? This concept (which I'm calling unconditional attention) is valuable because it involves a small but genuine sacrifice. To give up a bit of time and energy to someone, when you really did want to spend it elsewhere. To do it just because you want to make them feel happy and listened to and seen.
So, listen to someone infodump about a topic when you're not even curious. See a movie you don't want to see or go to an event you don't love, just because you want to be in someone's presence. I think I'm going to try to do this more online too. If my friends share something important to them, I want to honor it in some way regardless of whether it's in my fandom or matches my blog. I won't make promises to anyone, because I only have so much energy, especially lately. But I'm glad I had a perspective shift around this, because I want to show people that they matter to me, however I can.
