a friendly reminder to evaluate your relationship!
hi friends! today I wanted to talk about something that’s been on my mind a lot lately... relationships w vaginismus!! after a lot of reflection (both regarding my past relationships and my friends’ current relationships), I’ve noticed a pattern. so many of us seem to be with people we don’t love or aren’t happy with (despite us trying to convince ourselves we are) because our partners put up with our vaginismus.
while I also know of people w vaginismus in genuinely happy and loving relationships, here’s a gentle reminder to everyone that it’s okay to break up w your partner if you are not happy w them... yes, even if you have vaginismus. please don’t be afraid that you won’t find someone understanding of your condition again, because you will. you deserve love and you deserve to love the relationship you’re in.
my past relationship I was with someone who I knew I was never going to be happy with long term, but he was nice and he was understanding about my condition (despite coercing me a few times in the beginning of our relationship- but that’s another story for another day). I wanted to love him because he deserved to be loved and that’s what you do in relationships but I didn’t... not the way he deserved or the way I felt that I should, at least.
when we broke up, I wasn’t upset nearly as upset about losing him as much as I was upset that I thought nobody else would love me because of my vaginismus. I’m so much happier now that I’m not in that situation anymore (and I know that some of my friends would be happier too- but they feel obligated to stay in the relationship because of their fear). if you’re in this situation and you’re not ready yet, I understand. it’s not your fault and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it. just remember: you are more than your reproductive system. you are a whole person who will be seen and recognized as one when the right person comes along. you do not need to settle because of your medical condition.
