"in another life" { marvel adjacent verse- modern!ben asks what phil might be doing in another lifetime, were it not for circumstance, possibility, or regrets }
[ Notes on a Page / Accepting ]
The question is posed with surprising straightforwardness. Phil's gaze doesn't need to stray to the other man's hand to know his pen is already upon the page, its nib situated precisely amidst the chicken-scratch of his already considerable notes. It had been clear from the outset that Ben's curiosity was as insatiable as the page was for the ink… and whatever he uttered in reply, no matter how long or unintelligible, would somehow make it into those notes.
The faint impression of a wry smile swims its way onto the special agent's features, tugging troughs into his cheeks and threatening to narrow the scope of his eyes while his head cants to one side. His attempt to look cavalier is token, at best, but the instinct towards avoidance is one he's come by earnestly. He'd rather been under the impression the interview would settle more upon the grander scale… the ways in which the destruction (both literal and metaphorical) of SHIELD had upset the world around them, had made everything a little more frightening, a little darker, a little more…
But they've somehow managed to push through the darkness and the fears of the present. Whether it's because Phil knows how to answer those questions or because Ben seems to know which questions to ask to keep them on this conversational tightrope, even the agent himself can't be entirely sure. If this encounter is funambulism, the questionnaire itself has been the balancing pole, its endpoints named for thorough and thoughtful. What Phil is certain of, though, is that this question flies in the face of Ben's interviewing style thus far. He's been circumspect and patient, but also doggedly insistent. Something like a hybrid of the Virgin Mary and a schnauzer. With the right training, he wouldn't be half-bad at interrogations -- though Phil would probably employ him as a closer more than an opener. Round Three, at the very earliest.
There's something in the writer's affect, though, that suggests not just something more open… but more earnest. There's a cast to his eye, a quake in his expression from which Phil can infer something having cracked. Nothing spilling forth, at least not yet, but some manner of stress fracture developing from unrelenting pressure on the other side of him. A side everybody thinks they want to know about but nobody really wants to see.
Surely there's something Phil would be doing with himself if SHIELD hadn't recruited him. But it had. And from that recruitment, he'd been bestowed the certainty that there is no certainty at all. Reality itself is malleable. Up is down, down is up. And if there's anyone who can understand that juxtaposition isn't always contradiction, it's a writer. And perhaps especially this writer, whose moniker is singularly befitting.
Solo. Alone in a crowded room.
But none of these thoughts quite threaten to form words on his tongue. When it comes to speaking aloud, Phil has no gift for poetry, so he settles for prose. He figures the other man can supply the former -- and will, when it comes time to publish the article. He clasps his hands together, perching his wrists on the edge of the table, and hunches forward a few degrees, almost conspiratorial in his affect.
"I sometimes wonder what would've happened if I hadn't been recruited. I went to college to study history. Even attending the Academy, I made sure history was part of my curriculum. To this day, I still love it."
His thumbs flick upward towards the popcorn ceiling, a gesture of punctuation. "Not enough people appreciate what knowing your history can do for your future. History tells us not just what all went wrong, but how it eventually got right, for each and every age. It's not all catastrophe. And I'd like to think that… maybe in some other life… I could be one of those guys that teaches it in a way that doesn't sound like stern lecturing. That I could inspire a generation or two to accept that some mistakes were realized a long time ago, and don't need to be repeated for the lesson to stick."
