this is for the trans kid still in the closet, unsure about life because of what’s happening around them.
not everyone is going to understand it, and that's okay. it's not meant to make sense to them. that's not on you. i learned early on that people are always. ALWAYS. going to have something to say about you, no matter what. you may as well do it anyways. that's how i learned to accept myself for being trans. i feel like that's not something people often talk about. the internal acceptance after figuring it out. it took me so many years of trying to fit in. so many years of forcing the puzzle piece to fit..i knew of being gender queer (not in those words) and can't remember how i started to learn about gender and sexuality. over time i settled for the term genderfluid, after sitting with that for about six months. i noticed myself looking back and trying to compare the days i've felt. weighing out the days i felt masculine or neutral. i was trying to analyze it, dissect it, make sense of it. give myself data to work with. i realized, cis people probably don't wake up and think "i feel like a woman" a switch actives in their brain and then they carry on with their day. they didn't put any mind to it. i looked at my older brother and really tried to put myself into his perspective and do that scenario. i laughed at the thought "this motherfucker doesn't put two thoughts into this stuff. why should i?" i wrote a letter to myself again saying "i think i'm trans. without the *" after i put my pen down i felt this sense of calm about me for the first time. i feel so silly thinking about how many rules i was trying to make up in my head to try and justify it to myself, when in reality? i just needed support. i'm 24 now but, growing up, i never thought i'd live to see the age of 18. so i want you to know that yeah. life is hard. hell, it's really fucking shitty sometimes if i'm honest with you - but! there will be a day that comes where you're able to look at yourself in the mirror and not wince at the reflection that's looking back at you. that's the day i want you to picture in mind when you're going through the thick of it. you're going to be alright, kid. i mean it.