Ok boys and girls - let’s get out our DC interview checklist and go through it to be sure we’ve noted that everything necessary took place and all the important points were hit. Keep in mind - this one was billed as an interview discussing his new Broadway role in AB.
1. Mention of his marriage and the little wifey is name checked. ✅
2. Obligatory pic of the happy little family so now not only does the internet know what she looks like, everyone who gets ABC has also seen her face. But remember - we as fans shouldn’t be sharing pics of a minor because she can’t consent herself. ✅
3. A rousing discussion of the now 4 year old bar he “co-owns” with the little wifey. ✅
Started by the incredulous moderator who pronounced it very deliberately to be sure she got the name right. Once that was confirmed as true, we moved into an explanation of why he would allow a business he’s supposedly associated with to have such a shitty embarrassing name (wait - never mind - he clarified that with the charming note that for as long as he’s known her, ((more on that later)) his lovely lady of many moons has been talking about wanting to name her bar that. So like the good little “yes dear” husband he is, he went along with it. Cool. And clearly this is where RR fell asleep on the job because - no pics of the bar? No shot of the classy neon “come inside me” sign? No shout out to the menu so people can plan ahead and get their orders of period sex and sluteater ready to go? Remember kids - ice is extra so hit up the ATM before you go in and buy one of these overpriced disgusting concoctions from a rude condescending bartender as you’re asked to get away from the VIP table that no one will be sitting in because who wants to blow that kind of money in a place like this. Cheers!!
4. A reference to their “great party” and how it was just the best day ever! ✅ But again - no pics of the newlyweds? How sad. Think of all the people who may not have seen D unshaven and looking wrinkled and unkempt in that white suit. But even more importantly - there might be people who hadn’t had the pleasure of seeing M in that wedding dress. How can you deprive them of wondering how someone who had access to the entire Vera Wang catalogue - money clearly no object as mommy works for her - could end up choosing that ill fitting ugly af monstrosity? It would have been easy to miss hearing about this, as it was such a private and heartfelt affair. I’m surprised there wasn’t a link shared across the bottom of the screen to the Vogue cover story.
5. More of the “ultimate collab, baby drop, out now” record metaphors that weren’t cute in October and by now have definitely been overplayed and need to stop. ✅
6. A hilarious LOL moment of one of the moderators asking him how he proposed and D doing his usual tap dance around giving an answer. ✅
No joke - I legit LOL’d at that because he’s been avoiding that question for 3 plus years now in the most awkward manner possible. No one knows what or where it actually took place (Japami FTW) but the possibilities based on what’s been shared include:
a) he proposed in Japan on vacation but somehow some of their friends were there as CK mentioned being present “the night her parents got engaged” which is so gross so please cut that shit out.
b) he decided to propose after having an epiphany in the bathroom of a bar in Miami (that little nugget shared courtesy of his deadbeat manager who naturally was his first call).
c) he might have actually proposed in the bar but he’s not really sure and doesn’t want to talk about (no shit - if my proposal story was that lame and tacky, I wouldn’t broadcast it either). Its fitting for her but completely OOC for someone of D’s depth, intelligence, and emotion.
All he ever had to say was that it was a private moment between the two of them, he would like to keep it that way, and consistently answer the question that way. Done. If he’d done that, people would have stopped asking. Instead he went with some bullshit about not wanting to bore anyone with the details of it which is such a bizarre roundabout way to answer a pretty straightforward question and only gives more credence to the idea that an actual proposal may not have taken place. Considering the numerous engagement rings that she went through until they got a designer to cough one up, nothing would surprise me. You don’t want to bore us with this, but you’ll freely share a story where your most likely blitzed out bride peed herself at a concert when she couldn’t be bothered finding a bathroom?
7. The ever changing fluid timeline that is the m/iarren relationship. ✅
JL somehow knows/remembers that they went to Disneyland for their first date. Ok sure why not? So she knows about a date they had before he landed glee. Hmm. I thought their decade of special togetherness preceded the show so I am confused? Or are you trying to tell me that they are close enough and this ‘date’ was so memorable that he just had to tell her all about it and this sugary sweet night of perfection stayed with her all this time and she just couldn’t keep it in any longer? I guess that story was so overpowering that it blocked out her memory of going to see D backstage at both H2$ and Hedwig so this was clearly not his Broadway debut.
She was a little manic overall, frankly, the way she kept jumping in and prompting topic after topic. It was almost like someone was hitting her with a cattle prod so she wouldn’t forget to keep bringing M up.
Alright everyone - is there anything we’ve forgotten? Anything missing from the list? What’s that now? There’s about 3 minutes left in the interview and they have yet to touch on AB? Oh well, that’s just what happens sometimes with D. If you have a partner as glamorous and winning as M is, with as many professional accomplishments as she has and the name recognition that she carries, D’s silly little jobs like a Broadway play just pale in comparison.
One final note from this trainwreck: you knew someone would ask about the baby’s name and he would have to explain it. I am glad that its not an actual reference to UMich’s nickname. It would feel a lot more touching and genuine if I thought for one minute he had a partner who could manage that depth of emotion and actually cared about him and his family. Its still a silly name but I could buy it as a nod to his dad and would just leave it alone. And just to clarify: she has one musician parent. The other is a desperate wannabe who has 4 songs in her singing repertoire (none of which sound like music) and plays in a shitty cover band no one has ever heard of that can only book their once a year gigs in venues owned by her family.
My expectations going in were low but holy moly they somehow managed to slide in under them. Not even a video of my darling Blaine singing, a glimpse of Teenage Dream, and a reminder of his otherworldly performance in ACS could save this debacle.
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