I can’t stop thinking about when Buddy kept on threatening to steal Silver and Bronze from the bois in season one. But he’s like, the size of a 2000s era Polly Pocket.
Like, he knew Chase and Deacon were gonna be taller than him if they met in person. Violet too, and yet he was all like, “Don’t get attached to that key. We’ll get it back soon enough.”
Bro, what were you gonna do if he didn’t give you Silver!?! You’re no bigger than a hedgehog! Boris would eat ya before you even entered the kitchen.
Like, sure Buddy knew more about the bois than they did him, but that information would do jack all to aid in Buddy and Violet’s little quest to save their siblings from the ‘evil humans.’ Knowing their names and location is only half the battle, dude.
You gotta know their friends, rivals, family members, location, schedules, likes and dislikes— the list can go on. But knowing the enemy is half the battle. I’m gonna quote The Art of War here, because yes, I do have the book:
In section One: Laying Plans Sun Tzǔ states that war is a matter of life and death, so you gotta plan heavily. There are five constant factors when planning for battle:
1). The Moral Law: How loyal are the soldiers in the other army?
2). Heaven: what’s the weather like? What time are you gonna strike? Will it be hot or cold?
3). Earth: How far away is the battle field, and how long is it? How dangerous is it? Is it narrow or vast?
4). The Commander: How smart, brave, and strict etc is the Commander?
5). Method and Discipline: how are the ranks treated? Who’s in charge of what? What’s the road for supplies like?
On top of that, you gotta consider seven other things:
Which side (Buddy’s or Chase’s) is imbued with the most Moral Law?
Which of the two generals has the most ability?
Who has the most advantages in the Heaven and Earth categories?
Which side is discipline heavily enforced?
Which side is highly trained?
Which side has a greater consistency of reward and punishment?
The point of these two lists is simple, “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”
Why does this matter? Well, all modern warfare, big or small follows The Art of War. This was the first book that basically said, “Hey, if you feed your troops, you’ll win more wars, guys.” And kings listened, because they’re stupidly greedy enough to not even feed their people!!!!!—
From looking it over, Buddy and Violet don’t have the advantage. It’s not even close! They don’t even move past the second stage of the book, Waging War. The war wouldn’t even be a war, it would be more like a game of chicken!
Not only do you gotta know your enemy, the terrain, and the weather, but you gotta know yourself. If the war was in a book world, sure, they would have the upper hand. But Chase can bullshit his way out of quicksand, and Deacon is way more capable than he gives himself credit for. So no, it wouldn’t be a victory for Team Villain Keys, but it would probably be a tie.
But let’s go back fighting irl. Because that’s where it gets kinda stupid.
Let’s go over the five constant factors along with the seven other sub factors with the theoretical battle in question against Chase and Deacon.
In the terms of Moral Law, I’d say it’s pretty even across the two sides. Buddy mostly follows Violet, he’s like her little duckling in my head. He’s loyal to her and the other Keys, but now theres a problem already in place. Which I’ll get back to in a sec.
Chase is ungovernable unless it’s with Grandpa Ralph or his mom. Deacon is basically his brother, so the two do listen to each other, but not every well. But Chase and Deacon will catch the other if they fall, however. So I’d say it’s weirdly even so far. But we need to add Silver, Bronze, and Goldie to the mix. They’re part of this battle too. They wouldn’t know who this ‘Buddy’ is. Therefore, they’ll treat it as tho Ex Libris is after them. And because of that fact alone, Violet and Buddy have already run into a road block because Silver, Bronze, and Goldie don’t want to return to Ex Libris. Plus, they want to help Chase. So the bonds of loyalty are higher in numbers. With Prunella, if we dare to count her, would make this battle very unfair in numbers. But with or without Goldie and Prunella, the numbers of loyalty are already stacked against The Villain Keys. But if we add Grandpa Ralph, an army vet— yeah, they’re cooked, Chat.
Next is Heaven. It’s summer, so it’ll be hot depending on when the two plan to strike. If it’s during the day, they’ll have more of an advantage because they can’t get hot or cold. The humans can. Also, bedtimes and other activities need to be taken into account. There would be no way to know the boi’s schedules without being told willingly. But if it rains, they could get swept away in the wind or rain from their hight. I’d say it’s even across the board here too. The timing of the attack is essential. For The Keys to have any upper hand, would have to be a very hot day/night with no rainfall.
Now we have Earth. Oh boy. Yeah, this is where The Keys are fucked. Due to their hight, the travel would be long no matter what. Since they’re stuck in the town library, and Hollow Farm is outside of town, the trip would be long and difficult. Granted, they wouldn’t need to breathe or take breaks, but a long trip is a long trip for tiny legs! It would take days! Maybe weeks to reach the farm, if they knew where they were going! Also, the battle would be on the Hollow’s turf. Farmland is long and vast, they can easily get lost. Plus with the animals, even if it’s a few, can still lead to some tricky situations. Boris could step on them or something. The boi’s have the upper hand by knowing the territory, and being bigger in size.
The Commander is next, and boy is it a doozy. If grandpa gets wind of any of this, he’d immediately take control of the situation. Just gonna throw that out there. But Chase would definitely lead. He’d know Buddy the most out of the rest. And the other Keys would know Ex Libris pretty well, so they’d plan for that. Violet would listen to Buddy, but Buddy would listen to her the most, even though he’d know Chase and Deacon the best. The chain of command would switch depending on what happens on both sides. But again, it’s not just about leading, it’s about following. A commander must know how to follow and lead. And The Villain Keys Team is pretty imbalanced due to the duckling metaphor I laid out earlier. Buddy isn’t assertive enough with Violet, so she’d take the lead out of the two. She may be smart, strict, and brave but Chase would let everyone’s strengths shine. And I’m not saying that because he’s the main character and I like him. I’m saying it as someone who’s read Toffee Break and Party Crashers, and that showed how command on both sides would function.
Due to where the battle would take place, Method and Discipline would go to Team Hollow. They’ve got food, water, electricity, weapons/stuff to use and much more. Team Villain Keys have almost nothing! They may not need much, and they do have magic. But it would definitely be limited to book related stuff.
I don’t think I need to go over much else. The seven subcategories kinda speak for themselves. Buddy and Violet are outnumbered, the size of an action figure, and don’t know the terrain. They also don’t know about Grandpa Ralph, and he’s a secret weapon. Buddy and Violet can definitely use their hight to escape from danger, but not all dangers. In fact, it’s actually a risk to be that short in a farm!
Suffice to say, Buddy was all talk and no bite with that threat.
Actually, Chase clocked him real good when he said he’s like a pointy marshmallow. Deacon may think he’s playing the nice guy who is secretly bad, but in actuality he’s playing the bad guy by mirroring Violet half the time and is secretly a baby duck who was left alone in the middle of the road and needs to be saved, asap. Which I think is adorable, he really looks up to her. Which, daaaaaaaaaw.
I do think Buddy assumed he could take Chase and Co down. But like….. No. Maybe he can outwit him like that one meme said, (I can’t find said meme) but like, not easily.
But now I can’t reread season one with a straight face, because I know he’s no bigger than my chapstick! XDD
