Ask: do u do ..request? Just some reassuring vash and wolfwood if u want like the reader is really down if u want of course - @sweetchildcloud
Tw: swearing, mentions of s*ucide, panic attacks(?), drinking, death
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• Vash hated seeing you in such low spirits especially if you weren't fond of showing it. You've told him before how you felt about expressing emotions in front of others, but when it was around him you felt scared. Not only was it embarrassing, but it was also scary to find out how'd he treat the situation. You know he means no harm, you just weren't sure what he'd say.
Walking with slow strokes of steps along the sandy dunes the suns from above were no help to your situation. You felt lost seeming to comfort yourself you slowly wrap your arms around your torso, as the slow drags of your feet stagger holding back a sob in your dry parched throat.
You couldn't understand how hard you tried, why were you acting this way? Was it the guilt you held not being able to save those hopeful kid's back from the town you and your group were walking a distance from? The priceless faces those children held knowing that they were finally going to live a fulfilling life, for them to pass away by the hands of your enemy.
How could you do this. You could never forgive yourself for what you've done. You could've done something, you could've prevented this from happening. What is wrong with you?? You're nothing but a walking sorry excuse. The light from their eyes draining within second's on their little beds of wool, hands cold to the touch as they were murdered in cold blood.
Knees hitting the soft pools of sand below you, choked out broken sobs were nothing but cracked yells of agony. It's too much to bare if only i could've done something to save those kids.
Everything seemed to be muffled as nothing were to be heard but screams and gasp's, your heart felt like it was going to shatter your head throbbing as you continued to scream. Bloodied hands hitting the sand below you, your forehead pressed itself upon the searing crushed rocks of warmth. Yelling out never ending apologies to nothing but the sand underneath your faltering figure.
"Im so sorry! Forgi—ve me!!!"
I'ts all your fault I'ts all your fault I'ts all your fault
I'ts all your fault I'ts all your fault I'ts all your fault
I'ts all your fault I'ts all your fault I'ts all your fault
I'ts all your fault I'ts all your fault I'ts all your fau-
Sudden rushed steps were to be heard coming towards you not bothering to look up as the thoughts grew louder and louder the grip you hold onto your shirt was tight enough to tear it, only if it were paper. Screaming out apologies Vash clashes onto his knees in front of you to embrace your shaking form, cradling your head close to his chest with a hand securely holding the back.
"Hey! Hey! You're ok, it's ok!" Voice filled with reassurance and panic not sure what's happening he continues holding you in a tight but gentle hold as the other's look back to witness what's going on deciding to keep their space, faces filled with empathy.
" I killed them!! I killed them all!!" Sucking in gasps of air only for it to be blown back out with sob's the blonde cradles your form, fleshy fingers rubbing along the top of your back trying to bring comfort.
"Nono! You didn't, it's not your fault please do not blame yourself. You're ok everything's ok i promise!"
"How ca—n everything be ok??! H—OW?!" The wave of panic courses throughout your body as you try to push the male in front of you away, but to no avail you couldn't. His grip on you only tightening not to where he could harm you, but just to where he could hold you securely.
"Please believe me, it's not your fault..you did everything in your power to protect those kids! And i'd say you did a great job! Even..even though they're no longer with us..im sure of it they appreciated your care and presence. You did nothing wrong so please do not blame it on yourself.. it was amazing enough for them to have that sort of experience...before they passed..i know how you feel and i understand your pain. They're in a better place now, those kids are now running around without a care in the world, they're safe. They're in good hands now.."
Taking in those word's you couldn't understand it, but the gentle tips of fingers grazing along your back brung you away from harmful thought's. Breath's still ragged it still was difficult to get it under control,
That was when Vash decided to take your cheek gently into his cold metallic hand. Even though the metal felt cold within a touch it still made you warm.
"Look at me, focus on me and only me. Breathe with me slowly.." You were forced to look at his face, you couldn't pull away even if you tried, because he wouldn't want you to take this on with yourself so with moments of reassurance & short breath's your breathing became slower and calmer as time went by.
Hands grabbing onto your own they lead your hands against his chest, feeling the beats of his drumming heart made your racing heart slow. Knowing that a beating heart was right in front of you, you have never felt calmer. Chest rising and falling his breath faintly brushes against your forehead as he guides you through these steps, baby blue eyes peering deep into your tired ones.
"There we go..one more time, hm?"
You felt calm, calmer than ever before you felt as if everything around you disappeared. No more pain, no more guilt. It's as if this person in front of you casted a spell. Feeling an urge to hug the blonde you slowly remove your hands from his chest pulling a confused expression from the other. that is until your hands rest against his back, arm's wrapping themselves around His figure.
No words were said as the wind started, blowing a faint breeze past the two of you the blonde's face molding into one of adoration & empathy, gently hugging you back with his chin resting against the crown of your head. Words rolling off his tongue in a soft spoken manner.
Maybe expressing your emotions isn't so bad.
• It was a cheerful night at the nearby diner, drunkards laughing and clinking glasses yelling with joy. Yet, you were sitting in the farthest corner away from everyone else alone with alcoholic bottles some knocked over and spilt.
The lights above you dimmed as a show decided to come on where a woman came out with a stunning black dress that hugged her figure snuggly, you didn't bother sparing her a glance but you knew how beautiful she was when all of the attention was on her. Silence throughout the crowd the lady began singing into a microphone her voice silky like honey.
Your mind wondered, eyeing the glass bottles of alcohol taking one in your hand as you down the bottle. Not even a second went by before the beverage was swiped out of your hand, you were about to protest when an all too familiar figure stood in front of your table. Pitch black sun glasses, black suit, cig nestled between roughened lips, along with raven black hair.
"I knew i'd find you here, Needle Noggin was right for once."
Slowly blinking you'd stare at the male knowing it was Wolfwood, watching him take a swig of the alcoholic drink face quickly retorting to one of disgust.
"Eugh! Is this straight vodka? Hm.. who knew you drank this stuff."
"Haha..i thought it was obvious..i drank this stuff." In an drunken state your words were slurred as the male in front of you threw you a look, brow raised he lowers his sunglasses to get a better look at you throwing out a "sheesh." While examining you over.
"Looks like someone drank more than they can handle, now when i realize it something is bothering you. You've never drank so much before ."
Pulling the seat out from underneath the round table, he places the cross he carried in against the wood walls setting himself down arm slung over the back of the chair, his leg resting over his other knee. You never knew how it felt like to deal with your emotions, for when these moments of lows you'd run away searching for anything to get rid of these feelings. Only for them to return stronger than ever.
"Mm i'd..like to think you're wrong, i drink all of the time. You just don't..don't see it." Sitting up in your chair the room starts to spin as you began to falter over the table only to be caught by a hand, looking up to see it came from Wolfwood. throwing you a concerned look he stands up from his seat continuing to hold you up, pressing your body weight onto his arm.
"I'd say your ways in drinking is unhealthy.. lets get ya home sweetheart."
"You can't talk..the way you smoke cigarettes right after another is unhealthy.."
Hoisting you up from off of his arm he swiftly catches you with his other beginning to reach his hand over to his weapon, called the punisher. You wondered how many people he has killed, whether they were innocent or not. You knew you couldn't say anything, it's not like you were any different.
Leaving the glass bottles upon the table, you had attempted picking one up for the road. Not sparing you a chance nicolas simply tugged you along making your drunken gaze meet the back of his head.
You stumbled as he walked along through the crowd with a hand pulling on yours, you felt warm simply fanning yourself with a wobbly hand as your eye caught sight of the singing woman before. It seemed as if everything was 10x brighter than it was when you stepped in this shabby diner, you shielded your eyes by looking down at your feet the man in front of you never letting go of your warm calloused hand.
Outside held a dark sky with the moons shining brightly down towards the quiet town, it was a beautiful night. The only error about it was the fact the air was humid. You stumbled on your feet vision giving out from time to time wondering how long you've been in that bar.
Before you knew it a hand rested lightly against the low of your back, as another hand grabbed your own seeming as if Wolfwood was examining it. You caught a glimpse of disappointment through his sunglasses while the other was taking in your bruised beat up hands.
"Im not here to hear your pity..or your lectures."
Glancing up at the black haired other you retrieve your hand from out of the male's grasp, he didn't seem to mind as you stood there on un even feet. In this situation the sand below your shoes wasn't helping either making you slowly crouch down stumblingly placing your bottom upon the sand letting out a deep sigh.
"I could've helped myself out of there..there was no point looking for me— ughh im—nso dizzy."
"What made you drink that much? Even as you said it earlier, you've never drank this much unless something happened."
Here we go, people butting into your business as if its their right to know. You simply shot him a lazy glare whilst still sitting on the ground, you weren't looking to argue or yell at Nicolas.
" it's really nothing Wood.. now if you'd excuse me this'll be...be my spot for toni—ght.." you really weren't looking forward to discussing anything right now, the thought of breaking down in front of Nicolas was not on your to do list. With groggy eyes you could only keep your gaze on the others golden brown shoes, noticing they weren't going to be moving a single inch.
"Leave me here. Go back to wherever you've walked..from."
Silence fills your ears as neither of you continued the conversation. Knowing Wolfwood wouldn't be leaving anytime soon a sigh left your dry lips as you lazily place a hand underneath your chin to support it from underneath. An elbow resting upon your crossed legs gaze never leaving the ground.
"You know you can tell me anything, right?"
"So what's botherin ya?, im not leaving until i get an answer out of those lips of yours." Lighting up a cigarette before sitting down in front of you, the undertaker looked at you with an expression that was telling you to go on. Even if you wanted to you just couldn't, you always saw your problems doable and that you could deal with them yourself. It felt like hours sitting there with Nicolas staring at you with his lit cigarette occasionally blowing puffs of smoke away from your person.
"...Mm i guess im just not my—self.. i can't really keep my..my emotions un—der control anymore."
As if on cue you could see tiny water droplets fall onto your leg, looking up to see where it might've came from the sky looked clearer than ever. Stars littered along the dark skies of never ending space it reminded you of how mysterious life and earth could be. You guess you've never had the time to look beyond of what you saw, you were just drowning in sorrow and rage that your sight was limited from the things around you.
Oh how sad you felt feeling a lump in your throat your nostrils beginning to sting, you now noticed where those water droplets came from. You were crying without knowing it. With slow movements you covered your eyes as if to not let the other see.
"I think im just tired.. that these emotions will slide in a minute and that i'd b—e back to my usual self, I'm really not getting why you're wasting your time on someone pathetic. You should really l—eave."
Voice wavering you couldn't help the sobs that were escaping your mouth you felt your heart skip a beat as you cried, hunching over in your criss cross form.
"Maybe..maybe if i were to leave, i wouldn't be in so much pain. I wouldn't have to be sitting here suffering, i feel as if my emotions or problems don't matter but for some reason you're here wanting to know why im feeling off. It's so confusing!?
You make me so mad, that you're willing to sit here and listen to what i have to say. It's frustrating! Every time im here at this bar you always find me in the same corner every single night. Drinking away my sins only to throw them back up, i don't understand you. Neither do i understand myself, im such a bad person why're you always following me around??? I can't go a day without feeling so worthless, so helpless, so..so useless! But i can't say anything because my problems aren't as bad as others. I feel so guilty about feeling the way i feel i can't stand it at all!!!"
At this point you didn't care if your voice cracked, or the way it wavered. Your tears covered your vision as you were just hunching over more and more, trying to rub at your eyes as if wiping them away would make them disappear.
You wanted to be happy, you wanted to smile away your fears, you're so sick of having emotions. It was all too much for you. Nicolas only listened to what you had to say, not a single interruption in mind. He understood you so well. How you felt, how much guilt you carry. It was all too familiar.
"Having emotions is what makes you human, whether you agree or disagree there isn't any hiding from the truth. Life is mysterious and a shit load of confusing but that's how it is in order for you to understand what it's like, I'm not speaking as if i've roamed this planet for 100+ years. I know someone who has, but that's off topic. Everyone around you has at least been through moments like these more than once, they can't help it, neither can you.
Sometimes it's better to have emotions than none at all, what you want to be a robot or somethin? Go right ahead. No one's stoppin ya."
Putting out the crumpled cigarette he finds you slowly lifting your head upwards staring right at him with soaked cheeks, reaching out a hand to wipe away the excess salty tears he smiles. A real one while looking at you who's lost for words eyes producing more tears, but one's of being heard.
" You got a lot of confidence to be showin your emotion's, in front of others ya know. Not showing emotions is for the weak, even though i can't really say anything i mean the truth. Crying, laughing, yelling.
Those are sign's of emotions, and in my opinion those are cool as hell."
"Pfft...you're so stupid.." chuckling you look down a slight moment to wipe and rub at your eyes the black haired male smirking with amusement.
"Anything for you, the reason i run into you every single night here at the diner is not because im looking for you, im just trying to prove my point i can pull people everywhere i go to make em jealous." Rolling your eyes you just scoff at the man who laughs pulling out a sucker for you and himself.
"Mm as if you didn't imply you were looking for me."
"Hmm? When did i say that i think you're hearing things, might need to get those ears of yours checked!"
Feeling the weight on your eyes increase you look around to find it's only the two of you, glancing over back at Nicolas he throws out a grunt while standing up to his feet. Not before he gives you a sucker, which is seemingly your favorite flavor.
"No problem, that'll be 20,000 double dollars as both your therapist and your caretaker."
Not letting you finish what you have to say he suddenly scoops you up into his arms starting to carry your still drunk self over his shoulder.
"I can walk on my own you know."
"I doubt that, and i hope you know you're spending the night at my place~"
"Mm..mk it's not like i have a place to call home anyway."
Laughing with a sucker in his mouth he carries you and his machine gun with a sly smirk on his face, you could only sigh as you popped the flavored sucker into your mouth instantly spitting it out.
"Are you serious, i hate that flavor..!"
"Oops, that was my last one."
A/N: im done.. IM FINALLY DONE!!! YES 3190 WORDS I'VE NEVER WROTE SO MUCH IN MY LIFE💯💯🔥🔥
I hope y'all enjoy this one im kinda nervous on what y'all have to say😅 and tbh i think i wrote more on Wolfwood's than i did Vash idk though, im not reading through them again☠️
