The Real Thing Min Yoongi (Suga) x You - Part 1
đš Pairing: BTS Suga (Min Yoongi) x Reader (Arts Center Founder!Reader)
Min Yoongi calls you after eight months of silence and asks you to pretend to be his girlfriend for two weeks. You say yes, because you're apparently that person. The plan: convince his parents, collect the grant funding, don't catch feelings. The problem: you already have them. The bigger problem: so does he. The biggest problem: he wrote a whole song about it and neither of you has said a single word out loud.
Two weeks. A Fake relationship. Real everything else.
đš Genres: Fake Dating, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Angst with a dahs of Hope, Slow Burn, Hurt/Comfort, Celebrity x Non-Celebrity, Emotional Drama, He has written eight songs about her and she doesn't know it yet, It's a bit of a rom-com, Min Yoongi and his hair, (Yes, that is a genre) đš Short summary: "The deal was twelve days of fake. It ended up being the only thing that wasn't."
đš Rating: 18+ (minors DNI) đš Chapter index Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 EPILOGUE Part of The B-Side series Universe:
đ¤ THE B-SIDE SERIES MASTERLIST
You have never been good at lying to yourself.
This is not a virtue. It has not always felt like one.
There are people who can look at something true and uncomfortable and file it somewhere dark and quiet and get on with their lives. You have tried this. You have tried it with intention, with commitment, with the full force of someone who understands the appeal.
It does not work.
You feel things the way you hear music â completely, from the inside out, no distance between you and the thing itself. You have tried the distance.
It just doesn't take.
Your mother used to say you wore your heart on your sleeve, and you would say I know, I'm working on it, and she would say I didn't say it was a problem, and you never quite believed her until you were old enough to understand what it cost people who couldn't.
You feel things fully and you say them when they need to be said and you build things out of them when you can. The feeling is not the problem. The feeling is the material. So you use it. Without apology. With both hands.
This is, more or less, the philosophy behind everything you have ever built.
Including the thing that should not exist.
Nobody believed the Maeum Arts Center would work. That is, historically, the wrong thing to tell you.
This is just the truth of it â that when you walked into a bank eight years ago and said I would like funding to open a music and arts therapy center for neurodivergent children in Seoul, the bank lady looked at you with the polite, careful expression of an institution that is about to say no in several different ways, and you walked out of that bank and into the next one, and the one after that, and eventually when literally any other person would have just stopped. You started asking everyone else, grant by grant, favor by favor, one stubborn inch at a time, until one day you turned around and there it was.
Yellow walls.Â
That was the first decision â yellow, specifically the yellow of late afternoon in a room with good windows, warm and a little unreasonable.
The kind of color that says you are allowed to be loud here.
The walls are covered now: finger-painted handprints in every size, a mural that started as a class project and has been expanding for two years, a hand-lettered sign by the entrance that reads THE REAL STARS PRACTICE HERE because Kim Seojun, age nine, made it during a session where he was supposed to be working on fine motor skills, and you framed it, and now it lives there permanently, and you refuse to feel embarrassed about this.
The floors are scuffed wood, permanently chalky near the supply closet. There are plants in the windows that are thriving despite everything.
The front desk has a bowl of individually wrapped chocolates that Dani refills every Monday, because They understand that small comforts are also infrastructure.
Every room has a name â not a number, a name â and the kids named them, so Practice Room One is officially called The Dragon Room because Choi Jisoo drew a dragon on the door in marker three years ago and you told her it was permanent and you meant it.
Jisoo is twelve years old now, and hears music the way most people never will â not as sound but as sense, something that lives in her before she reaches for it.
Someone recognized this immediately.
He got her the better practice room and a cello that was not the center's cheapest option and has since denied both decisions flatly and without elaboration. Jisoo calls him teacher in a tone that implies she has a more accurate word and is choosing not to use it.
He pretends not to notice.
He absolutely notices.
You are thinking about him again.
You weren't going to do that.
You look at the schedule on your desk and keep going.
It smells like paint. And Rosin because it is Monday and the string kids have been in.
Sometimes, when Dani has eaten at the desk, whatever Dani had for lunch, which is usually something that makes you realize you have not eaten since approximately seven AM.
It is, genuinely, the best place you have ever been.
You built it. You would go to war for it. You would, and this is relevant, do almost anything to keep it running.
Almost.
You are in the Sunshine Room explaining to Kim Seojun why FĂźr Elise does not need to be played at the speed of a man fleeing a crime scene to be considered a passionate performance.
"Speed," you tell him, sitting on the piano bench beside him, "is not the same as feeling."
Seojun considers this. He is nine years old and built like a question mark, all elbows and certainty. "My feeling," he says, "is that it should be faster."
"Your feeling is wrong."
"You said feelings are never wrong."
"I said your feelings about yourself are never wrong. Your feelings about tempo are subject to revision."
He thinks about this for a moment. Then, with the air of someone who has decided to be magnanimous: "I will play it fast and then slow and then you can decide."
"I have already decided, Seojun."
"You can decide again."
This is the negotiation you are in the middle of â Seojun playing the opening of FĂźr Elise at a pace that suggests Beethoven was, in fact, running, and you telling him to slow down, and Seojun having opinions about this â when your phone goes off.
Not the center line. Not Dani's extension. Your personal phone â the one whose number is held by your landlord, your mother, and Dani, who is standing twelve feet away looking at their clipboard. Your mother is on a cruise in Antarctica and has been radio silent since last Tuesday, which she warned you about. Your landlord has no reason to call. Dani is right there.
That leaves one option.
One option that has not called in eight months.
You pull it out.
You look at the screen.
incoming call: Min Yoongi.
Directly.
You look at it for what is probably two seconds and feels like considerably longer.
Seojun looks at your face. Then at your phone. Then back at your face. "Is that bad?" he asks.
"Play the piece," you say. "Slowly."
"How slowly?"
"Like you mean it, not like you're winning a race."
You stand up. You step into the doorway. Dani is at the front desk twelve feet away and you know â you can feel it â that they have already clocked the name on your screen, because Dani notices everything and says approximately thirty percent of what they notice, and the sixty percent they don't say tends to live in the air around them like ambient information.
They look up from their clipboard.
They look back down.
You answer the phone.
"I need a favor."
Eight months. Eight months of center-related correspondence routed through Dani like diplomatic cables, and he calls your personal number, and his opening line is I need a favor.
This is, actually, very Min Yoongi.
The thing about him â and you have had eight months to not think about this, which means you have thought about it with some frequency â is that he does not do anything sideways. Other people would have opened with small talk. How are you, how's the center, hey so funny thing.
They would have built a little runway before asking for the thing. Yoongi does not build runways. Yoongi lands the plane directly in your living room and looks at you like well, here's the plane.
It is, depending on the day, either his most charming quality or his most catastrophic one.
Today you have not decided yet.
"Min Yoongi," you say.
But even as you say it, you are already doing the thing you have never been able to stop yourself from doing â feeling it first, thinking about it second, in that order, always in that order. Eight months of careful distance and his name on your screen and your heart just â opens the file. All of it. Right there. Like it never closed.
And it forces your mind to go back in time to understand it.
Approximately three and a half years ago, the company that manages BTS decided â or more accurately, decided for him â that Min Yoongi needed somewhere to be that was not his studio at two in the morning.
What you understood later was that the call was less goodwill and more intervention.
You knew who he was before he walked through the door. You would have been hard pressed not to â you live in Seoul, you run a center full of children who have opinions about music before they have opinions about anything else, and BTS is not a thing you can be adjacent to Korean culture and miss.
You knew the name Suga.
You had heard what he made, the mixtapes and the solo work, the kind of music that gets made when someone decides that honesty is the only tool worth using. The kind that makes you sit with it after, not because it's comfortable but because it's true.
You were wary when the company called. You said yes anyway, because the funding was real and the need was real and you have never been precious about where good things come from as long as they are actually good.
What you didn't know â what you pieced together later, in pieces, from things he said and things he didn't â was what the visit was really for.
He was in the middle of it then. His last album, though he didn't know yet it would be the last one.
Agust D was not finished, not closed, the trilogy still assembling itself, and he was somewhere in the dark interior of that process â converting the last of something that had taken fifteen years to excavate, bleeding it onto a record that the world would later call a masterpiece and he would later call done. He was drinking quietly. He was in his studio at hours that were not reasonable hours. And management, who had one eye on the asset and one eye on what the asset was costing, made the call.
A music center.
They sent him to your center because they needed him to be somewhere that had nothing to do with the music industry and everything to do with why music existed in the first place.
Children who knew exactly who he was and could not have cared less, because he was Teacher Min and Teacher Min was late on Wednesdays and had opinions about their finger positioning and that was what he was to them and fame is considerably less interesting than whether you are going to help them with the bridge section or not.
You understood later what the company was hoping for. That something ordinary might reach him where extraordinary had stopped working.
What you didn't expect â what none of them expected, probably â was that it would work. That he would sit in the corner of the Dragon Room on his third visit and hear Choi Jisoo play and just. Stop.
Jisoo was nine then. She had lost her parents eight months before â a car accident, her older sister barely an adult, both of them trying to stay above water by sheer force of will. She came to the center through a school referral and you knew within the first session that she was something rare. Talented doesn't cover it. She heard music the way he did â from somewhere it couldn't be taught, before anyone told her to be careful with it. It came out whole every time.
He recognized her immediately. You watched it happen from the doorway â the moment he heard her and went still, not the managed stillness he carried everywhere, but a different kind. The kind that happens when something outside you names something inside you that you didn't have words for yet.
She was nine years old and she had just lost everything and she was still playing.
You think that did something to him that the center itself couldn't have done. You think she reminded him why he started. You think some part of that last album â somewhere in the release of it, in the place where the anger finally loosens into something that can breathe â has this room in it. You cannot point to the measure. You just know.
You know Suga. You have always known Suga â the fire, the precision, the particular devastation of a lyric that doesn't blink.
You know AgustD. The thing underneath the fire. The part that took everything dark and made it into something that could exist outside his body so he didn't have to carry it alone anymore.
Min Yoongi walked into your center three and a half years ago in a black beanie.
He is the one you were not prepared for. And stood in your doorway and looked at everything you built.
A building that smelled like paint. A person who looked up from a grant proposal and said you must be the piano guy without a single trace of anything except mild administrative recognition.
He didn't announce himself.Â
He didn't bring anyone.Â
He came back the next week.
And the week after that.
He was â and you want to be precise about this, for your own accounting â not what you expected. Quiet in the way of someone who has decided that words are a resource to be used carefully rather than freely. Funny in the way that sneaks up on you, deadpan and perfectly timed, gone before you're sure it happened. He sat on the floor of the Dragon Room and listened to Jisoo play with an expression you recognized â the expression of someone hearing music the way you hear music, from the inside out, like it's a language and not a performance.
He was, against all available evidence and better judgment, a person you genuinely liked.
And then â and this is where the story gets less tidy â there was a period. A difficult period. The kind that happens when someone is at the peak of everything and the bottom of themselves at the same time, and you were there for part of it, and then you weren't, and then there was a morning that neither of you has addressed, and then there were eight months of Dani's professional neutrality standing between you like a very elegant wall.
That's the context.
That's why hi does what it does.
"You don't get to hi me," you say again, because you already said it once and it still applies. "You get to explain yourself."
"I was getting to that."
"You were getting to the favor. That's different."
"The favor is the explanation."
"Then start with the favor."
He starts with the favor.
What follows is approximately three minutes of Min Yoongi â who is, among other things, a Grammy-nominated producer, a member of the most successful musical group in history, a critically acclaimed solo artist, a man who once wrote a lyric so precise it made a journalist cry in a press conference â explaining how he arrived at his current situation.
The situation is this.
He tells you about his father first.
This is not what you expected. You were braced for the logistics of it, the ask â and instead he leads with this, quietly, in the voice he uses when he has been carrying something alone long enough that it has changed shape. The cancer is back. He found out three weeks ago. His parents don't know he knows how bad it is. He is not going to tell them he knows how bad it is. What he is going to do is make sure that when they visit, his father sees his youngest son okay. Settled. Not alone in his apartment at three AM eating ramyeon, which is what he actually is.
You don't say anything. You let him keep going.
His mother called, he says. Asked the question she has apparently been saving for the right moment â Yoongi-ya, is there anyone â and he said yes. He said yes because his father laughed in the background when his mother made a happy sound and he is, whatever else he is, not someone who takes that laugh from his father right now. Not with everything else.
And then his mother said who.
And your name came out.
He says this last part with the energy of a man reporting a minor natural disaster â something that happened, meteorological in nature, outside his control. Your name came out. His mother said oh, the one from the center, which means he has mentioned you enough that you exist in her mind as a real and specific person, which is something you are going to put in a box and close the lid on for now. They asked questions. He answered enough of them that a retreat is no longer possible. His parents arrive Tomorrow.
He is asking.
You are quiet for a moment.
Then he says the actual thing.
He needs you to come to dinner. Tomorrow. To meet them. To be, for twelve days, the person whose name came out of his mouth on a Sunday night when his father laughed in the background and everything felt urgent.
His girlfriend.
Fake, he clarifies. Obviously fake.
He will compensate you for your time. He says this last part quickly, like he is aware of how it sounds and has decided that speed is the only solution.
You stand very still in the doorway of the Dragon Room.
There is a silence on the phone that contains several things simultaneously â his embarrassment, which he will not name, and yours, which you are also not going to name, and the question of which of you should feel more humiliated by this phone call, which you are going to call a tie and move on from.
From the front desk, twelve feet away, you feel Dani look up.
You do not look at them.
You look at the yellow wall directly in front of you instead, which is a mistake, because the yellow wall has a mirror on it, and in the mirror you can see your own face, which has performed, in the last thirty seconds, a remarkable journey â draining of color and then filling back up with the specific red of the Dragon Room door, bright and total and absolutely visible.
Dani makes a face.
You turn away from the mirror.
"You want me," you say, very carefully, "to pretend to be your girlfriend."
"Yes," he says.
"For twelve days."
"Yes."
"And you'll compensate me for my time."
A pause. "...yes."
"Min Yoongi," you say.
"I know," he says.
You think about the grant proposal open on your laptop. Fourth draft. The methodology section you have been revising since February, it's March. The number at the bottom of the budget page that you have been looking at for three weeks like watching a clock you cannot stop.
And then you think about the thing that he also said and now you can't ignore, he said your name.
Your name.
"Why," you say, "my name."
"It came out."
"Things don't just come out, Yoongi."
"This one did."
"My name specifically."
"...yes."
"You panicked and the name that came out of your mouth was mine."
Silence. Then: "Are you going to keep repeating it back to me."
"I'm going to keep repeating it back to you until I understand how this is the situation I'm in."
"You're not in a situation yet. I'm asking if you want to be in a situation."
"That," you say, "is the worst pitch I've ever heard and I once sat through a grant presentation where a man used the phrase youth sonic ecosystem fourteen times."
"Fourteen."
"I counted."
A pause. And then â quiet, and you almost miss it â the sound of him trying not to laugh. Just barely. The exhale of it.
Something in your chest does something you are not going to acknowledge.
"My parents arrive at four," he says, back to level. "They're here for two weeks. My mother hasâ" A pause. "She's very thorough."
"I know what your mother is."
"You've never met her."
"You've told me about her. She's thorough."
"She's very thorough."
"Yoongi." You lean against the wall outside the Dragon Room. Inside, Seojun has abandoned FĂźr Elise and is playing something that contains what sounds like a battle sequence. You ignore this. "What exactly are you asking me to do?"
"Come to dinner. Tomorrow, I'll pick you up. Beâ" Another pause, shorter. "Be her."
"Be her," you repeat. "Be the girlfriend."
"Yes."
"That you invented."
"Yes."
"Using my name."
"I've acknowledged that part."
"I want to make sure we're both clear on the full picture," you say, "which is that you have created a fictional relationship, cast me in it without my knowledge, and are now calling me after eight months to inform me that I have rehearsal tomorrow."
The silence this time is different. It has the quality of a man who knows he has no defensible position and has decided that honesty is the only remaining strategy. "...yes," he says. "That's the picture."
You look at the ceiling of the Maeum Arts Center. Yellow. Unreasonable. The very best color.
The grant proposal is open on your laptop. Fourth draft.
"What's in it for me," you say.
He does not hesitate.
Then he mentions the funding.
Not as a plea. Not as desperation. He says it the way he says most things â clean, no preamble, like he has thought about it already and arrived at a number and is now simply communicating the result. Three years. Full program. No strings beyond an annual summary that Dani could do in their sleep.
He knows about the budget.
Of course he knows â you have talked freely about grant committees and funding gaps and the specific indignity of begging institutions for money to do work that should have been funded already. He has been sending money to the center quietly for two years, through a foundation, no announcement, the kind of generosity that arrives without a name attached because the name was never the point.
He has offered more. Several times, through Dani. You have declined every time because you have your own pride and he lost the right to give you things directly when he stopped talking to you eight months ago.
But this is the thing about building something real â and the center is real, the kids are very real, Seojun's future as a person who can negotiate tempo is real, Jisoo's better practice room and better cello and the future already forming in her hands is real â you get very practical about what it takes to keep it standing. You think about the Wednesday group and the Dragon Room and the eight kids on the waitlist you have not been able to say yes to yet because the budget page says what it says. You stop being precious about it. You learn to look at an absurd situation and ask but does it help before you ask anything else.
Does it help.
Three years, no strings.
Yes. It helps.
"My price," you say, "is the spring showcase. You play one piece. On stage. With the kids. In front of everyone."
A pause. "Which kids."
"The Wednesday ensemble group."
Another pause. Longer.
You happen to know that he has heard the Wednesday ensemble group practice, because he comes on Wednesdays, because this is one of the facts you have continued to know despite the eight months, and the Wednesday ensemble group at their current stage of development sounds like â and you love them deeply, this is not in question â organized enthusiasm.
"How long is the piece," he says.
"Three minutes. Maybe three-fifteen if Seojun takes the repeat."
"He'll take the repeat."
"He always takes the repeat."
"I know," Yoongi says, and just for a second it doesn't sound like it's about the music.
You clear your throat. "Deal or no deal."
Silence.
"Deal," he says.
Just like that. No negotiation. Like he was going to say yes before you finished the sentence.
You have a thought about this that you immediately put in a box and close the lid on.
"Fine," you say. "What time."
"Seven. I'll pick you up"
"Okay."
A beat. He doesn't say anything about this. You appreciate that.
"Dress likeâ"
"I know how to dress, Yoongi."
"I didn't meanâ"
"I'm aware of what you meant and I'm telling you I know how to dress myself."
"Okay."
"I don't show up anywhere looking unprofessional."
"I know you don't."
"I'm just making that clear."
"It's very clear," he says, and there is definitely, definitely something in his voice that you are not going to give any oxygen to whatsoever.
"Tomorrow," you say.
"Seven," he says.
You hang up.
You stand in the hallway for a moment.
From the Dragon Room: Seojun, who has worked his way through the battle sequence and arrived at what sounds like a victory theme.
From the courtyard: three of the older kids, who were supposed to be doing a chalk activity that has clearly escalated past its original mandate. Someone has drawn something enormous. It might be a whale.
From the front desk: nothing. No sound at all.
You turn around.
Dani is looking at you. They have the clipboard in front of them and they are very technically still doing their job, which you appreciate, because Dani is professional, but their eyes over the top of the clipboard are saying something extensive.
"Don't," you say.
Dani says nothing.
"The funding isâ"
"Three years," Dani says. This is the first thing they have said. It comes out with the flatness of a person who has had a thought, filed it, and is now simply confirming the record.
"Full program. No strings."
"He called directly," Dani says.
"Yes."
"Your personal number."
"Dani."
"After eight months." They look down at the clipboard. Then back up. Something shifts in their expression â something very small, almost invisible, gone before you can name it. "Obviously," they say.
Not obviously this makes sense. Not obviously you should do it. Just: obviously. The Dani obviously, which contains an entire thesis that you have neither the time nor the emotional real estate to engage with right now.
"It's twelve days," you say. "It's practical."
"Absolutely," Dani says.
"Completely practical."
"Of course."
"You don't have to say it like that."
"I said of course."
"You said it like that."
Dani looks at you with the serenity of someone who has made peace with the universe and all its workings. "Should I book you a blowout for tomorrow or do you want to do that yourself."
You open your mouth.
You close it.
"...book it," you say.
Dani nods and picks up their pen.
From the Dragon Room, Seojun has looped back around and is playing FĂźr Elise again, still fast, but this time there is something in it â a little more feeling, a little less racing. Like he has decided, on his own terms and in his own time, that maybe slow and fast aren't opposites. Maybe they're just different ways of meaning it.
You grab your jacket off the hook by the door.
Twelve days.
Fake girlfriend. Real funding. Min Yoongi, who called your personal number after eight months and said your name to his mother and apparently has been sitting on that fact like it's a completely normal thing to have done.
Fine, you think. This is going to be completely fine.
You are a person who built something real out of nothing. You can do twelve days.
Easy.
You step outside.
The kid in the courtyard has finished the whale. It is enormous. Someone has given it a name â you can see the letters from here, chalked in big wobbly print.
Gerald.
You look at Gerald for a moment.
Gerald looks back.
"Yeah, Me too," you tell him, and go to get your car.
He picks you up at six forty-five.
This is, you will reflect later, very Min Yoongi. Not six-thirty, which would be anxious. Not seven, which would be cutting it. Six forty-five â enough time, no excess of it, accounted for without being performed. He texts when he's outside. One message Here No punctuation because punctuation on a single word is, apparently, where he draws the line on formality.
You grab your bag and go downstairs.
He is leaning against the car when you come out, hands in his jacket pockets, looking at his phone with the focused patience of someone who is not actually reading anything on it. He looks up when the door opens.
He stops looking at his phone.
This is the thing â and you have had three and a half years to observe this and several months to try to stop noticing it â about Min Yoongi. His face does not do much. This is not coldness. You figured that out early, faster than most people do, because most people look at the still surface and assume the water is shallow, and you have always known that the still ones run deep. He is not a man who performs calm. He is calm, genuinely, the way a room is calm after someone has learned how to arrange it. Unhurried. Considered. The bluntness of him â the way he says the true thing without decorating it first, without building a runway â it is not cruelty. It is the opposite of cruelty. It is the respect of a person who thinks you can handle the truth and gives it to you whole.
You know this about him.
You know the face he makes when he's decided something. You know the particular quality of his silences â there are at least four different ones and they all mean different things. You know that when he goes very level and very still it is not because nothing is happening but because quite a lot is happening and he has made a decision about what to do with it.
You know all of this.
Which is why you see it â the thing that crosses his face when you walk out the door in the blue dress. It is fast. It is almost nothing.
Almost.
Your dress is blue.
This requires some context.
Your wardrobe is, generally, a reflection of your actual life â which is to say it is colorful in the way that happens when you work with paint and children and the occasional catastrophic craft supply situation, and practical in the way that happens when you have learned, through experience, that dry-clean only is a promise you cannot keep. You own cardigans in every weight. You own trousers with good pockets. You own an apron that has developed a permanent glitter situation that three years of laundering have failed to resolve, and you have made peace with this because the glitter is a feature, not a flaw, and also because Seojun put the first piece of it there during a project about stars and you are not emotionally capable of fully removing it.
You also own earrings. You would like the record to reflect that you own earrings. They are simply not always the conventional kind â you have a pair of tiny cellos that Dani gave you ironically and you wear unironically, a pair of small gold music notes that have become essentially structural, and a pair of strawberries that came from a market stall and bring you genuine joy every time.
The earrings you are wearing tonight are different.
Small. Simple. A pale blue stone that catches light without announcing itself. Yoongi gave them to you fourteen months ago, offhandedly, after a trip to somewhere â Japan, you think, or maybe Tokyo specifically â and said these reminded me of something without saying what, and you said thank you and put them in the small dish on your dresser and have not worn them until tonight.
You are wearing them tonight because they match the dress.
That is the only reason.
The dress itself you bought for a hospital gala your ex-boyfriend invited you to three years ago, wore twice since, and kept at the back of your closet for occasions that required you to look like someone who had not recently been in contact with tempera paint. It is, objectively, a good dress. The kind of blue that makes someone look at you and then look again.
It hits right.
You have done something with your hair â Dani's blowout, smooth and deliberate â and you look, from the outside, like the other version of yourself. The one that exists in grant meetings and funding presentations, the one that walks into a room and makes people understand immediately that the Maeum Center is not a passion project, it is a business, and it is her business, and she built it from nothing and she will build it further still.
You don't lead with this version of yourself. You don't need to, most days.
But you know how to be her.
Yoongi looks at you coming through the door in the blue dress and the simple earrings and his face does the thing that almost isn't a thing, and he does not say anything for a moment that is slightly too long to be neutral.
"Hi," you say.
He blinks. "Hi."
"You're staring."
"I'm not staring."
"You stopped breathing."
"I didn'tâ" He stops. "I was thinking."
"About."
"Nothing." He pushes off the car. "You lookâ" He stops again. Min Yoongi, who once wrote a lyric so precise it made a journalist cry in a press conference, who has spent his entire adult life finding the exact right word for the exact right feeling, is standing in front of you failing to complete a sentence. "You clean up well."
You stare at him.
"That came outâ"
"You're going to want to try that again."
"You look nice," he says, quieter. The correction filed with his eyes somewhere near your collarbone, near the earrings, and then quickly away.
"Thank you," you say pleasantly.
He opens the car door. You get in. He closes it, walks around, gets in the driver's side, and starts the car with the composure of a man who did not just short-circuit in a public street over a blue dress.
You look out the window so he doesn't see you smile.
"The earrings," he says, after a moment, eyes on the road.
"What about them."
A pause. "Nothing."
You look at him.
His ears are pink.
Min Yoongi, whose bars could make a stadium go quiet, whose lyrics have been tattooed on strangers' ribcages and quoted in academic papers about the commodification of grief â his ears are pink because you are wearing earrings he gave you.
It is, genuinely, one of the most devastating things you have ever seen.
When you pull up to the restaurant. He glances at you. Something steadying in it, something that is both for you and, you think, for him. "Let's go do this, Doll." he says.
And there it is. Landing quiet and certain, like it has always been there, waiting.
You face forward.
You think: this is going to be a problem.
The private room is warm and small, and his family is already there, and the first thing you understand when you walk in is that Min Yoongi did not come from nowhere.
His father stands. Shorter than Yoongi, broader through the shoulders, the same eyes â the kind that take things in and file them without announcement. He smiles when he sees you and it rearranges his whole face, and you think: there it is. That's where Yoongi got the one he doesn't take out often.
"You must beâ" his father starts.
"She is," Yoongi says.
His father looks at him. Yoongi looks back. You recognize this immediately â the language of two people who argue not because they disagree but because agreeing out loud has never been either of their first instinct. They are, from a distance of four feet, almost comically similar. The same set of the jaw. The same economy of expression. The same way of standing like they have already thought about this and reached a conclusion and are simply waiting for the room to catch up.
"I was going to let her introduce herself," his father says.
"She was about to."
"Before you interrupted."
"It wasn't an interruption, it was context."
"The context," his father says, turning to you with a patience clearly developed over three decades, "was her name."
You put your hand on Yoongi's arm. Lightly. He stops talking.
His father watches this. Something moves through his expression that you can't fully name yet.
"He's exactly like you," you tell him.
His father laughs â real and surprised â and Yoongi makes a sound beside you that is not quite objection but is in the neighborhood.
"I've been saying this," his father says, "since he was seven years old and told me I was explaining a recipe incorrectly."
"I was correct," Yoongi says.
"You were seven."
"The kimchi jjigae was underseasoned."
"He was right," his mother says, appearing from the other side of the table, and kisses Yoongi's cheek before he can arrange his face properly, and then turns to you with warm hands and a smile that is, you understand immediately, where Min Yoongi's face actually came from. Because his father gave him the eyes, the jaw, the bluntness, the way of standing. But the face itself â the structure of it, the particular arrangement that makes strangers stop and look â that came from her.
She is beautiful. Warm and deliberate and currently looking at you like she is very glad you exist.
"I've wanted to meet you," she says. "He doesn't tell us enough."
"I tell youâ" Yoongi starts.
"Enough about the center," his mother says. "Not enough about you." She squeezes your hands and then, before you can respond: "Come sit by me."
It is not a question.
Yoongi's older brother Jihoon arrives fifteen minutes late carrying, by your count, a diaper bag, two coats, a tote bag whose contents remain unknown but are clearly substantial, what appears to be a portable sound machine, and a look of a man who has not slept more than four consecutive hours since approximately three months ago. His wife Eunji follows behind him carrying the baby, who is three months old and fully, aggressively awake, and who is also the only person in this family currently unburdened by anything.
"Sorryâ" Jihoon starts.
"The baby," Yoongi's mother says, already standing, already making grabbing motions.
"Her name is Haerinâ"
"Yes, yes. The baby."
The handoff happens. Haerin â round and duck-onesied and deeply skeptical of this restaurant â is transferred into her grandmother's arms and immediately closes her eyes.
Yoongi's mother looks vindicated in a way that transcends language.
"Don't," Yoongi says. "I'm not doing anything." "You're doing the face." "I don't have a face." "Eunji, tell him he has a face." "He has a face," Eunji says without looking up.
Jihoon grins at you. "Welcome. He talks about you constantly. It's the center this, the kids that, the directorâ"
"He calls her by her name," his father says, from behind his menu. Conversational. Like he is reporting something mildly interesting. "Not the director. Not my friend from the center." He turns a page. "Your name. Since the beginning."
The table is quiet for a moment.
Yoongi picks up his water glass and takes a sip looking like a man who has decided that this glass of water is the most important thing happening in this room right now.
You look at the menu.
The menu is also very interesting.
"The bulgogi looks good," you say.
"It does," Yoongi says.
Neither of you looks up.
The dinner is, against all expectation, the best time you have had in months.
This is the problem with Yoongi's family. You were prepared to like them adequately. You were not prepared for Jihoon's deadpan timing, for Eunji's quiet devastating accuracy, for his father's questions about the center that build on each other and reveal that he has actually been listening. You were not prepared for his mother to refill your glass before you notice it's low or to ask about the grant history with the genuine interest of someone who wants to understand rather than just be polite.
You tell them more than you mean to. The yellow walls. Seojun's sign. The Dragon Room. The way you built it grant by grant because banks are not in the business of funding things that should exist but don't yet.
"It sounds," Yoongi's father says, "like something that should have existed already."
"It should have," you say. "That's why I built it."
He looks at you.
Across the table, you feel Yoongi looking at you too.
You think about who he is on stage â the precision of it, the controlled devastation, every word placed to land exactly where he means it to land. You have heard that album. You know what he made and what it cost him. You know the lyrics that made journalists cry and critics write dissertations and strangers get them tattooed somewhere permanent.
And here he is, passing his father the side dishes first. Cutting Haerin's blanket back into place when it slips without being asked, without making it a gesture. Listening to his mother with the particular quality of someone who does not take for granted that she is still talking.
The same person.
Both of them, every time, the same person.
You find this so unreasonably moving that you have to look at your chopsticks for a moment.
"Isn't he handsome?" his mother says.
This arrives without warning, in the small pause after the table has been laughing about something Jihoon said. She is looking at Yoongi with the uncomplicated pride of a woman who made a beautiful thing and knows it. Then she looks at you.
"My boy," she says. "Isn't he the most handsome man."
Yoongi goes very still.
"Eommaâ"
"I'm asking her a question."
"It's not aâ"
"Yoongi-ya, I'm talking to your girlfriend."
You look at him. He is looking at the table with the composure of a man who has made a decision about where his eyes are going and is committed to it.
You look back at his mother.
"Yes," you say simply. "He really is."
His mother beams.
Yoongi says nothing. He picks up his chopsticks and takes a precise, deliberate bite of food and chews it with great attention, and you think: he is so good at pretending not to be affected by things.
You look back at your plate.
This is going to be a very long twelve days.
It is Jihoon who breaks the argument.
He is explaining, incorrectly, why a particular investment strategy is correct. His father is explaining, patiently, why it is not. Yoongi has entered on his father's side with the energy of someone who has been waiting for an opportunity to be right about something. All three of them are talking at the same time.
"You're all saying the same thing," Eunji says.
They stop.
"From different angles," she adds, rocking Haerin. "And arguing about the angles."
Silence.
Yoongi looks at Jihoon. Jihoon looks at their father. Their father looks at Yoongi.
"She's right," you say.
"She's always right," Eunji says, without vanity. Pure fact.
The table laughs. Full, warm, the kind that lingers. Haerin opens her eyes, decides this situation is acceptable, and closes them again. Yoongi's mother is laughing with her hand over her mouth. Jihoon is shaking his head. His fatherâ
His father's laughter fades last.
In the quiet after, he looks across the table at his youngest son. Something in his face has shifted â the argument is completely gone from it. What is there instead is older. Quieter. The look of a man who is keeping careful count.
"I'm glad," he says. "To see you like this. Settled." A pause â something moves through it, brief and real. "Happy."
The room doesn't go quiet. Eunji adjusts Haerin's blanket. Jihoon refills water. His mother smiles at her plate.
But you feel it.
And you watch it move through Yoongi â fast, like weather crossing open ground. He looks at his father. Looks down. When he looks up again he is composed, level, the surface arranged exactly where he keeps it.
"Yeah," he says. Careful and quiet. "Me too."
You look at your hands.
The blue dress. The earrings from a trip to somewhere, Tokyo maybe, that you wore tonight because they matched.
Practical, you told Dani.
Twelve days, you told yourself.
You pick up your chopsticks.
You do not look at Yoongi.
Because you have your own unresolved feelings about the morning that neither of you has mentioned, about eight months of deliberate distance, about three and a half years of knowing someone and choosing proximity and then losing it. You have been very organized about all of this. You have filed it and managed it and told yourself it was handled.
And now you are sitting at a table with his family while his father looks at his son like he is counting good moments, and you are wearing the earrings, and he said doll in the car like it was always a word that belonged to the two of youâ
You are realizing, with some clarity, that you have made a miscalculation.
Not about the funding. The funding is real and the center needs it and that part is fine.
The miscalculation is this: you told yourself twelve days of pretending.
You did not account for the possibility that you would not entirely be pretending.
Outside, his family disperses.
His mother hugs you again, longer. Jihoon shakes your hand with the grin of a man exercising significant restraint. Eunji says it was lovely and means every word. His father takes your hand in both of his, warm and unhurried.
"Come again," he says. "Don't let him think you have to be invited."
"She doesn't let me think anything," Yoongi says, beside you.
His father smiles. Pats your hand. Lets go.
You watch him walk to the car.
There it is again â something in the careful way he moves. The way he takes the step from curb to street with a steadiness that is just slightly more deliberate than it should need to be. You file it. You don't examine it yet.
Yoongi is quiet beside you.
The street is still. The restaurant hums warm behind you. Somewhere above, an open window is letting music out into the night air, slow and unhurried, drifting down without knowing where it's going.
"Let's take you home, Doll."
Quiet. No destination in it. Not a redirect. Not reassurance. Just the word, slipping out like it forgot to wait for permission. Like something true making its own way through.
You look straight ahead.
"Goodnight, Yoongi," you say.
He says nothing.
But you hear the exhale. Small. Almost nothing.
You walk to your front door.
You do not look back.
You are in significant trouble and you know it and you you sit in your living room for a moment in the quiet with your hands in your lap, and you think about twelve days, and the earrings, and his father's face at the end of the laughter.
You think: I should call Dani.
The text arrives at five fifty-three PM.
You are in the middle of closing the center â which is less a single task and more a sequence of small negotiations, because closing the Maeum Center requires confirming that all children have been collected by a responsible adult, that the Dragon Room piano lid is down, that no one has left a snack somewhere it will become a science experiment by Tomorrow, and that Seojun, specifically, has not hidden himself in the supply closet again in protest of going home, which he has done twice and will do again.
Your phone buzzes on the front desk.
Unknown number: Come to dinner. Yoongi will pick you up at six. This is your mother in law.
You stare at this for a moment.
Then you look at Dani.
Dani is reading it over your shoulder because Dani has no concept of privacy when they have deemed the information relevant, which is always.
"She got your number," Dani says.
"She got my number."
"From Yoongi."
"Presumably."
"Who is currently," Dani consults their phone, because Dani knows things, "in rehearsal for the Gwanghwamun concert." "She called herself your mother in law"
You look at the text again.
Min Eunha: Yoongi will pick you up at seven.
Yoongi does not know he is picking you up at seven. Yoongi is, at this precise moment, somewhere in a practice facility running choreography for one of the largest concert events of the year, and his mother has drafted him as chauffeur without informing him, and this is so deeply, specifically funny that you have to press your lips together for a moment.
"Should I tell him?" you ask.
Dani considers. "She'll have already told him by now."
"You think?"
"She texted you at five fifty-three. She texted him at five fifty-two."
You think about this.
"She planned the whole evening," you say.
"She planned the whole visit," Dani says, with the tone of someone filing a thought they have held for several days. They pick up their clipboard. "Go get changed. You have paint on your neck."
You reach up. You do, in fact, have paint on your neck.
"It's a good color," you say.
"It's purple."
"It's a great color."
"Go," Dani says.
Yoongi texts at five forty.
Min Yoongi: I'm coming at six. My mother has opinions.
You: I know. She texted me at four fifty-three.
A pause.
Min Yoongi: She texted you before she told me.
You: Dani thinks five fifty-two.
A longer pause. You can feel, through the screen, the specific quality of Min Yoongi arriving at a conclusion about his mother that he has probably arrived at many times before.
Min Yoongi: I was in the middle of rehearsal.
You: I know.
Min Yoongi: She doesn't care.
You: I know.
Min Yoongi: Are you ready.
You look at yourself in the small mirror in your room. You have dealt with the paint. You are wearing a rust-colored top that is not the blue dress but is in the category of things that do not have craft supplies on them, and your hair is doing something acceptable, and you have put in the strawberry earrings because the blue ones feel like too much to explain to yourself two days in a row.
Ready, you type.
His response is immediate. Just: okay.
You know that okay. It is the okay of someone who is managing several things at once and has decided to manage them all quietly. It is the okay of someone who is feeling something about this situation â the rehearsal interruption, the mother's maneuvering, the fact that you are about to spend another evening with his family in a house that is his space and that he does not love sharing â and has filed all of it under fine because fine is more efficient than the alternative.
You know him.
This is, increasingly, the problem.
He pulls up at six fifty-eight.
Two minutes early. Of course.
He is still in his rehearsal clothes â black sweats, a worn jacket over them, his hair not the version from last night but the version that means he's been running through choreography and didn't have time to do anything about it after. He looks tired in the way of someone who is not going to say he's tired. He gets out of the car when he sees you and opens the passenger door, and you think â not for the first time â about the specific quality of his consideration. It is never performed. He does not hold the door because he is making a point about it. He holds it because it is the thing to do and so he does it, and that's the end of his thinking about it.
"Hi," you say.
"Hi." He looks at you. Something in his face adjusts â not the blue dress reaction, nothing that dramatic, but something. The strawberry earrings maybe. The fact that you showed up. He doesn't say any of this. "Ready?"
"I've been ready since four fifty-three," you say.
Something moves in his expression that is almost a smile. "She does this," he says. "Plans things and tells everyone at the same time and acts like the planning happened naturally."
"It's very effective."
"It's extremely irritating," he says, and gets in the car.
You get in. You look at him. "It worked though."
"Obviously it worked." He pulls into traffic. "It always works. That's what makes it irritating."
You think about his mother, warm and deliberate, refilling your glass before you noticed it was low. Planning from the first syllable.
"You love it," you say.
He doesn't answer.
Which is an answer.
He is quiet for most of the drive, which does not concern you the way it might concern someone who doesn't know him. His quiet is not absence. It is just â him, thinking, the interior running while the exterior idles. You have learned to sit in it. Most people can't. Most people feel the quiet and reach for something to fill it, and Yoongi registers this as noise, as effort, as someone requiring him to perform presence he is already giving. You don't reach. You just exist in the same space, and he drives, and the city moves past the windows.
After a while he says: "I'm sorry about this."
"You already apologized."
"I'm apologizing again."
"Yoongiâ"
"It's my apartment," he says. "My parents are there. I know it'sâ" He stops. "I know it's a lot to ask."
You look at him. The line of his jaw. The way his hands sit on the wheel, unhurried, always unhurried, even when the interior is not.
His apartment. The one where everything has a place and the place is specific and the reason is usually music â stacked a particular way, a particular alignment, the kind of careful order that happens when someone's mind runs fast and they have learned that the outside world being organized is the only counterweight. You have been to his apartment. You know what the inside of it means.
And his parents are there.
"How's your dad doing?" you ask.
The question lands the way you meant it to â small, no weight added, just the question itself.
Yoongi is quiet for a moment.
"It's back, this time it is worse." he says.
You understand immediately what they contain: the cancer, the recurrence, the weight of why this visit matters more than the usual visit. He does not elaborate. He does not need to.
"I know, babe." you say.
Not I'm sorry. Not how bad. Just: okay. I have this information and I'm here and you don't have to carry it differently because I know.
He exhales.
"He wants to seeâ" He stops. Starts again. "He's been asking about my life. Whether I'mâ" A pause. "You know."
"Settled," you say.
"Yeah."
You look out the window.
"Yoongi." You say it the way you've always said his name when you mean it directly. "I'm here. It's fine."
He doesn't say anything.
But something in his hands on the wheel goes slightly less tight.
"The aunt is also there," he says, after a moment. "My mother's sister."
"...okay."
"She asks questions."
"What kind of questions."
"The kind," he says, "that you should know are coming."
"How bad."
A pause.
"She asked Jihoon, at his wedding, in front of the officiant, whether he and Eunji had discussed having children specifically or were just hoping things worked out."
You stare at him.
"At the wedding," you say.
"During the ceremony."
"While it was happening."
"The officiant," Yoongi says, "recovered professionally. I'll give him that."
You look at the approaching apartment building. At the lights on in the windows.
"We should have made a story," you say. "A timeline. When we met, what we saidâ"
"We have a story," he says.
"We have the truth with some parts left out, which is different."
"The parts we left out are the parts that don't matter."
You think about the parts that don't matter. The morning. The eight months. The specific quality of his voice at 2:34 AM when he asked will you help me like it cost him something to say it.
"Right," you say.
He parks. He turns off the car. Neither of you moves for a moment.
"I'm sorry," he says again. Quietly. The third time now, which for Yoongi â who does not repeat himself without reason â means something.
"Stop apologizing," you say. "Let's go."
You get out of the car.
After a moment, he follows.
The apartment is warm with people in the way that his apartment probably hasn't been in a long time.
His mother has done something with the kitchen. This is the first thing you notice â not that she has rearranged it, but that she has worked within it, found where everything lives, and used it all. It smells extraordinary. His father is in the living room in the armchair that is almost certainly Yoongi's usual armchair, wearing the expression of a man who has found the most comfortable seat in the house through the reliable process of sitting in every seat until the right one revealed itself. Jihoon is on the couch with Haerin asleep on his chest, both of them out cold, father-daughter, breathing in the same rhythm.
Eunji, cross-legged on the floor with a cup of tea and her phone, looks up when you come in. She smiles at you with the warmth of someone who made a decision about you at dinner last night and is glad to confirm it.
And then, from the kitchen doorway, appears a woman who is clearly Yoongi's mother's sister, because she has the same bone structure and warm eyes and approximately none of the same restraint.
"There she is," she says, pointing at you.
"Auntie," Yoongi says.
"I'm just saying. There she is." She looks you up and down with the open appreciation of someone who does not believe in doing anything subtly. "Very pretty, Yoongi-ya. Good job."
"I didn'tâ" He stops. "That's not howâ"
"Sit, sit." She waves you both toward the table, which has been set for the card game, chips divided into neat piles, a look about it that suggests this was organized by someone who wanted to win. "We've been waiting. Your mother said you were coming at seven."
"It's seven oh four," Yoongi says.
"Auntie has been here since five," his mother says from the kitchen, peacefully.
"I wanted a good seat."
The game is hwatu.
You have played it exactly once, in university, badly, and remember approximately nothing except that you lost everything and that the cards are beautiful â small, lacquered, thick as confidence.
Yoongi's father deals.
He does this with the ease of a man who has dealt these cards so many times that the shuffle is automatic, the distribution even, the whole thing done before the conversation around it has finished its first sentence. He sets the deck down. He looks at you across the table.
"You've played?" he asks.
"Once," you say. "I lost everything."
"Then you already know the important part." He picks up his hand. Studies it. Does not show any expression about what is in it, which tells you a great deal. "The rest is details."
Yoongi, beside you, leans slightly close. "Do you actually know how to play?"
"I know the basics," you say.
"The basics are not sufficient for this table."
"Watch me."
He looks at you.
You look back.
Something almost playful moves across his face â so fast you would miss it if you didn't know where to look â before he picks up his own cards.
The aunt starts forty-five seconds in.
"So," she says, arranging her hand with the focused attention of someone who is absolutely also managing a secondary conversation. "How long?"
"Three and a half years," you say, at the same moment Yoongi says, "About a year."
Silence.
Everyone at the table looks at you both.
Yoongi looks at you. You look at Yoongi.
"We met three and a half years ago," you say, smoothly. "We've beenâ" you glance at himâ"together about a year."
"Together-together," the aunt clarifies, with a gesture that suggests she is specifying something specific.
"Yes," you say.
"Officially," Yoongi adds.
"What does officially mean," the aunt asks.
"It means," Yoongi's mother says, from her side of the table, "that they are together and you should play your cards."
The aunt plays her card. She does not look satisfied. She looks like someone who is going to return to this. "So before officiallyâ"
"We wereâ" you start.
"Friends," Yoongi says.
"âclose," you say, at the same time.
Another pause.
"Close friends," Yoongi says.
"Yes," you agree. "That."
Jihoon, who has woken up at some point during this exchange and is watching with Haerin still on his chest and the alert expression of a man witnessing something he will be thinking about for weeks, says nothing. He picks up his cards. He is smiling at them.
"What was the first thing you noticed about him?" the aunt asks. This is twenty minutes later, and you are, somehow, winning. You are not sure how this happened. You are beginning to have a theory.
"His music," you say, which is true. Which is so true that it barely needs to be said.
The aunt looks at Yoongi. "And you?"
Yoongi looks at his cards. Then at you. Then at his cards again. The tips of his ears, you notice, have gone a very specific color.
"The way she talks about her work," he says.
The table waits.
He doesn't add anything to this. He says it the way he says things that are true â without decoration, without the runway, just the thing itself set down plainly. The way she talks about her work. Delivered in a voice that has no performance in it.
You look at your cards.
Your cards are very interesting right now.
"Three years," his mother says, pleasantly, to you. Not looking up from her cards. "I call him every Sunday. Your mother calls on Sundays, you talk about your weekâ" she places a card, smooth and unbotheredâ "for three years, every Sunday, there was always something about the center. Something funny that happened. Something you said. Something you thought." She picks up her next card. "He never called you the director. Always your name. From the first week."
You look at Yoongi.
Yoongi is looking at his cards with the deep concentration of a man who has found them extremely interesting just now.
"He doesn't talk much," Jihoon offers helpfully. "So when he doesâ"
"We notice what he talks about," his father finishes, and takes a sip of his drink.
You think about eight months of silence. About Dani's extension and center-related correspondence and your name being said, apparently, every Sunday for three years to his mother on the phone while he said nothing to you directly.
You arrange your cards.
You are a little mad about this.
You are going to win all of his money.
"Are we playing?" Yoongi says, to his cards.
"We're playing," his father says, and deals the next round
Thirty minutes later, you are winning by a margin that has made Jihoon sit up straight.
You are winning because twenty minutes ago, while Yoongi was distracted, his father leaned over and showed you which cards to hold.
"But that'sâ" you started.
He raised one finger to his lips.
He looked back at you like a man who has never once lost sleep over this and does not intend to start.
You held the cards.
"She's cheating," Jihoon says, staring at your pile.
"I'm winning," you correct.
"Those are different things."
"Jihoon-ah," his father says, sorting his own hand, "sometimes the line is a matter of perspective."
"You taught her," Jihoon says, with the dawning horror of a son who has been the victim of this his entire life and is only now seeing it in a new light. He looks at his father. "You've been doing this to me for thirty years."
"You've been learning for thirty years," his father says. "There's a difference."
Yoongi is looking at his father with an expression you have never seen on him before â something open in it, the fondness so unguarded it almost doesn't look like him. And then he looks at you, and the fondness shifts somehow, gets complicated, gets warm in a different way, and he says:
"That's my girl."
Quietly. Not to anyone. Just out, into the air between you, the way something says itself when it has been waiting long enough that it stops asking permission.
Your chip pile suddenly requires your full attention.
Jihoon points across the table. "You're happy she's cheating with our fatherâ"
"She's winning," Yoongi says.
"Same thingâ"
"Jihoon," Eunji says, without looking up from Haerin, "you've lost four rounds."
"I've lost four rounds fairlyâ"
"Have you though," his father says.
The table erupts. His mother laughing, his aunt triumphant, Jihoon aggrieved in the way of a man processing a betrayal he did not see coming and is taking personally. Yoongi reaches over and takes a single chip from your pile and adds it to his own. You look at him. He looks back. On anyone else it would be a grin.
On him it is something small and private and entirely real.
You look back at your pile.
That's my girl.
He didn't even know he said it.
That's the problem.
That's the whole problem.
The evening winds down the way good evenings do â gradually, without anyone wanting to be the one to say it's time. The cards are put away. Tea is made. Haerin wakes up, decides the room is acceptable, goes back to sleep. The aunt has exhausted her question supply and is now telling a story about something that happened at a cousin's birthday that is long and elaborate and requires hand gestures.
At some point you end up on the couch beside Yoongi's father.
He is quieter at this hour. Still warm, but the energy of the card game has settled into something slower. He has a cup of tea in both hands. He is watching his family with the careful attention of a man who is not taking anything for granted.
"You're good for him," he says, without preamble.
You look at him.
"He'sâ" He pauses. Considers the words. "He carries things quietly. Always has. Since he was small. You'd never know from looking." He takes a slow sip of tea. "But he's lighter. When he talks about you." He says this not like an observation but like a fact he has held for a while and decided it was time to put down. "A father notices."
You don't know what to do with this.
You look across the room at Yoongi, who is listening to his aunt's birthday story with the expression of someone who has heard this story and all its iterations and has arrived at a relationship with it that transcends reaction.
He glances at you.
You look away.
You think about that's my girl, said to no one, just released into the air like a fact.
You think about a man who spends eight months not calling, who comes back with a practical arrangement and a funding offer, who holds a door and picks you up two minutes early and goes very still when his mother says something that catches him off guard.
You think: he is a performer. He knows how to make something feel real. The albums, the stage, the fifteen years of turning the inside of himself into something an audience could hold. He is very, very good at making things feel real.
That's why it feels real. Because he's good at it.
And then Yoongi laughs at something his aunt says â a real laugh, short and sudden and not performed, the one that escapes before he can do anything about it â and his father beside you makes a quiet sound of satisfaction, like a man hearing a song he wrote a long time ago and finding it still holds.
You tell yourself to stop it. You tell yourself twelve days. You tell yourself you are fine and this is manageable and you have handled harder things than Min Yoongi in a warm room being kind to his family.
You are not fine. This is not manageable. You have not handled harder things than this, actually, and you know it, and that is the most inconvenient true thing you have encountered all evening.
He drives you home at ten-thirty.
The city is quieter now. The car warm. You are both a little full and a little tired and sitting in the easy silence that has always been one of the things about the two of you â the way you can exist in the same space without it costing anything.
"Your father taught me to cheat," you say.
"I saw."
"He didn't tell me he was teaching me to cheat. He just showed me which cards."
"That's how he does it," Yoongi says. "He did it to me for fifteen years before I realized it was intentional."
You look at him. "When did you realize?"
"When I started doing it to Jihoon."
You laugh. He glances at you â quick, warm, gone.
"They likes you," he says, after a moment.
"I like them."
Yoongi nods. He doesn't say anything else about it. He doesn't say thank you for coming or I know this is strange or any of the several things that are true and available. He just drives, and you sit beside him, and the city moves past.
"The aunt is going to ask more questions," you say.
"Yes."
"We should figure out what we're saying."
"We're saying the truth," he says. "With some parts left out."
The truth. Right. The truth is a complicated document at the moment â it has eight months in it, and a morning neither of you has named, and the way your heart did the involuntary thing the second his name appeared on your screen, and the earrings you told yourself you wore because they matched the dress. The truth has edges. You have been carefully not touching them for a long time and you are sitting in his car right now with all of them and your face, which has never once in your life done what you told it to, is almost certainly showing every single one.
You look back at him.
He is watching the road.
Good, you think. Keep watching the road.
"We gave different timelines."
"We recovered."
"We barely recovered."
"You're very quick," he says. Quiet. Almost nothing.
He is very still.
"I know you," you say, before you can decide not to.
He's still looking at the road.
"Yeah," he says. "I know."
You reach your building. He pulls up. The engine runs.
Day Two ends the way the previous one did â with you in the passenger seat of Yoongi's car, the city quiet outside the windows, the particular easy silence that has always been one of the things about the two of you that you have tried very hard not to think of as a thing.
"Same time tomorrow?" you ask.
"Rehearsal runs until four," he says. "I'll come after."
"You don't have to come get me everyâ"
"I'll come after four," he says, in the tone that means this is not a discussion, which is distinct from rudeness â it is just Yoongi, who has decided something and communicated it and considers the matter addressed.
You have learned not to argue with that tone.
You have learned a lot of things about him that you are currently pretending you haven't.
"Fine," you say. "I'll be at the center until six anyway. Seojun has decided FĂźr Elise needs a second verse and I have to talk him out of it before it becomes structural."
Something moves in Yoongi's expression. "He's not wrong that it's incomplete."
You stare at him.
"The ending is abrupt," he says.
"Do not tell him that."
"I'm just sayingâ"
"Min Yoongi, I am begging you, do not give that child musical ammunitionâ"
"He's nine and he has good instincts."
"He is nine and he will use this against me for monthsâ"
Yoongi looks at you. The almost-smile again, the small private one, the one that lives just at the corner of his mouth and never quite commits. "I'll pick you up at five," he says. "Text me if it runs over."
You look at him for a moment.
This is the problem. Not the card game, not the aunt's questions, not that's my girl dropped into the warm air of his apartment like it belonged there. This. The specific, understated quality of his consideration â the way he shows up without announcing it, drives you home without making it a gesture, tells you text me if it runs over like it is the most ordinary thing, like of course he wants to know, like where else would he be.
He does not perform care.
He just â has it. Quietly. Permanently. Pointed at the people he has decided matter.
You think about nine days remaining.
You think: you are so good at this. Performer, fifteen years, a Grammy stage, a stadium that goes quiet when he wants it to. Of course it feels real. Of course he can make text me if it runs over land like something it isn't.
"Goodnight," you say.
"Goodnight."
You get out. You don't look back.
Upstairs, you take out the strawberry earrings and put them in their dish. The blue ones are still where you left them.
You have never been good at lying to yourself. This has always been the problem and the point of you â you feel things fully and you say them when they need to be said and you build things out of them when you can.
Twelve days of pretending. It is day two.
You are already failing. Read part 2
author's note đš
hi. hello. welcome to The Real Thing.
if you're new here â hi, I'm Ria, pull up a chair, we're going to have a very good time and also possibly cry a little, I make no promises about the ratio. This is a standalone fic. You do not need to have read anything else to be here. You have everything you need. Come as you are.
if you have read What Happens When You Fall â first of all, thank you, genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, for everything that story has meant. It's complete, it's sitting right there on my masterlist if you're new and curious, and yes, you might recognize a name or two in this story. You might notice something small that makes you go oh. That's intentional.
because here's the thing about The Real Thing â it stands on its own. It has its own people, its own mess, its own slow disaster of two people who know each other too well to be doing what they're doing. You don't need the map. You just need to show up.
which brings me to the bigger thing I want to tell you about.
The Real Thing is part of The B-Side Series.
Seven love stories. One universe. Seven members, seven readers, seven different ways of saying I choose this, even knowing what it costs. They're all connected â same city, same people moving through each other's lives, the same found family building itself one story at a time. Some connections are obvious. Some you'll only catch if you're reading everything. All of them are intentional.
WHWYF was the first. This is the second. There are five more after this, plus a finale, and I am not going to tell you anything else about that yet except that it's going to wreck you in the best way.
The B-Side Series is named for the songs that don't make the album. The real ones. The private ones. The ones that exist underneath the public versions of their lives.
This is Min Yoongi's.
I hope you love it.
â Ria đ¤
The Real Thing â Part One Part of The Truth and Lies Series Book 1
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