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I will always cry for the stolen innocence of young Lestat.

You don't understand; he was so good, so full of light, so in love with life and art and humanity. He, as a little child, used to cry for the witches who were killed years and years ago. He believed art would save them. He loved and wanted to be loved and wanted to be good so fucking much. His parents and brothers and lovers and life and maker were so cruel to him yet he still loved them and cared for them.

He was so full of light and it was all stolen from him in a horrifying way and everyone just refused to see him for who he really was deep inside. Yet he continued to fight, refused to walk into the fire, forgave the hands that hurt him.

I love him so much. I will always cry for the charming 'monster' and the hopeful young man that he was.

God, I only read a little over 100 pages of The Vampire Lestat, and Lestat cried so much about everything, everything that happened to him, to his mother, even about the witches who were burned many, many years ago before he was born, even about Magnus who burned himself and left him alone.

He cares so deeply about everything, about being good, about making people happy and lifting them out of sorrow.

And I think about the Lestat Louis saw.

Impenetrable face, cold, arrogant, cruel, he laughs when he's hurt.

Perfect and strong.

Facade.

And again, Lestat in the third season (don’t know what the book!Lestat is like yet) where he tells the story himself: every emotion, pain, and experience is written all over his face again. He has a panic attack, he's vulnerable, he's scared, he cries, he fails over and over, he is stuck, pathetic, he tries hard to gain love and no one cares.

When he is in pain - he is in pain and you see it.

And I wonder.

Is this what's going on inside him? Can't people see it? Is he aware of his pain and confused why no one else cares? Did his actions toward Louie feel completely fair to him because he was sure Louie was being cruel to him intentionally because he thought his pain was obvious?

While really he couldn’t open up at all?

While no one actually saw that?