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england wnt, arsenal w, 20 ♡

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MASTERLIST || upcoming fics!

RULES + WHO I WRITE FOR

© enwoso i do not give anyone permission to copy, translate or claim my work as their own or post it on other sites

divider from: @saradika

[enwoso]

memories | grumpy universe

feel like it doesn’t happen enough so here’s some bit of teen!lovie for you all

masterlist

the front door banged shut with the familiar force of a teenager who had forgotten, once again, that other people lived in the house.

"i'm home!" you called out, walking through the hallway of your grandparents house, spending a night there while your mum and mama were away on a business meeting - not being fully trusted to stay home alone just yet.

"i’m in the kitchen, tesoro" mario called back.

you dropped your school bag in the hallway and followed the sound of rustling paper. the moment you stepped into the kitchen, you stopped dead.

the table had disappeared beneath a sea of memories.

photo albums were stacked in uneven towers. england caps sat beside old arsenal shirts. medals glinted under the overhead lights.

a pair of pink worn football boots rested carefully on a towel as though they belonged in a museum. the kitchen counter was lined with framed photographs, ticket stubs, accreditation passes, and newspaper clippings.

"woah." you gasped as you slowly walked into the room. “what are you doing nonno?”

granted you'd seen some of this stuff growing up but most of it was just passing memories and some were new and things you'd never seen.

mario looked up from a cardboard box, glasses perched low on his nose with a warm smile. "your mum needs some of this for that 'legends of the game' thing she's doing. apparently they've asked for stuff from childhood to retirement."

you walked slowly toward the table, eyes wide. "this is all mum's?"

"every bit of it." mario said looked back down at a newspaper article which no doubt had your mums name in big block writing and you could tell just from that, that your nonno wasn't just 'sorting though' it all, he was reminiscing on the past.

you picked up the nearest photo album. on the front, written in carol's neat handwriting, were the words alessia: 0–5 years. inside was a chubby-cheeked baby wrapped in a pink blanket.

"that's mum?" you laughed, holding the album up and pointing to the photo.

"believe it or not." mario chuckled as you looked at the photo, turning the page to see a one with her brothers, gio and luca - the two looking nothing like they did now but still with the same cheeky smiles.

"she looks nothing like she does now." your brows furrowed as you took in the photos which your mum has failed to ever show you except maybe from the odd one.

"she had more cheeks than face back then," mario said solemnly as he showed you a few more, which alessia definitely wouldn't thank him for showing you.

you snorted. "i'm telling her you said that."

"i survived raising her. i'll survive that." your nonno shrugged off casually as you grinned and carried on turning the page.

more photos followed: toddler alessia kicking a ball in the garden alongside her brothers; alessia missing her front teeth with a cheesy grin; alessia covered in mud after a junior tournament but still donning a sweet smile.

"mum was always this obsessed with football?" you asked as you clocked that almost every photo of not all of them has some sort of football in it.

"always," mario said. "sometimes i think she learned to kick before she learned to talk."

you giggled then reached for another album and froze as you flipped the page. "no way."

a teenage alessia stood in an england youth camp photo beside an equally young ella toone. both of them had awkward ponytails and oversized tracksuits.

"mum looks completely different!"

mario leaned over to have a peek at which photo you were looking at. "that was one of her first england youth camps."

"and auntie ella looks about twelve." you giggled to yourself, taking in the photos which to you looked so strange seeing them so small, you of course only knowing the older versions.

"they would have been maybe that, maybe 13. but they thought they were very grown up." mario smiled remembering the moment almost as if it were yesterday.

you laughed so hard you nearly knocked over a stack of programmes. "i'm showing mum and auntie ella this!"

"i don't think they'll thank you for it."

you kept flipping through the photographs, each one revealing another version of your mother you'd never known. young england player. unc player and young academy star.

then your eyes landed on a photograph that made you pause.

alessia and leah stood side by side outside a stadium. they were younger, both in tracksuits, both laughing at something out of frame.

"wait," you said. "they're not together here, are they?"

mario shook his head. "no. that was years before."

"seriously?" you asked, the closeness of the two of them looked more than friendly but maybe that's because all you remember is the two being more than friends.

"yeah, they were just friends then." mario confirmed looking at the date in the corner as he folded an old shirt to put to one side.

you stared at the picture again, "that's weird."

"why?"

"because it looks like they're already looking at each other like they're together." you said simply as you shrugged.

mario's smile softened. "maybe a little, your mum's always been a bit oblivious when it comes to things like that"

you studied the photo for another second before carefully setting it aside. next came the medals. "can i hold one?" you asked.

"carefully." mario said seriously as he placed a champions league medal in her palm.

it was heavier than you expected or remembered, "is the one from lisbon?"

"the very one, you were a little terror after that getting everyone to call you champion for months afterwards" mario chuckled as you groaned in slight embarrassment at your younger self.

"mum still talks about that match." you said quietly looking at all the dints in the medal, remembering parts of the day but not much.

"she cried afterwards," mario said, as your brow raised in surprise, you don't think your mum let you see that side of her on the pitch. "your mother cried quite a lot over football, actually."

"i thought she was all composed and professional." you quoted, the words of wisdom your mum would give you before big games so you didn't do anything silly.

mario burst out laughing. "oh absolutely not, showed she cared though"

he reached for another item: an old arsenal shirt with grass stains that had never fully come out. "this one was from a derby match," he said. "she came home with a split lip and insisted she was fine."

"was she?" you asked, not remembering the moment.

"no. but she didn't want anyone to know." mario retold the story, adding a date and time to the story as you nodded along, intrigued at your mum's past.

you traced the faded badge with your fingertips, a badge you'd worn well over a 100 times. "its strange," you admitted quietly.

"what is?"

"at school everyone talks about her like she's this... legend. like she's a statue or something." mario nodded along as you spoke "but all these photos..." you gestured to the table. "she looks normal."

"that's because she was," he said gently. "she was a little girl who loved football, then a teenager who worked very hard, then a woman who happened to become very good at what she did."

you looked down at a picture of a young alessia holding a newborn baby wrapped in a pink blanket. you. "sure she was and still is a world class legend but to me she's always been mum"

mario smiled. "yes. the day you arrived she always said that being your mum beat anything that a footballer could win" you felt your cheeks warm at your nonno's words.

you picked up the photograph carefully. alessia looked exhausted, hair a mess, eyes puffy, but she was staring down at baby you with an expression so full of wonder that it almost made your chest ache. "i've never seen this one before."

"your mum kept it in a separate box," mario said. "said it was her favourite picture."

"what's in that album?" you asked, pointing to a one which unlike the other albums didn't have carol's neat handwriting on the front.

mario's expression softened a little as he reached for the smaller book tucked beneath the pile. "this one's different," he said. "it's filled with baby photos. of you and your mum."

you sat up straighter immediately. "let me see."

mario handed it over. the first page held a picture of alessia, barely in her twenties, sitting on the sofa with a tiny you asleep against her chest. alessia looked exhausted, her hair tied in a messy bun, but she was smiling down at the baby like nothing else in the world existed.

your laughter disappeared for a second. "mum looks so young."

"she was," mario said quietly as he nodded. "you were only a few months old there."

you turned the page, again. another photo showed you maybe one and a half in a ridiculously oversized manchester united shirt, standing beside alessia's boots with one hand gripping her mum's leg.

"why was i wearing a shirt that big?" you giggled looking at it, you didn't remember much from if anything from your mum's days at united but from what you hear from her and auntie ella they sounded pretty fun.

"because you refused to take it off," mario said. "your mum tried three different outfits that day." you snorted, that sounded like you.

the next photo made her burst out laughing. little you sitting in a laundry basket wearing one of alessia's england socks like a hat while alessia crouched beside her, clearly trying and failing to look stern.

"nonno!" you wheezed. "why am i wearing mum’s sock?"

mario adjusted his glasses, already laughing. "because your mother left the room for thirty seconds and came back to find you like that."

"and she took a photo instead of stopping me?"

"that..," mario said proudly, "is when we knew you were definitely a russo."

you kept laughing as you turned another page, but this time you lingered on the picture a little longer, looking at the younger version of her mum beside the tiny version of herself. "she really kept all of these?"

"every single one," mario said. "your mother pretends she's organised. in reality she's just very sentimental."

you smiled at the photo before carefully turning the page again. "don't tell her i said this," you murmured, "but i think this one's my favourite."

by the time carol arrived home, she found the kitchen exactly as she'd left it except now you were surrounded by photo albums, clutching an old england cap while mario told an exaggerated story about alessia nearly missing a youth-team bus because she'd stopped to buy snacks.

"i leave you two alone for an hour and you've turned my table into a museum," carol said, a warm smile appearing as she placed shopping bags on what space she could find on the kitchen counter.

"but a very educational museum," you replied, head spinning back to look at the photo album.

carol smiled at the sight of her granddaughter surrounded by albums. "finding out your mother wasn't born famous?"

you looked around the room: the baby photos, the awkward teenage camps, the england caps, the arsenal shirts, the medals, the picture of her parents before they were together, the hospital photo from the day you were born.

"yeah," you said softly. "i think i'm finding out she had a whole life before i was old enough to remember it."

“and now” mario said as he closed one of the albums and slid it gently toward you, "you're a huge part of the story too."

you looked down at the final page. a recent family photo, from a tournament you played in and won player of the tournament. alessia and leah standing behind you pulling funny faces, both laughing as you rolled your eyes at the camera.

you smiled, the medals and trophies suddenly felt a little less important because spread across the kitchen table wasn't just the career of a football legend.

it was the story of your mum.

[enwoso]

don’t meet your hero… | grumpy universe

bit longer than usual… but the one everyone’s been asking for

masterlist

the house had been quiet when alessia left that morning. she'd kissed leah goodbye and then crouched down in front of you, still curled up beneath the duvet after climbing into your mummy's bed in the early hours, hair sticking up in every possible direction.

"i've laid everything out for you, lovie." alessia smiled as you moved slightly still not coming to the terms of it being morning time, as you nodded sleepily.

"and your england shirt's on the chair." alessia continued even though she was talking to you she was merely more reminding leah as you nodded sleepily again. "and your trainers."

"ok." was the most response your mummy got this morning as you stirred a little more, leah lying across from you scrolling aimlessly through her phone.

"and don't give mama a hard time." alessia added on the end her expression a bit more firm even though you didn't see it you could hear it

you moved to sit up slightly as you shot your mummy an offended look. "i never do. i mama's angel!"

leah had laughed so hard she'd nearly spilled her coffee on the white sheets of the bed, before muttering, "my angel devil"

several hours later and leah would come to regret not checking the wardrobe before casually mentioning the england shirt.

she's been so confident, too confident of everything going smoothly.

alessia had laid everything out before leaving for matchday. your tiny england shirt. navy shorts. white frilly socks. even your favourite little trainers sat neatly by the bedroom door.

simple and easy. there was absolutely no reason this should become difficult.

"angel," leah called from the bottom of the stairs as she slipped her own jacket on, having been ready for ages now. "are you nearly ready?"

"nearly!" you callled back your voice travelling down the stairs.

leah smiled to herself. "good girl!" she checked the time on her phone, you both were running perfectly on time.

five minutes passed and leah packed snacks into your little backpack, knowing majority would more than likely be gone before you even made it to wembley.

another five minutes disappeared. still no small footsteps. still no excited five-year-old charging down the stairs announcing that you were ready.

leah frowned as she placed her keys back on the table that was next to the door, "angel?"

"still getting dressed!" you called back, sounding hurried.

"...how are you still getting dressed?" leah called back but you probably hadn't heard her as there was no response just the unmistakable sound of wardrobe doors opening and closing and drawers sliding

something falling onto the floor and a tiny voice saying, "oops."

leah laughed quietly to herself but that should've been her warning.

she climbed the stairs, already rehearsing a gentle reminder that they needed to leave soon. "angel?" she knocked lightly before pushing open the bedroom door.

"...absolutely not." leah gasps as she stood mouth wide open at the door

you stood proudly in front of the full-length mirror, one hand on your hip, the other smoothing down the front of your shirt with enormous satisfaction.

not the england shirt alessia had carefully folded onto your bed. not even one of your many arsenal tops.

instead... you were wearing a tiny barcelona shirt that reached just below your shorts. the blue and garnet stripes looked almost comically bright against the rest of the room.

leah slowly walked around until she could see the back, her shoulders dropped.

across it, in bold white letters... ALEXIA.. 11

you spun around with the biggest grin imaginable. "i look pretty."

leah pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to think of a way that was going to slowly let you down, "angel..."

"what?" you glanced at your mama through the mirror, slightly confused you were ready so why weren't you leaving yet?

"...you do look pretty." leah began, her bottom lip being bit by her top lip at she tried desperately to find the words,  "you also look.... very spanish-"

you giggled, the type that would make anyone melt, you definitely not understanding what leah was getting at, " i match alexia!"

"...you certainly do." leah sighed as you twirled twirled once in front of the mirror before holding your arms out dramatically.

"so we're ready!"

"no." leah said quickly as you stopped still.

you blinked, confused. "...no?"

"no." leah echoed as she walked over to the bed and picked up the untouched england shirt. it still had the tiny fold lines from where alessia had laid it out that morning.

leah held it up. "what happened to this one?"

you shrugged with complete innocence. "i changed my mind."

"i can see that." leah said as the england top stayed in her hands, there was no ways she could let you watch england in a barcelona shirt.. "we're watching england."

"i know."

"so..."

"so." you shrugged, you didn't get what the problem was, mama had asked you to get ready so you did.

"...why are you dressed like barcelona?" leah asked as maybe there was a compromise the two of you could make and you would wear the england shirt to the england game.

"'cause alexia plays there." you smiled, pointing to the shirt you were wearing as leah nodded, "and she's my favourite."

"i know she is."

"so..." you looked at her as though that explained absolutely everything which, in your mind, it did.

leah stared back as the silence stretched. eventually leah crouched so you both were at eye level. "sweetheart..."

"yeah?" you smiled at leah.

"you can wear this another day." leah tried slowly it hurting slightly that she was going to have to hurt your feelings slightly.

"but i want it today." you frowned, as your brow furrowed.

"but england are playing spain" leah tried again to explain, as you nodded along "alexia plays for spain... so don't you think.."

leah paused, mentally trying to solve a puzzle that had currently had no solution. "...maybe today we wear england?"

"i am supporting england." you told leah as she blinked losing your point of argument straight away.

"...you're wearing spain's captain on your back." leah pointed to your barcelona shirt.

"it's barcelona."

"i know it's barcelona."

"so not spain." you quipped back with a smile as leah was stunned slightly by your quickness.

leah opened her mouth then closed it again. technically... "that is not the point."

"but mummy knows i love alexia." you pouted, as leah held you closer rubbing a hand up and down your back as she hummed.

"she love alexia too..." you continued your ramble, as leah's face turned a little, "and alexia is mummy's friend"

"...they are?" leah asked more thinking aloud, not being totally in the loop on that apparent friendship.

"so it's nice." you finished your ramble as you looked a leah with a small smile, as she rubbed a hand over her face.

somehow every answer only made the conversation harder, "you're making this incredibly difficult for someone who's only five." leah mumbled as she looked back at you.

"i'm nearly six."

"that doesn't help."

you folded your tiny arms, deciding you weren't taking the shirt off. "i'm wearing this one."

"no.”

twenty minutes later, the england shirt had been offered and rejected. an arsenal shirt had been suggested as a compromise and again rejected.

even a plain white t-shirt had somehow been dismissed because... "it doesn't have football on it."

leah was rapidly running out of ideas.

"angel."

"no."

"angel."

"no."

"you have approximately three minutes before we absolutely have to leave." leah spoke seriously looking at the time on her phone before sliding it back in her pocket.

"i'm ready." you said with a hint of sass as you stood hand on the stair railing coming down the stairs painfully slow.

"in the wrong shirt." leah mumbled turning to grab her keys as you heard her, "in the right shirt."

leah turned back to you as you managed to come down a stair, "what if mummy feels sad?"

your eyes widened as you pressed both hands dramatically to your cheeks taking a seat on the stairs, "mummy would never be sad."

"she might." leah raised an eyebrow, this was her last gamble.

"no." you huffed.

"she could think you aren't cheering for england."

you frowned, really frowned and for a whole five seconds leah thought she'd finally won.

then your little face lit up. "i'll cheer really loud."

"...in a spain shirt."

"a barcelona shirt."

"that's... somehow worse."

"i'll shout..." you took the deepest breath you could manage. "COME ON MUMMY!"

the shout echoed around the hallway so loudly it probably reached the neighbours that leah actually flinched.

leah rubbed a hand over her face before looking back at you who was standing in front of her with all the determination of someone three times her size.

"...thank you for the demonstration," leah said dryly.

you folded your arms across your little barcelona shirt and lifted your chin triumphantly. "see?" you declared. "i told you i can shout really loud."

"i heard you," leah replied, trying not to laugh despite herself.

"so mummy will hear me too." there was absolutely no flaw in your logic, at least not in your own mind.

leah pinched the bridge of her nose. the two of you had been having the same conversation for the better part of half an hour.

england shirt? "no."

arsenal shirt. "no."

anything that didn't have alexia putellas' name on the back was apparently a "definite no." in your eyes

every suggestion had been met with the exact same answer, so with no ideas left...

leah reached for her phone. if anyone was going to convince you...it would be alessia. leah opened their messages and quickly typed.

le | we have a situation.

the typing bubble appeared almost instantly.

less | ??

leah glanced over at you, who immediately posed the second you realised a photo was being taken.

you planted your feet proudly on the third step up from the bottom, backpack already on. barcelona shirt neatly tucked into your shorts. alexia's name stretched proudly across the back.

then, just to make absolutely sure alessia understood how pleased you were with yourself. you gave the camera two enthusiastic thumbs up and the biggest grin imaginable.

leah sighed dramatically before sending the photo. three little dots appeared almost immediately. another message popped up.

less | 😂😂😂

a second later...

less | that's the one gio bought her

leah slowly lowered her phone and looked back at you. the shirt. the suspiciously smug smile and the complete lack of guilt.

"...of course he did," she muttered to herself.

leah typed another message.

le | THIS IS NOT FUNNY.

the reply came before she'd even locked her phone.

less | little bit funny.

leah rolled her eyes so hard they practically reached the ceiling.

leah | she has refused for THIRTY MINUTES.

another typing bubble.

less | gotta pick your battles sometimes babe 😂

leah stared at the message in complete disbelief.

le | you're unbelievable.

the was a pause this time before another reply appeared.

less | she's still coming to support englnad.

less | just... in a very lovie way.

leah looked over at the little girl again.

you were quietly spinning in circles now, making the barcelona shirt flare out around you as though you'd already won the argument.

which, judging by alessia's response... you probably had.

leah sighed cause as frustrating as it was...alessia wasn't entirely wrong. you weren't refusing to support england.

you were just insisting on doing it while proudly wearing the shirt of the footballer you adored most in the world.

another message appeared.

less | tell her i love her.

leah smiled despite herself, of course that was alessia's priority.

she typed one final reply.

le | she'll use that against me.

less | yeah probably 😂

leah laughed quietly under her breath before slipping her phone back into her pocket then she turned around.

you were already standing by the front door, bouncing impatiently on the balls of your feet. the second leah looked at you, those bright eyes widened hopefully. "mummy says she loves me?"

"...yes."

your smile grew even wider. "and she didn't say i have to change my shirt?"

leah hesitated, only for the tiniest fraction of a second. just enough for the guilt to settle in. "...no."

you gasped dramatically before throwing both fists into the air. "i win!"

you celebrated as though you'd just scored the winning goal at wembley, bouncing twice on the spot before rushing over and grabbing leah's hand.

"come on!" you said excitedly, already tugging her towards the front door. "we don't want to miss mummy!" leah allowed herself to be pulled along, laughing softly as she followed.

halfway down the hallway she glanced at the little barcelona shirt beside her. at the bright navy and garnet stripes. at PUTELLAS 11 stretched proudly across the back. then at the tiny hand wrapped so trustingly around her own. her heart softened despite every ounce of exasperation she'd felt over the last thirty minutes.

she let out the long, weary sigh of someone who had accepted defeat long before the final whistle. "i hope your mother appreciates how many grey hairs you've just given me."

you immediately looked up at her, studying leah's hair with complete seriousness. and after several seconds of careful inspection you shook your head. "you don't have grey hairs."

leah smiled. "...i will by kick-off."

you burst into a fit of giggles that echoed through the hallway then you tilted your head. "i still look pretty though?"

leah's entire expression melted. she crouched just enough to press a gentle kiss against the top of your head before smoothing down one of the little curls that had escaped your ponytail.

"you do." her smile grew. "you also happen to be the most stubborn child in england."

you beamed proudly, taking that as the highest compliment imaginable. "i get it from mummy."

leah laughed properly this time, she couldn't even deny it.

"...unfortunately," she said, giving your hand a gentle squeeze as you both stepped outside together, "you really, really do."

⸻

the atmosphere at wembley swallowed up almost everything else.

flags, songs, england shirts everywhere. except... one very small barcelona shirt.

several staff members smiled as you walked past hand in hand with leah

one laughed. "brave choice today."

you nodded confidently. "i know."

leah muttered under her breath. "tell me about it." as you took your seats not far from the england dugout

england won and as the final whistle blew the stadium erupted.

you were already bouncing on the balls of your feet, practically tugging leah's arm out of its socket every few seconds.

"mummy!" you squealed, already pointing towards the pitch even though alessia was still surrounded by teammates, staff and cameras.

leah laughed quietly, shaking her head. you bounced again, unable to stand still for more than half a second.

"can we go?" you asked, your voice high with excitement. "please mama? can we go now?"

"as soon as they let families through," leah said patiently, smoothing down a curl that had escaped your ponytail. "they'll open the barrier in a minute."

"but it's been ages." you dragged out the word in frustration.

"it hasn't." leah smiled knowingly.

"it feels like ages." you let out an exaggerated sigh, your shoulders slumping dramatically before you immediately started bouncing again.

every few seconds you stretched onto your tiptoes, trying to see over the crowd of waiting families. "can you see mummy?"

"not yet."

"what about now?"

"nope."

"now?”

leah couldn't help laughing. "no, sweetheart."

the wait felt endless. for you, every second seemed to last a whole minute. you practically vibrated with excitement, clutching your esme the elephant

the second the barrier finally open, you didn't even wait for leah to finish saying, "careful..." you were already off.

tiny trainers flying across the grass.

"slow down!" leah called after her, laughing despite herself. across the pitch, alessia turned at the sound of a familiar voice.

"lovie?"

there you were. tiny, curly hair bouncing behind you with every step. the bright barcelona shirt stood out amongst a sea of white england shirts like a beacon.

alessia couldn't stop herself laughing. of course, only her daughter would wear a barcelona shirt to an england match.

alessia opened both arms wide. "lovie!" she called, her face breaking into the biggest smile she'd worn all day.

"mummy!" you squealed back, your little legs somehow moving even faster. you launched yourself the final few steps.

alessia caught you effortlessly, lifting you straight off the ground with a soft grunt before spinning you around once.

"there she is," alessia laughed warmly, pulling you into a tight hug. "there's my girl."

you wrapped both arms around her neck so tightly it was almost impossible to breathe. "i missed you," you mumbled into alessia's shoulder.

"i missed you too," alessia replied softly, rubbing gentle circles across your back.

you leaned back just enough to beam at her. "i saw you score!" you announced proudly, your eyes impossibly bright.

alessia gasped dramatically, "you did?" she asked, widening her eyes in mock surprise.

you nodded so enthusiastically your curls bounced. "i shouted really, really loud."

"you did?"

"mhm!"

alessia tapped the end of your nose. "i heard you."

you narrowed your eyes suspiciously before dissolving into a giggle. "you didn't," you declared confidently.

"i definitely did," alessia insisted with a grin

"no you didn't."

"i've got super hearing."

"you haven't."

"i have."

"you were all the way over there," you argued, pointing towards the corner flag on the opposite side to where you'd been sitting.

"i still heard you."

"nuh-uh.”

"yep."

you laughed so hard you nearly slipped from alessia's arms "you being silly, mummy"

"i might be, just a little bit" alessia brushed a curl away from your face before finally taking a proper look at what you were wearing.

her eyes dropped to the navy and garnet shirt, she tilted her head dramatically. "...hang on," she said, pretending to sound confused as if she hadn't seen the photo of you before you'd left the house with leah. "where's your england shirt?"

you blinked then looked down at yourself as though you'd genuinely forgotten what you'd put on that morning. "oh."

you shrugged one shoulder without a hint of guilt. "i wanted alexia."

alessia pressed her lips together, trying very hard not to laugh. "i can see that," she chuckled.

you searched her face carefully. "you don't mind?" you asked quietly.

alessia's expression softened immediately as she shook her head. "no, baby,," she said gently. "i don't mind."

"really?"

"really."

you smiled with obvious relief. "you still know i wanted england to win," you explained earnestly.

"i know," alessia replied, nodding.

"and i cheered when you scored."

"i know you did."

"i shouted, 'go mummy!'"

"you did."

"and..." you hesitated for a second before admitting with complete honesty, "...i shouted for alexia too."

alessia laughed again, unable to help herself. "i figured that might've happened."

"i like both of you." you admitted as alessia nodded she knew this, "but you're my favourite.”

alessia raised an eyebrow playfully. "...by a lot?"

you leaned in conspiratorially. "by this much," you whispered, holding your fingers barely an inch apart.

alessia laughed loudly. "only that much?"

you burst into giggles. "no." and you threw both arms as wide as they would go. "THIS much."

"that's better," alessia said, pulling you into another hug and kissing the top of your head.

a little later and you had somehow vanished. alessia frowned, immediately scanning the pitch.

"where's..."

"there!" leah laughed, pointing towards the opposite side of the grass.

ella was sprinting away with exaggerated panic plastered across her face. "no!" ella cried dramatically, glancing over her shoulder. "she's too fast!"

behind her, you chased after her with determined little legs. "i'm gonna get you!" you squealed between giggles.

"you'll never catch me!" ella called, deliberately slowing down just enough for you to think you were gaining.

"i will!"

"no chance!"

"I'M REALLY FAST!"

"you are!" ella laughed. "that's the problem!"

a second later ella pretended to trip over absolutely nothing.

"oh no!" she stumbled dramatically before collapsing onto the grass with an exaggerated groan. "i've been caught!"

you launched herself onto ella's back, laughing so hard she could barely breathe.

"i win!" you declared triumphantly, throwing your arms in the air.

"you always win, kiddo" ella sighed theatrically, throwing one arm over her eyes. "i never stood a chance."

"you didn't," you agreed very seriously.

leah and alessia smiled as they watched the pair rolling around on the grass as alessia slipped an arm around leah's waist, "you look tired."

"i argued with a five year old for thirty seven minutes," leah said with a dramatic sigh, folding her arms across her chest.

alessia glanced over at her, a smile already tugging at her lips. "only thirty-seven?" she teased. "i'm impressed."

leah let out a quiet laugh and shook her head. "thirty-nine if we're being precise," she corrected.

alessia laughed, the sound bright and unrestrained. "you could've just let her," she pointed out, bumping leah's shoulder lightly.

"i know," leah admitted with an exaggerated groan. she looked across the pitch to where you were currently chasing ella around with determined little legs before turning back to alessia.

"but it's england!" she exclaimed, throwing one hand into the air.

"i know," alessia replied, still smiling.

"and she's wearing spain's captain on her back," leah continued in disbelief.

alessia chuckled, trying not to laugh too hard at how genuinely offended leah still sounded. "it's barcelona," alessia corrected gently.

leah gave her an unimpressed look. "it's practically the same thing today," she argued.

alessia couldn't help herself. she stepped closer and pressed a soft kiss to leah's cheek. "thank you," she murmured.

leah blinked, her teasing expression immediately melting into something much softer. "for what?" she asked quietly.

alessia glanced over to where you were now triumphantly declaring yourself the winner of yet another game you'd definitely been allowed to win.

"for looking after her," alessia said, her voice warm with gratitude. "for putting up with thirty-nine minutes of negotiations over a football shirt... and everything else while I've been away."

leah smiled, reaching for alessia's hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. "always" she replied without an ounce of hesitation.

the final whistles of conversations echoed around the pitch as staff began gently ushering players towards the tunnel.

"come on, girls!" someone from england's staff called. "inside, please!"

one by one, players started saying their goodbyes to family members.

ella dramatically complained that she'd "definitely pulled a hamstring" after losing six games of tag to a five-year-old before jogging away, making you giggle as you waved your auntie ella goodbye.

leah reached for your hand. "come on, angel. mummy has to head in, we'll see her afterwards"

you nodded, though your eyes wandered around the pitch one last time, trying to soak everything in.

then you stopped. "...mama." leah followed her gaze.

a small group of spanish players were making their way towards the same tunnel from the opposite side of the pitch, chatting amongst themselves and signing the odd shirt and taking a few photos with fans.

one of them looked up, mariona. the arsenal forward paused mid-conversation her eyes immediately landed on the tiny barcelona shirt.

a grin spread across her face. she nudged the player walking beside her, saying something quietly in spanish. laia looked over too before laughing softly.

mariona gave the group a quick wave to say she'd catch them up before changing direction completely. instead of heading for the tunnel...

she walked straight towards them.

"lovie," alessia laughed quietly beside leah. "i think you've been spotted."

your eyes widened. "super mario!"

you let go of leah's hand and hurried over, stopping just in front of the arsenal teammate you'd seen dozens of times at your mummy's training.

mariona's smile softened immediately, she crouched down so she was eye level with you, "hola, pequeña," she greeted warmly.

you gave a shy little wave. "...hiya."

"its good to see you again," mariona said, her english carrying its familiar spanish accent.

you nodded. "you too.”

mariona's eyes drifted down to the shirt as she laughed quietly. "i had a feeling you'd be wearing barcelona."

you looked down proudly, smoothing a hand over the front. "my uncle gio got it for me," you explained. "when he was in spain"

"its beautiful," mariona told you sincerely.

you beamed. "i love barca."

"i can tell," mariona replied with a grin.

laia had wandered over by now, folding her arms as she smiled at the little girl. "even today?" she asked teasingly, raising an eyebrow.

you nodded without a second's hesitation. "i wanted england to win," you said earnestly. both spanish's players smiled.

"nut..." you continued, glancing down at the shirt again with obvious pride, "...i also like alexia."

mariona laughed, exchanging an amused look with laia. "i think someone would quite like to hear that."

you frowned in confusion. "...what?"

mariona held out her hand with an encouraging smile. "venir."

you instinctively looked back over your shoulder towards your mummy and mama, "can i?"

alessia smiled immediately. "go on."

leah chuckled, giving you a gentle nudge forward. "just don't forget who feeds you, yeah!"

"i won't!" you promised quickly before slipping your tiny hand into mariona's.

mariona smiled to herself as she led you towards the tunnel where the remaining spanish players were waiting and across the pitch the a few players drifting between groups of supporters.

they were signing shirts, posing for photos, stopping for small conversations that were never quite as quick as security wanted them to be.

meat the advertising boards, alexia was doing exactly that. a barcelona shirt then a spain one, a programme and then another shirt.

she thanked each supporter with a smile, chatting in spanish before moving onto the next person. then she looked up.

mariona was walking towards her and beside her a tiny little girl with bouncy curls and a barcelona shirt that looked just a touch too big.

alexia’s eyes immediately landed on the back of it.

PUTELLAS. 11.

her own name and she couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face. “hola.”

you stopped, instantly. every ounce of confidence you’d somehow found talking to mariona and laia completely disappeared.

you simply stared, wide-eyed. mouth slightly open.

mariona chuckled quietly beside you. “i think you’ve made someone very nervous.”

your trainers stayed rooted to the grass, mariona gave your shoulder the gentlest little nudge. “it’s okay.”

alexia laughed softly, already lowering herself into a crouch so she wasn’t towering over the little girl. “hola.” her voice was gentle as she waved slightly, patient and warm, “you don’t have to be scared.”

you swallowed, you couldn’t quite believe the alexia putellas was in front of you, “…hi.”

alexia glanced back at mariona with an amused smile “you’ve found a Barcelona supporter at wembley?”

mariona grinned. “not just any supporter.” she rested a hand lightly against your shoulder. “this little one has spent all afternoon proudly wearing your shirt.”

alexia looked back at you. “you wore my shirt?” a tiny nod came from you,

“you came to watch england…” another nod. “…and you still chose barcelona?”

you finally found enough courage to speak, very quietly. “so everyone knew.”

alexia tilted her head. “knew what?”

“…that you’re my favourite.” it was barely above a whisper. the kind of confession only someone standing inches away could hear.

for a second, alexia’s smile softened into something almost emotional. “well…” she placed a hand gently against her own chest. “thank you.”

she glanced back at mariona again, curiosity dancing across her face. “whose little girl is she?”

mariona smiled knowingly. “you haven’t recognised her?”

alexia looked between them once more then shook her head with a small laugh. “no…”

mariona nodded towards the england players still scattered across the pitch. “she’s baby russo.”

alexia blinked. “…russo?”

“alessia’s daughter.”

recognition immediately washed over her face as her eyebrows lifted. “no…”

mariona laughed. “si.”

alexia looked back at you in complete disbelief before glancing across the pitch. and sure enough standing a little further away: alessia and leah were both watching.

alessia had one hand over her mouth, already smiling before anything had even happened. leah folded her arms with a grin.

as alexia looked back to you. “so…” a playful smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. “your mummy plays against me…”

you nodded. “…but today you wore my shirt.” another tiny nod as alexia laughed. “i think that’s very brave.”

nearby, laia had spotted the entire exchange unfolding and saying a word she pulled her phone from her pocket, “this needs recording,” she muttered with a smile.

the camera quietly captured everything.

alexia turned her full attention back to you. “so…”

“how old are you?”

“five .”

“five?”

you nodded. “i turned five.”

alexia smiled. “a big age.” she pointed gently towards the football still tucked under one of the advertising boards. “do you play football?”

“a little bit.” you nodded as mariona spoke for you saying you were football mad.

“a defender?”

you immediately looked horrified. “no.”

alexia laughed. “no?”

“i like passing.” you told alexia imitating one of your passing moves that you had learnt.

mariona snorted, “already a midfielder.”

alexia nodded approvingly. “a very important job.” she looked down at the barcelona shirt again. “and who bought you this?”

“my uncle gio.” you grinned proudly, “he knows barcelona is one of my favourite.”

“and he chose very well.” alexia nodded approvingly as you smiled shyly at the compliment. every answer came in tiny sentences, barely louder than a whisper.

nothing like the confident little chatterbox who had spent the afternoon proudly explaining to anyone who would listen why you couldn’t possibly wear an england shirt because “mummy already wears england.”

alexia found it endlessly adorable. another another minute of chatting and she reached into the pocket of a staff member standing nearby and borrowed a marker.

then she held it up. “may i sign your shirt for you?”

your eyes became enormous. “the… the shirt?”

alexia nodded with a smile “if that’s okay with you.”

for a second you simply stared as though you couldn’t quite believe you’d heard correctly then your entire face lit up. “yes please!”

alexia carefully turned the fabric so it stayed flat. slowly and neatly she signed her name beneath the number eleven. making sure not to smudge the ink before handing the pen back.

“there.”

you immediately looked down you reached out with one tiny finger and very carefully touched the fresh signature then looked back up.

your eyes were sparkling. “…thank you.”

“it was lovely meeting you, y/n.” alexia smiled before gently ruffling your curls. “i hope you keep enjoying football.”

“i will.”

“and maybe…” alexia winked. “…one day i’ll see you playing.”

you looked as though you’d stopped breathing altogether. “i’ll try.”

mariona smiled. “i think someone will remember today forever.”

“i think so too,” alexia replied warmly as she waved goodbye, a media officer ushering her away.

mariona held out her hand. “come on, pequeña.”

you slipped your tiny hand into mariona’s as you started walking back and laia’s phone was still recording and caught the exact second you spotted alessia standing not too far in the tunnel.

“mummy!”

you broke into a run. alessia barely had time to open her arms before the little girl launched herself forwards.

“oof!” she laughed, catching you effortlessly. “you met her!”

“I MET HER!” you squealed, practically bouncing in alessia’s arms.

alessia laughed, unable to stop smiling. “i know!”

“she talked to me!” you continued breathlessly, your words tumbling over one another in your excitement.

“i know she did,” alessia replied warmly, smoothing a curl back from your forehead.

“she knew my name!”

alessia’s eyes widened in exaggerated surprise as she gasped dramatically. “did she?”

you nodded so enthusiastically your curls bounced. “yeah! mariona told her i was little russo, and then she said, ‘it was lovely meeting you, y/n!’”

alessia couldn’t help laughing. “well… she was right.it was lovely meeting you.”

“and she touched my shirt!” you added, looking down at the signed barcelona top as though it had suddenly become the most precious thing in the world.

alessia grinned, glancing at the signature beneath the number eleven. “i noticed.”

“and she said uncle gio picked a good one!”

alessia smiled fondly, already imagining giorgio’s reaction when he heard the story. “i’m sure he’ll be very pleased to hear that.”

you hugged the front of your shirt protectively before looking back up at your mum, still beaming from ear to ear. “he’ll never believe me.”

“and…” you leaned in close, lowering her voice as though sharing the world’s biggest secret. “…she signed it.”

alessia looked down at the shirt, there it was. alexia putellas’ unmistakable signature beneath the eleven.

she couldn’t stop laughing. actual tears gathered in the corners of her eyes. “i think…” she kissed the top of your curls. “…she liked you.”

you looked down at the signature one more time carefully smoothing the shirt with both hands then you looked back at her mum.

your voice was barely a whisper. “i think…” a tiny smile spread across your face. “…this is the best day ever.”

⸻

for the next three weeks, everyone suffered. every conversation somehow found its way back to alexia.

one morning over breakfast, you took a bite of your toast before announcing very matter-of-factly, “did you know alexia said my shirt was beautiful?”

alessia didn’t even look up from making coffee, used to this now. “yes” she replied with an amused smile.

a few hours later, as leah walked past the living room, “mama,” you called after her, “did you know alexia signed it?”

leah paused dramatically and rested a hand against her forehead. “only because you’ve told me fourteen times today.”

you frowned thoughtfully before holding up one finger. “it was fifteen,” you corrected proudly.

leah looked towards alessia. “…we’re raising a statistician.”

at breakfast the next day, you poked at your pancakes before looking up. “i think alexia likes pancakes probably.”

alessia smiled over the rim of her mug. “probably.”

leah snorted into her tea. “what makes you think that?”

you shrugged. “because everyone likes pancakes.”

“…can’t argue with that logic,” leah admitted.

in the car on the way to training, you gazed out of the window for a few moments before wondering aloud, “i wonder what Alexia’s favourite colour is.”

from the driver’s seat, alessia laughed. “i’ve absolutely no idea, baby.”

“you should ask her.”

leah burst out laughing from the passenger seat. “oh, just send her a quick text, less. ‘morning, by the way, what’s your favourite colour?’”

alessia shook her head, laughing. “i don’t think that’s happening.”

that evening, after stories had been read and the bedroom lights were dimmed, you hugged esme the elephant tightly.

“mummy?”

“mh?” alessia hummed, tucking the duvet around you.

“do you think alexia remembers me?”

alessia’s expression softened instantly. she brushed a curl away from your face. “i think she probably does.”

“you do?”

“i do.”

you smiled to herself. “good.”

even facetiming nonno and nonna became impossible. the second mario answered, “hi, tesoro!” he greeted with a grin.

“look!” you exclaimed, already scrambling to hold the barcelona shirt up to the camera.

mario chuckled patiently. “i’ve seen it, tesoro.”

“but have you seen the signature today?” you asked very seriously, tilting the shirt to make sure he had the perfect view.

carol laughed from somewhere behind him. “i don’t think signatures move, sweetheart.”

“they don’t,” you agreed with complete confidence. “…but it’s still nice to look at.”

eventually, leah found alessia laughing in the kitchen one evening while you carefully folded the signed shirt for the night.

"this," leah said, leaning against the counter, "is your fault."

"my fault?" alessia gasped with such dramatic effect as she was still trying to compose herself.

"you laughed instead of backing me up." leah pointed out with a smirk as she nicked one of alessia’s biscuits

"i did." alessia agreed quietly.

"and now our daughter thinks she's best friends with alexia putellas."

from the living room, you called proudly, "i am!"

leah closed her eyes. "there it is." alessia couldn't help herself. she laughed, wrapping an arm around leah before looking towards the living room where you were already telling esme the elephant, in great detail, exactly how alexia had smiled at her.

"you know," alessia said with a grin, "it could be worse."

leah raised an eyebrow, alessia smiled. "at least she still wanted england to win."

leah considered it. "...i’ll allow it."

from the living room came one final announcement. "when i grow up..." a dramatic pause. "...i’m going to play with mummy." another pause. "...and then with alexia.”

alessia and leah exchanged a smile. some dreams, they decided, were simply too lovely not to encourage.

[enwoso]

staying still | alessia russo

tried writing this in a different way, not sure i like it but 🤷 enjoy:)

masterlist

you had always assumed you would retire at arsenal. from the day you were just a kid with a dream, you assumed you would retire there.

maybe that was naïve of you. maybe it was cocky of you. maybe it was just total stupidity.

but when you had spent twenty years at one club. when you joined the academy at eight years old with a shirt two sizes too big and oversized socks with a dream bigger than yourself, spent years building yourself up, building a life, a relationship and meeting friends for life it really felt impossible to imagine wearing another badge.

so in january when you walked yourself into what you had expected to be a routine meeting and contract update considering it was ending in the summer.

but the room felt too formal, too quiet in comparison to other contract meetings you'd had in the past.

across from the big board room table sat renee, another member of the club hierarchy and your agent where non of them looked particularly comfortable.

your stomach dropped. the vibe currently setting around the room was never a good sign.

renee said her normal greeting as you responded before moving uncomfortable in her seat,  "y/n," renee began carefully. "firstly, i would like to say this has nothing to do with your performances."

and with those words, you knew. because nobody started a conversation like that unless they were about to break your heart.

"i mean there's no easy way of putting this nicely but i'm afraid we won't be offering a renewal for the next season."

the words landed like a punch as you just stared and for a second you genuinely thought you'd misheard.

"sorry, what?"

the other woman higher up in arsenals recruitment shifted awkwardly, "we feel this is the right time to move in different directions, both you and club deserve a new challenge"

different direction. new challenge.

so twenty years and apparently that was all it amounted to: different direction and a new challenge for both.

you laughed once, a short, humourless sound. "so.. i don't get a say in this. that it then, final decision yeah?"

renee visibly winced, as her expression softened as she exchanged a glance with the other women before looking back at you, "i know this is difficult to process y/n, i do. but we wanted to let you know now to give you enough time to speak and explore other clubs"

you nodded, biting your lip as you whispered, "you make it sound so easy"

you clung to the word clubs. plural. as if arsenal wasn't the only club you'd ever wanted as if you'd spent your whole life preparing for this moment even if this sort of scenario only happened in her nightmares.

you nodded slowly, you didn't cry. not there. not in front of them.

instead you exchanged a look with your agent who told you he would be in touch as you thanked renee and the other women for their honesty and time as you stood up and walked out professionally before either of them could say anything else.

then you sat in your car for forty-five minutes and cried until your eyes hurt.

—

the rumours seemingly started almost immediately about contract talks and by february they were everywhere.

you linked with clubs in america, manchester, a photo-shop photo of you in a chelsea shirt as you were linked with another club in europe and apparently you had already been given a new contract to sign. you wish.

half the reports were nonsense but the other half weren't because while nobody knew arsenal had already made their decision, you did.

and now you were spending every spare moment speaking to your agent, trying to find the best outcome from a shitty situation. you were exploring options and trying desperately to imagine a future you never wanted.

and if losing arsenal had felt like losing part of yourself, the thought of telling alessia felt almost as impossible.

the two of you had met because of arsenal and looking back, neither of you could pinpoint the exact moment you both fell in love.

but alessia had always joked that she'd signed for arsenal and accidentally fallen in love with you in the same breath.

you had already spent years in the first team when alessia walked through the doors after signing for the club. she'd been one of the first to welcome her, showing her around, introducing her to everyone, making sure she settled into the place you had proudly called home since you were eight years old.

and somewhere between shared training sessions, long recovery days, coffees after practice and the quiet moments away from football, you'd both fallen in love.

so arsenal hadn't just given you a career. it had given you alessia and now, there was every chance the club that had brought the two of you together was about to send the two of you in different directions.

so yeah, the worst part was keeping it from alessia cause every time she asked, you felt sick.

it didn't matter whether they were driving home from training, cooking dinner together or lying in bed before they went to sleep. somehow, the conversation always found its way back there.

"so... have arsenal said anything yet?" alessia would ask so casually, usually after another conversation ended and the was a pause of silence

you would force a shrug, hoping it looked more convincing than it felt, the response would follow one of three.

"still talking.."

"nothing exciting."

"we'll see"

every answer was half true with a small white lie following it. arsenal had said something, just they hadn't said what alessia had thought they had.

every lie sat heavily in your chest, making your stomach twist the second the words left your mouth. you hated lying to alessia.

in the years the two of you been together, you'd never kept something this big from her. but every time you opened your mouth to tell her the truth, the words caught in your throat.

because saying them out loud would make them real, then you'd immediately change the subject; ask about training, ask about what to have for dinner, the film the two of you should watch, ask how alessia day had been if you’d spent it apart.

ask about literally anything else but you and arsenal.

at first, alessia accepted it. contract negotiations did take time. players didn't always know where they stood until the final weeks of the season and you had to never been the one to talk about business until there was actually something to say.

but as the weeks rolled into months, something didn't feel right cause other players in the team had their season outcome.

but your answers never changed, you never elaborated.

every mention of contracts seemed to make your shoulders tense, your smile falter, your eyes dart somewhere to anywhere but towards alessia.

alessia stopped reading into articles and journalists whenever you walked into the room. she quietly started ignoring the transfer rumours altogether, not wanting to upset you.

but she couldn't ignore the knot in her own stomach. she knew you, too well maybe. knew every tiny tell.

the way you'd pick at the skin around your thumbnail when you were anxious. the way you'd rub the back of your neck whenever something was bothering her.

the way you'd become unusually chatty whenever you were trying to distract someone from asking the question you didn't want to answer.

you weren't just avoiding the conversation, you were hiding from it cause every time arsenal contracts or the next season talk came up you looked like you wanted to disappear.

by the time mid-march rolled around, the questions had become impossible to avoid.

the rumours had picked up pace and every other day there seemed to be another article or transfer page linking you with a different club.

this time it was america. but then the next it was france. then it was another WSL side. nobody seemed to know anything for certain, yet everyone seemed to have an opinion, to know the answer even if nothing was official.

eventually, the questions started creeping into the dressing room.

leah had been the first. "so... any news?" you had barely looked up from untying your boots. "no.. not yet."

a few days later it was kim over lunch, harmlessly slipping it in, "they keeping you waiting, then?"

you had smiled politely, fork pushing food around the plate, "there still working bits out"

then lotte, steph and even vic had asked in a passing after training one afternoon. and every single time, you gave the same vague, carefully rehearsed answers.

"we'll see."

"nothing to report."

"nope, still waiting."

never enough to sound suspicious. never enough to invite another question and eventually, the girls stopped asking.

they all assumed there simply wasn't any news to tell. everyone except alessia.

she kept asking because she cared because she knew how much arsenal meant to you and she couldn't understand why the club were taking so long to tie down someone who had spent their whole life wearing the badge.

every time she brought it up, you would smile a little too quickly before changing the subject.

it didn't take long for alessia to realise the conversation was becoming something you were actively avoiding. she just didn't know why, couldn’t understand why?

—

the breaking point came a couple of weeks later. you had another meeting scheduled during a training day.

the calendar invitation simply read 'club meeting', but when alessia had asked about it over breakfast, you hadn't hesitated.

"its just about a brand appearance." you smiled shoving a slice of toast in your mouth.

alessia had nodded, "oh, nice. another sponsor thing?"

"yeah." you forced a smile nodding and going along with what ever alessia was saying as she hummed before standing up heading to her own leadership meeting not before kissing you on the cheek.

"i'm sure there probably just be sorting out a photoshoot or something."

something harmless. something ordinary. nothing worth worrying about.

in reality, you spent the next hour sitting in a meeting room with your agent on speakerphone and members of the club discussing interest from three separate clubs.

clubs you'd never imagined yourself playing for. conversations about contract lengths, relocation, wages, housing. the possibility of moving abroad.

the logistics of packing up the only home you'd ever really known. every sentence felt like another reminder that arsenal's decision wasn't changing.

it wasn't hypothetical anymore. this was your future and you needed to tell alessia somehow.

but by the time the meeting finally ended, you felt exhausted. not physically but emotionally. you weren't ready to leave but the club had already decided for you.

as you walked down the corridor towards the changing room, you could feel the frustration bubbling under your skin with each step.

stupid meeting, stupid hour talking about a stupid future you didn't want.

you pushed the door open harder than you had intended, it slammed against the stopped with a loud bang, your phone and bottle hitting the bench a second later.

and for a moment, you thought you were alone.

then..  "jesus, y/n."

you looked up, leah was sat a few lockers down. she was halfway through changing from her boots to her trainers. one sock was already on, the other still bunched in her hands.

she watched the tension in your face, in your shoulders as she raised an eyebrow. "i see someone's in a good mood?"

you scrubbed both hands over your face, letting out a shaky breath. "don't."

leah's expression immediately softened, "that bad?" she'd spent a lot of your years at arsenal with you, heck most of them. she knew when something was up and this was one of those moments.

you didn't answer. you couldn't. because the second you opened your mouth you knew it was fall and the months of sadness would finally spill over and once you started with the tears you weren't convinced you'd ever stop.

the silence stretched between them. leah quietly pulled on her second sock, tied the laces on one trainer, then looked back over.

"y/n."

nothing.

"you've barely said two words all week."

still nothing.

"you know i'm not leaving until you tell me what's going on."

you laughed. it wasn't a laugh. just a broken, humourless breath. then, before you could stop herself— "they aren't renewing me... this will be my last season for arsenal."

the words hung in the air. heavy. unbelievable.

leah stopped moving altogether, she'd expected maybe you had a lot going on but she expected it to be family or maybe something with alessia. not this. "you what?"

you kept staring at the floor. your trainers suddenly seemed fascinating. "they told me in january, just after we came back from the winter break"

silence. then—

"what do you mean... january?" leah asked, her voice now unsteady. part of her wishing she hadn't asked and maybe this wouldn't have been the outcome.

you let out another hollow laugh. "exactly that."

leah just blinked. "they told you in january..." leah glanced to her phone, the date on her phone, 23rd march. you nodded. "...that they weren't renewing your contract?"

another nod from you as leah just stared. the disbelief on her face was immediate and maybe dispute the situation award winning.

but it wasn't the kind of shock someone had over a transfer rumour or the surprise of a tactical decision. actual, genuine disbelief.

"they're letting you go?" she asked, as if it wasn't sinking in what you had said

your throat tightened, "yeah"

"but..." leah frowned, "...you're y/n."

that almost made you laugh again as though that changed anything. "they've made their decision, le"

leah leaned back against the lockers, shaking her head. "that's insane."

"so i've been told." you said sadly, your hands now in your lap as you glanced at leah, not being able to look at her properly knowing the look on her face would kill you.

"no, seriously." leah looked genuinely angry now, as she sat a bit straighter now "you've been here your whole life."

"i know." you nodded sadly.

"you've given everything to this club." leah argued as if her words were going to change anything that wasn't already happening and in motion.

"i know."

"you practically grew up here."

"i know, le." your voice cracked on the last word. "i know."

the room fell quiet again. leah moved across the bench until she was sitting beside you instead of opposite you. for a long moment, neither of them spoke.

eventually leah asked the question you'd been dreading. "...i take it alessia knows?"

you froze, your eyes immediately dripping back to the floor, your trainers looking interesting again.

leah didn't need an answer, as she sighed, "oh, y/n.."

"i know." you mumbled, guilt filling you. but it killing you slightly inside to tell leah it was going to be ten times worse and more to tell alessia, even if keeping it from her was probably even worse.

"you haven't told her?" leah asked, a sudden look of shock flashing across her, she could understand why you hadn't told the team but alessia? that was wrong and you knew that.

a tiny shake of the head as leah exhaled slowly, rubbing a hand over her face. "she's going to be absolutely devastated."

"i know."

"and you've been carrying this around by yourself since january?"

another nod. "i know."

leah looked at her for a long moment. not with judgement, just concern.

you finally whispered what your been too scared to admit to anyone. "i don't know how to tell her." your voice was barely audible.

"i've tried." you swallowed hard. "so many times." you paused before continuing, "i get home and i think, 'tonight. tonight i'll tell her.'" a shaky breath, as leah hummed, "and then she smiles at me... or asks how my day was... or starts talking about next season..."

you eyes filled despite your best efforts to stop them. "and i just can't and i feel so guilty for not telling her but i just can't get the words out"

because how did you tell the woman you loved that the club you'd dedicated twenty years to no longer wanted you?

how did you tell alessia there was a very real chance the two of you wouldn't be walking into training centre together next season?

that there was a possibility the two of you might not even be living in the same country?

leah reached over, squeezing your shoulder. "you need to have the conversation otherwise your gonna lose arsenal and her."

you nodded automatically, "i know, i will"

leah held her gaze. "no." her voice was gentle, but firm. "you need to actually do it."

you closed her eyes because deep down, you knew leah was right. you just weren't sure your heart could survive saying the words out loud but you needed to you couldn't loose two of the most important thing in your life especially when one is totally avoidable.

—

after your conversation with leah, you didn't tell alessia. not that week. not the week after that or the week after that even.

every time you decided today would be the day, the words got stuck somewhere between your heart and your mouth. you'd rehearse it in the mornings when brushing your teeth before training.

you'd stand outside your front door, promising yourself you wouldn't lie anymore. you'd even catch yourself looking at alessia across the dinner table and think, 'just tell her.'

then alessia would smile, or laugh at something stupid on her phone or reach across the table to steal food from your plate and suddenly you couldn't bear the thought of being the reason that smile disappeared.

so you would  swallow the truth all over again. just one more day. tomorrow. you'd tell her tomorrow. except tomorrow never came.

and so the rumours only got worse. there wasn't a day that went by without another article appearing online.

"lifelong gunner set for shock exit."

"wsl defender attracting interest abroad."

"three clubs leading the race for arsenal star."

some journalists were practically announcing transfers that hadn't even happened. others claimed you'd already signed pre-contracts.

you stopped reading them after a while, the stress of it all was starting to become overwhelming and it hurt just that little bit less by pretending they didn't exist.

alessia, on the other hand, couldn't avoid them. every time she opened social media there was another headline. another rumour.

another fan or media individual asking why arsenal hadn't announced your renewal yet. at first she'd laughed them off.

"they don't know anything."

you had simply hummed in agreement. then you'd change the subject, again.

alessia wasn't frustrated with you, she was becoming frustrated because nothing made sense.

you were quieter than usual. the woman who normally filled every silence with terrible jokes now barely spoke during the drive home.

you were distracted, constantly checking your phone. stepping away to answer calls from your agent. disappearing into meetings that seemed to become more frequent with every passing week.

and every single time alessia asked about them...

"it's nothing."

"it's just admin."

"they're sorting sponsorship stuff."

always an explanation but never the full truth.

leah noticed it too. one afternoon, after training, she caught you lingering in the corridor outside the changing room.

"you still haven't told her, have you?" leah asked but it wasn't a question, she knew you hadn't.

you let out a tired sigh. "no."

leah folded her arms as she leant against the wall, letting out a disappointed sigh "y/n.."

"i know." you mumbled as you looked down at the ground fidgeting with the rings on your fingers.

"no, i don't think you do." leah quipped back, leah wasn't trying to get at you but she knew the longer you hid this from alessia the worse it was going to get.

you glanced back up at leah, tired eyed. "i've tried-“

"when?" leah shot back quickly.

"every day."

leah's expression softened. "then why haven't you?"

"because every time i look at her..." you shook your head. "...i can't be the person who breaks her heart."

leah sighed. "she's going to be hurt whether you tell her today or three weeks from now." you nodded, you knew this but there was something stopping you, "and every day you wait, it gets bigger."

"i know."

"so stop carrying it on your own."

you leaned back against the wall, the same wall leah was leaning against. "i just need a little more time."

"y/n, you've had three months."

silence.

"y/n..."

leah's voice became gentler, knowing this was hard for you "she deserves to hear it from you."

but before you could answer, footsteps echoed down the corridor. both of you looked up. blonde hair, alessia. she slowed as she reached them, her eyes immediately flicking between the two. neither of you spoke.

leah stood with her arms folded across her chest, one shoulder pressed against the wall beside the changing room door. her expression wasn't angry. if anything, it was worse. concerned.

you were leaning back against the opposite wall, jaw tight, while alessia stood between the two of you feeling as though she'd walked into the middle of a conversation that had already been going on for a while.

the air felt heavy and whatever she'd interrupted, it clearly wasn't a joke about training or another argument over coffee orders. "...everything okay?" alessia asked carefully.

you answered far too quickly. "yeah." the word came out sharp, automatic.

leah's eyes flicked to you immediately then to alessia and then back to you again. it was the kind of look that said i'm not buying that for a second.

after a long moment, leah pushed herself away from the wall with a quiet sigh. "i've got to go and find kim anyway."

as she passed, she squeezed your shoulder gently, her voice dropping just enough that it should have been private. "don't leave it too long."

quiet enough that alessia almost missed it, almost. your shoulders stiffened beneath leah's hand. then leah was gone, disappearing around the corner without another word.

the silence she left behind settled heavily between the two of you. alessia stepped closer. "what was that about?"

you blinked as though you'd been pulled back from somewhere far away. "what?"

"you two looked..." alessia searched for the right word. "...serious.

for a second, something flickered across your face. guilt. fear. but then it was gone. you let out a forced laugh that sounded wrong in the empty corridor.

"oh." you rubbed the back of your neck, eyes dropping to the floor. "leah was just being leah."

alessia frowned. "what does that mean?"

"you know..." you shrugged, trying for a smile that never quite reached your eyes. "...mothering everyone."

alessia didn't look convinced. she knew you too well.

knew the way her girlfriend's fingers twitched when you were anxious. knew the way you avoided eye contact when you were hiding something. knew that the laugh you'd just given wasn't real.

"love..."

"its nothing."

there it was again. nothing. the same answer you'd been giving for weeks.

nothing when you stayed behind after training.

nothing when you looked exhausted.

nothing when you kept disappearing to take phone calls.

nothing when transfer rumours with your name attached started appearing online.

alessia felt her chest tighten. "you keep saying that."

you looked up then, and for a moment alessia saw the strain you'd been trying so hard to hide. dark circles beneath your eyes. the tension around your mouth. the way you seemed to be holding yourself together by sheer force of will.

before alessia could say anything else, you reached out. your fingers brushed gently against alessia's temple as you tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

the touch was familiar. careful. almost apologetic. then you leaned in and kissed her. soft and lingering.

long enough that alessia's questions blurred at the edges.

long enough that you could hide behind the affection.

when you pulled away, you stayed close, your foreheads nearly touching.

"i've got to get to analysis."your voice was quieter now. you rested your forehead against alessia's for a brief second, eyes closed.

"i love you, lessi" the words should have felt reassuring. instead they landed with a strange weight in alessia stomach.

you stepped back before she could respond then you turned and started walking down the corridor. "y/n—"

but you didn't stop. didn't look back. just kept walking until the sound of her footsteps faded around the corner.

alessia stood there staring after you, the kiss should have made her feel better. the i love you should have eased the knot in her chest.

but instead, a cold unease settled there. because you hadn't looked relieved after saying it. you looked like someone saying something important before it was too late.

and as alessia watched the empty corridor where her girlfriend had disappeared, one thought lodged itself stubbornly in her mind.

it hadn't felt like a normal goodbye. it had felt like a goodbye she didn't yet understand. and somehow, that frightened her more than any transfer rumour ever could.

—

the rumours got worse. not the usual transfer-window whispers that came and went every few days. these were constant. relentless even as the season was coming to its final weeks.

every morning there seemed to be a new article. every afternoon another update. every evening another journalist claiming to have "sources close to the situation."

possible destinations. likely destinations. clubs which were "monitoring the situation."

one report had you in spain. another had you on the south east coast of america. a third insisted you were staying in england but moving north.

some of them spoke with such confidence that it sounded as though a contract had already been signed. you never commented, you just got quieter.

at first alessia had tolf herself it was normal. transfer speculation happened every season. players ignored it all the time. plus you were her girlfriend, you'd tell her if there was a move on the cards for you.

but this felt different and the conversation that happen with leah and you in the hallway had been playing on alessia's mind for weeks.

so evening you were both at home, curled up on opposite ends of the sofa with takeaway containers balanced on the coffee table.

the television was on but neither of you were watching it. you had picked at a few chips and then abandoned the box entirely. alessia noticed, she noticed everything these days.

for several minutes she watched her girlfriend pretend to scroll through your phone while not actually reading anything. then alessia finally set her own container down. "okay."

you looked up immediately, too quickly. "what?"

alessia turned sideways on the sofa, her hand resting on your knee. "what is going on?"

"nothing." the answer came automatically. instant that it was practically a reflex at this point.

and that, more than anything, made alessia's chest tighten. "y/n."

"i'm fine."

"you're not."

your jaw tightened as you looked away toward the darkened window. alessia moved closer, you legs now resting on her lap. "every time i ask about next season, you shut down."

"less—“

"no."her voice wasn't sharp. ot wasn't angry. it was tired, tired of being shut out. tired of watching the person she loved carry something alone.

"worst case scenario," alessia said quietly, "tell me."

you swallowed, still not having the guts to look at your girlfriend or say the words aloud. "nothing."

"best case scenario?" alessia asked, rephrasing the question for you.

"babe."

"y/n."

the use of your full name landed between them like a weight. your eyes closed briefly. alessia reached across and took your hand, it was cold. "talk to me, please."

for a second you looked as though you might pull away but instead your fingers curled weakly around alessia's. and

suddenly you couldn't do it anymore. couldn't lie. couldn't pretend. couldn't keep carrying the secret that had been crushing you for months from the person you loved.

your breathing hitched. once. twice. then a third time, sharp enough that alessia sat up straighter, she could tell that from whatever it was you were holding onto it wasn't good.

but before you could stop them, tears spilled down your cheeks. alessia's entire expression changed and concern replaced frustration instantly. "oh, hey."

you moved your hand from alessia's as you covered your face with both hands. "they don't want me." the words came out broken and raw.

alessia frowned, not understanding. who was 'they'?  "what do you mean?"

your shoulders shook as alessia's words weren't processing in your head as everything you'd been holding onto just came spilling out, "i've known since january"

a beat of silence ran around the room before alessia whispered, "what?"

you dragged a shaky breath in. "they aren't renewing me."

and for a moment alessia just stared at you as if her brain had refused to process the sentence. "they what?"

you nodded miserably. "i didn't know how to tell you."

"january?" alessia repeated, disbelief creeping into her voice.

"you’ve known since january?"

another nod, you screwed your eyes shut. in your mind you could imagine alessia’s face, annoyed, upset and rightly so.

so when alessia moved without thinking and pulled you towards her until you were pressed against her. wrapping both of her arms around you and holding on tightly. in your mind you were only dreaming.

but as alessia’s cooed and rubbed your back you knew she was there, she may be upset but she was here for you, always. you made a small strangled sound before burying yourself in alessia’s neck.

and then, that was the moment you finally fell apart. not the controlled tears she'd been fighting, real sobs. the kind that shook through your whole body.

twenty years. academy at eight. every age group. every injury. every setback. every dream. your entire life had been built around one badge.

"i don't know what i’m doing," you cried. "i don’t know where i’m going."

alessia tightened her arms around you. "you don't have to know right now."

"but—" you sniffled your words not making much sense.

"we’ll figure it out." alessia said softly kissing the top of your head, trying her best to comfort you.

you shook your head against her shoulder. "you don't understand."

"i do."

"no." your voice cracked again, "my whole life has been arsenal." the words shattered into another sob.

alessia closed her eyes because she did understand. maybe not completely maybe no one could unless they’d spent the same amount of time you had at the same club. but alessia understood enough.

enough to know that this wasn't just about a contract. it was about identity. about belonging and about walking into a place that had felt like home since childhood and realising it no longer wanted you to stay.

alessia pressed a kiss into your hair. "baby, listen to me." you didn't move. "we’ll work it out together, i promise”

another kiss. "whatever happens." another. "whatever club, country” another as you finally lifted your head, your eyes were red-rimmed and swollen, completely heartbroken.

alessia brushed away the tears still clinging to your cheeks.

"you are not doing this alone."

your mouth trembled. "i’m so scared," you admitted.

"of what?"

"cause saying it aloud makes it real.."

alessia chest ached for you. "it’s real," she said softly, nothing she could say was going to sugarcoat that. "but that doesn't mean you've lost everything."

you looked unconvinced, “it feels like i have."

"you haven't." alessia tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "yes you’ve lost a club. not your career. not your talent. not the loving person you are."

you let out a shaky breath. "i don't even know who o am without arsenal."

"then we'll find out." alessia smiled, wiping your cheeks. “but either way i’ll love you all the more”

as you mumbled ‘i love you’ back as the tears started again but this time, when you cried, you weren’t curled up alone in a bathroom after another meeting with your agent.

you weren’t staring at headlines in the middle of the night. you weren’t carrying the weight of twenty years by herself.

alessia was holding you through every shaking breath, one hand rubbing slow circles across your back and for the first time since january, you felt something other than panic.

it wasn't certainty. it wasn't hope, not fully.

but wrapped in the arms of the person you loved, with the truth finally out in the open, the pressure in your chest eased just enough for you to breathe again.

and for tonight, that was enough.

[enwoso]

wait what i’ve just opened instagram and millie turner is leaving united🫪🫪🫪 i thought she had just signed a new contract?

what the heck-

[enwoso]

transfer rumours | grumpy universe

very random idea from myself but enjoy🙃

masterlist

the russo family lunches were never quiet.

there was always someone talking over someone else, someone stealing chips off another plate and at least one phone being passed around to a show a photo or video.

today was no different. alessia sat with you tucked beside her at the table of a rooftop restaurant looking over the busy london streets down below. you were happily swinging your legs while colouring on the paper placement the waiter had given you.

mario and carol were sat opposite deep in conversation with luca’s wife, lauren as luca was arguing with gio about something football related while rosa was soundly asleep as alessia was trying to convince you to eat something that wasn’t just chips.

“two more bites of your sandwich,” alessia negotiated picking up the triangle shaped sandwich and handing it closer to you

you narrowed her eyes, dropping the colouring crayon out of your hand. “three chips and a bite.” alessia sighed before nodding knowing it was either that or you wouldn’t eat it.

“you drive a hard bargain.” gio snorted from beside them, scrolling through his phone while he waited for the food to arrive. that was when you spotted the screen.

“who’s that?” you asked, leaning dramatically across the table.

gio glanced down. “just one of my friends, that i went to school with when i was as big as you.”

swipe.

“and who’s that?”

“that’s someone i did a shoot with.”

swipe.

“and—” gio stopped. a photo of alexia putellas in a london city lionesses shirt filled the screen.

your eyes widened instantly. “ALEXIA!” you gasped, nearly spilling your juice carton all down yourself.

alessia smiled despite herself. “good spotting, lovie.”

“she’s moving to london city,” gio explained, still looking at the post. “looks like the announcement’s official now.”

that was all the information you needed. your little forehead scrunched in concentration as she stared at the phone, then looked around the table.

alexia. london city. your auntie mary. london. alexia. your auntie mary.

alessia watched the exact moment her daughter connected the dots.

“i’m going to live with auntie mary.” you said so sure of yourself as the table fell silent as luca blinked slowly only hearing the last part of the conversation.

carol lowered her fork, a small smile hidden behind her mouth as gio looked like he might choke from laughing.

alessia turned slowly to her daughter. “you’re going to what?”

“live with auntie mary,” you repeated confidently, arms folding this time to seem more serious.

“right,” alessia said carefully, placing her glass down on the table. “and why exactly are you moving out?”

gio held up his phone. “i think she’s figured out that mary plays for london city now too.”

you nodded enthusiastically. “if i live with mary, then i can go to training with her and see alexia every day.”

luca burst out laughing.“that’s actually a pretty good plan for a five year old,” he admitted.

“thank you,” you said proudly, as you climbed over to sit with your mummy on her seat.

alessia pressed her lips together to stop herself laughing too hard. “lovie, that’s not really how it works.”

you frowned as you looked up at her. “why not?”

“because,” alessia said gently, brushing a curl away from your face, “auntie mary has her own house and her own training schedule, and alexia has hers. you can’t just move in with someone so you can see your football idol every day.”

you considered this very seriously, even though it didn’t make much sense to you. to you it was an excellent plan. “even if i help tidy up?” you asked, knowing adults liked when things were tidy.

gio snorted into his drink. “still a no, kiddo” alessia said, laughing now. you sighed dramatically, the kind only children could manage. the world was ending in your eyes.

alessia nudged your knee. “also, everyone at arsenal would miss you far too much.”

you looked up immediately. “really?”

“really.” alessia echoed as you nodded slightly.

“all of them?”

“all of them.”

“even lotte?”

“especially lotte.”

that seemed to satisfy you.“that’s true,” you admitted.

“oh?” alessia asked, wonding where this sense of sudden confidence had come from. “and how do you know that?”

you sat up straighter, suddenly very pleased with yourself. “cause rara told me i bring the vibes.”

there was a beat of silence before the entire table erupted into laughter. “she said what?” alessia asked through a laugh.

“that i bring the vibes,” you repeated importantly. “and training is way more fun when i’m there.”

“that sounds exactly like something kyra would say,” luca said, shaking his head. mario chuckled. “i think tiny might be right.”

alessia wrapped an arm around your shoulders. “well, arsenal would definitely struggle without their official vibes manager.”

you beamed. “so i should stay?”

“i think so.” alessia nodded as if she’d even considered letting your elusive plan go through.

“but can i still meet alexia sometimes?”

“of course you can, i’ll try and make it happen” alessia promised as you gave an excited smile.

you relaxed against her side, apparently satisfied with the arrangement. “okay,” you decided. “i’ll stay with you.”

alessia kissed the top of her head. “thanks, lovie. i was worried i was about to lose my daughter to the transfer window rumours.”

“i was only considering it,” you informed your mummy very matter of the factly.

“how very kind of you but can you now finished your lunch please?” alessia asked nicely bringing your place of half eaten sandwiches and chips back in front of you.

“i guess so, but can i still wear my barcelona shirt when i see alexia?” alessia groaned while the rest of the family laughed again. you only grinned wider.

after all, you might be staying at arsenal but a girl was still allowed to have two football heroes.

[enwoso]

would be rude not too🫣

she’s just so… wow.

[enwoso]

Honestly I can’t get enough of the plus one universe!!!

i will admit i am enjoying writing it and i do have some other ideas in the pipeline for it to become maybe 5/6 part series (or more) if people would want that?

[enwoso]

all for one day | alessia russo

by popular demand… the plus 1 universe is here:)

masterlist | plus 1

training was supposed to be the easy part of your day.

half a day where nobody asked you whether ivory and off white were actually different colours, where florists didn't email asking for final number, where venues didn't suddenly decide they were unavailable unless deposits were paid within twenty four hours.

instead, you'd somehow turned arsenal's media day into another wedding planning session for yourself

the photographer was still setting up for the next round of content, giving everyone a forty-five minute break. most of the squad had scattered, majority were making coffees while others were just chilling in the players' lounge.

you however… you were hunched over a laptop at one of tables, your phone wedged between your shoulder and ear. three colour coded notebooks open around you, tabs multiplying across your screen faster than you could close them.

"...no, i understand that's your policy..." you pinched the bridge of your nose, a huff coming from your lips. "...i'm just asking if moving the seating plan by two tables really requires an entirely new floor plan."

silence followed by another pause. you closed your eyes in frustration, "...right"

click. the call ended.

you let your forehead fall against the laptop with a soft thunk, for exactly three seconds before sitting back up.

- email.

- venue.

- spreadsheet

- guest list

- budget

- accommodation

- transport

you clicked between documents so quickly even you couldn't exactly be sure what you'd been trying to do anymore. "why isn't this saving?" you groaned, hitting the save button repeatedly.

nothing.

"...you've got to be jokin'!" you huffed the screen loading and that annoying little buffer sign spinning annoyingly, taunting you and again nothing.

"oh, come on." you whispered, the laptop had now frozen that stupid little buffer sign now sitting still in the middle of your screen.

you stared blankly at it in disbelief, "no, surely not-"

click. nothing"

"no, no don't you dare."

click. but still nothing.

your jaw clenched, your patience running thinner "you've actually got to kidding me-"

across the room, beth looked up from where she'd been arguing with alessia over a game of monopoly deal. "...is she talking to herself?"

katie glanced over, putting her cup of coffee down on the table nearby, "she's been sat there for half an hour"

leah frowned, looking over with a furrowed brow "i thought she was just editing media stuff"

"no," beth laughed, loudly. "she's deep in the wedding planning."

"still?" leah questioned as beth nodded, it being a common theme for you at the minute.

katie just looked over her shoulder, "didn't she spend four hours doing that yesterday?"

"no, five," alessia corrected absentmindedly before looking back at the card game they were playing. alessia had stopped keeping track as you insisted you were fine and had everything happily under control and that you were really enjoying the planning process

and alessia had believed her, mostly. until now as you let out another frustrated groan from across the room.

"that makes absolutely no sense." you swore, thinking aloud as your head sunk into your hands, your mind spinning in circles.

katie wandered over first, placing a hand on your shoulder as she sat beside you, "you al'right?"

you took your head out your hands quickly but you barely looked up from the screen as you hummed a little in response to katie's question.

"your a terrible liar"

"'m fine."

katie looked at the screen, eyes widening wonder how on earth you were able to make any sense of what was on the screen, it just being filled with words and charts. "...what are you supposed to be lookin' at?"

"it's not matching." you pointed to the screen, katie nodding her head as if she understood but really she was still just as clueless if not even more so.

"what isn't?" she asked as you turned your head to look at her, seeing the confused look on her face.

"the seating software." you said as if it was the most obvious answer katie could able come up with.

katie blinked, "sorry.. the what?"

you sighed, "the seating software." you repeated a little louder this time.

katie looked genuinely horrified but still confused before asking. "there's software for stuff like that?"

"there are seventeen different seating software programmes." you pointed out, only knowing that because you had tried each and every single one out before deciding on the one you were using, deeming it the best on however you were now having doubts.

"...why?"

"i don't know!" your voice cracked with frustration the stupid software starting to buffer again, "i just need it to work!"

katie slowly stood back up, lingering for a minute watching as you stared intently at the screen she was slightly worried your eyes may turn square. "i'll be back in a minute"

within minutes beth, leah and caitlin had all wandered over, crowding around the table alongside katie.

beth pointed at the screen sitting in the seat katie previously had been, "so..." you nodded distractedly, humming to acknowledge their presence. "...what's wrong?"

you gestured helplessly at the screen which hadn't been making sense to you for the last hour, "everything,"

leah leaned in over the top looking at your laptop, "you've got spreadsheets linked to spreadsheets.." you nodded as leah continued to analyse your work, "and colour coding... and formulas?... what do you need them for?"

"and...is that a seating simulation?" leah continued as you dropped your head back into your hands mumbling a 'yes'

there was a brief silence before beth eventually spoke, ".. you are aware people usually use pegs and plates for that type of thing..."

you lifted your head and turned to look at beth like she'd just suggested setting the venue on fire. "it's our wedding."

"yeah?"

"it has to be perfect."

leah softened, a concerned look flashing across her face at your words, "y/n..."

"what if someone can't see because they're behind a flower arrangement?"

"...could always move the flowers?" beth pointed out as you dismissed it straight away.

"and what if cousins who don't like each other get put too close together?"

"...move the cousins?" caitlin suggested but again you dismissed it straight away.

"what if—"

"y/n." leah said sternly over the top of your voice as you stopped talking. leah exchanging a glance with beth who nodded understanding the signal as she quietly slipped away.

"so..." katie whispered, trying to bring the sound back to another conversation that wasn't colour schemes and seating arrangements.

"where are you going?" caitlin asking spinning a little as she watched beth back away a little

"i'm getting her fiancée." beth called out walking straight in the direction of your blonde wife to be.

alessia was halfway through having photos taken when when appeared beside the backdrop.

"less." beth called over a worried look on her face as alessia looked up and around for the sound of the voice before landing on beth sending her a smile.

"i think your future wife might be having a breakdown."

alessia immediately lowered the football she'd been holding, brows furrowing immediately. "what?"

beth nodded towards the lounge, alessia following the movement and seeing you sat once again with that laptop.  "she's been wrestling with seating plans for about forty minutes now." beth said as alessia looked between beth and you.

"and?" alessia waited knowing there was something else as this was the 'norm' for you at the minute.

"and i think she's genuinely considering fighting the laptop." beth continued, as alessia hummed she knew there was going to be something else.

alessia's smiled faintly. "that bad?"

"less..." beth's grin and usual joker expression disappeared, "i don't think she's okay."

the smile slipped from alessia's face as she thanked the photographer before quietly making her way across the room. spotting you immediately still exactly where she'd left you after the first round of media attention.

your shoulders still tense and jaw tight with hair messier than usual from repeatedly running your hands through it. your eyes glued to the screen with an intensity normally reserved for major finals.

you didn't even notice alessia walking up behind you. alessia looked at the screen: seven different tabs, an inbox overflowing with unread replies, a spreadsheet she'd never be able to understand, notes, timelines, colour codes, checklists half written.

you had done all this... for one day. a day just for the two of you. the thought made alessia's chest squeeze.

without saying a word, alessia stepped behind your chair and wrapped both arms gently around your shoulders. you startled slightly at the sudden contact, but you knew exactly who it would be. "..hi"

alessia rested her chin against the top of your head. "hi"

you immediately reached for the keyboard again. "i've nearly fixed it." a sense of achievement in your tone slightly, however it came across more tiredly than you expected.

"you've said that for the last hour babe" alessia said sweetly, knowing you and your stubbornness that you wouldn't leave it be until there was a sense of accomplishment.

"but.. but i actually have this time." you said quietly, tapping away at the keyboard.

"y/n."

"i'm serious." you quipped back, your brow creasing with concentration as you carried on tapping away furiously at the keyboard.

"i know." alessia kissed your hair. "so serious you've forgotten you've not eaten lunch."

you paused. "...have i?" you asked looking around the room for signs of lunch but there wasn't any, everyone else was back to doing their media duties so you had in fact missed lunch,

"you've also ignored three messages from me." alessia listed her arms tightening around you.

"...did i?" you reached for your phone and along with messages to do with the wedding also sat alessia's messages which you hadn't even remember popping up on the screen.

"and you've been frowning so hard i'm worried your face is going to stay like that." alessia pointed out as she poked at your cheek with her nail.

you couldn't help the tiny smile. "it might."

alessia gently slid the laptop a few inches away and immediately you reached for it. "no."

alessia reached first, closing it with a soft click as you gasped dramatically as if she had just personally offended you. "babe-"

"no." alessia deadpanned looking at you dead in the eyes.

"but my work, our wedding"

"it'll still be there tomorrow."

"it won't if i don't—"

"it will, i promise baby" alessia said constantly as she held you hand in hers before kissing the top of your head again.

you sighed, leaning slightly back into her feeling somewhat of comfort for the first time since you arrived at training.

"it has to be perfect" your voice was quieter now, smaller and more vulnerable "its just.." you swallowed, the words on the tip of your tongue, "i only get to marry you once"

alessia felt her heart ache that little bit more cause you weren't stressed because you cared about centrepieces or the seating charts or the colour of the table linen.

you were stressed because every decision carried the same thought. this is the day i marry the love of my life.

alessia loosened one arm before gently taking your hand. "y/n." alessias blue eyes finally meeting yours, "i don't care if someone sits three chairs further away."

you opened your mouth to try and interrupt but alessia shut you down, "i don't care if the flowers aren't exactly the right shade."

"they're not—"

"i don't care if it rains." alessia carried on, before shrugging slightly "it probably will"

that drew a weak laughter from you as you agreed "it probably will."

"and do you know why?" alessia asked as you shook your head, "because i'm marrying you"

alessia brushed a loose strand of hair behind your ear."i could marry you in a registry office with two plastic chairs and a tesco meal deal afterwards."

you just laughed, as alessia continued, “i'm serious!"

"i know."

"the only thing i've ever cared about..." alessia leaned forward until your foreheads rested together. "...is that, at the end of the aisle, it's you waiting for me."

your eyes shimmered as you nodded lightly, alessia carrying on with her loving words, "so stop trying to build the perfect wedding."

a thumb brushed gently across your cheek. "because the moment you asked me to marry you..." alessia smiled, impossibly soft pressing a quick kiss to your lips, "...it was already perfect."

you breath caught. every spreadsheet, sleepless night, colour comparison, frantic email, backup plan, every moment you’d spent worrying...

all because you wanted alessia to have the best day of her life. and alessia... alessia had never needed any of it. she just needed you.

you let out a shaky laugh. "i hate how easily you fix me."

"i don't."

"no?"

"i quite enjoy reminding my future wife she's allowed to breathe." alessia smiled, kissing the side of your head as you finally stood, turning in alessia's arms until you could wrap both of hers tightly around her waist.

you buried her face into alessia's neck. "i love you."

"i love you too." alessia whispered into the side of your ear.

"i just wanted it to be worthy of you." you whispered, while it was quiet alessia still heard and felt every word as she held you a little tighter.

"you are."

you frowned, "the wedding"

"no." alessia shook her head lightly before pulling back just enough to look you in the eyes. "you." your eyes filled despite yourself.

across the room, beth nudged katie. a proud smile spreading across beth's lips. "told you she'd sort it"

katie watched you melt completely against alessia. "its actually disgustingly cute"

leah smiled over the rim of her water bottle, standing like a proud mum, "no." she watched as alessia pressed a gentle kiss against your forehead before leading you away from the abandoned laptop and towards the lunch room.

"its exactly why they're getting married."

[enwoso]

Are we by any chance going to see Lovie back soon? 👀🥹

i am working on something for lovie 😌

a little hint for what it could be about; ‘they say don’t meet your hero’s’

[enwoso]

Any chance of a sneak peek into the next instalment of the plus one universe 👀👀👀

since you asked so nicely🙃

katie looked at the screen, eyes widening wonder how on earth you were able to make any sense of what was on the screen, it just being filled with words and charts. '...what are you supposed to be lookin' at?"

"it's not matching." you pointed to the screen, katie nodding her head as if she understood but really she was still just as clueless if not even more so.

"what isn't?" she asked as you turned your head to look at her, seeing the confused look on her face.

"the seating software." you said as if it was the most obvious answer katie could able come up with.

katie blinked, "sorry... the what?"

[enwoso]

can i just say that new signing video for stanway, wow. 11/10

the new training kits however…i’ll get back to you… (our little traffic cones)

[enwoso]

UPCOMING FICS! 🎉🎉

i always forget i have this oops, mb

here are my current wips if anyone is curious.

these are all requested (i think maybe one is a random me idea) but these are all in different stages, some are finished and edited and others just have the basic plot mapped out.

titles are likely to change, and the way they are ordered does not represent what’s coming next.

any questions pls feel free to ask:) lots of love x

⭐️(03/07)

🪩 all for one day : alessia russo (part of plus 1 universe)

🪩 not currently : ella toone x man!city reader

🪩 staying still : alessia russo

🪩 never meet your hero : grumpy universe

🪩 etched : alessia russo

🪩 unspoken lines : alessia russo

🪩 part exchange : grace clinton

[enwoso]

i’ve updated this/remembered i had it🫢

but it’s a seek peek behind the curtain of what to expect🤪

[enwoso]

enough love | grumpy universe

buckle up it’s a long one:)

grumpy masterlist | requested!

the first sign that something was wrong should have been how clingy you had been that morning.

and maybe leah would have picked up on it straight away however, today she was running on little sleep after three days of solo-parenting while alessia was away on ella's hen do.

not unusual clingy. not the kind where you needed help finding your shoes or wanted leah to fix your wonky ponytail. this was different.

every time leah moved, you seemed to appear beside her. when leah wandered into the kitchen to make breakfast, you climbed onto a stool at the island and watched her crack eggs into a bowl.

when leah crossed the room to grab something from the fridge, you hopped down and followed. by the time breakfast was ready, you were practically leaning against leah's leg.

leah glanced down as she stirred the eggs. "morning, shadow."

you wrapped both arms around her knee without hesitation. "mornin'."

"what're you doing down there?" leah asked with a small laugh.

"huggin'."

"clearly."

"'cause i wanted to." you said quietly, the answer was simple enough, but it made leah smile.

normally you would have been chatting non-stop by now, telling your mama about a dream you'd had or asking a hundred random questions before nine in the morning.

instead you seemed perfectly content just being close.

the pattern continued throughout the morning. leah disappeared upstairs to get dressed and heard little footsteps following her a few seconds later.

by the time she'd reached her bedroom, you were standing in the doorway watching her pull clothes from her wardrobe.

"you okay, angel?" leah asked, tugging a jumper over her head.

"yep." you answered in the same quiet tone as you leant against the doorway.

"you're staring at me."

"no i'm not."

"you definitely are."

a tiny smile tugged at your lips before disappearing almost as quickly as it arrived. leah noticed it. she also noticed how quickly the smile faded.

usually once you started giggling it snowballed into full-blown chaos. today, though, you simply stayed where you were, lingering quietly in the doorway.

even when leah brushed her teeth, she caught sight of your little blonde head in the mirror. you sat cross-legged on the bathroom floor, chin resting on her knees as you swung esme the elephant around in circles.

leah pulled the toothbrush from her mouth. "you know this is weird, right?"

"a little bit." you said quietly, continuing throwing your esme the elephant in the air.

"a little bit?" leah echoed as you hummed.

"maybe a lot." that earned a proper laugh from both of you, but once again the moment passed quickly. the giggle faded and you settled back into silence, still hovering nearby as though you couldn't quite bear being in another room.

the thing was, you had seemed absolutely fine all weekend. alessia had left on friday morning just before you were going to school, for ella's hen.

after many hugs, kisses, many promises to facetime, one dramatic declaration from you that's you'd miss your mummy forever and not to forgot alessia's ramble of do's and don'ts for the weekend - alessia finally made it on her way for her weekend away.

since then there had been movie nights, pancakes, facetime's before bed and enough sweets to make alessia question leah's parenting choices when she got home.

but despite all of that, something felt different today.

but by the time they were getting ready to leave for sunday dinner at leah's parents' house, you had managed to remain within arm's reach for almost the entire morning.

leah was sitting on the sofa pulling on her trainers when she felt a familiar weight press against her side. looking down, she found you once again attached to her arm.

"what am i going to do with you?" leah asked fondly, pressing a kiss to your hair which had spent her too long doing

you just shrugged. "keep me."

"oh, is that the plan?" leah laughed lightly at your innocent response.

"yep."

"just keep you?"

"yep, forever."

leah laughed and crouched down in front of her, brushing a stray loose strand of blonde hair back into place. "sounds expensive."

that finally earned a proper grin.

"you excited for your sunday dinner?" leah asked, knowing you quite like the odd sunday when football games didn't fall on those days where you'd just be surrounded by family, a trait which you definitely got from your mummy.

you nodded immediately. "yeah!"

"see grandma and grandad?"

another nod.

"the cousins?"

"yep."

leah smiled. "going to see henry."

the reaction was tiny. so small most people would have missed it entirely. the smile faltered for a split second, you shoulders drooping before you quickly straightened again. "yeah."

leah frowned slightly. "everything okay, angel?"

you nodded so quickly it was almost suspicious. "yep."

"you sure? you can tell mama if somethings wrong"

"i sure."

this time you wouldn't meet leah's eyes, focusing instead on the zip of your jacket. leah had the distinct feeling she was missing something important, but before she could ask again, you reached out and grabbed her hand.

"we go now?"

leah looked down at the little fingers wrapped tightly around hers and squeezed gently.

"come on then angel"

you immediately brightened and followed her out to the car, still holding onto leah's hand. neither of you realised that by the end of the day, leah would finally understand why her little shadow hadn't wanted to let her out of sight all morning.

—

sunday dinners with the williamson's were rarely quiet.

the house was already buzzing by the time leah pulled onto the driveway. even from outside she could see movement through the windows and hear the faint sound of voices carrying out every time the front door opened.

it was the same every sunday; loud, chaotic and completely impossible to escape a conversation for more than five minutes.

the moment leah opened the front door, the familiar warmth hit her. the smell of roast potatoes, gravy and freshly baked yorkshire puddings drifted from the kitchen, mixing with the sounds of laughter coming from what seemed like every room in the house.

her dad was carrying a stack of plates towards the dining room while attempting to have a conversation over his shoulder. amanda was standing in the kitchen doorway directing people around despite nobody actually listening to her instructions.

leah's grandmother was settled comfortably in her favourite armchair, issuing orders from afar with the confidence of somebody who knew everyone would eventually do what she wanted anyway.

you stepped inside beside leah, your hand still tucked securely in leah's. usually you'd already be halfway through the house by now with alessia calling ahead for you to slow down as you would race off to find someone to play with or investigating whatever snacks were sitting unattended on the kitchen counter.

today you lingered close, letting leah hang her coat up before slowly following her further inside.

"there's my girls!" amanda appeared almost instantly, pulling leah into a quick hug before crouching down to greet you properly.

"hello, sweetheart."

"hi, nana." you said quietly as you hugged her, the smell of home cooking surrounding you.

amanda smiled immediately but even she seemed to notice the quieter-than-usual greeting, but before she could comment, a familiar voice echoed from somewhere deeper in the house.

"leah!"

the next thing leah knew, her five-year-old cousin henry came hurtling around the corner at alarming speed.

"woah buddy!" leah barely had time to brace herself before he crashed into her legs. she laughed, steadying him with both hands before he sent himself sprawling onto the floor. "there he is."

henry grinned up at her proudly. "guess what le!"

"should i be worried?" leah asked as you sat quietly on the floor taking your shoes off, pulling lightly at the laces.

"no!" the answer came far too quickly.

leah narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "that wasn't convincing." as an excited giggle came from henry.

but then, finally, he spotted you sat not far from leah. his face lit up immediately. "y/n!"

usually that was all it took. usually the two children would disappear before any adult could stop the two of you. you'd both spend the afternoon building dens, making up games or getting yourselves into enough mischief that somebody inevitably ended up apologising for the two of you later.

today, though, you didn't run forward. didn't throw your arms around him. didn't immediately start asking questions.

instead you offered a small smile. "hi, henry" henry just blinked. the greeting wasn't rude. just... quiet. different an even leah noticed it.

for a second henry seemed unsure what to do with that response then his excitement took over again. "come see my lego!"

before leah could answer, henry had already grabbed her hand. "made loads of new stuff."

"oh yeah?" leah laughed lightly as henry rambled on about his lego creations, you hanging by leah quietly.

henry simply laughed and started tugging her towards the living room. "come on!"

and because leah hadn't seen him properly in weeks, leah allowed herself to be dragged along. family gatherings were one of the few places she got to see some of her younger cousins and extended family regularly, and henry had always had a habit of making sure she saw every single one of his latest creations.

"alright, alright," leah laughed. "show me then." henry took off immediately and leah followed behind him and a few steps behind leah came you, quiet. silent almost as if you wouldn't know you were there unless you seen her.

your small trainers padded softly against the floorboards as you trailed after them while henry excitedly chattered away about dinosaurs and spaceships you simple listened.

watching henry cling to leah's arm. watching leah laugh at whatever story he was telling. watching him pull her attention away over and over again.

at first nobody noticed: not henry, not leah, not any of the adults who were busy preparing dinner.

but you noticed and you followed them into the living room, something uncomfortable settled quietly in her chest. a feeling you didn't quite understand yet.

only that every time henry made leah smile, you seemed to feel it a little bit more. at first nobody noticed, not really.

there were too many people in the house and too much noise for anyone to pay attention to the fact that one little girl wasn't quite herself.

the living room was full of overlapping conversations, the kitchen even louder as people drifted in and out stealing roast potatoes before dinner was ready.

every surface seemed occupied by a family member, and somewhere in the middle of it all henry was enthusiastically showing leah every single lego creation he'd built since she'd last visited.

to everyone else, it probably looked completely normal. henry was excited, leah was catching up with family.

the house was loud, busy and full of people who all wanted a piece of her attention. so nobody thought twice about it. you tried not to either.

you followed them into the living room and sat quietly while henry launched into an explanation about a complicated lego spaceship. leah listened with a smile, asking questions and making the appropriate impressed noises whenever he pointed out a feature he was particularly proud of.

you sat nearby on the sofa, eyes drifting between leah and henry and the programme on the tv which you couldn't really understand as it wasn't your usual cartoon watch.

every now and then you'd think about joining the conversation, opening you mouth only to close it again when henry immediately started talking over the top of whatever leah had been about to say.

it happened once, then twice and then again. eventually you stopped trying.

when henry proudly placed the spaceship in leah's hands, leah gasped dramatically. "that's actually brilliant."

"i know." he smiled proudly as leah inspected the small lego creation.

"you built all this yourself?" henry nodded so enthusiastically leah thought his head might fall off. you watched the exchange from your seat on the sofa.

normally you'd be climbing all over leah by now. normally you'd be sitting pressed against her side, helping examine the lego or proudly showing off whatever you’d built too.

instead you remained where you were. quiet and almost invisible as you held your esme the elephant just that little bit tighter.

as the afternoon continued, the feeling sitting inside your chest started growing. not enough to make you cry. not enough to make a fuss.

just enough to make everything feel a little bit wrong.

when henry climbed onto the sofa beside leah, you settled herself on the other side of the sofa, still close enough to be near her. not close enough to compete

you pulled at the sleeve of your jumper while listening to henry chatter away beside you. every few minutes he'd grab leah's arm to show her something else, and every single time leah's attention immediately shifted back to him.

not because she was doing anything wrong. not because she was ignoring you.

but because henry was four years old and excited and desperate to show somebody all the things he'd been waiting weeks to share.

still, you noticed. you noticed every time.

when henry made leah laugh, you found yourself staring at the carpet. when henry leaned against her shoulder, you shuffled slightly further away. when henry demanded her attention again, you looked down at her hands.

nobody noticed; not henry, not leah. not even you fully understood why you felt the way you did. you just knew there was a strange ache sitting beneath her ribs.

but because it wasn't really about henry. not entirely anyways. henry was your friend, your cousin. most days you adored him and most times you saw him the two of you were inseparable.

this ache feeling had started before you left your house with your mama. it had started when you'd woken up that morning and realised your mummy still wasn't home two days ago.

to most people that wasn't very long but to a five year old it was enormous. the house had felt different without alessia there. bedtime was different, breakfast had felt different.

even facetiming your mummy hadn't quite fixed the problem because every call ended the same way, with alessia saying goodbye and promising she'd be home soon as you sat with a pout and sad eyes.

soon felt like forever when you were five. you'd tried to be brave about it, you smiled during the facetime calls. you'd tell mummy about your day, you'd laugh when your mummy showed the ridiculous costumes she'd convinced ella to wear.

but every time the call ended, you felt that little empty space all over again. the place where your mummy should have been. and now, sitting in a crowded living room full of people, that feeling seemed even bigger.

because usually when you missed your mummy, your mama was there. leah would be the person you curled up beside, the person you followed around the house, the person who always seemed to know when something was wrong.

but only leah was busy, not on purpose and definitely not because she didn't care. just because henry wanted her attention too.

and for the first time all weekend, you found yourself wondering whether there was enough of leah to go around and that thought made your stomach twist.

so instead of saying anything, you simply sat quietly now with a colouring book and some pencils glancing over every time henry made leah laugh again. the ache in your chest growing just a little heavier each time.

by lunchtime, leah's mum, amanda had started to notice something was off. not enough to say anything at first. just the little things.

the way you weren't running around causing chaos with henry like you usually would be, the way you sat quietly colouring in longer than you usually would be. the way you seemed to be watching leah more than participating in whatever was going on around her.

amanda had spent enough years raising children to know when one was carrying around feelings they didn't quite know how to explain. still, she kept an eye on things and waited.

by dinner, leah's grandma had noticed too. the entire family was squeezed around the dining table, conversations overlapping from one end to the other.

plates were being passed around, somebody was arguing about football, and amanda was trying unsuccessfully to stop people stealing roast potatoes before everyone had been served.

through all of it, leah's granmda sat quietly observing. she'd always been good at that. while everyone else got caught up in the noise, she noticed the things people missed.

and right now, she was watching two children sitting at opposite ends of the table or more specifically, she was watching one child and one very distracted adult.

henry was halfway through explaining something incredibly important about dinosaurs. at least, incredibly important according to him. "and then the t-rex bites him," he announced dramatically.

leah nodded with complete seriousness. "seems a bit rude."

"it wasn't rude." henry said as he pushed more food onto his fork.

"no?" leah asked as henry shook his head finished what was in his mouth before speaking.

"he was hungry."

"fair enough."

henry grinned triumphantly before immediately launching into another explanation. leah listened patiently, occasionally asking questions or pretending to be shocked by whatever twist the story took next.

the entire exchange was harmless. sweet, even but sitting three seats away was you and leah's grandma could see exactly what nobody else could.

every time henry spoke, you looked towards your mama. every time leah laughed, your eyes followed. every time henry tugged on leah's sleeve to get her attention, you seemed to sink a little further into her chair.

you weren’t throwing a tantrum, wasn't sulking. wasn't demanding attention. that was what made it so obvious. you were trying very hard not to let anyone know you were upset.

leah's grandma's heart immediately softened. she glanced across the table towards amanda. "you seeing what i'm seeing?"

amanda followed her gaze and at first she looked confused. but then her eyes landed on you and suddenly she saw it too. "oh."

"exactly." for a moment neither woman spoke, they simply watched.

watched as you pushed a pea around your plate without eating it. watched you force polite little smiles whenever someone spoke to you. watched you glance towards leah every few seconds without even seeming to realise she was doing it.

most importantly, they watched what happened whenever henry got leah's attention. because every single time, your shoulders seemed to droop, just a little. just enough.

enough for two mothers to spot it immediately. "bless her," amanda murmured quietly as leah's grandma hummed in agreement.

thea older woman took a sip of tea before speaking again. "she's jealous."

amanda considered it for a second and normally she would've laughed at the idea. you adored henry. the two children spent most family gatherings joined at the hip.

but looking at you now...

watching the way you kept staring towards leah...

watching the way you looked so much smaller than usual...

amanda slowly nodded. "yeah maybe." leah's grandma continued watching. "not really of henry"

"no."

"just what he has." amanda's expression softened. because she understood exactly what the other women meant.

henry had leah's attention, not all of it. as leah had continuously tried to involve you but you just seemed so sullen.

but henry had enough of leah's attention and today, that mattered. especially for a little girl who'd spent the entire weekend missing her mummy.

amanda glanced towards the empty chair alessia usually occupied whenever they came for dinner then back towards you. the pieces clicked together almost instantly. "and she's missing her mum."

that made leah's grandma sigh because of course she was.

alessia had only been gone a couple of days, but to a five-year-old those couple of days probably felt enormous. the facetime calls helped, the reassurances helped.

but they weren't the same as having your mum there to cuddle into at bedtime. they weren't the same as hearing her laugh from the next room.

amanda looked back at you again. you were now staring down at her yorkshire pudding, absentmindedly poking at it with your fork. not eating. not joining the conversation. not asking your usual questions. not being herself.

the contrast was impossible to miss once you saw it.

"both," amanda agreed quietly and for a few moments they simply watching you. neither of them liking the sadness they saw there.

because underneath the jealousy and the clinginess and the quietness was something much simpler. you weren't angry. you weren't being difficult. you were just a little girl who missed her mummy.

and who, for the first time all day, was starting to wonder if you might be losing some of leah's attention too.

amanda's gaze shifted towards her daughter. completely oblivious. still listening to henry explain dinosaurs as though it was the most fascinating conversation she'd ever had.

amanda shook her head affectionately. "that girl hasn't got a clue, has she?"

leah's grandma snorted into her tea. "not a single clue."

"think we should mention it?"

leah's grandma looked back towards you. the little girl chose that exact moment to glance towards leah again. a tiny, hopeful look crossing your face before henry immediately demanded her attention once more.the hope disappeared just as quickly.

leah's grandma expression softened. "oh i think we'd better."

—

leah was helping clear plates when amanda finally decided enough was enough.

dinner had mostly finished, people beginning to drift back towards the living room with cups of tea and half-finished conversations. you were back colouring in, concentrating on staying perfectly in the line.

leah was standing at the kitchen counter stacking plates when she felt her mum appear beside her. amanda didn't say anything at first. just nodded towards the doorway. "you need to go talk to tiny."

leah blinked. "what?"

amanda simply gave her a look and tilted her head towards the living room again. leah followed her gaze automatically and immediately her stomach dropped.

you lying by yourself in the far corner, colouring but not talking, not following henry around, not doing much of anything really. instead just a shell of yourself sitting there small and quiet

the sight hit leah harder than she expected. "what's wrong?"

amanda folded her arms. "you tell me."

leah frowned and looked again. really looked this time and suddenly she saw everything she'd somehow managed to miss all day.

the way your shoulders seemed permanently slumped. the way you'd barely spoken throughout dinner. the way your eyes kept drifting towards leah every few minutes before quickly looking away again. the way you'd spent the entire afternoon hovering nearby without ever actually joining in.

waiting and watching.

leah groaned softly and scrubbed a hand across her face. "oh no." amanda just nodded knowingly.

"i've been an idiot." leah whispered a wave of guilt spreading across her immediately.

amanda's expression softened immediately. "no, you've been distracted."

leah still looked guilty. "same thing."

amanda squeezed her arm. "then fix it." and leah she didn't need telling twice.

she found you exactly where she'd been left. lying in the corner with your colouring but you were colouring slow as if your mind was not really in it.

the television was on in the background, everyone was talking around you moving in and out to go and get dessert but somehow you seemed completely separate from all of it.

lost in your own little world, leah's chest tightened. "hey angel"

you looked up immediately. the sad expression disappeared so quickly leah almost thought she'd imagined it.

"hi." you said quietly dropping the blue pencil that was previously in your hand on the page and sitting up.

leah sat beside you. close enough that her shoulders touched yours. neither of you spoke for a moment. leah simply sat there quietly, letting you settle into her presence.

eventually she nudged you gently with her shoulder. "you alright?" you just shrugged, the kind of shrug that wasn't actually an answer.

leah smiled softly. "wanna tell me what's going on?"

for a few moments you simply stared at the carpet and leah waited patiently. she'd learned a long time ago that rushing children rarely got you anywhere.

eventually, in a voice so quiet leah almost missed it;

"when's mummy coming home?"

the question caught her completely off guard but for a second all the pieces clicked together. the clinginess that morning. the quietness all afternoon. the sadness. the jealousy.

it wasn't just henry. it had never just been henry.

leah's expression immediately softened. "oh, angel." you kept your eyes fixed firmly on the floor as though you were embarrassed you'd even asked.

"tonight."

the reaction was instant, your head snapped up. "as in tonight, tonight?"

leah couldn't help smiling. "yeah."

"what time?"

"i'm not actually sure."

you frowned immediately. "that's not a time."

leah laughed, as she held you just that little bit tighter,  "no, i suppose it isn't."

you considered leah's answer carefully, "will it be dark?"

"probably."

"really dark?"

"probably really dark."

you let out the most dramatic sigh leah had ever heard. the kind of sigh only a five-year-old could manage. leah reached over and smoothed a hand through your blonde hair. "you miss her?"

a tiny nod.

"i just wanted mummy."

the words shattered leah's heart. not because they were dramatic. not because you were crying but because of how simple they were. honest and raw. the kind of truth children delivered without even trying.

leah immediately opened her arms. "c'mere angel." you practically climbed into her lap as though you'd been waiting for permission all day.

leah wrapped both arms around you and immediately felt the little girl melt against her chest. there it was. the thing you'd been looking for all afternoon.

comfort and safety.

the place you always ended up whenever something felt too big. leah rested her cheek against soft blonde hair. "you know she misses you too, right?"

"yeah."

"she probably talked about you every five minutes." leah said as she rubbed a hand against your back a tiny smile appeared on your face, "really?"

"oh definitely."

"even with auntie ella?"

leah laughed quietly. "especially with auntie ella."

that finally earned a proper giggle. small but real. the first one leah heard in hours. for a moment she thought that might be the end of it.

then she looked down and noticed something still lingering behind your eyes. a hesitation, a worry. something you hadn't quite said out loud yet and suddenly leah understood.

"angel." you looked up. "did you think i was spending more time with henry than you today?"

the silence answered before you did. you immediately looked away chewing slightly on your bottom lip.

"oh angel." leah cooed, she felt awful, absolutely awful. because now she could see it from your perspective.

missing your mum all weekend. coming somewhere familiar looking for comfort then watching henry monopolise leah's attention for most of the day. of course you'd felt pushed aside.

"you know i love henry, don't you?" leah spoke quietly but with a sense of rawness. you gave a small nod. "he's family."

you nodded again and leah gently lifted your chin until those familiar blue eyes met hers. "but so are you."

you blinked and leah smiled softly. "actually." she brushed a piece of blonde hair behind your ear. "you're my girl, my angel."

instantly your lip wobbled and leah felt her own chest ache because somehow those five words always seemed to mean everything.

a tear threatened to spill from the corner of your eye. leah your her forehead immediately. "you don't have to compete with henry." another kiss. "you don't have to compete with anybody."

and another. "i've got enough love for all of you."

that was all it took. you buried your face in leah's shoulder and wrapped both arms tightly around her waist. leah held you just as tightly back.

holding you close. holding you safely. holding you exactly where you should have been all day.

—

the difference afterwards was immediate. the heaviness seemed to disappear from you almost entirely.

you smiled more. talked more.even joined in when henry came over to show everyone another dinosaur fact he'd apparently learned.

most importantly, you stopped watching leah from across the room because now she was right beside you. where she wanted to be.

when the family migrated back into the living room, you followed. when leah sat down, you immediately tucked herself against her side.

when henry wandered over carrying another toy dinosaur, you simply leaned into leah's shoulder and listened rather than retreating into yourself.

much happier, much lighter.

to his credit, even henry eventually noticed. "tiny tired."

leah looked down at the young practically draped across her side. "aren't we all buddy?"

by eight o'clock, you were barely functioning. your eyes kept drifting shut mid-conversation. every few minutes your head would slowly droop onto leah's shoulder before jerking awake again.

the entire family found it endlessly entertaining. "she's fighting for her life over there," holly, leah's cousin whispered.

leah laughed quietly, you glared at them all then yawned so hard your eyes watered but five minutes later you'd lost the battle completely.

curled underneath a blanket against leah's side. one tiny hand wrapped firmly around the sleeve of leah's jumper as though you needed physical proof that leah wasn't going anywhere.

leah glanced down, you were already asleep. long eyelashes resting against flushed cheeks. mouth slightly open, breathing slow and steady. completely out cold.

across the room amanda smiled knowingly. "there she is."

leah looked up. "what?" amanda nodded towards the sleeping child. "our tiny."

leah followed her gaze back down. at you who trusted her enough to fall asleep wrapped around her side. you who had spent the entire weekend missing your mum. you who had worried there wasn't enough room for you in leah’s heart.

and you who had finally fallen asleep feeling safe again. something warm settled in leah's chest.

leah leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of your head. "always has been."

almost as if you'd heard her, you made a sleepy little noise and immediately snuggled even closer. the entire room laughed softly, leah just smiled then settled deeper into the sofa.

because there was absolutely no chance she was moving now, she'd think about how to get you in the car later on. but she wasn't moving, not right now. not when a sleepy little girl had chosen her as the safest place in the room.

and not when, in a few hours, alessia would finally walk through the front door and find both of her favourite people exactly where she'd expect them to be curled up together on a sofa, waiting for her to come home.

[enwoso]

Hey I was thinking grumpy spends a day with Leah’s family and gets jealous of Leah’s cousins son Henry getting Leah’s attention?

here is enough love

hope you enjoy!🩷

[enwoso]

ok so i may or may not have wrote another part of the plus 1 universe…

really wasn’t intentional but i lowkey really loved writing it🫢

[enwoso]

one more thing | alessia russo

i hope the way i’ve wrote this isn’t confusing, it made sense in my head…

part of the plus 1 universe :)

masterlist | requested💍

the sea is calm in italy. not perfectly still there are small ripples dancing across the water, catching the orange glow of the setting sun but calm enough that if feels like the world has slowed just for the two of you.

the two of you were on holiday, the long season finally behind you both and you both had planned some time just for the two of you. alessia showing you some of the best bits of italy.

alessia was sitting beside you on a blanket which was spread across the sand, her legs tucked under neath her as she leans comfortably against your shoulder.

somewhere behind the two of you, a couple of people are laughing. a dog runs across the beach chasing a tennis ball. the scent of salt hangs in the evening air.

it's perfect.

you swallow hard. "you're quiet," alessia says, nudging your shoulder.

you glance down to find her bright blue eyes already looking at you. "i'm always quiet."

"not this quiet." alessia smiles before turning her attention back to the horizon.

the two of you had been together for nearly four years now.

four years of busy schedules. four years of late-night phone calls. four years of celebrating victories and surviving disappointments. four years of finding home in each other.

"i've been thinking lately," alessia says softly, as the a crisp breeze blows across you both as your stomach immediately twists. dangerous words.

"oh yeah?" you hum, your arm which was wrapped around her moving slightly closer to her. your mind going a hundred to one as you were unsure as to what she was going to come out with. 

"yeah." alessia begins to draws patterns into the sand with her fingertip. "about life."

you nearly let a laugh slip. of course. of all days. of all conversations alessia chooses this one.

"what about it?"

alessia just shrugs as the wind catches a few strands of her hair, "do you ever think about where you'll be in ten years time, like where we'll be?"

you feel the question settle in your chest. because you had thought about it. more than you'd ever admitted out loud.

⸻

three months earlier.

you had known before you admitted it to yourself. it wasn't some huge revelation or dramatic moment or lightning bolt. it was just a hundred tiny moments piling up until the answer became obvious.

moments like watching alessia fall asleep on the sofa after a match. like hearing her talk excitedly about absolutely nothing. like listening to her complain about some joke her teammates pulled on her that day whilst deep down secretly loving every second of it or like every single time you caught yourself thinking about the future and realising alessia was in all of it.

every version, plan and dream. alessia was there, at the forefront of it.

the realisation hit you properly at ella's wedding. not during the ceremony or the speeches. it happened later, when most people had moved onto the dance floor.

alessia had kicked off her heels and was laughing so hard she could barely stand upright. the fairy lights hanging above them reflected in her eyes and you had looked at her and thought- ‘there she is, my person.’

the thought had arrived with such certainty that it startled you. no 'i think'. no 'maybe someday'. no 'what if'. just certainty.

you wanted were going to marry her.

but planning a proposal had turned out to be significantly less romantic than you had imagined. mostly because you'd never realised how many decisions actually went into asking someone to marry you.

the ring, location, date, weather, photographer, travel, excuses. backup plans and then backup plans for the backup plans.

every time you thought you'd finally figured everything out, another detail appeared and there was something else to organise and something else which could potentially go wrong.

at one point you'd spent nearly forty-five minutes researching average sunset times before realising you'd completely forgotten to book the restaurant you'd already decided they were going to afterwards.

then the ring alone had nearly driven you insane.

you'd spent weeks researching. looking at hundreds of different styles, saving photos, deleting them again, second-guessing every decision you made.

some were too flashy, other too trendy or too complicated and some just weren't alessia. nothing felt quite right until the moment you seen it. a ring which was simple but so elegant in its own timeless sort of way and exactly like her.

the day you picked it up, you had sat alone in your car for almost twenty minutes with the tiny velvet box resting in your palm.

staring at it and turning it over while trying not to panic because suddenly it wasn't some distant idea you'd been carrying around since ella's wedding. it wasn't a maybe anymore, it was real.

you were actually going to ask alessia russo to marry you and hopefully, hopefully, alessia russo was going to say yes.

but before you could even think about proposal locations or photographers, though, there was one thing you knew you wanted to do first; ask for her parents' blessing.

it wasn't something you felt obligated to do. alessia wasn't anyone's possession, the decision belonged entirely to her.

but you loved her family almost as much as you loved alessia, and you wanted them to know how serious this was before anyone else did.

the nerves you'd felt that day as you sat in the car rehearsing over and over on the drive over of what to say just to forget it the moment you got to the doorstep.

maybe worse. the house is quieter than you had expected. a kettle clicks somewhere in the kitchen. a tv murmurs low in the background. it's normal. ordinary. safe. which somehow makes you more nervous.

alessia's dad, mario was in the living room. he looks up from his seat, then straightens when he sees you properly.

"you're making me think you've done something you shouldn't have?" mario had laughed when you appeared at their front door looking unusually serious.

"i haven't but i need to ask you both something."

"should we be worried?" carol had asked.

you had swallowed hard, then harder. then somehow managed to force the words out. "no. well. hopefully not."

both of them were looking at you now. waiting, nervous to what you were going to say. you suddenly felt about sixteen years old. you opened your mouth to say the words but then paused.

a very long pause. then finally— "i want to marry your daughter."

the silence that followed lasted approximately three seconds but it felt like three years. then carol hand flew straight to her mouth. mario just blinked, twice before breaking into the biggest smile you had ever seen.

"oh thank god," mario said a big sigh coming from him.

you frowned, unsure if their reaction was good or not, "what?"

"we thought somebody was dying." he joked, carol immediately smacked his arm.

"what he means," carol said, already tearing up slightly, "is yes. of course yes."

you laughed despite yourself. relief flooding through you so quickly you thought your knees might actually give out.

"you make her happy," mario continued, his voice softer now as he moved to take a sip of his tea. "and that's all we've ever wanted for her."

"and you've loved her from day one, it was obvious and alessia, well she's head over heels for you," carol added, as she sent you a loving smile.

"you're already family, y/n."

and that, that line nearly finished you off. by the time you left their house that afternoon, your cheeks hurt from smiling.

the blessing wasn't permission. it wasn't an approval you needed but hearing the people who knew alessia best tell you you belonged in their family made something settle inside you chest. made everything feel even more real.

but once that was over then came keeping secrets. which turned out to be almost impossible especially around alessia russo.

because alessia seemed to noticed everything. everything.

the first near-disaster happened when you accidentally left a jewellery website open on your laptop. you'd practically launched herself across the room to close it.

alessia had looked suspicious for approximately three days afterwards.

the second happened when you received a phone call from the photographer whilst standing right next to alessia. you'd somehow managed to convince her it was a work call.

a terrible lie, if you'd ever heard one and one alessia definitely hadn't believed but somehow she'd let it go.

the third near-disaster involved ella which was honestly inevitable and you were surprised at how far down the line you had planned before ella sussed anything.

"you look stressed." ella looked right through your eyes as you were out for coffee with her and alessia, alessia up at the counter ordering for the three of you.

"maybe because i am stressed." you quipped back fast, not meaning for the tone of your voice to come across the way it did.

"proposal stressed?"

you had nearly choked on your words and ella's grin had been infuriating. "you are terrible at hiding things."

after that the weeks passed painfully slowly.

you checked the ring approximately twelve times a day. changed the proposal locations three times. panicked over the weather forecasts. then panicked because you were panicking.

the closer it got, the more nervous you became. not because you thought alessia would say no. you knew she wouldn't at least you hoped she wouldn't. ninety-nine point nine percent sure.

the nerves came from wanting it to be perfect because alessia deserved perfect. deserved every good thing in the world and you wanted this moment to feel like the two of you.

not grand. not over-the-top.

just real, honestly and just pure love.

⸻

you hum, thinking about alessia's question, "yeah i do think about the future definitely"

alessia nods her head in response, the conversation clearly not going any further as you both look out at the beach in front of you. maybe not talking but enjoying each others company,

the holiday you both were on had been nice, a time to really appreciate one another. alessia enjoying herself after a busy season, fully relaxing and letting her hair down while you knew in the back of your head this would be a holiday alessia wouldn't want to forget any time soon.

the beach however, was quieter than before. the sun beginning to disappear beneath the horizon, reflecting all sorts of orange tones onto the water.

your pulse is so loud your convinced alessia can hear it. as she beside you is resting her head against your shoulder. comfortable and completely unaware.

you take a shaky breath, soon, this is it. no more planning, waiting or rehearsing speeches while looking at the ceiling tiles while trying to fall asleep.

"i don't know," alessia says quietly. "i just think about it sometimes."

you smiles softly, knowing she's going back to what you were just talking about, "yeah?"

"yeah." alessia shrugs. "when we're old."

you lets out a laugh, your fingers playing the the end of her ponytail, "we're only twenty six, less-"

"i know."

"but you're already planning retirement?"

alessia nudges you shoulder, you still laughing. "babe, i'm being serious."

you raise your hands in surrender, "sorry, love" and then for a moment, neither of you speak. the sea fills the silence, the waves crashes against one another.

then alessia smiles. "i think you'll be one of those people who refuses to admit they're old."

you scoff. "excuse me?"

"you will."

"will not."

"you absolutely will."

you rolls her eyes as alessia laughs the vision seemingly playing out in her imagination. "you'll be complaining about your knees."

"i do not complain about my knees." you whine, wondering when this conversation became just taking the mick out of you.

"you literally complained about your knee yesterday." alessia deadpanned, turning slightly to look at you.

"that's because i hit it off the side of the bed." you frowned, a small pout lining your lips.

"oh my poor baby" alessia cooed, her hand reaching out to your cheek as you tried to keep your deep frown however the smile on alessia's face was enough to make you melt and you let out a laugh as did she.

the sound gets carried away by the wind. beside you, alessia smiles. the kind of smile you could spend a lifetime looking at. the kind that still makes you stomach flip, even now.

especially now.

"i think we'll still be like this."

you glance across. "like what?"

alessia looks down at your intertwined hands, shrugging like it was nothing, "us."

the simple answer makes your chest ache, good ache. the kind that only comes from loving someone this much.

"i think we'll still annoy each other."

you snorts, agreeing knowing that sometimes all you both did was wind the other one up, "oh definitely."

"and you'll still steal all the blankets." alessia continued her ramble as your brows furrowed slightly.

"i do not."

"you absolutely do."

you decide not to argue, mostly because alessia is right. she taking your silence as that she won that case, laughing slightly as her expression softens.

"i don't really care where we are." alessia admits, the confession is quiet but honest. your breath catching slightly as alessia squeezes your hand, "i just want you there"

the words hit harder than they should because alessia has no idea. no idea what's about to happen or that you've spend months planning this. no idea that the future she's talking about is sitting in your back pocket.

you stare at her, at the women you've built a life with and the women you want beside you forever.

you stand suddenly, a small gasp coming from alessia at the sudden movement before a frown appears on her life, "what are you doing?"

you hold out a hand, a small smile on your lips "come for a walk with me,"

alessia smiles immediately, smoothing out her skirt as she stands, "okay," as she takes your hand without hesitation, like she always does.

the sand shifts beneath your feet as you both wander slowly along the shoreline. the water occasionally brushes your ankles before retreating again. neither of you lets go.

you both don't need to fill the silence. you never have. eventually you stop and the beach stretches around them.

the sea sparkles beneath the fading sunlight. everything feels still and peaceful.

alessia turns towards you wind catches her blonde hair as her cheeks are pink from the cool evening air and for a moment she looks exactly like every future you have ever imagined.

every birthday. every holiday. every ordinary tuesday. every version. just her.

alessia smiles, looking into your eyes, "what?" you shake your head, you were just admiring her.

it was nothing but everything. how were you supposed to explain that your looking at the love of your life? that your looking at home?

so instead you steps closer, pressing a kiss against alessia's forehead which alessia immediately melts into it. a content sigh escaping her.

when you pulls back, alessia's eyes are shining. "i love you, you know."

you smiles, "i know and i love you,, so much"

alessia rises onto her toes and kisses you. slow, warm and familiar. the kind of kiss that feels like every day you've both already shared and every day still to come. when you finally part, neither moves far away.

forehead touching as your hands are interlinked and the world narrowing until it's just them.

and that's when you suddenly know you can't wait any longer. not when the future you've been dreaming about is standing right in front of you. not when every single thing you want is already here.

you looks at her, really look at her. the women who has become your home, the women you want beside you for every version of the future.

and then you reach into your pocket.

alessia frowns, not unhappy by confused like it’s not. clicked in her head what’s happening yet, "y/n?"

your hands are shaking and the small velvet box feels impossibly heavy.

alessia's eyes drop to it almost immediately, then widen and somehow widen again. "oh my god."

you laugh nervously, all the words you wanted to tell her suddenly disappearing, "yeah" is all you manage to squeak out before your voice cracks. a brilliant start.

alessia's hand flies to her mouth, "no, baby”

you laugh again, "unfortunately, yes."

tears are already gathering in alessia's eyes as you take a shaky breath before slowly lowers yourself onto one knee in the sand and the world seems to stop. alessia stares at you, lovingly but completely frozen in place. "oh my god."

you open the box and the ring catches the last golden light of the sunset and suddenly every speech you'd prepared disappears. every carefully rehearsed sentence, every plan.

gone meaning it only left the truth.

"alessia, my lessi." you start with as your own eyes are burning now. "i could stand here and tell you every reason i love you."

a wet laugh escapes alessia, a cute pout appearing on her lips, "y/n..."

"but we'd be here all night."

alessia laughs through her tears as you smile before continues.

"you make every ordinary day better and you make every difficult day easier." your voice trembles as you spoke with nothing but pure love for her. "and every good day unforgettable."

alessia is crying openly now and so are you, "

"i don't know what the future looks like." you take a breath, wiping your face, "and i don't know where football will take us"

"i don't know where we'll be in ten years." you slip in as alessia's face crumples remember the conversation you both just had. the question, the future.

"but i do know one thing." your grip tightens slightly around the ring box. "i know i want every part of it with you."

a sob escapes alessia, the kind that nearly makes you cry harder as you smile through it. then finally asks the question you'd carried around for months. "so alessia russo will you marry me?"

for a moment alessia just stares, letting the whole moment sink in. she's crying, laughing, in pure disbelief. feeling every emotion as it hits her. thinking for a moment that she can't belief this is happening.

then suddenly she drops to her knees in the sand. "y/n."

you start laughing through her tears, you whisper nervously, "you're taking a really long time to answer."

that earns a watery laugh as alessia grabs your face with both hands. your foreheads touching as your tears mix.

"you idiot."

you grin, "that's not a yes."

alessia laughs again the. whispers the easiest answer she's ever given. "yes."

your breath catches and every nerve you felt disappeared as alessia smiles bright and beautiful and completely overwhelmed, "of course it's a yes"

the relief hit you all at once, powerful enough to steal the air from your lungs. alessia laughs as you pull her into a hug. the two of you nearly topple into the sand but neither of you cares.

"yes?" you asks again, just to make sure.

alessia cups your face. "yes."

a kiss. "yes"

another kiss. "yes, yes yes!"

you laugh helplessly as the ring is still sitting forgotten in the box between the two of you, "should probably put this on you then"

alessia looks down, "oh”

you both laugh as you carefully slide the ring into her finger. perfect as alessia stares at it then back at you and suddenly she's crying again. "oh no"

you kiss her anyway. the moment your lips meet, everything falls away. the sound of a slight cheer in the distance from passer-by's, the wind brushing past, the tears still clinging to her lashes. it all disappears.

alessia kisses you back with the same overwhelming certainty she'd said yes with, one hand sliding up to cradle your jaw while the other curls tightly into the front of your shirt as though she's afraid that, if she lets go, she'll wake up and discover this was all a dream.

the kiss is slow, unhurried, filled with soft smiles that brush against each other's lips every few seconds, both of you unable to stop grinning.

you deepen it only slightly, your thumb stroking gently along her cheek, catching the dampness left behind by happy tears. she melts into you with a quiet, contented sigh, her forehead bumping yours for the briefest moment before she closes the distance again, stealing another kiss, then another.

every touch is tender, every movement full of years of love finally leading to this single moment. when you eventually part, it's only by a fraction, your noses still touching, your breaths mingling, both of you smiling so widely it almost makes kissing impossible.

yet neither of you can stop leaning back in, as if one kiss could never be enough now that you know you'll have forever.

when you both finally pull apart, the sun has almost disappeared completely. alessia rests her head against your shoulder and for a while they simply stand there.

listening to the waves and holding each other. watching as the sky fade from gold to pink. then alessia lifts your joined hands and the ring catches the last of the light. "ten years."

you smile "hm?"

"you never answered me."

"what?"

alessia looks at her, a small smile in between her lips, "where do you think we'll be in ten years?"

you stare at her. at the woman you loves, at your fiancée and then you smile. slow and certain. "i don't know"

alessia laughs. "great answer babe"

you squeeze her hand, "but i do know you'll be there" the smile that spreads across alessia's face could rival the sunset. "yeah?"

"yeah."

alessia steps closer. close enough that there isn't any space left between them. good."

you wrap your arms around her, holding her tightly. holding her like you plan to for the rest of your life and as the final sliver of sunlight disappears beyond the horizon, you both stand together on the beach.

no longer wondering about the future. no longer dreaming about it. instead living it, together.

and for the first time, forever feels close enough to touch.