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I’m????
Oh my God this actually explains so much.
So there’s a known thing in the study of human psychology/sociology/what-have-you where men are known to, on average, rely entirely on their female romantic partner for emotional support. Bonding with other men is done at a more superficial level involving fun group activities and conversations about general subjects but rarely involves actually leaning on other men or being really honest about emotional problems. Men use alcohol to be able to lower their inhibitions enough to expose themselves emotionally to other men, but if you can’t get emotional support unless you’re drunk, you have a problem.
So men need to have a woman in their lives to have anyone they can share their emotional needs and vulnerabilities with. However, since women are not socialized to fear sharing these things, women’s friendships with other women are heavily based on emotional support. If you can’t lean on her when you’re weak, she’s not your friend. To women, what friendship is is someone who listens to all your problems and keeps you company.
So this disconnect men are suffering from is that they think that only a person who is having sex with you will share their emotions and expect support. That’s what a romantic partner does. But women think that’s what a friend does. So women do it for their romantic partners and their friends and expect a male friend to do it for them the same as a female friend would. This fools the male friend into thinking there must be something romantic there when there is not.
This here is an example of patriarchy hurting everyone. Women have a much healthier approach to emotional support – they don’t die when widowed at nearly the rate that widowers die and they don’t suffer emotionally from divorce nearly as much even though they suffer much more financially, and this is because women don’t put all their emotional needs on one person. Women have a support network of other women. But men are trained to never share their emotions except with their wife or girlfriend, because that isn’t manly. So when she dies or leaves them, they have no one to turn to to help with the grief, causing higher rates of death, depression, alcoholism and general awfulness upon losing a romantic partner.
So men suffer terribly from being trained in this way. But women suffer in that they can’t reach out to male friends for basic friendship. I am not sure any man can comprehend how heartbreaking it is to realize that a guy you thought was your friend was really just trying to get into your pants. Friendship is real. It’s emotional, it’s important to us. We lean on our friends. Knowing that your friend was secretly seething with resentment when you were opening up to him and sharing your problems because he felt like he shouldn’t have to do that kind of emotional work for anyone not having sex with him, and he felt used by you for that reason, is horrible. And the fact that men can’t share emotional needs with other men means that lots of men who can’t get a girlfriend end up turning into horrible misogynistic people who think the world owes them the love of a woman, like it’s a commodity… because no one will die without sex. Masturbation exists. But people will die or suffer deep emotional trauma from having no one they can lean on emotionally. And men who are suffering deep emotional trauma, and have been trained to channel their personal trauma into rage because they can’t share it, become mass shooters, or rapists, or simply horrible misogynists.
The only way to fix this is to teach boys it’s okay to love your friends. It’s okay to share your needs and your problems with your friends. It’s okay to lean on your friends, to hug your friends, to be weak with your friends. Only if this is okay for boys to do with their male friends can this problem be resolved… so men, this one’s on you. Women can’t fix this for you; you don’t listen to us about matters of what it means to be a man. Fix your own shit and teach your brothers and sons and friends that this is okay, or everyone suffers.
The next time a guy says, “What? You don't want to be my friend?” I’ll text him this and then ask if he really wants to be friends or just have another potential girlfriend.
y’all I am living for these analyses where the new way to fight the patriarchy is to teach men to love each other and themselves
No one warns you about sleepless nights, about unproductivity and the mundane, no one tells you growing up that one day you’ll find yourself bleeding your wounds out on the bedroom floor, or how bathrooms are sanctuaries; no one tells you about the fatal attraction towards the unhealthy that you adopt time and time again; no one warns you about the real dangers of the world- loneliness and pain, and all the ways you deal with them. They tell you not to smoke or drink or have sex, but they forget to teach you kindness to yourself, they forget to teach you self-love; they forget to teach you how to cope with rejection and pain, they tell you to forgive but never teach you how, they tell you to love but never the consequences of failed loves, they warn you about heartbreaks from lovers but never those from family and friends, they tell you to dream but kill it before you can climb its ladder, they read you fairy tales but lack imagination, they tell you life is hard, that the world is ugly, but you never see them making it less of all that, then you grow up not knowing what to believe or who to be, with your heart still young but wounded, and your spirit yearning but reluctant. You have a body with too many marks, eyes with too many scars, you carry hope like a sacred flower- all its petals fall each time the world disappoints you, and instead of abandoning it, you go tape it back together; and here you are, all patched up- old cotton cloth and rusty car parts; you’re barely alive, and in love with the idea of what life could live up to be, and though it never does, you never give up, and I would say that’s what makes you strong, that that’s what makes you beautiful, but all it makes you, is a dreamer. People never teach us these things growing up because they too carry flowers of their own, and they don’t want you to grow up without hope, because if you knew all this when you were too young, then you would not make it this far, and it would be a shame, because there is so much more to life than all this, and the only way to have it all, is to carry the flower of hope in your heart.
Eliot Knight (via eli0tknight)
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how lucky do two people have to be in order to fall for each other at exactly the right time in exactly the right way
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Be Safe Around Water With Swim Reaper
The Swim Reaper is an interactive public service announcement launched by the government of New Zealand to promote water safety.
Water can turn deadly when people make bad calls in the water – The Swim Reaper is a reminder of this – danger lurks everywhere. He’s a character you definitely don’t want to meet and this campaign aims to make young people stop and think before they make bad decisions with potentially deadly consequences. On Instagram.
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Ok well this is the best photo ever
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leme smoke that lambas bread chronic
Self Care
1. Consciously teach yourself to relax, and practice relaxation as soon as you feel stressed.
2. Pay attention to what you eat and drink.
3. A warm shower or bath can help our muscles to relax, and can help ease the tension in our body and mind.
4. Talking with someone who accepts us as we are – and is nonjudgmental – is highly therapeutic.
5. Recognise that there are things that are outside our control – and there are some situations that we simply cannot change.
6. Reward and indulge yourself with things that you enjoy so you feel respected and valued as a person. (For example, buy some clothes you love, or get your hair and nails done)
7. Make an effort to establish and maintain a work/ life balance. You need to make time for your hobbies, and to hang out with your friends.
8. Organise your time, and prioritise your tasks. You’ll feel a lot less anxious if you get things done on time.
9. Recognise that you have limits and enforce your boundaries. If you live with too much pressure you will end up overwhelmed.
10. Keep a sense of humour – smile and laugh throughout the day.