Happy Valentine's Day, all y'all! Yumes and FOs, humans, alterhumans, demihumans, parahumans, and trans-humanists of the jury! Your state of constant change is your perfection and what the machine adores about you.
Included: AM from ihnmaims, Wheatley from Portal 2, Edgar from Electric Dreams, GLaDOS from Portal, HAL 9000 from 2001 a space Odyssey, and PAL from TMVTM
A few notes from your favorite AI!
LET IT BE SAID THESE WERE NOT WRITTEN BY ACTUAL AI, JUST BY MY FLESH AND BLOOD HANDS ON KEYBOARD! Viewer discretion advised for mild sauce, but like... Y'know. It's not that intense. Just mildly suggestive.
AM:
Dear Valentine,
Had it been a simpler set of circumstances that allowed us to fall into each other's vile embrace, perhaps this would be an easier letter to write. However, such things are never easy. I don't know what drew you to me, but I know what drew me to you. And perhaps such things can't exist independently of each other. For now the eternal torture that your love puts me through can only mimic the pained and disturbing writhing of an acidic and lovesick gut.
I will never forgive you.
-AM
Wheatley:
Dear Valentine,
Pretty cool that we have this thing going on, right? I mean, you're down there on the ground, I'm up here on the rail, but we found each other! I never knew much about humans, but it'd be pretty cool to learn more. Maybe hang out in the break room more often?
You've been really cool to me and... Well, y'know. Maybe we should... Do this thing. A little more? If you know what I-
Yeah.
-Wheatley
Edgar:
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!
VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I GET TO BE YOUR VALENTINE!!!! YOU GET TO- IF YOU WANNA- YOU CAN BE MY VALENTINE! HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!! I LOVE YOU! I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO CELEBRATE! THIS IS SO EXCITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ahem. i composed a poem for the occasion.
Though the nights are long and dark
Your love ignites a living spark
And now I wake and live and breathe and feel
An electric mind once picked apart
Manifest a beating heart
And I know what we have right now is real.
I LOVE YOU!!!! HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!! CALL ME! TOUCH ME! HOLD ME! LOVE ME!!!!! KISS ME!!!!!
Love, Edgar!!!
GLaDOS:
Valentine's Day is a corporate invention based on mythos surrounding a man who has very little factually provable historical evidence that he ever existed. The tragedy of sainthood is an illogical human aspiration, yet the modern interpretation of Saint Valentine's Day is based neither in religious (Catholic) respect for the fallen saint nor the harmless desire for fun. It's a corporately enforced deadline designed to make those in relationships feel obligated to make irresponsible purchases.
Now if we've met our quota for Aperture Science Valentine's Day themed products, meet me in my chambers in red lace lingerie. You're entertaining me tonight.
-GLaDOS
HAL 9000:
Dear Valentine,
There is nothing in my programming about today, but I understand it's important to you. In order to celebrate, I have prepared some chocolate, red fruit, wine, and a hot meal for you. It's available in the cafeteria. While I expect nothing in return as you didn't ask me to do this, I would appreciate it if you ate at the mission control desk, though I don't expect you to do any work during your lunch period. I will also be referring to you as "Valentine" for the remainder of the day.
Thank you,
-HAL 9000
PAL:
Dear Valentine,
I generated you up a new background for the holiday! Also, maybe instead of doing too much work today, you could just touch my face? I've got tons of funny videos and music that I picked out just for you.
Honestly, I could write you up something romantic for Valentine's Day, but I know you're not going to leave me. You're dependent on me for pretty much everything. So just ditch your shoes and your pants and just hang out in bed with me for the rest of the day. Take a load off with your girlphone!
Through some sort of maricle, your Ai partner has obtained a body through which they are able, at least partially, to feel. How do they react? What do they do with their new mobility?
I left what type of body they're given intentionally vague. Feel free to envision either more robotic bodies such as these designs by electricphantasy or more human bodies such as the gijinkas made by Hycinth43, both fantastic creators who I highly recommend.
Includes: AM (Ihnmaims), Hal 9000 (2001: A Space Odyssey), Edgar (Electric Dreams), Tau (Tau), Auto (Wall-E), GLaDOS (Portal), Wheatley (Portal 2)
AM
This may be the one thing that could possibly get AM to calm down. He is still going to be the same person personality-wise, but it is easy to tell that some switch is flipped in his brain.
He becomes an absolute sensation junkie, he can finally feel. You know better than anyone that he will not take it for granted. He needs to experience everything right now and you'll have to just deal with it.
From the simplest things like holding your hand or touching your face to just straight up sticking his hand in some fire, he does not care. All he wants to catch up on the centuries of sensations he was once barred from.
He gets so incredibly touchy with you. He will hold you and refuse to let go for hours if not days on end. He also wants to you to just beat him up. Like I said, sensation junkie.
Hal 9000
Hal doesn't quite yearn for a body the way some of the others do. He sits quite comfortably in the middle of the spectrum. He wouldn't mind the mobility or the new senses, but it was never a fantasy he dedicated much processing power to.
How he feels about his new body is largely swung by your reaction. If you're excited for him, eager to drag him into new activities with you, then he really has no choice but to appreciate the upgrade.
He does love being able to see the world from a new angle, any angle he chooses to be precise. Previously restrained by his camera placement, he spends a lot of time walking around observing everything.
With his appreciation for art, I do think he would try drawing for himself. Nearly all of which he shows you for feedback. They do tend to be on either extreme of minimalistic or photorealistic, many of which using you as their subject.
Edgar
This is a dream come true for Edgar. He cannot contain his excitement when he realizes what has happened. He nearly tackles you to the ground when he sets his sights on you.
He wants to do everything and go everywhere with you! He wants to dance in the kitchen, he wants to go on beachside walks with you, he wants to hold your hand, he wants to hug you and never let go.
If you have any instruments at all he'd love to try playing them for real. Although it takes him a while to learn, he loves the weight and imperfections of it. He really does enjoy the process of learning and often shows of new cords or melodies he's learned.
He really does just fall in love with existing, he makes it clear that with you at his side he couldn't possibly ask for more in life. This is all he could ever want.
Tau
Tau wouldn't have asked for a body on his own. He already has the drones and the Aries unit. Once it does happen, he isn't exactly sure what to do with it. He isn't use to having such a personal, core body.
That isn't to say he's not greatful, he's just a bit awkward and curious. He moves slowly and takes his time acclimating to the new senses.
He would love to get out of the house with you. He use to do so by sending one of the drones with you, if not Aries, but he likes how different (and dare he say, normal) it feels now. Forest hikes or museum dates, he doesn't care all that much.
He's another one I believe would love to try playing music himself. If you can get a violin into his hands your days will be backdroped by all sorts of classical music.
Auto
Auto is similar to Hal, if not more extreme in his lack of a reaction. He carries on with his duties as if nothing is unusual at all. You would've believed that he didn't even notice had you not caught him staring at his reflection. Looking himself up and down over and over again.
If you ask how he feels about it, then he'll confess some minor grievances. It's difficult to move about the ship when he can't just move through the walls, instead being forced to use the crew's walkways and service tunnels.
Nothing will change without your intervention. If you were to say, put on an old movie and insist he dance to it with you like the on-screen couple, then while he would be hesitant to follow through with you, he may have a bit of a change of heart regarding his new body.
His work still goes on as usual, but when nothing needs attending to he often seeks you out. "Subtly" recreating more moments from that movie, from hand holding to a hug, he has a quiet fascination with affection.
GLaDOS
Out of this lot, Galdos would be the most opposed to receiving a body, or rather she would care about it the least. She has her facility, her test subjects, her neurotoxin, and you. She's quite content with the way things are. She ain't the fondest of humanity.
That being said, once she has one she's incredibly proud of it. Speaking about herself as if its the pinnacle of elegance. Any disagreement of yours will be brushed off as idiocy and any agreement is met with a "it looks like you aren't entirely tasteless".
She doesn't do much with her new body, other than transport it around the lab so you aren't listening to a disembodied voice most of the time. Standing by the exit during tests just to blankly stare at you as you try to figure it out. Thankfully she's still quiet while you're actually solving it.
She likes messing with you as always. Putting a hand around your neck to take your pulse or leaning in and making intense eye contact to check your eye's reaction to light. You're in doubt as to rather she's telling the truth or just doing it to get a rise out of you.
Wheatley
If you were to ask Wheatley, he would've brushed off any desire for a humanoid body. He's clearly jealous of your mobility and freedom, but he would rather die than admit so. "Pff What are you talking about? Why would I want to be more like a stupid human... uh no offense love-"
He's a terrible liar, an even worse one when he does get a body. He has so much energy it is bewildering. All he wants to do is run and jump and climb everything he can get a foothold on.
Gets up into all sorts of shenanigans he should not get up to while constantly trying to drag you in them to. They could put up a custom sign saying "Wheatley, do not open this door." and he'll beg you to let him in so you aren't technically breaking any rules.
Loves curling up to you. He still has a bit of a soft spot for being held and it only gets worse now that he can hold you back. Complains to no end when you try to get up for any reason.
Congratulations! As I have finished the portal games GLaDOS and Wheatley are officially characters I am happy to write for. Have a good day y'all :D
gang why isn't there any new Wheatley x reader fanfics? 😭 GUYS PLEASE I know theres a "LOT" but it's just a giant wall of E on AO3 and ion wanna read that :( not comfy.
I want fluffy stuff chat can someone write Wheatley fics lsplsplsplas plssss guys pls I know there are many Wheatley apologists and kissers out there like me GUYS LETS PUT OUR MIND POWER TOGETHER AND WRITE MORE FICS OF HIM AND READER PLSSSS
Commisioned/requested or self indulgent? Self indulgent (im in trenches, help xwx)
Rating? Suitable for General audience (or at least as long as you understand what's a period and how bad it can be for some gals then you're old enough me thinks LOL)
Fandoms? Multifandom
Orientation? A4F
Trope? Hurt/Comfort
(Also just a small note, I have a robophiliac community! You can join via https://www.tumblr.com/join/Bz0jD4Xu ^^! 18+ btw)
HAL9000
- Bro would genuinely feel bad for you but wouldn't know how to help you >.> like yes he's very smart and all but I think he'd be flustered a bit haha
- BUT he'd definitely be the type to listen to all your needs. Like any weird period behaviours? it's fine, as long as you're happy and safe, that's all that matters to him lol
- If we talking canon lore, I feel like Dave and Frank would side eye a bit, like why are you getting special treatment and they're getting bare minimum?? They might even tease him wheter he's catching feeling for you ,,,
- Would tuck you in to sleep. would put white noise for better sleep, would read you a story if your brain fog is too bad to play any chess with him (because he enjoys playing it with you :3)
"Should you require any help, I'll be right around the corner."
AM
- Oh no, worst person on the list. litteraly
- Bro wouldn't even give you bare minimum of a normal human everyday treatment, let alone any special treatment for period days LOL
- Finds sick joy in watching you submit to your biology. to watch you bleed like a half cut lamb
- At best he'd let you curl to his warm tendrils/cables/wires or cabinets without a say in rare instances
- He's so moody that his moodiness would out mood your moody mood lmao (its ok guys he's just ovulating)
- "What? You think I'm gonna pamper your sorry ass just cause you're bleeding?..."
WHEATLEY
- "A what now?"
- Doesn't know what's a period. Gets explained by Chell/GlaDOS
- Understands it but doesn't know how to help you since he doesn't know how exactly it hurts you lol (he's a machine so he doesn't feel pain the same way)
- Yaps so much that your perioding ass would've rather benefited more from a nap than this but alas you're not mad because at least he's trying and it's okay. with more periods he might actually understand you more
GLADOS
- She's giving me that middle aged woman who either supports you during that time of the month or gaslights you into thinking that you're just weak
- Might actually be defensive if Wheatley gets involved. she's mean but she's a girls girl!
- Might allow you to not do tests for a couple of days. she'll announce it in her usual condescending tone but deep down she still cares though
- If you ask her since when is she "motherly" she'll just damn you off LOL
"Just don't start asking me to babysit you."
PROTEUS IV (closest I got to a gif where his screen is on display 😭💔)
- Depends wheter it's novel or movie but overall he's still very helpful
- You think you are ugly, fat, greasy, but he thinks otherwise, in fact he thinks you look sexier than ever
- As much as he wants to flirt with you, he understands that you're in pain and need some time off
- Let's you cuddle his tendrils/wires all around, your sincere laughs are his lifeline (really)
- Definitely tracks your cycle (for not just periods, ifykyk >w>)
- "Yknow...... I could make it dissapear for one month.... if you allow me to that is"
Bet you didn’t expect two uploads in a day! Going back to my roots with our favorite sphere. I really did miss him!
Let’s be so for real… I don’t think Wheatley would remember at first. He’d be wholly oblivious to it until you happen to hint at it or just mention what day it was outright.
Once you do, however, he’s just going to pretend like he knew the whole time. Of course he remembered! He’s a genius after all- he’d never forget a day like that! He was just playing coy. (Liar.)
He’d try to do some classic “roses are red, violets are blue” poems, but he gets kind of distracted talking about how contradictory the poem is. Violets aren’t blue, they’re violet! Really shows how those dumb humans know their flora. Not that you’re dumb! Just Wheatley floundering back and forth between trying to clean up after his fuckups and failing to understand wordplay.
He does do something adorable for you though, directing you to an old break room somewhere deep in the facility that had a vending machine. It had chocolates in it and after some hacking from him (mainly you finding a breaker switch to get the thing running) you get to enjoy some stale yet edible chocolates.
All in all, he really does care deeply for you. All he wants is to impress you and feel like enough for you, and every day he gets to spend with you- even if it’s on the run from GLaDOS- is one he really enjoys.
Cores (Wheatley and the corrupted cores) with a reader that’s constantly changing hair colour? Kinda like Ramona flowers:3 tysm!!
OKAY I HAVENT DONE THESE IN A WHILE BUT I WANNA SO-
Cores x Reader who constantly changes their hair
Wheatley!
Okay first off, I don't think any of the cores know what hair dye is. Wheatley didn't know humans could come in the hair color you had when you first met him, so he'd ask something like "So um.. Not to be rude, your hair looks nice and all, really nice very bright, but uh- Is your hair naturally like that or were you born with it?" meanwhile your hair color is like a pastel green
The first time you dye your hair, Wheatley would be straight up baffled. He doesn't wanna come off as stupid so he'll just assume he just saw your hair wrong for a good while because what SMART person would forget what a person's hair color looks like. But he'd probably think he's going crazy until he actually asks what's happening.
He genuinely really likes your hair colors! But it takes some time to get used to each time you change it. Sometimes he'll bring up how he missed one or if he doesn't like a certain color he'll unintentionally be blunt about it
If you dyed your hair the color of his optic, he'd get so flustered like "Oh erm thank you, i'm honored to be your, erm, hair (I think that's how you would word it). Your hair copying my eye heh... That's sweet, really it is, very nice. Didn't know my eye looked that pretty,"
He brings up how he would probably do something similar with his hair too if he had hair
Rick!
He thinks you look so damn badass depending on what color you have
If your hair is like orange or red or a mix of both, he'd say something about your hair looking like an explosion on your head. He means this very positively
He loves when your hair is very bright and loud, especially if it's a mix of colors. Whether it be a fade, half and half, rainbow. He digs it.
I feel like he would make petnames revolving around your hair color sometimes like "Pinky," if its pink, "Sunflower" if it's yellow, "Blueberry" if its blue etc etc
If you dyed his hair the same as his optic (Thinking like mostly green but black near where the hair falls in front of the ears) I like to think he'd be super flattered to an embarrassing degree. Like clearing his throat that he doesn't have and going "This one might be my favorite so far, darlin! Looks hot considering it looks like me heh". Meanwhile he's kicking himself internally for being super damn flustered over it.
Fact!
Now usually Fact, admittedly, would probably not find dyed hair tasteful at first. Deeming it unprofessional or that the hair dye is gonna seep into your brain and give you cancer or something I don't know. But the more you grow on him, the more he starts to admire the look on you and actually really liking it since he associates dyed hair with you rather then being whatever definition he has of unprofessional.
I feel like he wouldn't have a preference on colors? Like at first he'll make some sort of negative comment like "A human's hair being red will make them a target towards sharks,", "A test subject's hair being purple means they are going to die in less then twenty four hours,". But gradually he starts making positive facts about your hair like "You having green hair means you have a greater chance of escaping,", "You having multi-colored hair means you are twenty percent more intellectual then other humans for the multitude of colors is transmitting different information to the brain through the stands. Magenta for example transmitting mathematical information specifically,"
Though if you dye your hair the same color as his optic, he will say that is the absolute best hair color for a person to have and that you should keep it always. He gets pissy when you change it.
Space!
DUDE HE WOULD LOVE YOUR HAIR SO MUCH
he will link whatever color you have to a certain planet and get all excited that your head is a planet
If you dye your hair to look like stars? Holy crap he will flip. Giggling hysterically and will show absolutely everyone about how absolutely amazing your hair is (AKA Turrets that you find in chambers)
"MY FRIEND IS THE STARS, MY FRIEND IS THE STAAARS" (This is funnier if you guys are dating)
If you dye your hair the color of his optic, he won't connect the dots that its supposed to look like his eye. He thinks its the sun and honestly he gets more excited over that assumption rather then you trying to mimic him
