note: this one was a long time coming. part 3 will be better, i swear. 😅
part 1 | part 3 coming soon.
You’ve been living in the new city for almost three months now when Hailey and Jay walked up the steps to your apartment, knowingly aware that you deserved better but they couldn’t help themselves.
After the Roy Walton case closed, they immediately requested a week off and now there they were ringing the doorbell to your new place.
With a glass of wine in hand you heard the ring of the doorbell echo through your apartment.
You checked through the blinds, and sighed before opening the door. Hailey was tugging the winter jacket close to her body and Jay’s hands were tucked into his jean pockets, a baseball cap sitting backwards on top of his buzzed haircut.
You immediately felt a chilled breeze come through the opening and after letting go of the door, with your free hand, you adjusted the blanket and raised a brow in their direction.
Jay took that as a queue to begin the conversation. “Hi, how’s work been at the new job?”
Hailey elbowed him and looked at you in the eyes. The color of them was always something that she loved. “I’m so sorry for the way we reacted. And neither of us have been entirely honest… Can we come in and explain?”
She looked sincere and you had been with them for almost three years so you couldn’t not accept an explanation. After all, you hadn’t received the closure you felt that you deserved.
“Sure.” Voicing with uncertainty, you opened the door wider and gestured for them to come inside.
Hailey walked through the door first hand in hand with Jay, pulling him inside with her and then paused to allow him a second to shut the door and flip the lock.
When Jay turned and glanced around, he was impressed with how you had filled the rooms within only a little over two and a half months. Especially being as you were a cop working impossible hours throughout the week.
“Nice place you’ve got here.” He commented in a sad, melancholy tone. Knowing that you were getting settled in all on your own was like a stab to his heart.
“Yeah, I got lucky with this place since it was last minute and all.” You shrugged and sipped your drink after sitting down on the couch. The plush throw was still laid around your shoulders as a comforting presence.
“So, what we’re about to tell you is all off-record. The night Kim was taken and attacked, I-I followed Voight and he was with Roy. I was able to salvage the situation but he reached for Voight’s gun. And since we hadn’t told anybody about our location, I had to shoot him as self defense and we couldn't do anything except hide his body—” Hailey admitted.
“—Geez Hails, are you okay?” You questioned after placing your glass down on the end table next to the couch.
Jay could see the concern in your eyes and wanted to reassure you. “She’s fine, b-i mean y/n. Long story short, the case was closed without a link to Intelligence.”
You nodded knowing that if they had reason to cover something like that, then it was a necessary life or death situation.
“So, Hailey was a prime suspect? Was the open case and targeting of her the reason for her panic attacks?” You asked, trying to analyze the situation with a glance towards Jay, genuine concern written all over your face.
“That's half of the reason. Well, the fact that I became a suspect and the constant questioning was a triggering reminder for me. I couldn’t sleep at night and I was suffering from flashbacks of that night. Imagining the blood on my hands was the worst.”
You nodded with understanding and quietly commented, “It’s not your fault.” She gave you a small smile and continued, “When you and Jay fell asleep, I stared at the ceiling until the sun came up and the alarm went off for work. It was awful.” She sighed and you frowned.
“And I knew because I confronted Voight after noticing how odd he was acting. It reminded me of the situation with Erin and Alvin. And so of course I inserted myself because it’s not fair for him to hide valuable information from the team. It could put us in danger and I didn’t want him to become reckless again. So I formed a plan with him to get rid of the FBI agent that was sniffing around to place blame.” Jay said with empathy and care.
You shimmied out of the blanket that was around your shoulders before getting up and grabbing your empty glass. Walking over to the small table by the winery collection cabinet, you poured another half glass of wine to gulp down.
You could see the concern in their eyes when you turned back around to face them.
But it wasn’t fair for them to be concerned about you when Hailey had gone through something life changing that would be stuck with her forever.
“I feel like a jerk now. You were struggling and I was just feeling left out.” You commented and looked down with guilt.
The pair stood up quickly and walked over to you. Jay wrapped an arm around your middle, pulling you close into his side. “It’s not your fault, it’s ours because you didn’t know.”
Meanwhile, Hailey grabbed your hands and interlaced them to offer you some support. “And it’s no excuse either that we left you in the dark. I’m okay baby. I’m so sorry we left you in the dark but we were concerned for your safety. Jay and I wanted to protect you but I promise no more secrets okay?” She said and you soaked in her promising words with the glint of love in her eyes.
“No more secrets between the three of us,” Jay agreed then added. “And Voight told me that he will come to me from now on. Intelligence is okay now, we’re okay now sweet girl.” Jay spoke in a low whisper and gave you a big squeeze before wrapping his arms around your middle, readjusting so your back was leaning against his chest.
Hailey stood on the other side of you and kissed your cheek. “Will you come home now, please?” She questioned but you had a better idea in mind first.
With a smirk you glanced between the both of them before asking. “Wanna stay over tonight?”
Rest Of Our Lives (And Whatever Is Beyond It) [Upstead]
yeah i couldn’t help myself after watching 9x09 i’m reeling i can’t breathe i love Upstead so much so here’s just a quick post-episode fic of Mr. and Mrs. Halstead waking up the morning after they got married!!!
Read on AO3!!!
She wonders if she’s dreaming. Maybe because she feels like she’s floating—high above the clouds where nothing and no one can touch her. Unless it’s him. She feels lighter than she has in so long, like every muscle in her body has loosened, every nerve relaxed, and it’s more than because she just had a close call with a terrible, horrible situation. Everything she’s feeling right now: this lightness, this bliss, this delight—it’s because of him.
Her husband. Her husband.
Hailey feels Jay behind her—really, she feels him all over, everywhere. His right arm is wounded under and around her and she uses it as her pillow, his bare chest is pressed to her bare back and she can feel the steady rhythm of his heart through his skin and into hers, and his freckled left arm is curled over her waist. And Hailey knows if she were to look down at his hand, she’d see the band on his ring finger that matches her own.
She looks down, and feels everything she expects to feel: dizzying happiness, blissful contentment, consuming love.
It’s real. This is real. She keeps having to tell herself that, because sometimes she’s still learning to trust this profound happiness she’s found for herself. Especially after this period of feeling like she was on the verge of losing it all. And instead of letting her do what she annoyingly sometimes does best, which is make herself worry about things that could go wrong, Hailey allows herself the grace of reveling in it.
Before Jay, Hailey never really gave marriage much thought. She’d been in relationships, she’d loved before, but none of them ever felt like they were it. None of them had felt like the peaceful, life-altering kind of love that she could settle down for. It didn’t help that her closest and most present example of marriage had been her parents, because she’d promised herself long ago that it wasn't something she ever wanted to be a part of. And the potential of bringing children into it? Hell no.
And then came Jay.
Stranger. Partner. Best friend. Lover. Husband. Everything she didn’t think she’d ever find, didn’t think she deserved. But she’d earned him. He wasn’t given to her, by any means. They earned what they have, fought tooth and nail for it, especially through recent events. Now they’re exactly where they want to be, and if this is a dream, it’s not one Hailey ever wants to wake up from.
The early morning sunlight filters through the blinds, and Jay’s internal clock is waking him up. She can sense it in the way his breathing lightens, his arm around her tightening, and the smile that grows on her lips is easy and automatic and an inherent response to Jay. His scruff tickles the skin of her neck, which he had spent the night kissing and biting and loving, just like the rest of her, as he places another kiss there.
And then he says the words that have Hailey’s heart melting by the sheer heat of love they’re spoken in.
“Good morning, Mrs. Halstead,” he rasps, quiet and reverent.
Mrs. Halstead. That’s who she is now. Hailey Anne Halstead. And she knows—and she knows Jay knows—that this new title isn’t a sign of her handing herself over to him. She’s not a man’s woman, hell no. Even Jay wouldn’t let her be that. No, this title is a sign of Hailey cementing the universal truth that is her heart—her Goddamn soul—belongs to Jay. Just like his belongs to her. They are not two halves of a person; they are whole, in their own right, and have laid themselves bare for the other—and they have been accepted. Wholly. Irrevocably.
For Hailey, her maiden name had been tied to a man who caused her so much pain, bruised, yet wearing it because it’s who she is, because she grew up and learned to carry the weight of it.
Her new name, though, is part of a man she loves most in this world, who helped shoulder her weight without being asked to, who sees all of her and loves her for it, not despite it.
And so her grin is wide, dimpled and bright, as she turns in his embrace while she greets back, “Good morning, husband,” just as her blue eyes connect with his green.
Those eyes. They look at her so intensely, nothing but a deep love bathed in purity. They’re so expressive, Jay’s eyes. They’re one of Hailey’s many favorite things about Jay—especially when he looks at her like that. He holds her close, their bare fronts pressed together under the warm blankets, their legs tangling together as he grins that sexy smirk. “That wasn’t too alpha-male for you?” Jay muses, his fingers running down her spine, and Hailey instantly thinks of the night before, her own nails digging into the skin of his back, lost in her consuming love and passion for him to the point where she drew blood. But Jay hadn’t minded. He’d enjoyed it.
Hailey laughs breathily at his question. “Nope,” she answers honestly. “It sounds right.”
Jay’s smile softens and she can feel his fingers play with her hair, brushing the locks off her shoulder. “I agree,” he murmurs before his gaze drops and he closes the distance between them, and Hailey is more than ready for the kiss he presses to her mouth.
It’s meant to be a good morning kiss, but they’re not off their high from last night. Hailey’s mouth opens under Jay’s, and he’s swift in sliding his tongue in, locked in a breathless dance with hers as her hand cups his cheek, the leg he’s got between hers tightening as he pulls her in. Hailey’s heart is thundering, like it does so every time she’s kissing Jay, electricity coming alive in her veins as she feels his left hand press to the small of her back, and the metal of his wedding band is cool against her skin in comparison to his warm touch, and it shoots a thrill down her spine at the acknowledgement of it.
His wedding band. They’re married.
And as intense, wonderful, dizzying it is to kiss Jay, those two words playing in her head make her grin against him, to the point where the kisses dissolve and Jay is chuckling as he pulls back slightly to look at her. “What?” he asks in amusement.
Her hand slides from his cheek to the back of his head, playing with the short strands of hair as she looks from his kiss-pinkened lips to his bright green eyes. “We’re married,” Hailey says—more like whispers, really, like it’s a secret just the two of them share—because, right now, it is. It’s theirs.
Jay’s smile is soft and his own adoring understanding flashes across his face. She knows that he’s feeling everything she’s feeling, too. Where it matters, they know each other like the back of their hands, and once again Hailey thanks whoever up there is listening to her for putting this man in her life. Just trying to think of what life would be like without him is nauseating—it’s unimaginable.
She and Jay—they were meant to find each other. Hailey truly does believe that.
Jay’s left hand comes to grasp hers, the gentle clinking of their rings together making her smile even more as his fingers intertwine with hers. “We are,” he murmurs in response, like it’s something he’s still trying to convince himself isn’t a dream, either.
A chuckle escapes her, and it’s kind of wet because she didn’t really have time to get emotional last night, so they’re kind of coming out now. “Can’t believe you love me enough to want the spend the rest of your life with me.”
Jay squeezes their fingers, his voice gentle. “I want more than that, Hails.”
Her gaze flickers up to meet his, the air catching in her throat at the intensity burning in his eyes. Her voice is unsurprisingly breathless as she asks, “So the whole death do us part thing—?”
“Traditional words,” Jay tells her, the corner of his lips curling into a ghost of a smile. “What I feel for you goes way past this life. It’s more than I can even begin to understand.” Hailey has to press her teeth together so her lower lip doesn’t tremble at Jay’s beautifully honest words. He presses his forehead to hers and it’s enough to let Hailey let out a shuddering breath. “But I’ll spend the rest of my life, and whatever is beyond it, showing it to you.”
His forehead is to hers, noses touching, breathing in each other’s air—being each other’s air. And as Jay’s words wrap around her heart and keep it warm and safe and protected, she gathers the words existing in her own heart to give to him. “And what I feel for you is something I didn’t think I was even capable of feeling, but I know I just had to wait to meet you to actually feel it. Now, to the rest of our lives, and whatever is beyond it—it’s what I know I can always count on.” She feels a tear escape, but doesn’t make a move to wipe away the small physical evidence of what she feels for him. “I love you, Jay.”
His lips brush against hers, and she’s sure she can feel him slightly trembling too in the safety of their bed as he whispers, “I love you. So much.”
Her exact own words, from what feels like a lifetime ago, when she first told him.
Jay kisses her again, soft and slow, a husband pouring more promises and love into his wife, and Hailey returns them wholeheartedly.
Traditional vows were what had been spoken during their intimate little ceremony at the courthouse—but their own vows, existing from the purest part of their souls that hummed with life for each other, were what were uttered verbally, and shown physically, on Hailey and Jay’s first morning as husband and wife. And for the rest of their lives—and whatever was beyond—those vows would be shown again, and again, and again, and again.
sometimes you just don’t know the answer (til someone’s on their knees and asks you)
god i wrote this as soon as 9x04 ended because goddamn i cannot handle my emotions right now i wanna hug Hailey and i wish Jay did more than punch Voight but it’s fine we’re fine we’ll cope we got this you guys
Read on AO3!!!
It’s silent in the house.
It’s the middle of the night, so silence is to be expected. Except the skylight in the bedroom allows for moonlight to wash over them, and Hailey feels as though it only illuminates the distance between them right now. Her, sitting on the bed and him, standing in the doorway, watching her. All she has to do is look at him, and she knows what’s happening. She knows that he knows.
He’s looking at her like the weight of this awful, soul-aching secret she’s been bearing all by herself is now resting on him, too. And Hailey didn’t want that. She had never wanted it. But the burden of the truth is on Jay now, too, and Hailey hates it. Keeping the truth about the warehouse, about Roy, from Jay had been eating her alive; she’d been in a constant struggle of wanting to tell him because he’s her partner, in every sense of the word, but also wanting to keep him in the dark because this wasn’t on him. It was her choice, her mistake, her sin to deal with. And Jay’s too good, isn’t he? His heart, his soul, is too good for her to taint it with the darkness that’s been clouding hers for too long.
But he knows. And the way he’s looking at her—it’s more crushing than the weight of the truth.
She doesn’t know where to go from here. She’s half-drunk from the whiskey, maybe, but the weight of his stare sobers her up. She doesn’t know what he’s thinking. Is he angry at her? He has to be, doesn’t he? She fucked up, horribly, and she had been lying to him for weeks. He had asked her, more than once, point blank if she was okay, if there was something going on with Voight, and she had told him not to his face. She’s a liar, a murderer. She doesn’t deserve someone like Jay. He knows that.
He’s still standing at the doorway, hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans as she sits there, her heart thundering so loudly she wonders if he can hear it, feeling the sting of tears already gathering in her eyes, though she refuses to let them fall. Then his lips part, and Hailey braces herself for what’s to come, but Jay surprises her by closing his mouth and walking towards her. Her eyes track his movements, his green eyes locking on her blue, watching as he sits on the edge of the bed right next to her, exhales softly, and pulls her in for a hug.
Hailey doesn’t give herself a moment to be stunned. She can’t. Not when his strong arms are around her, pulling her close instead of pushing her away, and Hailey’s eyes squeeze shut as her own arms wrap around his broad shoulders, face pressing into him as the familiar scent of him envelopes her, too.
Her heart is still pounding, but Jay’s hug grounds her, her fingers digging into the material of his overshirt as she feels his hands press to her lower back. A sob, thick with preemptive relief, works its way up her throat but Hailey keeps it in as she holds him, knowing a tear or two are escaping from her shut eyes.
Jay’s voice is quiet, thick, as he says, “There’s nothing you have done, or could do, that would make me love you any less.”
His words sink into her skin, her bones, her heart, and Hailey breaks.
The sob escapes and she clings to him, shifting as close as she can, and Jay holds her to him. The wall she had built to protect this horrible secret crumbles and through the sobs Hailey feels like she can breathe again because in one short sentence, Jay alleviated some of the terror that had gripped her so tightly. She feels his hand on her back, the other going to the back of her head as he holds her shaking body close.
“I’m sorry,” Hailey manages to get out between her cries, voice as broken as she feels, thick with the heaviness of it all. “I’m so, s-so sorry. I-I didn’t mean to kill him. It w-was an accident. I swear, I d-didn’t—”
“Hailey,” Jay cuts in gently, steadily. He pulls away, just enough to see her face, and through bleary eyes Hailey sees the way his expression depicts devastation, a raw show of heartbreak that she knows she put there, and feels the guilt rush over her all over again. His hand slides from the back of her head to her wet cheek, wiping at her tears, careful of the cut as his eyes lock onto hers. They’re glassy, too, against the silver moonlight, and Hailey’s throat tightens as he gives a small shake of his head. “You didn’t kill him.”
She stares at him, eyebrows pulling together through her tears, her hands resting against his chest as she croaks out, “Y-Yes, I did. Jay, I shot him, I—”
“You were put in an impossible situation,” Jay says, gaze hardening as he utters the next sentence. “Voight put you in that situation. He killed Roy. It doesn’t matter that you pulled the trigger. He’s the one who dragged you into doing it. This is not on you.”
Hailey can’t believe what she’s hearing, but she knows for a fact that Jay genuinely believes in what he’s telling her. The sharpness that edges in his firm words comes from his sincere belief because, to him, that’s the truth. And Hailey should be relieved that he’s looking at her with this expression of desperation, yearning for her to believe his words the way he believes them, but the truth is she’s in shock. She doesn’t doubt Jay’s love for her; she’s just in disbelief, not for the first time, that there’s someone who loves her this much, who cares for her this much, after a lifetime of not really having anyone like that.
Jay knows the truth, and just by one look at him, it’s obvious he doesn’t blame her for what happened.
And she wants to believe that. She does, she thinks. But she’s been carrying this for too long that complete belief in it doesn’t come so easily. Her gaze drops to her hands, which had began fisting his shirt in her anxiety, her voice cracking through the sobs as she says, “I’m not—I’m not like him.” She’s still apologizing, still on the defense, because she needs it. Needs him. “I didn’t want to—”
“I know you didn’t,” Jay says, his voice softening, head ducking ever so slightly so she can meet his gaze. His thumb brushes along her cheekbone, his touch warm and homely. He lets out a quiet breath. “Hailey, you had a panic attack over this. You haven’t been eating or sleeping—I know you didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I know you’re not like Voight. That’s not something you ever have to convince me of.” The muscle in his jaw feathers for a moment. “I just wish you’d told me.”
There it is.
Her throat is tight, her thoughts and emotions overwhelming her in ways she couldn’t make sense of. Trauma has a chokehold on her, refusing to let up its grip, to the point where it makes her choke out, “I didn’t want you to leave me.” I didn’t want you to hate me.
She hears the sharp inhale he sucks in after those words leave her, and Hailey squeezes her eyes shut because, God, she didn’t want him to think that she didn’t have faith in him, in his love for her, in them. But fear had an ugly way of twisting the truth and making it seem implausible. And Voight’s voice had always been in the back of her head, telling her to keep quiet, to keep Jay in the dark because this was too dark for him to know. And Jay is good. Jay is so good. Her ugly truths and crushing burdens aren’t for him.
But they’re partners. She should have told him. He’s the person she trusts the most in the world.
It’s just all so fucked. She is so fucked.
“What did I tell you?” Jay’s voice has gentled again, his light grip on her cheek forcing her head up, making them lock eyes again. There’s a pain in his eyes, hating that she thinks that there’s any truth in what she just said. He gave a single shake of his head. “I’m not going anywhere, Hailey. I need you to believe that.”
“I do,” Hailey responds immediately, taking in a shaking breath, hands still gripping his shirt, needing to hold onto him. She sniffles, throat tight, but her words are quick. “I should’ve told you. But I was terrified—not just because of what you’d think, but because of what I did, and because Voight kept telling me to keep quiet. He never said a word about what he did to Roy’s body, kept me in the dark about half of it. I-I wasn’t handling it well, wasn’t thinking straight. I hated acting like I didn’t know the truth in front of Kim, and I couldn’t stand keeping it from you. Every time I thought of telling you, I felt like Voight was right there, and the right thing felt like the wrong thing and I just—” Her voice breaks again, shaking her head. “I’m sorry.”
She takes a breath and Jay’s silent, because he knows she’s not done as her eyebrows knit together and she sniffles again, hand raising to wipe at her cheeks as she meets his patient gaze. Her chest feels tight as she speaks again. “The night I proposed—Jay, I meant every word.” His lips part like he’s about to speak up, but she cuts him off, needing him to hear the sincerity, to believe her truth. “It wasn’t some response to what happened that night. Maybe, in a way, it was; almost losing Kim like that, seeing the way Adam was spiraling—I love you, so much, and I can’t imagine living without you. That’s not a life I wanna have. Everything else may be going to hell, but wanting to marry you is the only thing I’ve ever been sure of. My timing sucked, and I don’t—I don’t blame you for questioning it, but I promise, I meant it. I’m—I’m sorry I broke your trust.”
It’s the pure, honest truth. Being with Jay is the only thing that makes sense, the only good thing in her life that brings her a kind of joy she’s never got to experience before. Her example of marriage was her parents’, and it’s a fucking miracle that she wants a promise of forever with anyone after the abuse she grew up with. But Jay is the only person Hailey wants to take that leap with, because of how much love and respect and trust is there. And maybe that last one is a little damaged because of recent events, but she needs to believe that they’ll be able to get through it.
Jay lets go of her, and before she can feel panic over any distance he may be putting between them, he simply holds her hands in his, resting them between them. His hands are large and warm, comforting. So many emotions swim in those green eyes, eyes that she loves so much as he looks at her. “You didn’t break my trust, Hailey,” Jay says, his voice soft, because his voice was always soft with her. Not for the first time, Hailey wonders what she did to deserve him. “I just wish you trusted me enough to have come to me from the beginning.” Her heart clenches, throat drying. “I hate that you dealt with this on your own. Not eating, not sleeping—you were killing yourself under the weight of the truth. I’m your partner. I love you. I need you to understand that all of that means that I’m here for you, with you, no matter what. Please.”
That last word is so heavy, so desperate, emphasized by Jay squeezing her hands in his. He’s looking at her with a gentle devastation that robs Hailey of her breath, and she makes a promise to herself, right then and there, that she’ll never do anything to make Jay think she doesn’t trust him enough to let him in. She’ll need to work for it, after everything that’s happened, but that’s a non-issue. For Jay, she’ll do it.
She takes a breath, blinking back the fresh sting of tears that had gathered in her eyes, nodding slowly, gaze fixing on his. “I know that,” she says, voice a whisper but words steady and firm. “I’m with you, too. I swear.”
Jay’s throat works, a small shuddering breath escaping him before he pulls her in once more. She leans into him, eyes closing, head this time tucked under his chin as he holds her close, the steady thumping of his heart as grounding as his embrace. His hand stroked her hair, lips pressing a kiss to the top of her head as she finally lets out a heavy, relieving sigh, like the weight of this damning secret has lifted. There’s still so much shit to sort through, but Jay letting her lean on him is enough to calm her down for now.
“I’ve got you,” his quiet words break through the silence of their bedroom, words whispered into her still damp hair. “We’ll figure this out together. You’re not alone, Hailey.”
Her arms are around his waist and the way Jay holds her close, she’s practically on his lap. But the words he utters and the way he holds her, Hailey has never felt safer. Against the warm, solid form of Jay, Hailey feels alright for the first time in too long. Nothing has been solved, she knows; Roy is still dead, the Feds are still investigating, and the burden of her truth is now shared with Jay even if she didn’t want it to be. But she can breathe easier now.
And maybe that makes her selfish, to weigh Jay down with the aftermath of her actions, but his whispered words of reassurance are sincere and his embrace is solid, and she no longer feels like she’s being completely ripped apart from the inside out. She’s not naive enough to think she’s all the way okay, but with Jay’s help, she could start getting there. He can’t absolve her of sins she hadn’t meant to have, but one thing’s for sure: he won’t let her go down for them, either.
Inevitable (The One Where Everyone Finds Out) [Upstead]
Summary: There’s different moments where Trudy Platt and the rest of Intelligence finds out about Jay and Hailey’s relationship. And this is how it goes.
Read on AO3!!!!!
Trudy Platt
She didn’t become a sergeant, get to where she is today, without being a skilled cop. And, frankly, it’s insulting that anyone even thinks that they can get anything past her. She greets them every morning when they walk through the doors and up the stairs of the precinct, her words accompanying a subtle smirk on the days the two of them walk in together. And those days are often—except lately, she notices the slight difference in the gait of their steps, in the closeness of their arms brushing one another as they walk into the 21st district.
She wonders if she imagines it, but scoffs the idea right out of her head because, come on, she’s Trudy Platt and she knows what she sees, when she sees it. She’s known Jay Halstead for years, and although she may have met Hailey Upton when the blonde was just a little girl, Trudy’s grown close to and has come to know her even more over the years she’s been at Intelligence. So she sees, she notices the subtle shifts in their smiles early in the morning, the lingering looks when Jay opens punches the code and opens the gate leading up the stairs to the Intelligence bullpen, holding it open as he smiles down at Hailey before she walks up, following her in immediately after.
Hell, she saw it before the two of them got their heads out of their asses and did something about what was going on in their hearts. She saw it when Jay was doing his best not to mope when his partner had been shipped off to New York, seemingly trying to get through the weeks until Hailey was back in Chicago—where she belonged. Trudy had half a mind to tease him relentlessly over it—especially after hearing from Randall how Jay would wind up at Molly’s after shift with the others, grumbling about the lack of Hailey and wishing the next few weeks would just fly back so he could get his partner back already.
Trudy’s pretty sure it was the alcohol that made his lips more loose than normal.
Funnily enough, she feels proud, in a maternal way, of Jay. It didn’t take long after Hailey’s return from her stint with the feds for the two of them to finally give into whatever had been brewing between them—arguably for years. Guess they both got a taste of what life was like without the other, after being side by side for years, and finally decided to do something about it.
They’re living in a bubble of privacy, Trudy knows, and she respects that. They’re professionals, and she knows both Hailey and Jay’s history with dating co-workers. But Trudy can’t help but think, when she glances up at them from her front desk and notices their easy banter and soft smiles and shoulders more relaxed than she’s ever seen either of them, that this thing between the two detectives was one that was going to last.
So, of course, she can’t help but let them know they have her support, in true Trudy Platt fashion: casual in the way she drops the bomb that she knows.
It’s a late Friday night when she buzzes herself up to Intelligence, ambling up the stairs. One corner of the bullpen is lit up, being Jay and Hailey’s desks, and the gentle echo of their easy going chatter and laughter is soft against the walls. They’re the only ones here, the others having left already, their computer screens glowing and papers and files piled on their desks.
“Burning the midnight oil?” Trudy asks by way of greeting.
Jay looks up from the paperwork he was hunched over while Hailey glances over her shoulder. With a lazy smile, Jay responds, “Par for the course for the only two detectives in the unit.”
Trudy comes to stand by their desks as Hailey’s lips upturn into a smirk, glancing at Jay before looking up at Trudy. “It’s only taking us this long ’cause I have to double check Jay’s grammar,” she innocently teases, causing Jay to roll his eyes at the playful jab.
“Riveting way to spend your Friday night,” Trudy muses. “I’m sure you two would prefer some fine dining as opposed to this.” She watches them blink in confusion, their gazes meeting only briefly, and she suppresses a smirk. “Eh, who am I kidding? You’re more of a beer and pizza kinda couple, aren’t ya?”
It’s when she drops the couple that they both seem to freeze up, ever so slightly but enough to put a pause on their pens working on the paperwork, the subtle widening of both of their eyes giving them away. Trudy has the urge to laugh. Two of the best detectives in the district—hell, in all of Chicago—and they can’t seem to keep their cool when she blatantly calls them out on their relationship. Maybe they needed to go through undercover training again.
Jay breaks the amusing silence first with a clearing of his throat as he shifts in his seat, grip on his pen tight as his gaze darts from Hailey to Trudy. “Uh, Sarge, what are you—”
Trudy waves him off with a roll of her gray eyes. “Oh, don’t even try to come up with some half assed excuse. You think I became a sergeant because of my youthful good looks?” She quirks an eyebrow at the two of them; Jay’s blinking up at her and Hailey’s chewing the corner of her lower lip, and Trudy thinks she’s trying not to laugh—whether it’s out of nerves or amusement, Trudy can’t be too sure. Maybe a bit of both. “The others may not have picked up on it, but it’s cute that you thought you could keep it from me.”
Jay lets out a breath, sinking back into his seat, looking at Hailey for help. The blonde folds her arms on top of the desk, looking up at Trudy. “We’re just—it’s still new, between us. Telling people isn’t really a priority, you know?”
And Trudy does know. She’s seen too many relationships start and end because of the complications that come with working together. Jay and Erin. Kim and Adam. Kim and Sean. Hailey and Adam. Lots could go wrong, but Trudy looks at Hailey and Jay, recalls all of their terribly hidden smiles and endearing looks, and she has a good feeling about them. She’s only ever had that feeling about one other couple, but Kim and Adam are a matter of their own.
So she smirks—or, well, at least she tries to, but she’s pretty sure it comes off as an encouraging smile. Which is fine, because both of them relax when she says, “Don’t worry—your secret’s safe with me.” They share a smile and Trudy tries not to shake her head at that secret language thing they’ve got going on with their eyes. She steps away from their joined desks. “Anyway, we’re debating downstairs on ordering either Chinese or Thai. What’re you two in the mood for?”
“Thai,” they both answer simultaneously. Then, Jay quickly adds, “Just not from the place on Pulaski. Hailey got food poisoning last time she had it.”
Trudy glances at Hailey, who blinks at Jay before a small smile tilts her lips, like she’s softened at the fact that he remembers, and if Trudy was anyone else, she may have aww’d at the small act of adoration between them.
Instead, she just nods and continues towards the stairs, throwing a, “Call down your orders. I’ll let you know when it’s here, lovebirds.”
She smirks because she’s pretty sure Hailey chokes on air as she returns a strained, “Thanks, Sarge.”
Kim Burgess
The diner smells like fresh coffee, bacon, and pancakes, all of which sit on plates on the table in front of her, with the addition of waffles. Utensils clink against plates and the bell at the kitchen window rings every so often with a new order up, a low clamor in the diner, but Kim finds peace in it. She’s sitting at the table with Makayla and Hailey, a little girls breakfast to start off their Sunday morning.
She feels content as she and Hailey talk about things that don’t have to do with work, especially for Makayla’s sake. So instead, they chat about the new show Kim started watching, and the new pairs of shoes Hailey bought for herself yesterday as an impulse buy because she never buys nice things for herself, and Hailey even asks Makayla how school’s going. It’s easy going and casual and pleasant, even when Hailey’s phone buzzes and when she glances at the screen, she lets out a low groan.
“Is everything okay?” Kim asks, eyebrows raising as she lowers her cup of coffee.
Hailey quickly glances at her, blue eyes bright as they sit by the window, a half smile quirking at her lips. “Yeah, everything’s good,” she answers with a chuckle, unlocking her phone. “Jay just sent me a game of Archery to play. Y’know, on iMessage.”
The knowledge of that amuses Kim far more than it probably should. “Oh, yeah? And, what, you have a thing against games?” she asks with a light laugh.
“No,” Hailey says with a roll of her eyes, giving a quick toss of her blonde hair behind her shoulder, since it was the rare occasion where she has her hair down. “He’s just freaky good at it. I’m pretty sure it has to do with him being a sniper,” she adds with a scrunch of her nose.
As if she can’t help herself, Hailey accepts the request, and Kim and Makayla watch, both amused, as Hailey’s eyebrows furrow in concentration as she tries to make her shots. She huffs a couple of moments later, lips twisting as she puts her phone down, shooting them an apologetic look, probably feeling guilty for using her phone while they were at breakfast.
But Kim didn’t care, instead, she indulges. “Last time I checked, you were pretty good with a long gun, too.”
“Against a professional sniper?” Hailey snorts, cutting a piece of her syrup drenched waffles. “Not a chance.” She shoves the piece into her mouth, chewing for a moment before swallowing and pinning Kim with a gaze. She points her fork at the brunette and little girl, eyes darting between them. “Don’t ever tell Jay I said that.”
Kim raises her hands in defense, sharing a secretive wink with Makayla, who giggles before biting into her pancakes. The conversation digresses to other topics, with Hailey grunting in frustration when Jay sends his turn back, both Makayla and Kim leaning over to see his play. Kim lets out a low impressed whistle when he hits the center of the target on all three turns, earning a withering stare from Hailey before she sends her turn back. She does not, in fact, get all three center targets, but pretty damn close. Not close enough for her, though.
Eventually, Jay wins, which makes Hailey turn her phone subtly away from Makayla because Kim just knows she’s sending back a bunch of expletives to the other detective, which makes Kim chuckle in amusement. Putting her phone down, Hailey finishes off the rest of her waffles before letting out another huff.
“I need to wash my hands. I have syrup all over them,” she comments, frowning at her fingers like she’s wondering how it got there.
Makayla giggles. “You’re a messier eater than me.”
Hailey smirks at her. “Yeah? I’m still taller than you, kiddo.”
This time, Kim smirks into the rim of her mug as she hums, “At least you’re taller than someone.”
Hailey shoots her a glare, though it lacks any real anger as she gets up and walks off in the direction of the bathroom. Kim and Makayla continue with their food, and as they do, Hailey’s phone, which she left on the table, buzzes with a new message. And Kim doesn’t mean to accidentally glance at the screen, doesn’t mean to read the message that lights up the screen, followed by another that comes through right at that moment, but when she reads that one, she damn near chokes on her sip of coffee.
Jay Halstead: Don’t be mad, Hails. We can play a round of Word Hunt so you can kick my ass.
Jay Halstead: If that’s not satisfying enough, come over after breakfast and I’ll make it up to you.
Kim didn’t need to be a detective to know what he meant by that.
Her eyes widen, gaping at the screen until it blackened, and she’s pretty sure she looks comical in the way she’s staring, trying to process what she just read. It’s not until Makayla asks, “Are you okay?” that Kim blinks herself out of her stupor.
She clears her throat, glancing at her kid as she flashes a smile. “Oh, yeah, I’m super okay.” She tries not to cringe at her words, but Makayla doesn’t blink twice, going back to her food.
But Kim, oh man, she’s reeling. Jay and Hailey. Hailey and Jay. They’re together. They’re so, so definitely together and Kim can’t believe it but, God, at the same time, she totally can. In the time it takes for Hailey to get back, Kim thinks of the last few weeks, moments she may have missed because she was either not looking for them or because Jay and Hailey were just that discreet. Which, you know, wouldn’t be surprising because they are detectives, after all. Hell, they came to Molly’s, but there were some nights where they were nowhere to be found, but Kim assumed they were too tired to hang out after work and headed home. It hadn’t clicked that they went home together.
A disbelieving smile tilts Kim’s lips up, leaning back in her chair as she gazes at the seat Hailey had occupied.
No wonder the two of them had seemed so light lately, walking with a pep in their step. She can’t believe she missed it.
When Hailey returns, Kim schools her features, not wanting to give her newfound knowledge away. She watches, discreetly, as Hailey checks her phone, catches the way her jaw feathers and lips purse for the briefest moment, like she’s trying to suppress her smile. Kim has a hard time fighting off her own.
Unable to help herself, Kim lightly says, “You wanna join us at the park?” Hailey glances up at her and Kim innocently adds, “Unless you, like, have other plans.”
Kim almost misses the way Hailey looks down at her phone, so quick it was barely noticeable, but now she knows what to look for, and it’s right there. “Uh, no, no other plans,” Hailey says, flashing a smile. “None I can’t push back, anyway.”
Kim’s fighting the damn smile. “You sure?” she asks, trying not to let on that she knows more than she should.
“Mhm,” Hailey nods. “All good.”
This is just too good. Kim’s not gonna push Hailey, because if she and Jay want to keep their relationship under wraps, that’s their business. But, damn, that doesn’t mean Kim can’t have some fun.
Hopefully Jay can wait a little longer until Hailey goes home to him.
Kevin Atwater
“Kev, you good? You good?!”
“Yeah, yeah—you?” Kevin asks, dark eyes sliding over to Jay as the two of them slowly, cautiously rise to their feet.
Kevin’s heart is pounding, an aftermath of the rain of bullets they just dodged, as Jay nods while looking around the scene. Pieces of glass are shattered around them, thanks to the cars they had found cover behind in the abandoned lot. Shady place for a meet, even shadier place for two undercover cops to get lured because they got made.
“Yeah,” Jay huffs, lips curling in annoyance as they look around the scene. He gave a shake of his head. “What a mess.”
“Hey—you two okay?” Kim’s voice sounds, and the two of them look up to see their team making their way over.
Kevin and Jay give their affirmatives, and Kevin watches as Hailey’s blue eyes run over Jay, like she needs to check for injuries rather than just taking his word. And, at first, Kevin thinks it’s just partners being partners, but his eyebrows quirks, ever so slightly, when he sees Jay just lightly touch her arm as he flashes her a smile. It seems to relax Hailey, and there’s just something about it that has Kevin eyeing them suspiciously.
But then Sarge walks up and they have to work the scene, so Kevin doesn’t think about it again.
Until later, when they’re back at the district, and he’s walking down the hall towards the locker room, stopping short when he hears the familiar voices drift down, as quiet as they’re trying to be. He doesn’t mean to eavesdrop, but he stops by the open doorway as Jay’s voice sounds from inside.
“Hails, I promise, I’m fine,” he’s saying, his tone light yet gentle.
“Can you blame me for being worried?” comes Hailey’s response, a sigh following her words. “You’re a bullet magnet. It’s stressful.”
Kevin hears Jay chuckle shortly, as if he’s trying not to add to Hailey’s worry but he can’t help himself from letting the sound loose. “Isn’t that part of the job description?”
“Cute.” Her voice is dry, making Kevin’s lips quirk up in amusement. “But if you get shot again, I’m gonna be very upset, and you’re gonna have to get reacquainted with your hand.”
Kevin does a double take at Hailey’s words, coated in sweetness he recognizes as cunning, blinking in bewilderment. He’s pretty sure he hears Jay choke on air and Kevin’s mind is reeling, wondering if he heard Hailey right—wondering if he understood her unmistakable statement properly.
When Jay’s voice lowers as he says, “I think that punishment’s a little too severe—” Kevin knows that, yup, he most definitely heard things right.
And that’s when he turns right back around and walks back the way he came from, shaking his head at himself as he tries to both come to terms with what he just heard and erase it from his head, too.
Jay and Hailey. He wants to say he’s surprised but, hell, he’s not. Not at all.
He spends the rest of the day, and the next, focusing on the case, and it’s not until it’s wrapped up, the bad guys behind bars, that he finally unwinds at Molly’s with everyone else. When he spots Jay and Hailey sitting at the bar, chatting with Severide and Stella, Kevin suddenly remembers the conversation he’d overheard in the locker room, and he raises an eyebrow as he takes his drink and walks over to a table that’s occupied by Kim.
Only, her gaze is directed to where Kevin’s had been, and his eyes narrow as he sits down and says without preamble, “What’re you looking at?” Of course, he knows what she’s looking at. Who she’s looking at.
Her brown eyes dart to him, blinking before she quickly says, “Nothing,” while taking a long sip of her beer.
Oh, she’s lying. Kevin leans forward on the table, excitement sparking in his gaze because now he’s wondering if Kim knows something that’s also the something Kevin knows. He watches as her gaze, as if without her permission, slides over towards the detectives of their unit, and Kevin purposefully follows her gaze, watching as Stella and Hailey laugh at something a grinning Severide said while Jay rolls his eyes, though a smirk dances on his lips. And even from where he sits, Kevin sees the way Jay’s eyes linger on Hailey, smirking as he watches her laugh, definitely not at all how just a work partner looks at another partner.
Kevin’s eyebrows raise and he looks back at Kim, but she’s already looking at him, her eyes widening in realization the second their gazes connect. Kim’s jaw drops as she leans forward, gaping at him before hissing, “Do you know something?”
“Do you know something?” he shoots back just as quietly, an air of conspiration brewing between the two of them. Kim narrows her eyes and Kevin suppresses a sigh. He’d been partners with her for too long to know this isn’t a battle he’s going to win. So Kevin discreetly ticks his head over to the bar and asks, “Are Halstead and Upton—”
“Dating?” Kim finishes, that spark of excitement returning in her eyes as a grin grows on her face. She’s practically bouncing in her seat, which is all kinds of amusing. “Oh, my God, yes, I’m pretty sure they are.” She leans forward again, practically half on top of the table. “I accidentally saw a text on Hailey’s phone from Jay a couple weeks ago that tipped me off.”
“Weeks ago?” Kevin rebuts, eyebrows shooting up once more. He glances back at the bar, where Jay is now talking to Matt, leaning his back against the bar as he remains sitting on the stool, arm resting on the countertop, very close to where Hailey’s was. Could mean nothing—but Kevin was looking at them with new eyes. Gaze swinging back to Kim, he asks, “How long do you think they’ve been together?”
“Probably a month or something, I’m guessing,” she says. “Maybe a little longer? They’re good at keeping it under wraps.”
“They’re detectives. Are you surprised?” Kevin quips, smiling into his glass as he takes another sip of his beer. He scoffs then, putting the glass down as Molly’s stays lively around them.
Kim rolls her eyes, tapping her fingers on the table. “Okay, they’re not that good.” She motions a finger between them. “We found out.”
Kevin’s smile widens. “Maybe we should be detectives.”
Raising her glass, Kim clinked her bottle with Kevin’s glass. “From your lips to God’s ears.”
Adam Ruzek
There are three instances that occur that have Adam wondering about the relationship of the two detectives in his unit before his assumption is confirmed.
The first is when they’re at a charity event that Deputy Miller forces all of Intelligence to attend. They’re in their blues, standing tall and proud as Chicago officers, and Adam can’t wait to untuck his shirt, unclip the tie, and sit down for a beer rather than the fancy liquor pouring in the glasses. Adam’s never been one to booze and schmooze, and while he knows the event is for a good cause, he also knows it’s mostly politics and rich people showing off their, well, richness.
He’s walking back into the banquet hall after taking a bathroom break, and he spots Jay and Hailey standing at the bar, talking amongst themselves. When Adam had last caught sight of them, they were pretending to look fascinated by the speeches going on, hiding their boredom well. Now, though, their grins are genuine as they talk. About what, Adam has no clue. But he sees Jay has his phone out, directing the screen towards Hailey as he shows her something, and Adam sees the way Jay’s gaze is fixated on Hailey. He sees the smile that widens his normally stoic buddy as Hailey laughs, shaking her head, and Adam is pretty damn sure Jay’s eyes fucking sparkle.
When the hell was the last time Jay Halstead’s eyes did that?
It’s a small moment, mundane to the unassuming eye, but Adam clocks it in and tucks it away for another time anyway.
The second instance is much more severe, driven by concern and adrenaline. Amidst racing after two persons of interest in a silver Honda, another car had—purposefully—crashed into Jay’s truck, and it’s later when the team realizes that their suspects seem to have a third member in their small home invasion crew, who had crashed into the truck as a distraction. But that’s for them to deal with later.
When Adam arrives on scene in his jeep with Kim in the passenger, he hops out, concerned gaze flickering around. He winces at the sight of the truck, the backseat door on the passenger side done in from the collision. He then looks for his team members, gravel and glass crunching under his boots, and he’s pretty sure he can hear the sound of Jay’s voice over the chatter of the other officers on scene.
“Guys, I’m fine—I’m fine. Let me go check on Hailey.” And then Jay appears, walking around the ambulance he had been treated in, and before Adam can call out his name, he watches as Jay’s quick walk breaks into a jog towards the other ambulance. “Hailey!” he calls, and Adam hears the barely constrained worry and panic in his voice.
Adam slows his walk as Jay approaches the back of the ambulance, Hailey sitting on the edge as she gets treated by a paramedic. From where he stands, Adam sees the cuts on her face, the blood a little cleaned up, blonde hair escaping from her ponytail as she lets herself get treated. But her gaze flickers to Jay as he runs over, and Adam watches as the detective hovers over the other as the paramedic turns away.
“You okay?” Jay asks, green eyes flickering all over her face, and Adam catches the way his jaw clenches at the sight of her cuts. Jay is sporting a few of his own, but Adam knows that Jay knows how lucky Hailey got. The collision had been on her side, and if she comes out of this with only some cuts and bruises, it’s nothing short of a miracle.
“I’m fine,” Hailey nods, head tipped back to look up at him. “What about you?”
Jay scoffs. “Don’t worry about me. You’re the one who took the hit.” And Adam’s eyebrows flicker up as Jay’s hand reaches out, his fingers just barely brushing against her cheek, and Hailey’s leaning into his touch as he eyes the bruises and cuts. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
Hailey chuckles softly. “I’m sure,” she nods, giving him a gentle smile that Adam sees relaxes Jay’s shoulders just a little bit. “Sorry about the truck, though,” she adds with a wince.
Jay shakes his head, releasing a sharp breath like he can’t believe she thinks he cares more about his truck than her. His hand goes from her cheek to clasp the back of her neck, and Adam doesn’t miss the way Jay’s thumb brushes against her pulse point, like he needs to feel her heartbeat even though she’s perfectly alive and well in front of him. “I don’t give a shit about the truck,” Jay says, and if Adam wasn’t as close as he now was, he probably would have missed it. “So long as you’re okay.”
And, okay, maybe that’s just partners being partners. Adam would have believed that—if it wasn’t for how the two of them jump apart when he makes himself known, looking like they had been caught doing something they shouldn’t have been. Interesting, indeed.
Finally, the third and last instance is Makayla’s birthday. The weather outside was great, so they invited their unit, all of Makayla’s friends from school, and both Kim and Adam’s sisters and their kids to the park, as per the birthday girl’s request. Picnic tables were set up with loads of food, balloons were dancing in the wind, and the air was filled with the sounds of children screaming and laughing as they played. There’s juice for the kids, beer for the adults, and Adam stands by with a smile on his face as he watches Makayla play with the widest grin.
Everyone has already arrived, Adam notes—or, well, almost everyone. He squints against the sun as he takes a sip of his beer, catching sight of Jay and Hailey crossing the street where his truck is parked, a colorful gift bag in Hailey’s hand as they approach where the party is. The two of them are chatting, laughing animatedly, and Adam thinks nothing of it except that he’s glad they made it. Not that he thought they’d miss it. They love Makayla too much for that.
“Hey, sorry we’re late,” Hailey says breathlessly with a smile as she greets Kim with a hug, while Adam clasps his hand with Jay’s and pulls him in for one, too. “Jay misplaced Makayla’s gift in his ridiculously messy apartment.”
Joint gift, huh?
Adam raises his eyebrows at Jay, amused, while Jay rolls his green eyes and Kim snickers. “Is that why you’re holding onto it for dear life?” she asks teasingly, nodding down to the gift bag in Hailey’s hand.
Before Hailey can answer, Jay pipes in, “She trusts me with her life but not with a gift,” and shoots Hailey an exasperated look for good measure.
That only makes the rest of them laugh as Hailey smiles up at him sweetly, her dimples popping and blue eyes sparkling against the sun. “Gotta draw the line somewhere.”
Jay huffs out a breath, meeting Adam’s gaze and raising his eyebrows pointedly. “I need a beer.”
Adam instantly gestures him over. “Oh, yeah, come on, man,” he says, leading him towards the coolers where the drinks were. He bends down, pulling out a beer for his friend, and as Jay pops it open, Adam inquires, “Do you and Hailey ever arrive anywhere without each other?”
He poses the question innocently, joking in good nature, and Jay’s gaze meets his as he sips his beer before answering with a shrug, “Her place was on the way here from mine.” He shoots Adam a shit-eating grin. “Carpooling’s good for the environment, Ruze.”
They gather around with others, chatting away as they enjoy their drinks and the food that Kim and Adam ordered. At one point, as Adam stands with Jay and Kevin talking, he watches as Makayla runs up to their group, and Adam watches as she runs up to the ladies and exclaims, “Hi, Aunt Hailey!”
Adam smiles as Makayla hugs Hailey, who laughs and returns the hug. “Hi, sweetheart. Happy birthday!” Hailey grins.
The two of them dissolve into a conversation, and when Adam looks away, he sees the way Jay’s gaze is lingering on Hailey and Makayla, and Adam is kind of enthralled by the look in his friend’s eyes. There’s a softness in the detective’s green eyes, a small curling of his lips as he watches Hailey talk with Makayla, the sound of her laughter dancing in the air towards them. Adam’s eyebrows raise and he’s almost certain that there’s nothing that could pull Jay’s gaze away from the blonde of the group.
Adam recognizes the longing on Jay’s face, and he doesn’t know how, but he can tell it’s not a longing for just Hailey, but a desire to have this with her. A kid. A family of his own. Adam realizes, then, that he recognizes the look because he can feel it on his own face whenever he looks at Kim and Makayla, and he has it, in their own special Kim-and-Adam way. And as he looks at Jay, he sees that the longing isn’t a sad kind of thing—it’s hopeful. Like Jay knows that this future is one that is actually in his grasp, the small smile dancing on his mouth.
And Adam knows.
He knows, the confirmation striking him like lightning, that Jay and Hailey are together. And in that moment, the last few months flash across his mind, moments between the two detective partners that Adam glossed over because he thought it was just them being, well, partners—but now he knows those moments seemed softer, more intimate, because they’re partners. The realization of it is, somehow, both surprising but also not. Because Jay and Hailey—they make sense. They balance each other out in the field, and of course that goes home with them, too.
Frankly, if he really thinks about it, he’s not that shocked as he thought he was at first. It really was only a matter of time for Jay and Hailey, wasn’t it? Adam smiles into the lip of his beer bottle as Jay forces his gaze away from Hailey, prompting his eyes to meet Adam’s, and the officer watches as Jay wipes whatever look he wore and replaces it with a stoic look, returning to his conversation with Kevin.
But Adam saw. Adam knows. And even though Jay doesn’t have to say anything, Adam is happy for him, for them.
A couple nights later, the whole unit is at Molly’s, winding down after a case successfully closed. Music plays and chatter is consistent, as always, and Adam’s muscles are eased after a couple of beers. He sits on a high stool at a table with Kim and Hailey, talking about anything but work, ready to leave it behind as they venture home after this.
“I thought this week would never end,” Hailey says with a sigh, running her fingers through her hair. The blonde locks are out of their usual ponytail, falling in waves over her shoulders. “I’m ready to knock out, if I’m being honest.”
She finishes the rest of her drink and Kim raises an eyebrow. “What, already?” she asks, shoulders dropping as she pouts. “Aw, come on, Hail, stay for one more.”
That’s when Kevin and Jay approach them, and Kevin raises an eyebrow as he looks at the blonde of the group. “You’re heading out?”
Hailey smiles up at them, her own shoulders slumping where she sits across Kim and Adam. “Yeah, I’m so tired, you guys,” she tells them apologetically, chuckling lightly.
Jay, who had been watching her, downs the rest of his beer and sets the bottle on the table. “Come on,” he says, nodding his head over to the door. “I’ll drive you.”
Adam’s eyebrows flick up as Hailey offers him a smile, getting off the stool. Her smile widens slightly as she looks at the rest of them and says, “I’ll see you guys in the morning. Have a good night.”
They all offer their goodbyes, and Adam watches as Hailey and Jay walk out, close together to the point their arms press together as they go. Kevin slides into Hailey’s abandoned seat, and once the door closes behind the two detectives, Adam turns to his two remaining friends and declares, “So, those two are definitely together, right?”
Kevin and Kim’s gazes meet for a split second before they nod. Kim’s eyebrows pull together, eyes closing as she puckers her lips and nods knowingly. “Oh, yeah, definitely,” she answers.
Kevin grins at Adam. “Took you this long to figure it out, Ruze? Kim and I found out a while ago.”
Adam’s bewildered at that, looking between the two of them in offense that they discovered this big thing and didn’t tell him about it before he shakes his head. “I wanted to make sure, thanks very much.” He blows out a breath then as the two of them grin, and Adam shakes his head as he raises his eyebrows. “Unbelievable.”
“Is it, though?” Kim hums, quirking an eyebrow. “More like inevitable.”
Kevin nods in agreement. “Definitely inevitable.”
“We can’t say anything to them, though,” Kim says, sitting up as she looks at the two men pointedly. “They’re keeping it low-key for a reason. Let them have that.”
They both nod at that, totally on board. Adam understands. There’s been plenty of in-office dating, himself obviously included, so he gets why Jay and Hailey are keeping their relationship to themselves. And as much as he’d like to tease his two friends about it, he respects them even more to keep quiet, to let them enjoy what they have without other people’s eyes on them, their whispers breaking the barrier that keeps Jay and Hailey secure in their relationship.
Adam smiles into the rim of his beer, taking another sip. If anyone deserves to enjoy the intimacy of a private relationship, it’s Jay and Hailey. They were years in the making, weren’t they?
Inevitable. He mouths the word, smile widening slightly. Yeah—it fits them just right.
this is the shortest piece i’ve ever written, but it’s just a little (ANOTHER) post 9x04 drabble of Jay waking up in the morning after, since Hailey said the next morning that he left without her even realizing/hearing. idk. i love Upstead so here you go
Read on AO3!!
She’s fast asleep. That’s the first thing Jay notices when he wakes up and can’t go back to sleep. The sun is barely up, the lightening of the sky seeping through the skylight in their bedroom, but he’s wide awake and she’s not, and Jay is relieved because he doesn’t know when the last time was that Hailey got a proper night’s rest. And now he knew why, after hours of conversation, of the truth coming out, he now knows it wasn’t just her insomnia keeping her up, but the weight and horror of the guilt she’s been trying to carry for weeks.
He sits up, the comforter pooling at his lap, and he looks down to his right at Hailey’s sleeping figure. Blonde hair splays across the grey pillowcase, her chest steadily rising and falling with every breath she takes. The cuts and bruises discolor her face, never taking away from her beauty, and Jay’s heart clenches. The physical appearance of what she’s been through is bad enough—Jay cannot imagine the mental toll she’s been undertaking. All by herself, at that.
They had talked for most of the night, with Hailey unable to go back to the restless sleep she’d been in without talking to Jay, because now she knows that he knows, and they had to talk about it right away. So Jay listened. And his heart broke when she tried to keep her tone, her face, blank and neutral to distance herself from a situation that weighed on her. But the tears had come anyway as she explained to him, begged him to understand, that she didn’t want to do what she had done, that she had wanted to tell him but was overwhelmed with guilt, shame, terror, anxiety.
And it hurt—it still hurts—that Hailey didn’t think she could come to him with something like this, but Jay also knows Hank Voight. He knows how their sergeant can get into someone’s head—hell, Voight had tried to do just that with him last night, trying to turn the situation around on Hailey.
I don’t think you know the woman you’re sleeping next to.
Jay’s jaw clenches. How fucking dare he?
He looks down at Hailey once more, the tightness in his chest almost unbearable. She didn’t deserve this. Jay’s hand reaches forward and, fingers light and touch gentle, he carefully brushes a blonde tendril of hair away from her face, his knuckles grazing against her cheekbone. She didn’t stir, much to his relief. She needed the rest.
He recalls last night, how scared she had looked, and Jay only had to take one look at her to know what was going through her mind at that moment: she was wondering if this was it, if him knowing this horrible secret was the breaking point, if he was going to leave her. Jay knows, at her core, Hailey trusts him, but the life she lived, the people she lived with, has kept that seed of doubt planted in her, and Jay knows how hard it can be to dig out. He had reassured her, instantly, that he wasn’t going anywhere—ever—before she told him the story from start to finish. Her version—the right version.
It renewed his worry for Hailey and blinding anger at Voight.
Jay let his thumb gently swipe against her cheek. “I’ve got you,” he whispers in the quiet of their bedroom. He’ll be damned if he let Hailey suffer alone for a moment alone, if he let Voight get away with dragging her down this dark path.
Exhaling a slow breath, Jay got up from the bed. He needs to get a start on his day, needs the morning to wrap his head around everything. He’s angry, hurt, and worried, and as much as he doesn’t want to leave a sleeping Hailey, as much as he wants to stay in bed and keep his arms wrapped around her, shielding her from the ugliness of the world, he knows he needs to clear his head.
So he moves about quietly, getting dressed and ready for the day. Once he’s dressed, Jay buckles his watch on his wrist before crouching down on Hailey’s side of the bed. She looks so peaceful as she sleeps, and he knows this night’s sleep wasn’t enough for her to make up the hours she’s lost. He hopes she can sleep easier.
Jay leans forward, brushing his lips on her forehead, away from the bruise she’d gotten during the case. “I love you,” he whispers, knowing she can’t hear him, but he’ll say it anyway. When she’s listening, when she’s not—it’s a universal truth he’ll never stop uttering.
Another universal truth? They’ll find a way through this. Together.
okay, listen. i KNOW i already wrote a post 9x04 Upstead fic, but this came to me at like 6am this morning. it’s more exposition heavy centering around Jay’s perspective after his conversation with Voight up to him arriving back home to Hailey in bed. i just wanted to write my interpretation of what was going on in his head, and i feel like i didn’t even get all of it, but this is what the end result was. hope you enjoy!!
Read on AO3!!!!
The ache in Jay’s chest made it difficult to breathe. Out of everything he’d ever been through, he didn’t think he ever experienced pain like this—hurting because the one person he loved most in the world was hurting so deeply. His mind was running a mile a minute, memories picking out every instance Hailey had seemed off in the last few weeks; instances he had picked up, instances that concerned him, but he had never pushed her, instead waited for her to come to him. But she hadn’t. She’d carried this with her for weeks, allowed it to drown her to the point where she couldn’t come up for air, and as Jay drove, he felt that twisting, pinching ache that he had been too late in looking into what happened.
He could hear nothing but the thundering of his heart, just barely drowned out by the sound of Hailey’s broken voice, broken sobs, broken breathing when she’d had that panic attack.
I shouldn’t have been there.
I killed him.
It’s destroying me.
She was being ripped apart from the inside out, the weight of her secret that never should’ve been hers to bear crushing her until she completely broke. Jay’s grip on the steering wheel tightened, despite the dull ache in his knuckles, and he had half a mind to turn the truck around, find Voight, and deliver more than just a single punch. The anger pulsed in his veins at the thought of their sergeant, a man who, on more than one occasion, had told his unit to tell him the truth so he could lie for them. Jay had always felt uneasy about that claim, but he’d trusted Voight. Over the years, though, Jay saw what trusting Voight could do to a person, had become wary of it.
Now, Hailey had trusted Voight, and she was paying for it with her soul. And while Jay couldn’t have known what would happen, he desperately wished he’d somehow been able to prevent Hailey from getting trapped in one of Voight’s dark, twisting webs.
Jay swallowed as he stopped at a red light, leaning back in the chair, his throat slightly raw from yelling earlier. In the quiet of his truck, he inhaled deeply, held his breath for a moment, before exhaling slowly in hopes of calming himself down. No matter how many times he tried, it didn’t seem to work. His jaw set, teeth grinding together, and the sudden stinging in his eyes didn’t surprise him. Hailey’s face played in his head; not her beautiful, dimpled smile that made her blue eyes sparkle and crinkle at the corners, but rather the panic that pinkened her cheeks and nose, red rimmed eyes glassy with tears and dark circles because she hadn’t been sleeping at all.
Voight did this to her. And Jay would never forgive him for it.
The light turned green and Jay blinked a couple of times to settle his vision, pressing the gas as his other hand came up to wipe under his eyes. All he wanted was to get home, to see Hailey, to hold her. He knew now. She didn’t have to carry this burden on her own. And while Jay wasn’t entirely sure on how to make this better, the least he could do was be with Hailey, assure her that he was never, not in a million years, going to go anywhere. She may not have told him what was going on, and while Jay was disappointed and hurt, he couldn’t blame her. Not when he knew what Voight was like.
At the thought of the sergeant, Jay’s grip on the steering wheel tightened once more, lips curling in a sneer. He remembered, in that moment, the way Hailey completely changed when Voight walked into the locker room in the middle of her panic attack. He remembered the way Hailey had pulled away from him, her back straightening and sobs quietening, looking at their boss with an expression that Jay could only read as terrified and blank at the same time.
He remembered how Voight had asked Hailey if she was okay, and how she’d whispered a barely audible I’m fine. “Fuck,” Jay cursed, the guttural sound echoing in the cab of the truck. It took him that moment to truly confirm the realization that something was going on, and Voight’s arrival right there hadn’t been him checking to see if Hailey was alright—it was him checking to see if she’d keep quiet around Jay.
God. He wanted to kill him, which was fucking ironic, because wasn’t that how this entire mess started?
His home was quiet and dark when he arrived, entering into the living room. In the kitchen, he saw the half full bottle of whiskey, and Jay’s throat tightened as he grabbed the bottle and put it away, out of sight. He let his gaze wander for a moment, taking in his new home—their new home. They’d finished unpacking, had all of the furniture placed where they wanted, settling into a life to welcome their new chapter. Jay looked at the few photo frames on the TV stand, the others that were hanging on the wall. Pictures of him and Will, of Hailey with her brothers, photos of them with their friends, of them together. Jay let out a breath, quiet and shaky, at the sight of her wide grin frozen in all of those photographs, the genuine happiness she showed tightening something in his chest. He’d give anything to see her smile like that again, to erase any darkness and hurt from her life, no matter how improbable that may seem.
Slowly, Jay made his way towards their bedroom, heart thumping, stopping instantly when he got to the doorway. He froze where he stood, hands burying themselves in the pocket of his jeans, uncaring of the denim grazing at his raw knuckles.
Hailey slept in their bed, on her side, over the covers, in pajamas and one of his old sweatshirts. An empty glass was on her bedside, just a drop or so of the amber liquid still left inside, and Jay knew she’d been drinking to help herself fall asleep, and that alone felt like a punch to the gut. He stood, watching her, and everything hurt.
The anger he felt—not a single shred of it was directed towards Hailey, only Voight. Jay knew Voight’s habits by now, how he could destroy the people he claimed to care about. He’d seen it happen multiple times—with Al, even with Erin. And Jay had hoped losing Al the way they did, that Voight would change. Now he knew that was too naive of him. Now, as he stared at the love of his life, the woman he didn’t dare think of living without, Jay wished he could’ve protected her in some way.
Everything in him felt heavy as he watched Hailey sleep, the moon splashing in from the skylight above illuminating the bruises and cuts discoloring her face. She’d been hurting, far longer than those marks arrived, and Jay wished she had let him in. He wished she’d trusted him enough to tell him what was going on. And he got it—he really did—that she was scared, that maybe she thought she was even protecting him from keeping him in the dark. She’d rather get dragged down alone than bring him with her because she was fiercely protective of the people she loved. But, God, Jay wished she understood that he’d rather be on her side—good, bad, ugly—than let her go through any of it alone.
In that moment, Jay thought of her marriage proposal, and how hurt and disbelieving she had looked and sounded when he told her earlier today that it wasn’t really her that proposed. Not for one second did Jay doubt Hailey’s love for him; he wanted to marry her, more than anything else in the world. She was it for him, had been for longer than he realized, and he just wanted to do it right. He wanted to make sure not that she was all in, but that she was in the right state of mind to propose—and to accept his proposal. But no matter what, Jay knew it would be him and her in the end, always.
Time seemed to freeze when Hailey suddenly jerked awake, blue eyes meeting his green through the slightly illuminated space of their room. He watched as she leaned up on her arms, her startled gaze never leaving his, and saw the way the surprise melted into recognition, realization, as he looked at her. Jay’s head tilted to the side, ever so slightly, the ache of what she was going through bleeding through, his gaze feeling heavy with sadness, maybe even a little bit of hurt and disappointment because he couldn’t keep it at bay.
He saw the moment she understood that he knew, the line of tension forming between their gazes tightening. The silence between them was deafening, and even from where Jay stood he could hear the way Hailey’s breath hitched in her throat as she slowly, cautiously sat up properly. But she remained silent otherwise, and Jay knew it was because she was waiting for him to say something, to acknowledge this devastating secret of hers that he now knew.
Truthfully, Jay wasn’t sure how to go about it. He didn’t know what to say, other than tell her that it would be okay, but even that seemed redundant. Jay didn’t know if everything would be okay, but he knew that he would damn well try to make it as such. He would do anything to help ease this unwanted burden off of her. For Hailey, he’d do anything. If there was one thing he was sure of, it was that.
“Jay. . .”
Her voice, quiet and hoarse, pulled him out of his thoughts, realizing he’d gotten too lost in them as he took in the nervous, anxious expression settled into Hailey’s features. Her lips parted, like she wanted to say something more, but no sound came out, save for a silent, choked sob that had her entire body shuddering. It was enough to spring Jay into action.
He moved carefully towards the bed, Hailey’s gaze locked onto his, and instead of settling down on the mattress, he found himself crouching down next to her. Jay looked up at her, and his movements were slow as he reached for her hand, giving her enough time to pull away if she needed to. But she didn’t, much to Jay’s relief, as she let him take her smaller hand in his. His heart twisted at how cold her skin felt, how small she looked as she looked down at him through eyes that were already glassy with unshed tears. He could see the beginnings of her breathing quickening as her chest rose and fell more rapidly than normal, and Jay swallowed the lump in his throat as he squeezed her hand.
His voice was a rasp because of his conversation with Voight, but his words were steady. “You and me,” he said, determined, reassuring green eyes locked onto her heartbreaking, tired blue. “We’re in it together, Hailey. No matter what.”
Her throat worked, her voice as small as she looked, “You shouldn’t have—”
Jay cut her off, because he knew where she could be going with this.
You shouldn’t have to deal with this.
You shouldn’t have to share this burden.
You shouldn’t have been kept in the dark.
You shouldn’t have to be with someone like me.
And Jay refused to let her say any of that. He refused to let her believe any of it.
“Yes, I should,” he said gently, firmly, stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. “Good, bad, ugly—I have you. Lean on me. No matter what, I’m here.”
A shuddering breath escaped her, accompanying the few tears that fell from her eyes, and Jay’s heart clenched once more at the sight of her. He couldn’t imagine the pain she was in, how exhausted she must be. She wouldn’t deal with this on her own for a second longer.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, defeated and tired. “I’m so sorry.”
She broke, then, tears streaming and choked cries sounding in the room, and Jay moved. “Baby,” was all he could murmur out before he sat on the bed and in one swift move pulled her into him. Hailey cried into his chest, clutching the front of his shirt, his arms wrapping around her shaking frame as he rested his cheek on top of her head, her hair still slightly damp from the shower she must’ve taken.
He held her as she cried, his eyes squeezing shut, hand rubbing up and down her back. It was the worst thing, watching the person you loved fall apart in front of you, unable to do anything but hold them and whisper that you’ve got them, you love them, you weren’t going anywhere. There was so much they needed to talk about; Jay needed Hailey to tell him what happened, not wanting to go solely on Voight’s version of events, but that could wait until morning.
For now, he would hold Hailey through the night. He would tell her he loved her. For now, that would have to be enough. And if she could sleep through the night because his hold on her chased the demons away for the moment, that would also be enough. But that didn’t mean there was a limit as to what Jay would do for Hailey. He was more than ready to show it because he didn’t care what he would have to do—when it came to Hailey, he’d go to the farthest fucking galaxy because the moon was just too close.
just a little fluffy, cute Upstead piece based around Stellaride’s wedding. we need some cute vibes after the trauma of 9x04 am i right
Read on AO3!!!
“So when are you and Halstead tying the knot?”
Hailey smiled into the salted rim of her margarita glass, cheeks flushed not just from the drinks but from the image of her handsome fiancé that appeared in her mind. As if she ever stopped thinking about him. “Let’s get you down the aisle first,” she said with a laugh, making Stella roll her eyes good naturedly, snorting when Hailey added with a teasing, “Stella Severide.”
“Oh-ho, no, I’m keeping Kidd, thank you very much,” Stella said after swallowing a sip of her drink. “I’m sure you can understand, Hailey Halstead.”
Hailey laughed at that. She would keep going by Detective Upton because two Detective Halsteads in one unit would be confusing, but outside of work, she was ready to introduce herself with her new married name. Kim hummed thoughtfully, “Pretty fateful, isn’t it, that your would-be married last names go so perfectly with your first names?”
Stella and Hailey grinned, clinking their glasses together. The universe worked in mysterious ways, but you wouldn’t find the two of them complaining.
The two of them, along with Kim, Sylvie, and Violet were at a more popular club in downtown Chicago, the music loud and the drinks constantly pouring. Stella hadn’t wanted to do anything too extravagant for her bachelorette, more inclined to have more fun at her wedding and reception than get too wild the night before. So the five of them had dinner at a more luxurious restaurant before hitting the club, scoring the VIP room thanks to a friend of Kelly’s, to drink to the upcoming nuptials.
Hailey wasn’t normally a margarita drinker, but they’d taken a few tequila shots and she figured it was safer to stick to that specific alcohol than venture out. Tomorrow was a big day, and as Stella’s Maid of Honor, she needed to have more than half of her wits about her. When the firefighter had asked Hailey to take on this role, she had been pleasantly surprised and honored. Her and Stella had grown close over the years, had known each other long before Hailey joined the 21st and Stella joined Firehouse 51, and so Hailey took on this role willingly and happily.
While Matt was appropriately the Best Man, Jay was one of the groomsmen, being a close friend of Kelly’s. In fact, Jay and Hailey often went on double dates with Kelly and Stella, finding it both amusing and a hand of fate that they got engaged around the same time. Safe to say, Hailey was excited for the wedding, had a lot of fun helping Stella plan it and, honestly it got her even more excited to eventually plan her own wedding with Jay, whenever that may be. The two of them weren’t in any particular rush; they just got a house and were enjoying being engaged. They were in it for the long haul, so figuring out a solid date for the wedding wasn’t something either of them felt pressured about.
For now, she was more than content to admire the diamond ring they’d finally gone out and got for her.
As she nursed her drinks, Hailey enjoyed the dance floor with her friends for a good while, before making her way back to their private section to give her feet a break. She didn’t often wear heels, so her feet weren’t exactly used to the stilettos she’d brought out from the back of her closet for the night. As she sat, her phone buzzed, a smile tugging at her lips as Jay’s name appeared on the screen.
Jay: Ruze is already eight drinks in. Why did I agree to this?
Hailey: Because Kelly’s your friend and you like to make your friends happy.
Jay: I guess. Right now I’m reconsidering my friendship with Adam.
Hailey: You can handle him for a few more hours. Then we can have fun at home.
Jay: Fun, huh?
Jay: Not exactly convincing me to stick this out, Hails.
Hailey: You will because I can’t leave yet, either. See you later :)
Jay: Fine, fine. Love you.
Hailey: Love you.
It wasn’t long after she texted Jay that the girls were calling it a night, drunk but aware that tomorrow was a big day and they all needed their rest. Despite wanting to get home to Jay, Hailey offered to be the last stop on their Uber, since she was the most sober out of them all and she wanted to make sure all the girls got back safely. Hailey noticed that the living room light was on as she approached the front door, smiling as she locked the door behind her and caught sight of Jay sitting on the couch, the TV playing an old re-run of The Office.
“Hi,” she greeted, the heels of her shoes clicking against the hardwood floor as Jay looked up, left arm resting on top of the couch. “How was it?”
“Ruze and Kelly tried to outdrink each other, so, you can guess,” he said with a quiet chuckle.
Hailey shot him a look as she took off her heels, wiggling her toes once they could breathe. As Jay grabbed her ankles and rested her feet on his lap, Hailey asked, “Kelly gonna be able to stand at the altar tomorrow?”
He grinned, fingers tenderly massaging her sore feet as she leaned back against the armrest. “If he knows what’s good for him, yeah,” he answered. “What about Stella?”
“No doubt,” Hailey smiled, running her fingers through her hair, the curls she’d done earlier now fallen into loose waves. “Wild horses couldn’t keep her from making her way down that aisle.”
“Good, ’cause Kelly spent the entire night declaring his love for Stella to anyone who’d listen,” Jay said with an amused snort, fingers working their magic on her sore feet. “Never thought I’d see the day where Kelly Severide gets hitched.”
Hailey mirrored his grin, laughing gently. “Stella’s more or less the same. She kept saying how she never expected to get married again, but she’s excited to marry Kelly more than anything. It’s sweet.” Grin turning teasing, Hailey wiggled her toes pointedly, drawing Jay’s gaze back to her as she playfully asked, “What about you? Are you gonna wax poetry on your bachelor night about how our marriage is the one you’re gonna make stick?”
At that, Jay threw his head back with a groan, making the laugh bubble out of Hailey. “I never should’ve told you about Vegas,” he grumbled, giving the heel of her foot a pinch, causing her to jerk in response, shooting him a fake glare. “There will be no poetry on my bachelor night. I’ll save that for my vows.”
“Oh?” Hailey said with a raise of her eyebrows, her heart picking up its pace. It always seemed to do that, out of pure excitement and anticipation, whenever they discussed their impending wedding. Their engagement was a long one, basking in the glow of it and the excitement of forever, taking their time to plan their perfect, small wedding, but the date was finally set. In two months, they would be saying yes to forever in front of their loved ones, and Hailey couldn’t wait. “You planning on making me cry or something during our vows?”
His grin was teasing, playful, but the sincerity in his eyes coated his words as he responded, “Just a tear or two. Otherwise they would fail as vows.”
Chuckling, Hailey sat up, feet still in Jay’s lap, his hands still massaging her skin. “So long as you say you love me, and that you’re cool with being with me forever, I’ll consider your vows as successful.”
Jay laughed at her words before using his grip on her ankles to pull her closer. Her breath hitched as she easily slid across the couch until the back of her thighs were touching the side of his, as close to him as she could be with him sitting properly on the couch and her being sideways. Warmth spread across her chest as Jay’s startling green eyes dropped to her mouth for a moment before flickering up to meet her blue eyes, his own lips curling into a small smug, yet fond, smile.
“I’m more than cool with it,” he said, his voice gruff and low and making the butterflies in Hailey’s stomach go crazy. Jay leaned closer, lips brushing against Hailey’s, and she had to stop herself from pressing herself to him as he murmured, “Forever and a day with you still wouldn’t be enough.”
He closed his claim by finally slanting his lips over hers, and Hailey was immediately responsive, returning his kiss as her hands reached up, cupping his cheek, reveling in the feel of his scruff against her skin. They moved together as Hailey lowered herself until she was on her back, Jay hovering closely on top so as to not crush her under his weight—not that Hailey would’ve minded. The warmth of his solid form was always welcomed, one hand remaining on his cheek while her other arm slid around his neck, holding him close as his tongue trailed along the seam of her lips. She opened up for him instantly, the kiss deepening, an appreciative moan making its way up Hailey's throat as Jay’s hands traveled up the length of her bare thighs, sliding under the material of her dress.
And as much as Jay loved that dress on Hailey, it looked even better on the living room floor.
*****
Kelly and Stella, it seemed, were blessed with a rare beautiful day in Chicago—perfect for a wedding.
The ceremony had been beautiful, with Kelly dressed to the nines in the nicest suit money could buy, and Stella absolutely stunning in a silk, sweetheart neckline gown that fit her perfectly. The morning had been a blur of time passing by, with Hailey and the girls in the bridal suite, getting their hair and makeup done before it finally being time for them to head to the church for the ceremony. Hailey had walked down the aisle with Matt, given their status as Maid of Honor and Best Man, but her gaze had remained on Jay, already standing by the altar with Boden, Cruz and Kelly, having walked down with Sylvie.
Hailey couldn’t lie—walking down the aisle and seeing Jay at the end of it, she was already envisioning their wedding day. Her heart jumped excitedly in her chest once she stood, waiting for Stella to appear. She couldn’t wait for the day that it was her and Jay up there.
The vows were beautiful and sweet, not a dry eye in sight until it was time for the reception, the music blasting as the DJ announced Kelly and Stella’s entrance. And as the newly wedded couple had their first dance, the arm around Hailey’s waist was a comforting presence, Jay’s lips brushing along her ear as he whispered, “Did I tell you, you look beautiful?”
A smile curled on Hailey’s pink lips, gaze dropping to the deep purple colored gown she wore. A princess V-neck with spaghetti straps and a slit up her left leg, the dress fit her perfectly, the gold jewlery she accented it with complementing it well. “You haven’t in the last half hour, no,” Hailey responded with a coy smile, sipping her flute of champagne as her eyes flickered up to meet his gaze.
Jay mirrored her smile, full of boyish charm a guy his age was still capable of possessing. He brushed his lips against her temple. “You look beautiful.”
Her cheeks warmed pleasantly, leaning into him, watching Kelly and Stella dancing, the music and soft murmur of the crowd deafening them to their whispered conversation. Running a hand down Jay’s back, she said quietly, “You don’t look too bad yourself.”
Jay chuckled lowly. “That’s what every guy wants to hear,” he replied, making Hailey laugh.
Eventually, it was time to eat and afterwards, through all of the eating and speeches and drinking and picture taking and mingling, Jay’s hand found Hailey’s and he pulled her towards the dance floor as a slow ballad came on. He walked backwards, a lazy grin directed at her as he asked, “Dance with me?”
She answered with a grin, the two of them finding a spot amongst the swaying couples. Jay held her close, her heels giving her short stature only a couple more inches of height, but they were nowhere near eye level. His hand gripped hers, her other on his shoulder while his other resting on her hip. She spotted other couples around them; Cruz and Chloe, Hermann and Cindy, Mouch and Trudy, Kim and Adam, and others lost in the crowd.
“So, how does it feel knowing you helped pull all of this off?” Jay asked as they moved to the music.
Hailey snorted. “Barely any of it was my doing. I just made sure Stella didn’t lose her head through all of it.”
Jay shot her a look, one that told her he didn’t buy any of it. Not that he was that far off. She had been pretty involved in planning the wedding with Stella, whenever neither of them weren’t on shift and had the time to figure out the details. It was good practice, Hailey figured when they had begun, for when she needed to plan her and Jay’s wedding. And she’d been right. Through all of the politics of vendors and dealing with people, Hailey found the proper wedding planning etiquette and was able to apply it when her wedding planning had begun.
“Are you excited?” Hailey asked then, tipping her head back to meet his gaze. “For when it’s our turn?”
There was a glimmer in Jay’s green eyes, and that was answer enough. His fingers, threaded through hers, gave her hand a squeeze. “More than anything.” He leaned close, lips to her ear, voice dropping low. “And then I get to take you away and have you to myself for a whole week.”
Hailey’s grin widened, stomach flipping at the thought of their honeymoon. They’d both agreed on somewhere warm, and Bali was perfect this time of year. They would be flying out the morning after their wedding, early, and Hailey couldn’t wait. Being out of Chicago, even if it was only for a week, with no one but Jay sounded like a dream.
A week in Bali. A forever with Jay. She wanted nothing more.
“I can’t wait,” Hailey breathed out, smiling into the kiss Jay leaned in for.
They were at the reception for hours and once it was over they all, somehow, ended up at Molly’s to continue the party. The bar was full of wedding goers as Hailey sat leaning against Jay. He’d gotten rid of his tux jacket, tie gone and the top few buttons of his dress shirt undone and the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Disarmingly handsome as he nursed a beer.
Stella and Kelly were long gone, getting started on their wedding night right away, while the rest of Firehouse 51, Intelligence, and some folks from Med enjoyed the familiarity of Molly’s. Jay sat with his back to the wall, and Hailey was leaning against him, her back pressed to his chest, his arm loosely draped around her waist. They were never really so touchy in public, preferring to keep their hands on each other in the privacy of their home, but everyone was more or less drunk and on a high from the wedding of two of their loved ones, so neither Hailey nor Jay cared for keeping their hands to themselves, at least for tonight.
As Hailey listened to the chatter of everyone, music playing lightly in the background, she found herself murmuring, “I’m glad we decided to have a small wedding.”
The first thing they had gotten out of the way was the guest list. It would be a small affair, mostly people that were already there at Molly’s, some from Hailey’s family, a couple distant relatives of Jay’s, and some army buddies he’d gotten in contact with over the last few months. Less than a hundred people, which was exactly what they were striving for. Neither needed a big, lavish party. All they needed, really, was each other.
Jay chuckled softly, the sound vibrating across his chest and against Hailey’s back. “We can still do the city hall thing.”
Hailey scoffed, reaching for her own beer. “After all that planning? No way.” She took a sip of her drink, adding after, “Plus, we can’t get the security deposit on the venue back.”
He hummed as Hailey rested her back against his collarbones, watching in mild amusement as Will, Adam, Kevin, Gallo, and Tony took a round of shots. Behind her, Jay muttered, “I’m just really excited to eat our cake.”
Hailey choked out a laugh, leaning away from him enough to turn and meet his gaze, raising her eyebrows. His eyes glimmered playfully as Hailey said, “Eat the cake? Really? How about the part where we get married?”
Jay shrugged, that adorable half smile playing on his laps. “Yeah, I guess I’m excited about that part, too.”
The way she was sitting, the slit of Hailey’s dress allowed for the fabric to fall on either side of her left leg, exposing the length of her leg, making it so easy for Jay’s hand to land high on her thigh under the table. Her heart jumped at the contact, his touch warm as always as his hand slid up before meeting hers where it rested on her lap. Jay’s gaze dropped as he took his hand in hers, and Hailey’s did, too, as she watched Jay’s thumb brush across the diamond ring she wore.
They’d gotten in a few weeks after their mutual proposal, a beautiful and simple halo-style oval shaped diamond ring set in elegant and ornate details on the silver band. It was the perfect ring; she was never one for jewelry, but this was one Hailey had fallen in love with almost instantly, a symbol of her and Jay’s love and bond. She wore it all of the time—except when they were out on the field, of course. It was a piece of Jay she kept with herself at all times, never wanting to part from it—from him.
“Who am I kidding?” Jay said quietly with a low chuckle, meeting her gaze. “I can’t wait to marry you. I’d marry you tonight if I could.”
Hailey grinned, dimples popping, leaning close as she raised her right hand and delicately held Jay’s scruffy chin between her fingers. His nose gently bumped against hers, the rest of the world falling away. “Call me selfish, but I don’t wanna share our anniversary with the newly wedded Severides.” At that, Jay let out another laugh, widening Hailey’s grin before it softened. Sometimes. . . Sometimes her heart ached with how much she loved Jay. A good kind of ache—one that Hailey never thought she would be able to feel. But it was there, every time she looked at him. She loved the feeling almost as much as she loved him. She leaned closer. “I can’t wait to marry you, too.”
She sealed her promise with a soft kiss, one Jay returned in earnest, squeezing her hand. They didn’t care that they were at Molly’s, out in public for anyone to see their rare display of affection. Maybe it was the wedding vibes of today, of the talk of their own upcoming day. But Hailey loved Jay, and everyone knew it. So what if they saw them kiss?
Summary: In the comfort of their home, Hailey breaks down in the aftermath of the case. Jay is there to hold her through it.
A/N: pheeeew i haven’t written for my loves in a hot minute but episode 9x13 was INCREDIBLE (big props to our girl Tracy Spiridakos for those incredible scenes!!) and so naturally i decided to write a quick post-ep fic. here we goo!!
Read on AO3!!!
She smiles. She’s with family—because Intelligence, including Trudy, are her family. They’re here, sitting in Molly’s that Trudy commandeered just for this occasion to celebrate Hailey’s ten years on the force. A milestone, one that Hailey, ultimately is proud of.
Except she can’t bask in that pride—not in the aftermath of the case they just closed. Not when, as a cop, she failed to save a victim and instead saved a criminal. In her heart, and in her head, Hailey knows she couldn’t have known. She knows she couldn’t have known the full, horrifying extent of the situation during those moments under freezing water, trying not to panic as she tried to free them from the car. Yet, it still clings to her. It clings to her the way her sopping wet clothes clung to her when she got out of the river—out of the pool.
She doubts she’s going to go swimming any time soon.
Her body—her muscles, her bones—it feels heavy. Like she’s sinking to the bottom of the river and can’t find the strength to swim to the surface. Even as she sits on the stool, nursing a beer, listening to her friends recount their first years as officers, laughing at old memories that shaped them into being the cops they are today, the smile doesn’t entirely reach her eyes. She doesn’t think she deserves it to. Not when a woman is dead, leaving behind a husband and two children. Not when Hailey could have saved her.
She sips at her beer, using it to find reprieve in the act of not having to force a smile as she drinks, only to summon it back once she pulls the bottle away. She doesn’t want to worry anyone. They’re here tonight for her, and she appreciates it. Appreciates them. She needs this, maybe. To be around people she loves and who love her.
She’s still suffocating, though.
They stick around at Molly’s for a while, but she can feel a certain pair of eyes stay glued to her all night. And she can’t quite bring herself to look at her husband because she knows: the moment Jay looks into her eyes, it’ll only confirm whatever suspicions he’s having right now. Because she knows he knows she’s walking a very thin line between putting on a facade and falling apart.
When enough time passes, his hand brushes the nape of her neck, his lips to her ear as he asks quietly, “You wanna head home?”
Relief pounds through her as she nods. They gather their jackets, and Hailey thanks Trudy for putting this little gathering together. The desk sergeant gives her a knowing smile, and maybe she also sees the lack of light in Hailey’s eyes, because she quips in her usual, blasé Trudy Platt tone, “I’ll give you that photo tomorrow. You can hang it up in your living room.”
Hailey lets out a breathless laugh at that. “Sounds like a plan,” she says before turning to say goodnight to the rest of Intelligence. They all say goodnight to her and Jay, adding on some more congratulations to her, before she follows her husband out of the bar and into the cold night air.
The door swings shut behind them, and as they step off the platform leading up to Molly’s, Jay’s strong arm drops around her shoulders, pulling her into his side as they walk in the direction of the truck. Hailey leans into him, into his warmth and solidness, letting out a breath and watching it puff in front of her. It’s endlessly reassuring to know that when she feels like her own two feet are too difficult to use, she has him to lean on. She tries and fails to swallow a lump that has formed in her throat at the idea of needing him more than usual, following this case. The seed has been planted, and Hailey knows this is a case that will stay with her for a while. She just hopes she’s strong enough to carry it. She already had a case nearly destroy her—destroy her life, especially with Jay. She can’t bear it to happen again.
They reach the truck, and instead of breaking off from her and heading to the driver’s side, Jay walks with her to the passenger side. He doesn’t unlock it quite yet, and instead turns to face Hailey, her back leaning against the truck door as she peers up at him.
In the Chicago night, Jay’s green eyes still glitter, emotion swirling in them that’s all for her. She can read every single one, and her chest grows tight. Jay’s hands come up, cupping her cheeks, and she instantly melts at his touch because her husband always runs warm, even when it’s freezing outside. He’s gentle with her, as always, as he dips his chin a little to keep his gaze locked on hers.
His stare is intense, looking right into her soul because he’s the only one she will ever allow in there, and her throat works as emotion tightens it when Jay says quietly, “Whatever you need, I’m here. I’ve got you. Okay? Whatever you need.”
He knows how she is. He knows how she functions. And after everything that happened, Hailey knows Jay will never let her go through anything on her own, not when he can be there by her side and help her through it. It blows her back, like it often does sometimes, how lucky she is to have someone who is unequivocally on her side, there for her when she needs him to be. She knows that it goes both ways, that she will do whatever she can for him—that she’s done it well before they were ever romantically together.
Being his partner is the best thing that’s ever happened to Hailey. She knows it all the time. In times like these, though, it’s a beautiful reminder.
“I know,” she responds, her voice barely above a whisper, caught in the tightness of her throat. She swears her lower lip quivers, and not just from the cold. “I know you are, Jay.” She doesn’t want to hide anything from him again. She won’t.
He keeps looking at her, and her eyes sting, but she won’t let them shed here. He knows that. His expression softens, and Hailey’s eyes drift shut as he leans forward and presses a gentle kiss to her forehead. Comforting. Loving. “Let’s go home,” he murmurs against her skin.
She nods, and he unlocks the truck and opens the door for her, closing it once she’s in and walking around the truck. The drive home is silent, interrupted only by the radio playing so softly in the background, eighties rock sounding almost like a soft ballad in the warmth of the truck. Hailey leans her head back, letting it rock against the movements of the truck as she closes her eyes.
The instant she does, she’s underwater. She’s seeing Lisa’s panicked face. She’s feeling the brutally tight grip Lisa had on her hand, trying to get Hailey to help her. She sees it all. Relives it in a span of a few seconds, and Hailey’s eyes fly open, staring out at the windshield as they drive by bright street lamps and lit up buildings. She bites back a curse. Sleep will not come easy tonight.
When they arrive home, Hailey is peeling off her jacket, toeing off her shoes, as Jay drops the keys on the side table by the door and asks her, “You want some tea? It might help you sleep.”
She looks up at him and sees nothing but loving concern, and Hailey’s chest sinks with the exhale she lets out, lips curving up slightly. “That sounds nice,” she says with a nod, earning a smile from him. “I’m gonna change real quick.”
Jay nods, and she can feel his watchful gaze as she walks to the bedroom. She thinks of how, in the past, she would’ve bristled at someone keeping an eye on her so closely. She’s always been independent, unwilling to let someone fuss over her, give her too much attention. Hell, even at the little party tonight, as much as she appreciated it and how small it was, she’s still not keen on being the center of anyone’s attention.
But it’s different with Jay. With Jay, there’s no such thing as too much. It took a long time to get to this point, but she’s glad she made it here.
She changes out of her jeans and flannel, putting on sweatpants and one of Jay’s old Blackhawks T-shirts. She lets her hair out of its ponytail, massaging her fingers through the blonde strands to alleviate the tension in her skull from the tight ponytail—though, she’s sure whatever dull ache that’s there isn’t from the ponytail, but from the last few days. She looks at herself in the mirror; tired blue eyes with a haunted sheen to them, and she lets out a deep breath.
Wrong. She’d been wrong. She’d chosen wrong. She lost a life because of that. How is she supposed to come back from that?
Hailey bites the tip of her tongue and has to break her gaze from her reflection. Her eyes begin stinging again, and she doesn’t want the tears to shed yet.
She returns to the kitchen, where Jay is pouring a cup of chamomile for her, glancing up at her as she approaches. He smiles, a calm presence when everything feels like it’s been upended, and pushes the cup across the counter towards her, steam billowing from the drink. “Thank you,” she murmurs, cupping her hands around the warm cup.
Jay braces his hands on the counter, watching her. He’s shed his jacket, in only his jeans and hoodie now, and as Hailey takes a sip of the hot tea, he says, “Whenever your head takes you somewhere, take me with you.”
The tea burns her tongue a little, but she doesn’t flinch. It’s a reprieve after swimming in an ice cold river at night. Her husband’s words confuse her for a moment, eyebrows knitting together as she asks, “What?”
His green eyes are locked on her blue. “I can tell when you get lost in your head, when you’re reliving something.” His stare is intense—worried, but swimming in love. He leans forward just a bit. “I want you to tell me when it happens. What you’re seeing. Please. Don’t take it on by yourself.”
His sentiment is overwhelmingly sweet—in a good way. Hailey offers a wry smile. “If I told you every time my head was taking me somewhere I didn’t want it to, I may never stop talking.”
His stare never wavers. “Good thing I like the sound of your voice.”
His words make her smile for real this time—a genuine smile she hasn’t been able to bring on since the night of the accident. She sets her cup down, dropping her gaze from his as she peers into the cup, the reflection of the kitchen light warbling against it. Slowly, her smile falters, that familiar tightness making itself known in her chest, and Hailey sighs. She says the first thing that pops in her mind.
“I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep easily tonight.” She traces a finger on the rim of the cup, aware of Jay’s watchful gaze on her. “I know I’ll close my eyes, and I’ll be right back there. Under water. Watching Lisa panic and hold onto me.” Her gaze drops to her wrist, still an angry red with wounds from Lisa’s tight grip on her. She knows Jay’s looking at the injury, too. Hailey’s nose burns, and she knows for sure she’s close to tears this time. “I’m glad we were able to catch him, that he can’t hurt another woman again. But if I’d saved her instead of him, he still wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone else, and at least she’d go home to her family. I made the wrong choice.”
Her voice breaks at the last two words, the heaviness of the reality settling on top of her all over again. Hailey’s shoulders slump forwards, and she brings her hands up to cover her face, already feeling the wetness on her cheeks as she muffles a sob against her palms. The tightness in her chest spreads to a weight sinking in the pit of her stomach, drowning itself and pulling her down, too. The emotions she’d been trying to keep inside flow right out of her in the comfort and safety of her home, and another sob breaks out when she feels Jay’s arms around her.
She feels him right next to her, and he pulls her into his chest, arms securely around her shoulders as she presses her forehead to his chest, her hands clutching his shirt. He’s warm and solid against her, her pillar of constant support, and despite the emotions waging war in her head and heart, there’s an inherent, subtle calmness that relaxes her a bit at the familiar feel and scent of him.
“You couldn’t have known,” Jay whispers against the top of her head. “You said it yourself—she was stuck. In a situation like that, you go for the person who’s easy to save. You had no way of knowing the reality of the situation. It was a shitty outcome in a shitty situation, Hails. You did your best.”
She shakes her head against him, eyes squeezing shut. Being vulnerable with him is so easy, and she doesn’t try to contain the broken cry in her voice as she says, “My best wasn’t good enough.”
“No,” Jay argues roughly, squeezing her reassuringly. “Your best was what anyone would’ve done in that situation. You couldn’t have known,” he repeats emphatically. He pulls away from her slightly, and she still clutches his shirt, but his hands cup her face once again like they had in Molly's parking lot. His green eyes meet her blue, though hers are more teary eyed and red rimmed, and he uses his thumbs to swipe away her tears. His eyes are honest, loving, concerned. All for her. “You need to remember that, okay? I know it won’t be easy, but you gotta try. And if you can’t, I’ll be right here, reminding you of it for as long as you need me to.”
She swallows, throat still thick, as she sniffles. He’s right, she knows. He’s also right that it won’t be easy for her to remind herself of that, because she’ll keep thinking back to it, thinking of how she could’ve saved Lisa. The guilt will cling to her like wet clothes. Making a husband lose a wife, two children lose a mom. It was her decision that led to that. How does she just forget that?
But Hailey nods at Jay’s words, body shuddering with a breath as she shakes her head. “It’s not fucking fair.”
Jay sighs, pulling her in once more. This time, her arms go around his waist, holding him just as close. “I know. I’m sorry,” he whispers, and she can hear the anguish in his voice—pain for what she’s going through, pain for not knowing how to make it better. Him being here, holding her, helps. It always does. His hand rubs up and down her back. “I love you.”
Hailey closes her eyes, sinking into her husband’s embrace. “I love you, too,” she says.
Later, when they’re in bed, Hailey had been right when she told Jay she wasn’t going to get much sleep. She stays awake most of the night. She falls asleep, though, at one point, only to jerk awake after a nightmare of her sinking and sinking and sinking to the bottom of the river, getting dragged down by Lisa.
But Jay kept to his promise. He’s right there, waking up after sensing her awake, like he’s made himself attuned to her sleeping patterns and to wake up when she’s having a nightmare. He holds her, close and tight, and talks to her. Not just about her nightmare, but about anything he can think of. He talks. She listens. And for that time, all Hailey can focus on is the sound of her husband’s voice, and the rhythm of his steady heartbeat.
And she knows. She may have—unknowingly—made a wrong choice in the river, but when it comes to Jay, she’s made all the right ones.
