This post from @walske and @telomeke talking about gay Canadian hockey players experience and reliving it with PTSD in Heated Rivalry made me feel like adding to another side of the point - but my reply was getting too long so I decided to make it its own post, oops sorry. Hope you stick with me.
For the past weeks, I've seen many Russian people talking about how strongly they resonate with Ilya's character. "I relate so much, I felt this deep in my soul, how the hell did they represent us so well, he's one of us, I'm triggered". Even people who never watch BLs or not interested in hockey, they all talk about HR online. Even I, who loves watching BLs all over the world but prefer the ones that add social message/character exploration focused, would dismiss HR if it was only about high-rated smut scenes. Like good job, we need this kind of stories but they're not what I personally prefer.
BUT NO. It's about painfully relatable experience. I'm scared to watched the new episode because it will force me to face my own life, situation and the doom hell my country is currently falling in with the speed of light. And many other Russians said they literally cried in the past couple of episodes.
So many queer people had to flee Russia in the past years, especially now (few years after HR timeline) when LGBTA+ were officially announced illеgal, ехtrеmists and tеrrоrists, with people fined and jailed for a simple makeup or a slightly gay fanart they posted 10 years ago. They still fear and overthink every single thing they say and do even in other country, whenever encountering queer events or trying to date someone. Seeing openly gay hockey couple kissing on the match screen? Oh that's probably only a partially exciting moment for Ilya.
I went back to closet even when I could have built my new, more free identity in another country, I still enter fight-or-flight mode when buying BL books even if they're written in different language and no cop will grab me for looking at the books in a library corner or when I watch queer show in perfectly legal and promoted cinema screening, I don't speak about queer culture and series in my own language, I'm still censoring myself and cursing myself out at the same time for being so stupid and affected by fear – and knowing that if I get more bold and free, shit can still unexpectedly hit the fan and my family back in Russia can get hurt.
This is another thing that hits Russian speaking fans - Ilya's relationship with his dad, brother and the funeral. I was lucky to not have abusive parents but there's always a fucked up past and traumas in CIS childhood. No matter how many traumas you have and how much you try to escape and live your happy life, you'll always face the relatives, you'll always love them despite it all, you will always hurt when they're alive and grieve when they're gone. And if you choose to be yourself and to find love and happiness on your own, you can not go back home.
My mom told me just last week: "Don't go back to Russia. Even if I die, don't you dare to come to my funeral". I also have to awkwardly joke whenever my sister or dad ask me whether I miss them already and when do I plan to visit them, and I miss my friends so much even when I make new ones here. I push down my thoughts that keep coming up about what I should do and how I will feel if I one of them dies, and I'm 4000km away without having made any close happy memories in the past few years.
I have never come out to my family, yet this is something that still hurts if you're just a young adult who had to immigrate from Russia to other country. I've seen other fans saying they were triggered by the "silly gay show" because they got reminded of their fear that they cannot be with their family in their hardships. We are literally risking our life, not even just a social rejection. Fucking Ilya Rosanov.
Connor managed to show Ilya's struggles and traumas so beautifully and so raw, so truthfully. The emotions in his Russian monologue, the exhaustion and double-edged sword in the shape of his situation (queerness and family) was too real, as if he's not an actor but he has those cold and brutal years of growing up in Russia for real. His exasperated broken "чёрт" ('damn', translated as 'fuck me' in subs) after finally sharing his inner turmoil made me shed tears. And of course, the love confession that sounds much more raw in your own language that forces you to face the reality and your emotion.
To be honest, many Russian viewers were genuinely confused with Shane's hesitation about publicly coming out because he will not face even 1/3 of the amount of much more horrible consequences as they would (or Ilya would) :D (jk, everyone's fears are valid)
As another joke, somebody commented that they are not surprised at all that canadian autistic guy was still better in processing and talking about his emotions that neurotypical russian guy lmao
Anyway, HR is not only about sex and public coming out, it's also about queer people who left their homeland (forced or happened to) but still have cursedly tight ties to it, who dance painfully with 'crime' and 'family loss' in their embrace.
No one ever did this representation before on the foreign screen. It's liberating to see westerns' eyes being opened to the situation Russians and Russian queers have to live in, even if they do their best to live freely in other places — but especially if they still come to/live in Russia. People all over the world do not watch queer russian movies, and there won't be any BLs in the upcoming years, but craving is still here to be seen and heard. Representation matters. Thank you, Heated Rivalry, crew and actors, for being so attentive and putting so much effort even when you did not have to.
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