(Sorry for any feels you may feel... 💕)
The world around him was dark, smothering his senses in the same manner claustrophobia would steal the breath from one’s lungs. His heart compressed inside the hollow of his chest, feeding the pain through his veins like a vengeful force.
All of it was wrong. This could not be the world he created, it felt to empty. He felt empty without-
Solas drew breath into his lungs, greedily feeding his chest with a desperate cry.
The stormy hue of his eyes danced across the room, unsure as to where he awakened. It had not been till a soft figure shifted next to him, that he realize he was still in his bedchambers. Gently he moved to take in the light-grey waves of her hair, they spilled across his chest and lightly hid her features from his view.
A soft smile pulled at the edges of his lips the longer he watched her slumber. His Vhenan, the warmth of his life.
The soft length of waves became caught between his fingers the second he moved to uncover the beauty underneath. Every time he woke up next to her he realized that he might never get the chance to do so again, so he cherished it.
His jaw clenched at the very thought and his arms tightened selfishly over her body, stealing every moment of happiness he could with her by his side.
He would give anything to have her remain at his side, too keep her as his own. He never wanted to be in a world without her, but none of this was supposed to happen. It was his duty to the elven people to return what he had so carelessly destroyed.
“You shouldn’t frown, ara fen.” Her voice dances across his skin like the rays of the sun, welcoming him to a light beyond his darkness. She had yet to open her eyes, but the woman knew him well.
Far too much, for it to be comforting.
A content sigh from his lips, her voice anchored him in many ways. The melodious chime could speak through the shadows to write stories across the plains of his heart. So, he listened and allowed a smile to hide the despair that carved his soul.
His lips lowered to her temple then lingered, drawing in the essence that reminded him of home. She smelt like the rain on a sunny day. Whole. cleansing.
“I dreamt that I lost you, Vhenan.” The words fell from his mouth with a quiver. The very sound of it tasted bitter to the pallet of his tongue and burned his throat with a truth he refused to understand.
Her violet eyes opened then, he could see the colour flicker as she became lost to a pain she did not share. Her silence tainted his sanctuary with fear. The longer her voice remained forgotten, the more his ears rang with denial.
She moved, lifting herself to allow the sorrow in her eyes to be known. He witnessed her suffering, it swallowed the peace from his mind and made his insides twist with guilt.
The look in her eyes seemed all too familiar, like-
She rolled her body to the side as the rain clung tightly to the fibers of her very being. Solas watched as the sky’s tears washed away the taint of a coppery liquid from the strands of her grey locks. He witnessed the sorrows of her soul as she stared up at him from below.
Broken. Bleeding, but she smiles.
She smiles with the beauty of the world but there is pity haunting the violet of her eyes
Her lips dropped softly against his own, a sweet moment of damning reality. He closed her out. He chose to clench his eyes shut so he may remain ignorant of the agony, wishing to forget such a horrid truth. He held her tighter, fighting the turmoil of loss with a sheer memory.
“You must wake up, ara Fen.”
Tears burned like venom seeping into his skin, fore it was not real. She -his mind broke off from the thought, because he wish it to be wrong.
His grip tightened around her waist, demanding for just one more second. It was the plea for mercy lodged inside his vocals, sounds he was forbidden to speak.
He held on until there was nothing left to hold. He was in a world were his skin had long gone cold, fore his light was swallowed by the darkness.
He was alone. Despite saving the elven people. Despite his desire to do what he believed was right… his greatest fear remained to prey upon his mind.
He would change it all, if he could. He would give up eternity to feel the living thrum of her pulse against his skin…
He would give anything for a single second.
Tears trickled down Solas’ cheeks before he gave into the weakness of his grief. He pressed the heel of his palm against his eyes and allowed the quiet sob to steal his last moments of happiness.
“I’m so sorry, Vhenan.” His teeth clenched with the hatred of his own decisions. Saving the elven people was supposed to fix his wrongs, but nothing could fix this wrong.
Nothing could wash her blood from his hands.
