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todays bird
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Cosmic Funnies
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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Three Goblin Art
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shark vs the universe
Jules of Nature
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ellievsbear
d e v o n
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@theartofmadeline
Janaina Medeiros
seen from United States
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@tenmillionotters
The flowers of Old Yharnam
Rating: General
Character: Djura, Vicar Amelia
Relationship: Djura/Vicar Amelia
Word Count: 520
Additional information: Hurt and comfort, beast Amelia, fluff
All he did, he did with love and even so his grief became something warm and beautiful to her. He said he was happy here, he found his purpose in Yharnam. He had found love in this cursed city.
Read on AO3 or under the cut
Buy me a coffee
“What’s wrong?”, he knew that she would never utter another cohesive sentence in her life ever again, but it didn’t matter, he still didn’t want her to feel alienated.
Sad howling and mild upset growls escaped her, she didn’t want to take her bad mood out on Djura, the only person that still treated her with respect even after she turned into a beast, but in times like these she mourned her lost humanity.
The pain she felt was unbearable, it burned deep inside of her and it would soon consume her, it would burn away the sanity she was desperately holding on to.
… and what if she would hurt the one person that meant the most to her when she would fully succumb to beasthood? She would rather push him away than to one day taste his blood in her mouth.
“There there…,” Djura carefully cupped Amelia’s face and pressed his forehead against her snout, “You know that I love you, Amelia. No matter in what form, you shouldn’t worry so much.”
Hearing her whine and sob always broke his heart, but he had to be strong, for both of them, “Come here.” He sat down on the warm stone and placed her head in his lap, he gently let his hands run through her fur while he serenaded her.
She didn’t speak this language, it was unfamiliar to her, Djura had often told her about his home country, a faraway place he would never see again. Despite the knowledge that he would never return to the place of his birth, Djura never spoke of it with melancholy in his voice nor words.
All he did, he did with love and even so his grief became something warm and beautiful to her. He said he was happy here, he found his purpose in Yharnam. He had found love in this cursed city.
Amelia sighed sweetly, Djura was an enigma to her, but she loved him just as much as he loved her. There was no doubt about it. She glanced at him and found herself being the centre of his attention, a warm smile danced on his lips as he continued singing. His fingers gently brushed through her fur as braided a few strains together.
“I want you to be even more beautiful than you already are, there no flowers in this place, the fires keep burning day and night,” thinking about it, he hadn’t seen a single flower in years, not since he had stopped dreaming, “But since you’ve come here I feel like the flowers are blooming again… and you’re the most beautiful of them all.”
She felt her body respond with a purring sound that she had never heard before, she bumped her head into Djura as though she was telling him to stop. Djura had a talent for speaking incredibly flowery and the worst was that she knew he was sincere in everything he said.
Their eyes met and Djura smiled at his flower, no matter how hard she tried to push him away, as long as she needed him he would stay with her.
To the lies we made ourselves believe
Rating: Explicit
Character: Alfred, The Hunter
Relationship: Alfred/The Hunter
Word Count: 3218
Additional information: Angst, Post Cainhurst
They stared into his eyes, his lips moved but they didn’t process the words until the second they felt their hands wrap tightly around Alfred’s neck. There weren’t any words he could utter to undo the damage he had already caused, everything that was there before, was gone now.
Read on AO3 or under the cut
Buy me a coffee
A feeling of unrest had shaken them to their very core. A feeling of uneasiness was washing over them, it soaked into their clothes, tore up their skin and made a new home in their bones. The feeling of regret was lingering on their tongue, all this time that they had assumed that they were doing the right thing, the feeling of uncertainty had been mocking all of their good intentions.
The odd gleam in Alfred’s eyes was enough to ignite the spark of doubt into a flame that slowly consumed them.
How nostalgic the sound of ice and snow below their feet was, if it weren’t for the feeling of uncertainty pushing them further down the path, to the place where they put Logarius to rest.
What was their hope, when they told Alfred about it? About everything they saw here? They felt the elevator rumble and shake, they could smell the molten wax, dust and old books. It wasn’t something they had thought about before, it was something they hadn’t noticed before, this once was a place inherited by living and breathing beings.
Now the foul stench of death was lingering in the hallways and they did in fact know who brought it here. As much as they wanted the blame to lie on him and him alone, they knew that they were once again the force that set everything into motion.
Howling cries and moans rung in their ears, they shut their eyes tightly running through the ghosts of the past that were only awaken by their own presence. They felt a blade dig into their chest, but they didn’t fight the feeling, instead they did what they should have done from the very start.
Run away.
Their arms were shaking, they could barely support their own weight climbing up the ladder to the upper story of the castle, feeling their blood splatter on the ground and all over themself. Still, no matter how much the wound was burning, nothing could come close to the pain they felt in their bones, the anticipation of what they would find in the throne room.
One… two… three… three blood vials were enough to stop the bleeding, but the pain still lingered in their chest. They turned around and stared down at the countless, restless ghosts that were roaming these halls. If they wouldn’t be careful, they would soon be joining them, but maybe… maybe this was just the fate that had been waiting for them the whole time.
Wouldn’t it be the ending they deserved? Just to suffer as much as those, that fell victim to their blade? How odd… where did these thoughts suddenly come from…? They felt a tired smile hush over their face before their tired mind pushed their body further towards the throne room. Memories of them dying danced inside of their head, memories they shouldn’t have, things they shouldn’t be seeing. They never died before. Or did they…?
Maybe it was all just a bad dream, yes it was all just a bad dream it was -
Blood, decay, molten wax, dust, sweat.
It was a blur. Reality was a construct they never really understood. Dreams were an abstract they were living in. This was all just a bad dream, right? This wasn’t really happening, right?
“What are you doing here?”
It was his voice, but at the same time it wasn’t. There was a threatening undertone, there was something in his voice that just wasn’t the Alfred they knew. Or maybe they didn’t know him at all. How naive it was to think that spending a few hours talking to each other would reveal a person’s true nature, but in a place like Yharnam, in a night like this… even the smallest gesture that could promise a gentle relief from the dread they felt, was more than welcome.
“What have you done -”, their voice was trembling, their hands were shaking, clasping tightly around their weapons.
“I did what I have to do, nothing else,” he slowly took off his helmet and smiled, it wasn’t a joyous smile, his eyes were empty, dead, whatever they had seen in them before was long gone now, “Don’t tell me you are grieving for that foul woman. I thought you’re a beast hunter.”
“B-But she…”, she was a vileblood. They knew that. But still, wasn’t she also a living and breathing being with mind of her own.
Sudden booming laughter filled the room, it was like thunder, it tore right through their chest, burned into their memory, it would haunt them for as much time was left in this never ending nightmare.
“She was what? A human? You know as well as me that she wasn’t, or are you feeling pity because she still resembled a shape that you can accept as your kin? Look at you, a pathetic excuse of a hunter. Ah, no I forgot, you are a beast hunter, making it easier to go on a murder spree denying the truth to yourself. It’s not beasts that you are killing, but I suppose their deformed exterior makes it easier to shift the blame onto them, doesn’t it?”
Why did he talk like that? Why did he say things like that?
“I am only doing what’s right -”, their voice broke under the weight of their guilt, Alfred was right, of course he was, this wasn’t his first hunt, maybe it would be his last but still… still they didn’t want to hear it.
“You aren’t better than any of us. Stop pretending you are. You’re doing what’s right? You couldn’t even save the little girl that trusted you so much.”
Slowly. So slow. The pain that spread through their body was slow, but it consumed the little pieces of their sanity that had survived till now. The sound of metal crashing against the floor echoed through the room, they felt their bodies crash into each other, hitting the ground.
“Oh? Where is your composure now?”, Alfred started to laugh again, this hollow, disgusting sound, “Did I say something wrong? I am sorry, let me rephrase that…”
They stared into his eyes, his lips moved but they didn’t process the words until the second they felt their hands wrap tightly around Alfred’s neck. There weren’t any words he could utter to undo the damage he had already caused, everything that was there before, was gone now.
“Maybe you did do her a favour though, death is kinder than the fate that was waiting for this poor child. Be proud of yourself, you did the right thing.”
His eyes were still as empty as before, not even death was enough of a threat to provoke any response. This wasn’t Alfred no, this wasn’t Alfred at all, this wasn’t their Alfred.
“Come on… at least try to make me believe you’re trying to kill me. Wasn’t it easy to kill everything that stood in your way up to this point?”
“SHUT UP!”, their fist crashed into his face, the small ornaments on their carefully crafted gloves that Alfred complimented before, now scrapped up his skin, buried into his flesh and drew blood.
“Why? Are you so scared of hearing the truth?”
“YOU’RE A LIAR!”, the next hit landed on his nose, it broke under the impact, blood splattering, flowing, “I AM NOT LIKE YOU! I AM NOT A MURDERER!”
“You can’t ask them anymore, can you? Neither Gascoigne. Nor Henryk. The little girl. The countless humans turned into beasts. Amelia,” suddenly an emotion seemed to spark in Alfred’s eyes, the second his own blood dripped over his shaking lips, he seemed to come back to his senses… or whatever was left of them, “You’re just as hopeless and lost as everyone else is too.”
“... maybe I am…”, they felt his body respond to the sensation of their weight pressing him down, desperate wishes they had before, now began to flood their mind, the longing to connect with another person in more than just a platonic way began burning brighter than the pain betrayal.
“You in fact are. You’re pathetic. Stop lying to yourself,” where did the pain in his voice come from? Who was he talking to?
“I. Said. Shut. Up”, they pulled him up by his collar, their head crushed into his mouth, they didn’t use enough force to knock out his teeth, but his lips split open upon their first contact with the person he had been longing to kiss since the met.
He let his body fall back on the ground, he fell quiet. Finally. They felt tears cloud up their eyes, they didn’t want to cry, he didn’t deserve it.
Alfred slowly took off his heavy gloves, his mouth was sore, the smell of dust, blood, decay and death filled his nostrils. He could finally breathe again, whatever he expected from the hunter it surely wasn’t this amount of raw strength, “You could have easily killed me with one of your weapons.”
“I know,” they were still fighting with tears, with words that were stuck deep inside their throat, with a longing they denied existed until they felt their bodies pressed against each other in a way they could never even dream of.
“Why didn’t you do it, you idiot?”
“Because this is personal,” they spat the words out, they bit down on Alfred’s finger as he pulled down their mask, but all it provoked was a deep moan, “... why did you have to… do it…”
“I didn’t have any other choice,” was he seeking redemption? A purpose in life? Whatever it was he was looking for he finally found it, but he still felt empty. He felt a void nothing he knew could fill, but maybe they could, watching them cry for him…? Because of him sounded better in his mind, watching them cry because of him let him feel a desire he never felt before.
“... but…”
“You can’t save everyone, you idealistic fool,” Alfred sat up and pulled them into a tight embrace, “You’re too late.”
They felt his hands run over their body and they couldn’t fight, he knew what he wanted, he knew what they wanted. Their bodies responded to each other as if they had never known anything but the yearning feeling that they shared since the first time they met.
Their lips touched and Alfred flinched in pain, they were repulsed by the taste of his stale blood in their mouth but at the same time they knew they would get addicted to it. It was a disgusting kiss, it was wrong, but they wouldn’t stop. They couldn’t bring themself to back off.
Only now he noticed the distinct smell of their body, they held onto him tightly while he slowly untied their scarf, unbuttoned their shirt and let his head rest on their chest while his hand caressed their groin, “You’re really nothing more than an animal…”
They let their fingers dig deep into his shoulders, they wouldn’t fight him now, “And even if so… what will you do about it…?”
The words slipped over their lips with so much ease that it made him smile for a second, “I’ll please your primal desires.”
Alfred was so much stronger than they were, there was no reason to protest or to fight when he picked them up and laid them on the ground, pressing their face against the cold tiles.
“... God, look at you… practically begging for it…”, it sounded like he was growling, who was the beast now? Alfred pushed up their coat and shirt, pulled down their pants until they were almost fully exposed to him. He felt repulsion and lust wash over his body as his fingers slipped into them. They moaned in such a sweet manner, they were nervous but they slowly let go of their restraints. He wanted more.
“A-Alfred…”, his fingers moved deep inside of their body, he was so gentle and careful while his breathing was heavy and aggressive, he didn’t want to be patient but maybe… maybe there was still something sentimental in his actions, weren’t they friends?
He didn’t respond, he looked down at them, emotions were overflowing from his eyes, but they left his cheeks dry. Maybe they were both playing with fire right now, Alfred pulled his fingers back and breathed heavily. Was he going to back out of this -
The sound of their voice whispering his name while he slowly entered them would burn into his memory for the rest of his life.
It was such an unfamiliar feeling, it was hot and full, they felt their body welcome him, embrace him. Alfred grabbed her hips, releasing the pressure from their face and they inhaled sharply, the scent of dust and blood clouding up their mind.
“You’re disgusting,” they really weren’t more than an animal in heat, if bloodlust reduced a hunter to nothing more than a beast, they were even below the beasts now. In between the warm candle light, the blood and the cobwebs, they lost themselves in each other.
They couldn’t protest, they didn’t want to when they felt Alfred move faster, his fingernails dug so deep into their skin that he drew blood. It seemed like he enjoyed it, the more he drew, the harder he thrust into them.
… or maybe he just responded to their body desperately begging for more. Giving into the pleasure was so easy, it was just as ecstatic as the bloodrain that poured down on them after they took down a beast together.
… or was it?
Alfred didn’t want to think right now, he only wanted to feel, he wanted to drown out the pain in his face, he wanted to forget about the words he hurled at them. He just wanted to feel their body wrap around him tightly.
“More… More…”, hearing them beg for it broke something inside of him, it felt like they just erased all restrains he used to have, he grabbed their wrists and pulled them up.
“You want more? Why should I give you want you want, huh?”, he could barely look at their face, their anxiety and fear made space for pure lust and indulgence. They used be adorable, like a scared little pet, now they were nothing but a tool to satisfy his needs.
… or were they?
“P-Please, Alfred please… I-I,” what in the world were they even saying? But in this morbid play, this game that neither of them would win, anything was allowed, “I want you.”
He groaned as if he was displeased with how the situation played out, did he lose control? If so, they couldn’t help but wonder, over himself, them, or the entire scene that unfolded before him? Still, they could hardly move, he held them in a tight grip, making it impossible for them to take action and they loved it.
They were nothing but a marionette. Since they came here they did nothing but follow someone else’s lead, dance to a melody someone else hummed for them.
Could he love someone who embodied his deepest flaw? He wanted to deny himself of this pleasure, no, they only had sex because the heat of the moment overwhelmed both of them. It was something a lot of hunters experienced. Bloodlust wasn’t just restricted to the thrill of the hunt.
Alfred towered over them and slowly pressed them against the cold floor, he began kissing their neck, they held their breath knowing they would cry if they would allow themself to release tension. The sudden tenderness of his actions, the hint of an embrace and the warmth of his body were enough to make them break.
They cried out his name once more, their voice breaking and cracking under the weight of their emotions, as he released himself inside of them. Would they have to deal with the aftermath of their actions? Who knew. Who could tell at this point.
Alfred pulled back and sat down behind them. They didn’t move, they only breathed heavily. Silence fell between them and it was unbearable.
When they turned to him, Alfred felt his heart ache under the pressure of his actions. They had never looked at him like that before, he missed the times when there was warmth in their eyes, now there was only fire.
“Let’s do it again… but… at my pace this time.”
He couldn’t protest, he let it happen, he opened his arms for them and closed them around them tightly as they slowly sank onto his lap. A wave of dread washed over him as they began to whimper, he should have been gentler before…
They wrapped their arms around his neck and buried their head in his shoulder. Looking at his face would mean they would have to face the consequences of their actions, something they had been running away from this whole time.
How sweetly they moved, not that they were hesitant, but it felt like they were overwhelmed by their own emotions. Alfred held them tighter, something he should have done sooner. Something he would always regret doing.
“Alfred I…”, he cut them off with a kiss, it was desperate, it stole their words. He he let his tongue slip into their mouth, leaving them with a feeling of nothingness when he pulled back.
There was no need to say anything, these words would hurt more than the truth they couldn’t escape, because these words would open wounds that cut deeper than their guilt.
He let his fingers brush over their face, the whimpered and moaned, a few tears began rolling down their cheeks, they stung in the open wound on his lips but he didn’t care. They could pretend to be lovers for a little while. He could kiss them a little more.
Feeling their hands resting on his chest, he couldn’t help but wonder if maybe, maybe in a different time, a different place, they would have had a chance to be happy together.
They filled the void in his soul for as long as they were by his side, but he chose his path long before they met.
Was it the slow pace, the desperate kisses or the yearning hug that drew this cheap act out for so long? Either way, neither of them wanted it to stop, but when their eyes met they felt their fragile connection coming to an end.
Maybe it was cold, maybe it was wrong just to pick them up and push them away, but Alfred couldn’t let his feelings outweigh his rationality. He had served his purpose. They hadn’t just yet.
There were no words left to say, the memories that burned deeply into their mind, so deep that they would follow them until the day they would die, were enough of a testament on his behalf. They would never forget him, nor the pain or the joy that he gave them.
“I think this is where our ways part for a last time…”, he didn’t dare to look at them again, he didn’t want anything but the illusion of … he didn’t even want to name the gleam he saw in their eyes… he didn’t want anything but the ghost of an emotion he could call love to be the last thing he’d see of them, “Farewell, my friend.”
In a green sea
Rating: Teen and up audience
Character: Marude Itsuki, Washuu Furuta Souta
Relationship: Marude Itsuki/Washuu Furuta Souta
Word Count: 7306
Additional information: Human AU, Post-Apocalypse, Fluff, referenced character death, Mutual Pining
Was everyone else punished to die when they wanted to live and he was punished to live when all he wanted was to reunite with his friends? But looking around now, breathing in the fresh air, feeling the warm spring sun on his skin… living like this could hardly be a punishment.
Read on AO3 or under the cut
Buy me a coffee
The world ended many times before. Metaphorically speaking.
The world ended one time. Literally.
The world ended several times for him. Every time he had to watch one of his friends die.
The world ended one time. When he had to let go of his lovers hand a last time.
Itsuki sighed and pushed his glasses up. Yes, that was the life he was leading right now. He had imagined to whatever would come after the end of the world to look different, people expected the literal worst, from zombies to endless deserts to the sun exploding.
No, the end of the world was quiet. Most of earth’s population had died in the war, one after the other just died. It weren’t bombs that killed them, it felt like their own resentment towards the human race took their lives away.
Now earth’s population counted roughly 1 million people. The number rose and fall with each day. Itsuki lost interest in it. Sometimes he talked to the remaining survivors, everyone was family now.
Technology never collapsed, it just kept on working without the humans that once created it. Now it worked with the humans who tried their best to find more of their kind in the vast oceans and forests that had grown in once pulsating cities.
Good morning Itsuki, did you sleep well?
“... morning… I don’t remember that I turned the speakers on,” he rubbed over his eyes and yawned, the screens were already turned on the powers blinking while they did their best to calculate all the data their sentiment AI downloaded from the internet.
I did it myself. You’re avoiding me lately and I missed you.
Itsuki stopped in his tracks and stared at the camera that was installed on top of the construction, “You missed me…?” When did he develop emotions? Of course it was inevitable to give him thoughts of his own, something Itsuki didn’t want to deny him either but emotions were something different.
Yeah, I missed talking to you. It’s fun. Only your computers are strong enough to support my code. I can’t visit your foreign friends.
“... just wait a few more hours and your data will be comprised enough to transfer it into your brain,” at this point he was playing with fire but what else could he do. There were no Gods, no morals, no ethics.
I’m really looking forward to finally be able to meet you in person.
What should be say? Did he feel the same way? “Me too.”
He had worked on this AI for 13 years now, it was a fully functioning adult. There weren’t any AI that started out as children. In the war they were used as soldiers, doctors, disposable junk.
This one had a different purpose, a different body.
“Did you ever think of me as your father?”, maybe it was an odd question but it’s been on his mind for a long while now.
If I could laugh I would. You wrote my code. That’s it. I know where I come from and my body is not a physical copy of yours. You’re the original, aren’t you?
God, how he hated that question, “I am. I never got medial clones.”
I thought it was a requirement for soldiers to get medical clones.
So he read the articles. Well downloaded them, “Yes that’s right but I wasn’t a soldier. I was a doctor.” And he was still capable of building a computer like this, it wasn’t hard when he was honest. When his friends started dying one after the other they fell out of their usually roles either way.
What about my new body?
Itsuki froze on place and carefully put his cup down. He was scared of this question, “It’s a clone I restored with parts of our computers and engines. You’ll have to eat and sleep once you’re in it… are you sure that you want it?”
Of course I am. I want to meet you.
Then there was nothing he could do but fulfil his wish. Not that it hadn’t been Itsuki’s initial plan in first place, “... well, then I’ll transfer the data now. Goodnight.”
I’ll see you tomorrow.
It was a state between anxiety and curiosity, failures and success. If anything went wrong 13 years of work and the last medical clone that existed in this area were lost. Even worse, he would have failed to achieve the one thing that kept him going all this time.
His hand brushed over the glass tank. Inside, fast asleep, was his most important possession, something that could never be replaced. Maybe that made it all worse, knowing that their relationship would change forever once it would open its eyes and look at him.
Itsuki went outside, on the way there he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror that hung beside the door frame. Time was kind to him, he had barely aged a day for 13 years. More maybe she was punishing him for not moving on.
Once he stepped outside the warm sun kissed his skin, the noises he made attracted the animals. His dog barked happily, the cats meowed and ran towards him, their tails reaching up to a sky they would never touch.
“Hey, sorry for making you wait,” he smiled and patted them, “You’re hungry right? I’ll make you breakfast.” For now he could stay with them, until nightfall. Then he would have to return to the bunker where he had spent so much time in the past years. When he was not talking to his overseas friends, he had spend his time building a little house. A home.
He had enough materials, he had the knowhow. It was a cozy little cottage, a little balcony led to a treehouse he had build 4 years ago. His friends from Germany sent him their blueprints, working after their plans made it much easier. By now everything was overgrown with flowers.
It was beautiful.
“I wish everyone could see this…”, the end of the war, the world that slowly healed. When Itsuki closed his eyes he heard nothing. When he first stepped out of the bunker after the long silence, everytime he closed his eyes he could hear the bombs go off, he heard the gunshots.
Towards the end the war was quieter. Everyone just gave up, but the noises haunted them at night. Thinking about it now, maybe that was the reason why everyone left him, the sudden silence and the noises at night could get too much too bear.
A soft meowing to his right made him snap out of his thoughts, “I’m sorry, Ihei, I know you’re hungry.”
He opened the door to his little cottage and his friends walked inside before him. Kishou stretched his tired legs and slumped down on the sofa, he yawned and closed his tired eyes. It seemed like he didn’t get any rest waiting for Itsuki.
But the cats did, that meant they were more lively now, “Yes yes -” One after the other jumped onto the kitchen counter and sat down waiting for a slice of their favourite cheese. When he was honest he always thought that war meant that they would starve, but in reality, now that there were so little people, they had more than enough to eat.
His heart sunk thinking about it, he would love to share all of this with someone but now it was too late. It was too late for so many things. While they did have enough to eat, they never had to pay for it. They just traded the food, there was no need for big factories or machines, it was a simpler life. Downsized to the number of people that was left.
“I wonder if he’ll stop by today…”, Itsuki patted his cats while they ate their cheese, “I think a week has passed. He’ll need more vegetables.” His pantry was packed with pickled vegetables and fruits, jams and dried meats and fish. Everything that was fresh, like bread, eggs, milk, fish and meat was delivered to him. He only had to trade in a few of his goods for a week’s supply.
Or he had to treat the wounds of whoever accompanied his fox faced friend on his journey into this no man's land. Every country was a no man’s land now, when he was honest. There was no set of rules, no rights, no rulers, no government. Everyone was tired of war and conflict, they lived in peace that came at a high cost.
While the cats ate their breakfast, Kishou rolled on his back and yawned. He didn’t want to get up yet, he glimpsed at Itsuki who placed his bowl on the ground and barked softly, as if he were to say, thank you. No, it was Itsuki who had to thank him, it was less lonely with them around.
Maybe new friends would join them soon, he didn’t mind. It seemed like Ihei had found a little friend, her belly was growing and she ate more than usual, but he couldn’t feel the babies yet, it was just wishful thinking for now.
“I wonder if his name is also Koori,” he chuckled but wiped over his eyes, “I wish I could have met their baby.” There it was again, this heavy pain in his chest he felt every time he thought of them. Not that he wanted to forget about them, but maybe he needed a little more time to remember them as sweetly as nostalgia could possibly paint them.
The soft ringing of a bell reached his cottage from the hilltop to the right as the wind carried it to the hilltop on the left. So a week already did pass, Itsuki walked towards the door, startled by the noise Kishou got up and followed his master. A soft bark welcomed the visitor that parked his truck nearby the cottage.
“Maru!”, a blond man with a foxish expression jumped out of the truck and smiled, “It’s good to see you again.” He used to be a medical clone, or so he told Itsuki. Unlike the others he was given freedom by his original, he was given a name and taught how to live freely.
“It’s good to see you too, Itou,” a soft smile formed on his lips. Some good things came out of the unethical things they did, Itsuki hated the war, but he was born into it.
Kishou bumped his nose against the young man’s hand, he knew what he had to do once he came here.
“Yes, I’m sorry. I didn’t forget you, how could I forget the best boy in the world?”, Itou laughed and scratched the white dog behind his ears before giving him a treat, “Itsuki wait - you don’t have to pay me today… I need to ask you for a favour.”
“Oh?”, that meant he needed to get his equipment ready, “What is it?”
The door on the passenger’s side of the truck opened and a young woman slipped off the seat, she held her belly and walked over to the small group, “Hello…” She was a shy and timid woman, maybe pregnant for five months now.
“Hello, how can I help you?”, it wasn’t because of the baby, apparently they had learned how to take care of expecting mothers very well in the village by the sea, but they didn’t know how to take care of a sprained ankle.
While Itsuki took care of her pains, Itou filled up his pantry. The supplies should last for a week. Now for two people. It was a warm feeling, knowing that his friend would no longer be alone out here.
“Thank you, Doctor,” she smiled and carefully took a step.
“Be careful, you’re not completely healed yet. Rest a bit and come back if you need to,” it was odd to treat minor injuries now, before he had to sew shut open wounds and fight for his patients lives when he was barely an adult. Now he spent most of his days taking care of his vegetable and fruit garden and the animals that lived with him.
“I’ll make sure she’ll be careful,” Itou rested his hand on her back and smiled brightly, “That’s what I promised our originals.”
Oh? So she was a medical clone too. A very pretty one. She light silver hair and deep grey eyes. Did he ever meet her original…? Maybe not, if they now lived in the town by the sea.
Itsuki waved as he watched them drive back home. He didn’t feel well letting Itou go with nothing in return for this week’s favour, especially since he now got twice the amount of food he needed.
Everyone knew of his project, nobody minded. It was wish born out of loneliness and longing. Longing for someone to protect this place. How much time was left for him? His appearance would never let him know that his body also seemed to function well.
Was everyone else punished to die when they wanted to live and he was punished to live when all he wanted was to reunite with his friends? But looking around now, breathing in the fresh air, feeling the warm spring sun on his skin… living like this could hardly be a punishment.
“Would you like to join me for lunch, good sir?”, he bowed and Kishou stretched before he happily jumped around Itsuki. So that was a yes.
There were no apples in the pantry left, he knew it because Kishou had shared the last one with him yesterday. The good thing was that there were still enough in his greenhouse. He could grow any fruit at any time of year, what an amazing achievement.
It was quiet a walk until he reached the greenhouse, Kishou waited outside, wagging his tail knowing he would get delicious apples again. The smaller dogs with the weird faces didn’t like apples. More for him then. Though it was a little sad, he loved the odd dogs. There were 4 of them now. Ihei, Tako, Anpan and Marble.
One day they just appeared, just like him and just like their master too. They just started existing in this beautiful, quiet world.
Itsuki carefully placed five apples in his basket and closed the door the greenhouse, no need to lock it. Even if someone would pass by here and get hungry, they were free to take as much as they needed. There was no such thing as stealing food, there was more than enough for everyone.
If they would ask him for a plate, he would offer them a seat at a set table. … if only someone would stop by…
Kishou jumped through the high grass next to the path and barked happily, soon they would be home and eat their lunch. Then it was nap time. Nap time was an essential part of their day. Very important.
Coming back to the cottage always felt oddly healing, no matter what happened it would always be there and even if he wouldn’t be there anymore one day, it would still stand for a while before nature would take it back. Just as it should be.
Itsuki took his boots off and shut the door behind him once Kishou had shaken off the grass that was stuck in his white fur. Today it was time for pancakes. He liked them best with apple pieces in them, his friends had taught him to eat them this way. They were also much larger than the ones his other friends used to make.
Eating sweets had been a rare treat during the war, now they could eat sweets 6 times a day. Or 3. Or 2. It depended on his willingness to get up and cook.
Should he turn on the radio Itou gave him? He barely listened to music these days. Nobody bothered to produce anything new, only the old songs played on repeat. There were no stories anyone still wanted to tell. They just read what the people before them had left them, but they were happy with it.
In a world like this, nobody needed to imagine far away places or a pain they would never feel again. Oh, but he did love music, it wasn’t like that. But the only music he listened to was the music he made for his friends.
The cats were lying around, with their stomachs filled they didn’t bother asking Itsuki for more food. Every now and then they blinked at him and asked for affection. Kishou was content with the carefully prepared apple slices he got to eat.
Itsuki carefully placed his heavy pan on the stove, it was an electric stove that relied on the energy the sun was willing to give. When there was no sun, there was still the wind. Everything was green now, from the cities, to the forest, to the shores, to the energy.
The earth could finally breathe again and so did they.
His small home slowly filled with the warm smell of warm batter, sweet honey and cinnamon. Today was the last day that he would only have to cook for one person. Starting tomorrow there would be two.
The lonely cups in the cupboard would be used, there would be more noises. Someone else would play with the cats and the dog. Maybe he could help him taking care of the vegetable garden. But he needed to learn those things. Just downloading data from the internet wouldn’t be enough.
… he also needed a place to sleep in the cottage, the bunker would merely function to communicate with the world outside of this place but Itsuki would try to spend less time there.
So many things on his mind, but nothing in his stomach. He really should focus on his lunch now. Itsuki took his hot plate and walked upstairs, the entire building was openly structured, he watched Kishou chew on his food while the cats blinked at him. There wasn’t much he wanted to do alone, but he did want to eat his lunch alone on the balcony one last time.
Over the past decade he learned to appreciate the silence and he wanted to properly bid her farewell today. His meal tasted sweeter than usual, maybe because the apples were ripper. Or maybe he was just happy, yes… that was the reason. What an odd feeling, he took a deep breath and felt something move deep inside of his soul. It was as if everything fell into place, yes, that was happiness must felt like.
The dishes could wait, Itsuki placed them in the sink and let them soak in the clear water came from aquifer deep beneath the small cottage. Once he turned around all of his little friends were sitting behind him, waiting for him to give them his okay. They didn’t like sleeping in his bed unless he was there with them.
Itsuki laughed and told them it’s okay if they already go ahead, but they waited for him. It was so easy to fall asleep surrounded by so many little sources of heat. They didn’t have to stay with him, they knew it, but knowing that they chose to made him incredibly happy. Hopefully it wouldn’t change once there were two humans around…
The last time he slept alone, he slept longer than anticipated. Ihei softly touched his nose with her paw, she didn’t mean to be rude but the babies were hungry. Once they got up, everyone else stood up too. Even Kishou was hungry this morning.
Before he could think of eating breakfast himself he had to think of his little ones. But even after he fed them he couldn’t really think of making breakfast for himself. Today was the day he had been waiting for for so long. Make or break.
Itsuki put his boots on and let the animals roam free. Who knew if he would came back home any time soon, so it was better when they could just spend the day outside.
His hands were shaking, his knees felt weak. Anxiety was a feeling he hadn’t known for a long time, but now it hit him with full force. He slowly opened the door and peeked inside. The screens were still running, only white noise was audible in the room.
… and soft breathing… Itsuki felt his heart nearly jump out of his body. The tank was drained of the liquid inside, the body now worked on its own but it was still asleep. He carefully detached the USB wire that connected the tank and the computer. Then he pushed open the glass lid for the first time ever.
His eyes slowly opened, it was heavy, having a body felt heavy. He looked around and his eyes met Itsuki’s. He looked so different now, now that seeing him could actually trigger a response that didn’t rely on numbers but… chemicals.
“Good morning.”
“... h-he…”, what was that? He weakly rose his arm and touched his throat, why did his body vibrate when he spoke?
“You still need to get used to your body, hm?”, he spoke so softly, it was so nice to hear the sound waves he produced ring in his ears and not hit against a microphone.
“Y…”, speaking was harder than he thought, but he needed practise, “Ye…”
“Let’s take things easy,” Itsuki carefully picked him up, luckily the amount of mental in his body was small compared to what was actual flesh and blood. His skin was soft but he needed to wash off the tank’s liquid still. Now he was a human, not a medical clone anymore.
He was warm, warm and strong. Itsuki could walk on his own, he didn’t, not yet. He couldn’t even speak nor did he have a name. A name… could be pick one for himself?
Once they approached the door he felt nervous, he had never seen the outside world. He only knew the bunker.
Itsuki felt the body he held shaking, so he held him a bit tighter, “The sun might be brighter than you expect it to be, please don’t get scared by it and don’t look into it too long.”
“Yes,” he still couldn’t make more sounds, no matter how much he would have liked to. It was a start though.
Once they stepped outside he shut his eyes, but all the noises and smells made him curious. The bunker was the first smell he knew. Cold metal. Now it smelled like… grass, fresh air and the forest. Everything was green and wide like an ocean.
Standing still for a moment didn’t hurt, Itsuki watched him look around in amazement until his gaze wandered back to Itsuki. His eyes were light grey and filled with amazement, he smiled at Itsuki before turning his head to the sound of a cat’s meow.
He stretched his arm out and tried to touch the cat, but after a while he moaned in pain and let his arm fall back.
“You’re still too weak to move, your muscles are fully developed but they were never used before,” their bodies were functional but not functioning. They were created to be harvested even down to the bones, but now they were free.
What was that feeling in his chest? He wanted to play with the cat but his body didn’t let him. Now his chest felt heavy and he didn’t want to stay outside anymore.
“Just give it some time and you’ll be okay,” Itsuki carried him inside, they walked past the living room and the kitchen, curious eyes tried to look at everything but they had to go the bathroom.
He felt how Itsuki slowly put him on a stool and he nervously clung to him. Not because he couldn’t sit yet, but because it was cold.
“Don’t worry, the water will warm you and once you’re clean we’ll dress you,” even though it would be easier to do it himself, Itsuki knew he had to do these things himself so his body would get used to moving on it’s own.
Curiously he picked up the small container with shampoo and smelled it. It was so nice, it smelled exactly like Itsuki. He reached out to turn on the water and started rinsing his body off.
The water was warm and tickled on his skin, if he could stay like this forever that would have been nice...
So he knew how that worked, he had enough time to study human behaviour after all. Itsuki turned away to give him privacy and to fill the tub with hot water. His muscles would hurt very day from now on, every break they would get would be welcome.
“I’m done,” finally more words, it was still odd to use his vocal cords, so he didn’t want to talk much. He didn’t like the sound of his own voice yet.
“Do you need help with getting into the tub?”, whether he liked it or not, he had to talk.
“... yes… I can’t stand yet,” he was surprised that Itsuki didn’t care about his clothes getting wet, he just picked him up again and placed him in the bathtub.
“I hope it’s not too hot,” it most probably was a shock to …, “... you don’t have a name…”
“Yeah… you never named me and I never bothered about getting one either,” since he didn’t really feel the need to address himself as anything but a sentient computer program.
“What kind of name would you like to be called by?”, he took his wet shirt off and wrung the water out of the fabric.
For a moment he was lost in thought, he looked at the glass window to his right that slowly fogged up, “Sou… ta… Souta is nice.”
“Well… then, Souta it’s nice to meet you.”
“It’s nice to meet you too, Itsuki,” what a nice feeling it was to call him by his name and well his body react to it, finally he knew what happiness felt like.
Lying in the bathtub must be… comfortable? Or was it cozy? Knowing what a word meant was nothing compared to finally experiencing what they felt like.
“I’ll get you some dry clothes and then I’ll make you food, just call me when you want to get out of the tub,” standing there watching him play with the water was amusing but the world kept on turning, so he had to keep on going.
Some of his old clothes should do, he didn’t want Souta to wear anything that belonged to someone who was now long dead. For a moment he stopped and looked up at the treehouse, it was the place where he kept all the memories of them alive, photos, their clothes, letters they wrote to him. Everything.
They were all buried on the hill that nobody ever dared to cross, they slept under the stars, down below in the soil where they once came from. It was a peaceful sleep that nobody dared to disturb. Flowers grew in their wounds and their souls were free to go wherever they wanted.
Kishou could read all the books he wanted to read, Koori never had to leave Ihei and their baby ever again, Rize could play in the meadows all day long… Everyone was free to do as pleased now, but as much as he wanted Chika to be free, he didn’t want to let him go either.
How selfish of him, but in the end only the living could be selfish, maybe that was their greatest sin.
Itsuki sighed and picked a few random clothes, poor Souta had probably soaked long enough, but when he took a peak he saw him staring out of the window in amazement. A pair of butterflies was dancing in the warm brise after nipping on the roses below the windowsill. Well, he would just let him enjoy the show.
What should he cook? There were so many options, but for now something light would be the best, after all his stomach wasn’t used to taking in food yet. An egg drop soup with soft rice should do the job, yes.
A soft paw touched his leg and claws pulled on his jeans, a soft meowing caught his attention. Ihei stared at him with her big blue eyes, her white fur smelled like hay and she meowed again.
“You’re getting heavier, are the babies growing?”, he carefully lifted her up and laughed as she licked his face, “I love you too.” Itsuki carefully placed her on the counter and patted her little head. She’s gotten a lot more needy since she was pregnant, just like Ihei was, but all she really wanted back then was for Koori to came back to them.
… to think that she died because of a broken heart shortly after they recovered his body… the only thing that eased the pain for him was to think that they met again in afterlife. All three of them.
Little Ihei needed more food now, but the other cats didn’t mind, they let her have as much as she wanted and needed. Once her little stomach was filled she lied down in front of the window and purred happily while the sun shone on her.
Itsuki watched her sleep, he smiled and went back to cooking. He was hungry too but he had to think of Souta first, while everything simmered he checked on him again. This time their eyes met and he felt his heartbreak, he could barely stand looking at him but it was something he had to do...
“Can you help me but out of the tub?”, even though he needed help he tried his best to get out of it himself, it was hard but he managed somehow, Itsuki only needed to catch him as he slipped.
“Careful…”, the sudden fear that he might hurt himself weighed even heavier on his heart than the pain he felt looking into his light grey eyes.
“Sorry…”, his hands were shaking as he grabbed the towel and dried his skin, “Where are my clothes?” Before Itsuki could reply he had already spotted them himself, he clumsily walked over the chair on which Itsuki had placed them and put them aside to sit down.
“Can you dress yourself?”, Itsuki was worried, he had to admit that. Worried and surprised that Souta could already walk so well.
“Yes, don’t worry about me…”, was he ashamed? What an odd feeling, he didn’t want to rely on Itsuki. No, he wanted to be the one to support him. He had been lonely all this time, carrying a burden with a weight that Souta would never even begin to imagine.
“Okay, I’ll be in the kitchen,” did he imagine things to go differently? When he was honest he didn’t have any expectations, he had never seen a medical clone come to life like this. Usually it was more difficult, they were like infants in the body of an adult, they had to learn and grow but Souta was an adult in the body of an adult. Just a clumsy one.
Walking was hard and it hurt, just like in this fairytale that Itsuki’s Danish friend loved so much. But the little mermaid gained legs and lost her voice because she fell in love with a prince, Souta came to live for other reasons but…
… didn’t he feel the same love the little mermaid carried in her heart? He stopped in his tracks for a moment and gazed at Itsuki. He was lost in thought, a white towel lazily thrown over his shoulder while he cooked. The warm spring sun softened his features and illuminated his deep and dark eyes.
Was there a little bird in his chest? Probably so, one that was still caged and desperate to get out.
“Can you walk here?”, seeing how slowly he walked Itsuki gave Souta the help he needed to reach the table.
It was such a nice feeling to feel their hands touch, he wanted to be held by him again, but he knew that was nothing he could ask for so lightly, “Thank you…”
The kitchen smelled like so many things that he didn’t know yet, but it left him with a warm longing… was it… hunger? No, appetite. He didn’t feel desperate to eat something, he just wanted to eat something.
“We’ll try a small portion right now, you can have more if you like,” Itsuki filled two bowls with food and sat down next to Souta, “See, this is how you hold a spoon… you need to blow the food, it’s still hot you’ll might burn your tongue.”
“Okay,” he watched him eat and tried to copy it, but his arms were still not used to movements like this.
“Let me help you, open your mouth wide,” it was odd to feed a grown man, but Souta trusted him. What a bittersweet feeling it was, knowing that another person relied on him… only now he noticed how long his eyelashes were, his features were so soft. God what was he thinking -
“It’s delicious,” his lips curled into a pleased smile, “Thank you.”
Did it hurt? Yes, seeing him smile felt as if a knife was pushed right through his chest. Seeing something so beautiful made him want to die.
They quietly finished their meal, Itsuki after Souta. He cleaned the kitchen while the younger one watched him, he didn’t get tired of it, he didn’t complain.
“Do you want do so something else? Maybe read something?”, before he could protest, Itsuki picked him up and carried him in the small nook where he kept the books. He placed Souta on the small sofa next to the window and covered him with a blanket, “Read whatever you’d like to read. I’ll come back once I cleaned everything.”
But he didn’t. It was already night when Itsuki returned to him from wherever he had been. Their eyes met and Souta noticed that the white in his eyes had a red tinge now, why was that so?
“Let’s go to bed,” maybe it was wrong of him just to pick Souta up and carry him upstairs to the place he slept, but all of the animals were waiting and there was more than enough space for them. Itsuki slept next to the wall, Souta next to the banister. It was an uncomfortable distance, but neither wanted to close it for now.
“Goodnight Itsuki,” but he got no reply.
Souta felt a heavy weight on his chest when he woke up, a cat was lying on him. Itsuki had already gotten up, he was nowhere in sight. Maybe he turned into a cat overnight, “Good morning, cat Itsuki. It’s nice to meet you.” The cat meowed and yawned.
“That’s Tako,” he stepped back inside from the balcony, “It looks like it’s going to rain today… it’s a shame, I wanted to show you the outside.”
“It’s okay, really… I’d rather stay inside…”, his muscles were still sore, it wouldn’t be fun to be outside if he couldn’t run around. Souta scratched the lazy cat behind his ears and laughed, “Do you like that?”
Itsuki smiled and waited for Tako to run downstairs before he picked Souta up again, “We need to eat breakfast.”
Feeling his touch and the warmth of his body made Souta feel protected, his arms were shaking as he slowly wrapped them around Itsuki’s neck. Walking down the stairs was scary…
But the breakfast Itsuki made was worth it, coffee was bitter, but sugar and milk made it better. Warm toast was delicious and it was even better with strawberry jam.
He ate as eagerly as if the world would end at any given moment, but the world had already ended, so there was nothing for Souta to worry about. Nothing at all.
The afternoon came quickly, they sat side by side, back to back while Itsuki read a book to Souta who played with Ihei that slumped down in his lap.
“Itsuki… why did you name her Ihei?”, did the name have a particular meaning?
Silence. Then he shut the book and sighed, “She has the same blue eyes as my friend Ihei did. I met her here, she was a nurse and her boyfriend a soldier. Ihei always talked about wanting to open a little shop once the war ended but… they didn’t make it…”
Oh. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked that, “What was my originals name?”
Instead of an answer he got the continuation of the story, well… then it would be so, but Souta didn’t mind. It was comfortable like this, sitting next to Itsuki and waiting for sun to shine again. His fingertips traced the trails the raindrops left on the window while Itsuki’s voice filled the room and his head.
“... that’s… it,” Itsuki’s voice was a little hoarse from reading but Souta’s excitement about the story made it worth it. While the older one prepared their dinner he didn’t stop asking questions about the story he heard.
He was so curious that it made Itsuki forget about all the things that worried him about Souta coming to live.
They ate a quiet dinner before going to bed, this time they slept closer to each other, not close enough to touch but the distance vanished little by little.
Itsuki woke up to a cold breeze tickling his nose, Souta was up already, standing on the balcony smiling at him brightly, “The sun’s out!” A warm day was lying ahead, he could tell by the clear blue sky above their heads.
“Then let’s eat so we can go outside,” this time he didn’t need to assist Souta who cautiously walked down the stairs.
He sat down at the table and rubbed his legs, but he smiled brightly. Today oatmeal was on their breakfast plan, oatmeal and fresh fruit. Souta liked sweets the best.
It was nice to see that he liked his meals so much, but at the same time it made him sad, he couldn't help but look at Souta even though it made him sad. When he was still a computer program without a name it was easier to deny the feelings he had, now it was hard. He was an actual living and breathing being.
The dishes lazily soaked in cold water in the sink. Souta fed the cats while Itsuki brushed the dog, it was such a quiet and peaceful moment that Itsuki almost mistook for a dream.
Once they had taken care of the animals it was time to go outside. Even though Itsuki tried to stop him, Souta ran outside without putting shoes on. Maybe he just wanted to feel everything all at once, but who could blame him?
“Itsuki! This feels amazing!”, Souta laughed as he ran through the grass and even when he fell he started laughing and rolled around on the ground, “This is so much better than I could have ever imagined…”
Itsuki sat down next to him and smiled, “Is that so?”
“Yeah…”, looking at the sky made him sad, happy and sad, “I was trapped in this computer for 13 years… now I can feel so many different things… and…” When he looked at Itsuki he forgot whatever he wanted to say.
“Hm?”
“... I think I finally understand why people say they’re happy to be alive…”
Souta kept lying in the grass for most of the day, only when the smell of food lured him back into the cottage he got up. Sweet and sticky rice was a delicious meal, even though the warm taste of chocolate made him sleepy.
The next thing he knew was that he woke up in their bed, it was already night time and Itsuki was sitting outside on the balcony. Souta dragged the warm blanket they shared outside, first he covered the other under the blanket and then himself.
“The stars are more beautiful now, you know? When there were still a lot more humans they polluted the air… and you couldn’t see all the stars at night, but now you do…”, there was something sad in his words, “I feel guilty for being alive you know… I think that in every moment that I am happy I forget the people that died before me.”
“... but you don’t, do you?”
“I hope I don’t, but…”, when it got late he felt more honest, “All this time I never allowed myself to move on, I thought… once I brought you to life… gave you a body… once I saw him a last time, I could die in peace… but I met you… and I want to live… with you.”
What was this feeling? It was like a wave of fire that washed over his body. There was a word for this feeling, wishful thinking? Yes, maybe he was just getting his hopes up. Having a body was stressful…
“I always thought a machine could never develop things like emotions, but you cared for me… I remember how you played lullabies for me when I was sleeping in the bunker and had a nightmare… also how you called my friends when I was feeling lonely,” Itsuki couldn’t hold back the tears that filled his eyes, in all these years he never allowed himself to cry, but now he had to, “All this time you looked out for me…”
Did he really…? After all Itsuki was all he had but… no, that wasn’t honest. He knew that everything could have went differently, if he wouldn’t have rebelliously rewritten his code, if he had only served the purpose of filling an empty shell.
“I just wanted to see Chika once again before I die, I thought… once I see him… even if it’s just a puppet, I could be happy, I regret that I never told him goodbye and he left… without…”
What could he say? Souta took Itsuki’s hand and squeezed it tightly, he watched the fireflies dance in the moonlight while silverdrops rolled down Itsuki’s nose.
“I am scared that … I forgot him… I don’t want to forget him but in every moment that I allow myself to be happy with you, it feels like I’m letting him go,” whatever he wanted Souta to be, he wasn’t. He was Souta. A new person. His own person. He had been since he first started talking to him through the speakers that allowed him to, “... and the worst is… I know he would want me to do this…”
“What do you mean…?”
“He told me that whatever would happen, he loves me but he wishes for me to be happy and free… I think he knew that we would never see each other again and I got so mad at him I couldn’t reply… but once everything started growing around me, the flowers on his grave and the anticipation I felt… when we talked to each other I understood… I…”
Souta felt him squeeze his hand tighter, their eyes met and Itsuki smiled through the tears. Time would never stand still again now. The world wouldn’t end again. Maybe it didn’t even end in first place… it just started over again and even if flowers grew in old scars, the beautiful memories they once made wouldn’t be erased by it.
“I think I love you.”
The little bird in his chest grew bigger, now it was strong enough to escape the cage and Souta felt like crying, it was painful to feel the bird escape but at the same time it felt like he had been waiting for this moment since he began to exists in this world.
“And I know that I love you… too…”
Thinking about you
Rating: Teen and up audience
Character: Ui Koori, Ihei Hairu
Relationship: Ui Koori/Ihei Hairu
Word count: 1019
Additional information: Human AU, University AU, fluff, pinning
“Why should I - … I came here to study, you know, I have to write a term paper later I really don't have the time to play around,” but she was persistent and he knew they wouldn't get anything done if he kept on complaining.
“There’s something I wanted to ask you for a while now,” she was smiling but there was something in her words that sent a shiver down Ui’s spine, “Why do you hate me so much?”
Read on AO3 or under the cut
Buy me a coffee
“I thought we wanted to study…”, Ui wasn't too pleased with the project partner he had to work with, he had known Ihei for quite a while now but they weren't friends. They came from two different worlds, both of their families were wealthy but while he was stuck in a golden cage, she was rebellious and free at heart.
“We will study but lie down with me now,” she was different. Bleached her dark hair and dyed it pink, she inherited the family's light coloured eyes, he had never seen a Washuu with dark eyes now that he came to think of it.
“Why should I - … I came here to study, you know, I have to write a term paper later I really don't have the time to play around,” but she was persistent and he knew they wouldn't get anything done if he kept on complaining.
“There’s something I wanted to ask you for a while now,” she was smiling but there was something in her words that sent a shiver down Ui’s spine, “Why do you hate me so much?”
It felt like swallowing one ice cube after the other, he opened his mouth but his lips were shaking, “I-I don’t hate you…?”
Ihei sighed and tapped her fingers against her stomach, “Then why do you always avoid me? When we go out with my cousin and our friends you always glare at me. Hey, you even like Souta and I’m the bad one all of the sudden?”
“It’s not like that…”, it was hypocritical of him, wasn’t it? After all they came from the same family, then why was her behaviour rubbing him the wrong way…
“Then what is it like?”, she turned to him and rested her head on her hand, “I’m listening.”
Of course she was, she wasn’t as dull as he liked to make her out to be. No. She was incredibly intelligent, sensible, aware of things he would never even notice.
“I don’t know…”
“Then tell me what you don’t like about me, there must be a reason why you’re so resentful towards me,” there it was again, this knowing smile, she was mocking him but he didn’t mind.
“... you’re so different from what I’m used to…”, still it didn’t make him hate her, “I’m jealous to be honest.” It felt like something inside him broke, his hands resting on his chest.
“Jealous of what? You can have my cousin and I can change your style,” she laughed again, this bellbright and carefree laughter that made his chest feel tight.
“You’re so easy going and carefree, you’re honest to yourself…”, he reached towards the light of the lamp and blinked slowly, “I always had to live up to my parents’ and my own expectations of who I am and what I have to be. Seeing you… just being you hurt me, because it reminded me of something I lost…”
“So being around me hurts?”
“No, not at all…”, now that he thought about it, being around her he had had the most fun in years, “I always thought I’m better off on my own. But now I want to be around people all the time, it’s such a pleasant feeling to belong somewhere.”
“Even though you hate me?”
Ui turned his head in her direction and saw her smile, her plump lips shimmered in the soft light the old lamp above their heads emitted, her dyed hair fell in front of her soft pale skin and her grey eyes were overflowing with emotion.
“... I don’t hate you…”, did this feeling even have name in first place, “You’re the most unique person I have ever met… and I think I was just… bewildered. That’s all.”
Her soft touch made him feel like he wanted to die, where he once convinced himself he didn’t need anyone else he was craving her now.
“Am I some kind of alien to you?”, she bend over him, knowing exactly what he thought but she wanted to make him feel the same pain she did at first.
“If anything… you are…”, good question, what was she to him?
“I am…?”
“... something I don’t want to miss in my life.”
Ihei sat up and laughed, “Is that so, Koori?”
“Yeah,” there was not much he could say, everything was a mess and blur right now. It felt like loose ends connected and all of the sudden everything made sense.
“So, what do you really think of me? Do you like me?”, her eyes could pierce right through his soul but he couldn’t complain.
“I think you’re amazing… and smart, I mean you already know what I’m thinking anyway,” he hid his face behind his hands, “You always make me so nervous, when I’m around you I don’t want to say anything because I don’t want to come off as an idiot but I also want you to admire what I do. … even if I can’t ever be the kind of person you like.”
“But I like you, silly,” her sweet giggle made him sigh as a soft pain ran through his chest, “I don’t think I ever left you feeling anything but that, did I?”
“You never acted indifferent towards me, I have to admit that…”, that again was something she was so much better at than Koori himself, “Still… I don’t think we’re on the same level, here.”
“But if you say I know what you think before you even get the chance to say it…”, she bend over him again and smiled, her usual sleepy smile with the cunning eyes that could read him oh so easily, “Do you love me, Ui Koori?”
“... I do. I love you, Ihei,” what an odd feeling, his chest was heavy and light, he felt like crying but he smiled, shivers ran down his spine while his face was glowing.
“That’s what I wanted to hear,” this time she didn’t laugh or giggle, instead she grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pulled him up, their lips touched for a brief moment, “You made me wait long enough...”
#3
Rating: Mature
Character: Marude Itsuki, Washuu Yoshitoki, V
Relationship: Marude Itsuki/Washuu Yoshitoki
Word count: 1216
Additional information: Manga Spoilers, Canon Divergence, Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death
It dashed towards him and he rose his gun, aiming straight for the head. At the start he had 10 bullets. One had stuck in Chika’s head. The second in his heart so they’d feel the same pain. The third hit the stranger right between the eyes but it didn’t stop him. So Itsuki backed away in a corner and made peace with his fate.
Read on AO3 or under the cut
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Itsuki felt his hands tremble, he was scared, he panicked. Whatever happened right now wasn’t right, there was no way he could make it out of here alive. The words were still ringing in his ears, he was disappointed in him, huh? Wasn’t he the one that encouraged him to go a little further, to dig a little deeper?
But if it was all a lie then he’d might as well die here and take the only truth to the grave, he shut his eyes and felt his gun press against Yoshitoki’s chest. Maybe it couldn’t kill or hurt him, but if he thought that Itsuki found pleasure in any of this, he wanted him to feel the same pain in the same spot he felt right now.
“Trigger happy, aren’t we?”
Itsuki opened his eyes in shock as he heard gunshots and screams behind him, before he could turn around Yoshitoki had grabbed him and launched him half across the room. His body crashed into the wall, he felt the impact in his bones and he nearly threw up because to the stinging pain, what in the world was even going on?
Noises bled into each other as everything happened too fast for his mind to process.
“Maru…”, he slowly brushed his hair out if his face and looked into his eyes, “You know this job comes with a certain risk right? You’re putting your life on the line.”
“Of course I know that,” why did he always talk to him like a child? “But I want to do what’s right, I want to protect everyone who can’t do it themselves.”
Who were this men in the long black coats…? Judging by their movements they were well trained, Yoshitoki seemed to know them, as he was spitting insults and curses in their general direction.
A stinging pain in his side made it hard to think, but he had to relocate his men in this mess and -
“That’s nobel. But what about yourself? Would you run away and leave everything behind when you’re in danger?”
Itsuki couldn’t even make a sound, all he could do was to stare at their disembodied heads and lifeless corpses that there scattered around the room like trash. It was a cold feeling. It wasn’t a real emotion. It was hollow and numb.
“I can’t leave anyone who put their trust in me behind,” he blushed saying it, “I don’t want to play hero but it’s such a reassuring feeling to know that people trust me…”
Once he could look at anything but his fallen subordinates again, his eyes met with those of one of the men in the black coats. His eyes were those of a dead man, his smile sent Itsuki in an even worse state of panic. While he doubted Yoshitoki’s intention to kill him, the primal instinct that danced and flickered in the stranger's eyes undeniably only held one meaning.
I will kill you.
Should he fight back? He wasn’t the one to give up like that but he also wasn’t so stupid to think he would stand any chance against this thing, he wouldn’t even dare to call it human or person even…
It dashed towards him and he rose his gun, aiming straight for the head. At the start he had 10 bullets. One had stuck in Chika’s head. The second in his heart so they’d feel the same pain. The third hit the stranger right between the eyes but it didn’t stop him. So Itsuki backed away in a corner and made peace with his fate.
“Wouldn’t you leave me behind?”, Chika smiled brightly at him, “I put all of my trust into you, after all.”
Despite all the times he watched a ghoul kill someone right in front of him, he could never get used to the chills and horror it send through his mind to watch them rip their victims apart. This time it came to his aid. Itsuki felt blood spill on his clothes and the floor right in front of him, the eyes that were fixed on him before now truly belonged to a dead man. Almost desperate he tried to focus on whereever that saving attack came from.
“Why would I leave you behind -”, it almost felt like an insult, “... you’re the last person I’d ever leave…”
It was chilling, it felt unreal. The eyes he once used to look into with so much trust and affection, were now staring at him with such a blank expressionless glare, red on black, those weren’t Yoshitoki’s eyes but at the same time they undoubtedly were the closest thing to what he would call Yoshitoki.
“Don’t be like that,” this time he got flustered and not the other way around, “Do you really think I could bare the thought that it’s my fault that you’re dead? I wouldn’t want to live on knowing you died for my sake.”
There was no time for big words, no time for softness or warmth. A numbing explosion shortly distracted everyone in the room who were still capable of showing any reaction to what was going on around them. Then their eyes met again and Itsuki felt words forming in his throat but he couldn’t make a sound.
“Hell, what do you think how I would feel, knowing I survied because I left you behind?”, now he got angry, tears started flooding his eyes, he didn’t want to be like that but this wasn’t something he could take lightly.
If all words failed then actions had to speak for themself.
“Itsuki… please, promise me something,” their fingers intertwined and their heartbeats mixed up into a single mass of irregular beats, “If we’ll ever find ourselves in a situation like that you have to run. Please leave me behind… I know it’s selfish but -”
He felt how Chika’s kagune hit him with full force, but not to hurt him. Cold air blew through his hair as he was pushed through the hole the explosion had left. The last thing he saw was how one of the men in the black coats watched him fall only to focus on Yoshitoki again, his body hit the water and he closed his eyes.
“But what? This is the most selfish thing you could ever ask me for -”
Cold water soaked through his clothes, he felt his body slowly sink deeper while he cried, screamed, watching air bubbles escape his lungs.
“I know, I know,” he laughed before lowering his head as if he was trying to hide something from Itsuki, “It’s selfish but I don’t want to lose you.”
There was no reason to swim up to the surface but he still did, he gasped for air and screamed his name, but he knew that he wouldn’t reply. His limbs started hurting, the icy water burned his skin and his body slowly grew numb.
“... okay… let’s just hope a moment like that will never come, because I don’t know what I would do without your lead.”
Nothing mattered right now, not the lies, not the games he played. Nothing.
“You’ll do great, I know that. You always get back on your feet, so when the time comes that we’ll depart, do me a favour and live.”
No goodbyes. No nothing.
비
Rating: Teens and up audience
Character: Arima Kishou, Ui Koori
Relationship: Arima Kishou/Ui Koori
Word count: 350
Additional information: Angst, referenced character death
It was ironic, they shared their first kiss in the pouring rain, every time it rained he remembered how he shouted the words out, how he confessed his love to the other while the clouds were crying above them. Had it been a bad omen…?
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Your soft whispers under the umbrella It spreads in a corner of my heart, I can hear you The sound of the rain sounds peaceful, as if it’s asking me how my day was In the raindrops of you, colored with the faraway memories
Ui walked slowly through the rain, he didn’t bother if he got wet now, he felt a little lost ever since Arima died. Everyone grieved, but nobody would understand his pain. He had loved him so much and now he wouldn’t be able to ever say these words again.
'Don’t walk out in the rain without an umbrella.’ That’s what Arima had always said. ‘You’ll get sick, Ui. Please take care of yourself… do it for me.’ When he first heard those words his heart jumped, he was so happy. He promised Arima to always make sure that he had an umbrella with him, but what was this promise worth now? It was a promise to a dead man, someone who’d never return.
It was ironic, they shared their first kiss in the pouring rain, every time it rained he remembered how he shouted the words out, how he confessed his love to the other while the clouds were crying above them. Had it been a bad omen…?
Not that Ui believed in superstition, but maybe he should have known better. Their love burned so bright and was so intense, just as if Arima had known that their time was running out.
‘You’re everything I have after all.’
If it weren’t for the heavy rain, someone would have might just seen him cry. “Oh for fuck’s sake…” Ui stopped and pulled his umbrella out of his bag, well it wasn’t exactly his… Arima gave it to him after another night of walking back home in the pouring rain.
For a moment it felt like they were sharing it again, laughing together as their hands intertwined. From now on till the rest of his life, rain would be a blessing and a curse, because it would always remind him of someone who would never come back home.
ㅇ
Rating: Teens and up audience
Character: Marude Itsuki, Hideyoshi Nagachika
Word count: 512
Additional information: TG :re spoilers, canon divergent
After the battle the wounds have to be treated.
Read on AO3 or under the cut
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It was quiet, the smell of explosions, blood and burned flesh still lingered in his nostrils, no matter how many times he’d shower he would never manage to wash it off. He felt sick in his stomach, he pressed his hands against his mouth suppressing any sound he could possibly make while he was crying. Nobody was supposed to see him like this… nobody…
“... ?”
“... you could at least knock…”, Itsuki shot up and wiped over his eyes, “Come in… you’re already here. Don’t worry I’m not mad.”
He made a grunting noise, as if he was trying to apologise, ‘Are you okay, Marude-san?’
“I could ask you the same, Nagachika,” but he never got a proper reply and maybe that was for the best, “When I am honest I haven’t really felt okay since it turned out that all the predictions and … suspicions were true.” It was odd, why could he talk freely around him? Maybe it was reassuring to know that he wouldn't say anything, since he couldn’t.
‘I am sorry’, the young man put his notebook down again and just let the older one talk.
“There is nothing you should be sorry about, it’s not your fault, all these years I believed we’re all doing the right thing and now I’m the only one who’s left… they’re all dead… or unable to help me finish this task, you know I… I don’t want to die just yet… there is so much I have to do,” Itsuki pulled his legs closer to his body, as if he was trying to get smaller, smaller and smaller till he’d vanish completely… “I owe them the peace of knowing that I fought for… what is right… I want to take back… what they took from us, the sense of justice, we’re all just… we were all just marionettes and now that I’m free to leave, I still choose to stay.”
He was quiet for a moment, his eyes were hollow but then filled with tears, there was nothing Hide could say or do, so he just let it happen.
“... do you think there’s something that comes after death, like… heaven or hell?”
‘I never really believed in God or anything, but who knows, probably. Why do you ask?’
“I want to see them all again and tell them that… it’s okay, that I made up for it…,” yes, once he’d die he’d see everyone again, but… most probably not everyone, “If there’s a place for us, we did so many wrongs I am sure we will all be punished.”
‘Not everyone can always do the right thing, God would be a hypocrite if he would punish you for something you did because someone else made you do it, I think you’re too hard on yourself.’
Itsuki laughed and wiped over his eyes again, “Well… sounds about right, Mr Terrorist… I don’t think we can change the world entirely… not in one day… or year… not even in 10 years, but we have to start somewhere. Right?”
‘Correct and we already made the first step.’
Yooo I read some of the stories suggested to me and honestly they're so good ??? Like, the writing is so simple and straightforward, complex in its own way, so it's really nice to read and easy to understand what's going on, it isn't too 'jumbled up' if you know what I mean. And the characters are so 'in character' dude, like, it's exactly what they'd do, say, and feel. It's so cute and nice to read omg keep up the great work I can't wait for more!! You should write more UriSai if you can ;w;
I’m glad that my writing gets recommended to other people! I think I get what you mean, thank you for your compliment ;;
It’s good to hear that they are ;; I write too many AUs I’m always scared that it gets too OOC.
I do have some Urisai projects planned, so just keep your eyes open to them. Thank you for taking interest in my work
Sea Foam
Canon divergence - Maruchika - Angst
Background music
Mattia Cupelli
- Like my Facebook page!: https://www.facebook.com/MattiaCupell... - iTunes Store: https://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/ma... - Personal Facebook Profile: https://www.facebook.com/mattia.cupel... - Second Youtube Channel : https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZqK... - Bandcamp Store: http://mattiacupelli.bandcamp.com/ - Official Mattia Cupelli Music Website: http://mattiacupelli.weebly.com/ruins... © Music Copyright 2015 Mattia Cupelli
Sleepless Nights
Rating: Explicit
Pairing: Abara Hanbee/Suzuya Juuzou
Character: Abara Hanbee, Suzuya Juuzou
Word count: 1837
Additional information: Mutual pinning, first time, fluff
For @absinthianlyunheroic
Not that he didn’t feel any form of affection for him, in fact his feelings were even more complex than just simple affection and adoration… did he love him…? Maybe he did, he didn’t want to give it a name just yet, maybe he was superstitious but he didn’t mean to ruin this for himself. Love was something he had felt many times before for family, his friends… sometimes even an object but whatever it was, that he felt when it came to his superior he didn’t want to give it a name yet.
Read on AO3 or under the cut
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It didn’t happen often, when he thought it about it almost never happened, he wasn’t like the kind of person who had dreams like that dreams about being entangled in the sheets with another person, but when he was honest Hanbee couldn’t deny that these dreams had become more and more frequent in the past months. Dreams in which he’d be closer to Suzuya than can could ever hope to be when he was awake.
Not that he didn’t feel any form of affection for him, in fact his feelings were even more complex than just simple affection and adoration… did he love him…? Maybe he did, he didn’t want to give it a name just yet, maybe he was superstitious but he didn’t mean to ruin this for himself. Love was something he had felt many times before for family, his friends… sometimes even an object but whatever it was, that he felt when it came to his superior he didn’t want to give it a name yet.
He sighed and looked over at him, it had become a habit of his to sleep in Hanbee’s bed, there was no explanation for it, well, there were no questions asked either so… but still, at times he found a little troublesome. How could he distance himself from these feelings when Suzuya was always by his side? Not that it was too bad though…
“Hanbee…”
Oh no. “Yes?”
“Is there something you want to tell me?”, his voice sounded so sober, how long was he awake and what was he even implying…? Not that Hanbee didn’t know but there were certain things he just… didn’t want to know. Especially not in this very moment.
“I don’t think so - it’s late, we should sleep -”
“Sleep, hm? So you can have another… nice little dream of me?”
Shivers ran down his spine as he once more felt his erection painfully pressing against the waistband of his shorts. “... w-what do you mean…?”, did he really moan in his sleep? God this was embarrassing.
Suzuya moved closer, the sheets below him moved with his body. “Well, I heard you moan my name… night after night in your sleep… this time you even woke up. I have to admit it’s…”, was he flustered or amused? “... leaving me in a state of… wonder… would you like to do it for real?”
Was he dreaming or did this really happen what was even going on? Should he decline or… maybe this was a once in a lifetime situation and if he’d fuck up Suzuya might never speak to him again but -
“So?”
“Yes, yes… please…” “There is no need to beg just yet,” he laughed but it was in no way mocking, no… maybe he was just amused by the situation, “You know at first I was a little confused…” Suzuya murmured while he slumped down on Hanbee’s lap, “Hearing you moan my name, I thought it was… just something that happened once and brushed it off but you’ve been moaning my name almost every night by now. What kind of dreams are you having?”
It was genuine curiosity, that much he could actually tell and it felt so good just to feel him grind against his hard cock that he had to tell him the truth. “I dream about us having sex… about kissing you…” Now it got hard to speak, the moment he felt him grinding harder against him, his small hands pressed against his trembling chest.
“That sounds so good -”, Suzuya moaned before he started grinning again, “So where’s the lube…? Don’t act as if you don’t know what I’m talking about, I know what you’re doing when you think nobody’s watching.”
If he’d keep on talking like that he’d might as well just come in his pants, all thanks to the motion of him grinding against his cock and the sweet yet sticky and dirty words that left his pretty little mouth.
“I-In the nightstand, in the top drawer -”, so they were about to do it for real, right? When he was honest it was still hard for him to believe that this was actually happening, when he was completely honest he still thought that he would either wake up or Suzuya would blow the whole thing off because he changed his mind, but the moment he heard the drawer being shut with a loud bang he knew that there was no turning back now.
… unless Suzuya really didn’t want it…
“I’ll give you instructions, you just have to follow my lead… as usual… do you trust me?”
“I do.”
“... good. Do you want this?”
He took a deep breath and it took him a moment to finally come to terms with the situation and his feelings, “More than anything else.”
“Great, me too,” maybe it was weird, to start like this before they even shared their first kiss, in this moment Suzuya wasn’t sure if what Hanbee felt was just lust or love but… he knew what he felt. So he leaned down and kissed the other before pulling back quickly in embarrassment, “Sorry… now give me your hand.”
When it came to things like this, it always caught him off guard. Sudden words of praise, affection… anything that wasn’t in anyway correlated to negativity stunned him for a while. Now it was easier just to follow Suzuya’s instructions.
He felt his fingers slowly growing wetter as Suzuya covered them in lube before he stood up and got undressed. “Now you have to… carefully put one finger after the other inside of me, can you do that?”
“... yeah…” Not that he didn’t know what he had to do, but he was still nervous so it was actually more than just helpful to get instructions. Suzuya’s body looked so fragile, he was pale and slender, almost as if he would break under another person’s touch at any given moment.
“Oh God -”, no matter how cool he tried to act Suzuya couldn’t deny that he got a little flustered the moment he realised how long and slender Hanbee’s fingers actually were, “It feels amazing…” Maybe he was just a little too eager, rocking his hips harder as he felt his partner slowly pushing a second finger into him after a while but no matter what he expected, this was so much better than that.
Should he move faster? What was he supposed to do; Hanbee felt lost, but it was more than just satisfying to see Suzuya enjoy himself, losing himself in the heat of the moment, “You’re so beautiful.”
“Don’t say that now -”, not that it was killing the mood but there was no way that he could pretend that he didn’t get flustered because of the comment.
“But it’s true…”, fuck. Just fingering him wasn’t enough, he wanted more, “Is it okay if I…?” He slowly pulled his fingers back and Suzuya nodded. Even though they were both incredibly nervous they managed to find a comfortable position rather quickly.
“Is it really okay…?”, Hanbee dug his fingers deep into the other’s buttocks as he felt his cock entering him inch for inch. They had used enough lube and also took their time to prepare him, but he still stretched him out.
“Y-Yes… just give m-me a moment to adjust…”, why was about him so big? Not that it was a problem in anyway, no no, it was rather enjoyable. Minutes past in which they held each other tightly before Suzuya started moving his hips in a slow and shy manner, Hanbee digging his fingers deeper into his soft skin.
He tried to make a sound but his mind was blank, there was nothing he could think of, the only thing that existed in this moment was emotion. Pure emotion and nothing else. The way he moved was mesmerizing, he had never experienced anything like this and it was worth waiting for it for so long. He felt small hands holding onto him tightly, nails digging into his skin and he couldn’t help but moan in surprise and pleasure.
Should he say something…? There was no way he could form a proper sentence right now, the words would probably just fall out of his mouth and his mind was blank, so he just let the other take control, feeling Hanbee’s hands resting on his hips while he felt him slip and out of his body.
“Does it feel good?”, he pressed his lips against Suzuya’s trembling throat, tracing his path up to his lips, he didn’t need an answer, the suppressed moans and the eager movements were enough for him to know how much his partner enjoyed it, “You feel amazing.”
Instead of protesting he just accepted it, it was actually nice to hear Hanbee talk like that, who would have thought he had it in him, he didn’t like look the kind of guy with a silver tongue but now every word made him shiver and moan, pressed his body harder against him in hopes to intensify the feeling.
Did he like it? Suzuya looked amazing with his hair messed up like that the dreamy look in his eyes, maybe he should hold him just a little tighter, move a little faster, this was way too good to end too soon but at the same time he wanted to feel him come, he wanted to feel him shiver and collapse in his embrace.
“Eager, are we?”, he chuckled and pushed Hanbee back, “Let me take over…” If he wouldn’t pace him they might just come right away. Not that it didn’t sound tempting but he wanted to enjoy hearing Hanbee letting go and losing all control over himself a little more, he was so loud… every moan sending a shiver down his spine.
“Suzuya -”, if he’d say one more thing he’d lose it, it was hard to keep control over himself anyway, he wanted to move, he wanted to thrust his hips against his lover’s but as soon as he felt his hands resting upon his chest he was too stunned to make a move, instead he smiled before pulling him down to kiss him.
Maybe the kisses were even the best part about all of this, Suzuya slowly wrapped his arms around Hanbee’s neck and let him take control again, he felt his fingers dig into his buttocks spreading them apart as he eagerly moved, making sure they’d both orgasm quicker than desired.
His skin broke under the pressure of Suzuya’s fingernails, their voices filled the room and their heads, he felt his body ache and pump every last drop of semen into the other man who seemed to fully indulge in the feeling until he collapsed on top of him.
“... do you think you can sleep better now…?”, a soft giggle fleet his lips as he tried to stay awake at least a little longer.
“... I am… sure I will…”, Hanbee mumbled as he covered them with his blanket, “... I love you.”
“I love you too, now sleep…”
Sweet dreams
Rating: Mature
Pairing: Ui Koori/Ihei Hairu
Character: Ui Koori, Ihei Hairu, Washuu-Furuta Souta
Word count: 1996
Additional information: Angst, Substance Abuse, Mental Instability, Eating Disorder, Suicidal thoughts, Implied/Referenced Character Death
One pill meant a dreamless sleep. Two pills meant a long and sound sleep, if he was lucky even dreams. More than two? He wouldn’t go there. Why? Maybe because he was a coward, but he was also scared that it meant he’d overdose. Suicide wasn’t an option, not now, he didn’t know if there was an afterlife, but he heard one of his colleagues talk about it. There weren’t many Christians in Japan, but he was one of them, he said that every person that took their own life was damned to an eternity in hell.
Read on AO3 or under the cut
Buy me a coffee
He didn’t know how much time had passed since he sat down in the bathtub, but the warmth that the water wrapped his body in before was now robbed from him by the ice cold liquid that covered almost every inch of his body. The reflection on the its surface was alien to him, dull and bloodshot eyes, dark circles on swollen pouches, chapped lips framed by hollow cheeks and dry hair.
Did he forget to eat again? The pain felt like a knife in his stomach, he always waited until the pain got so bad that he wanted to cry out, there was no appetite, only hunger. Now that he thought about it, there was nothing in his life anymore that didn’t go to the extremes. Sleep or no sleep, feel nothing or feel everything all at once, apathy or pure rage.
When was the last time he went grocery shopping? He slowly got up, legs shaking. There would be no problem in going shopping now, he didn’t smell as terrible as he did before, it didn’t matter anyway, he didn’t want to appeal to anyone anymore, not even himself.
He dried his meager body off and stared at the reflection in the mirror, he remembered a time when he wasted hours indulging in his vanity, in the sheer lust and satisfaction he felt looking at himself, now all he saw was a ghost.
Koori slowly got dressed, thank goodness there was still a pair of boxers and socks in his drawer, maybe he should finally take care of the laundry… no tomorrow was better. Everything would just have to happen tomorrow, not today. Didn’t he already tell himself the same thing the day before? It didn’t matter anyway.
If it weren’t for the burning ache in his stomach he wouldn’t even think of eating. The fridge was empty, there was only a small package of miso and a small container of pickled radish, not enough to ease the pain. He sighed as he realised that he really had to leave the flat again, but he didn’t have any other choice.
The small 24 hour supermarket around the corner had become the only place he went to these days, before he would always go the extra mile to only buy fresh ingredients that suited his expensive taste, now anything from instant cup noodles to frozen fish balls was okay, the only thing that mattered was that it filled his stomach.
Curious eyes stared at him, what did the cashier think when she saw him? She was probably still in university, staying there half of the day and spending the rest of her time here, a pretty girl but a little ditzy. One of the few people he smiled for these days, but he couldn’t bring himself to talk to her. Whatever would develop between them if they’d get closer wouldn’t be worth the pain he’d inflict on her.
In the end he could only hurt the people he loved, push them away until they left him or were taken from him by force. It might have been healthier if he’d just admit to himself that none of it was his fault but he had to feel this pain, because at times it was the only thing he felt, the only constant that was left in his life, something he could cling to.
When he finally reached his flat again his body went in a state he could only describe as autopilot, thinking of it now he didn’t even know what exactly happened. There was no pleasure in cooking and eating, it was necessary, a task he needed to fulfill that was all. It wasn’t like his meals tasted like anything these days, they were bland and disgusting but there was an upside to it…
Ui laid down on his bed, smiling as blissfully as he did before his life went downhill, this was the only thing he could ever look forward too, he felt the little bottle in his hand, weighing it down. He could never take the pills without eating something beforehand, he did once, throwing up blood the next morning.
Not now though, not now.
One pill meant a dreamless sleep. Two pills meant a long and sound sleep, if he was lucky even dreams. More than two? He wouldn’t go there. Why? Maybe because he was a coward, but he was also scared that it meant he’d overdose. Suicide wasn’t an option, not now, he didn’t know if there was an afterlife, but he heard one of his colleagues talk about it. There weren’t many Christians in Japan, but he was one of them, he said that every person that took their own life was damned to an eternity in hell.
… and how would he be able to see her again then? If there was something like the afterlife it was questionable whether or not a CCG investigator would end up in heaven, after all the people they killed, all the lives they took. Since when did he look at ghouls as individuals…? Maybe everything was just getting to his head, all of these worries and stress.
Koori tasted the pills on his lips, his tongue, he chugged them down, the water pressing through his throat forcing the pills down into his stomach. All he could do was wait now, all he could do was wait…
“Do you like it? I thought it’s too much but mama said it’s just right,” Ihei was laughing and waltzing through the room, her white wedding dress swinging with every move she made, “I hope that my husband will like it too, ah can you believe I am getting married? When I was a child I never thought that day would come and now I even got someone to guide me to the altar! Isn’t it wonderful?”
Ui smiled tired as he kept on gazing at her, “You are the by far most beautiful woman I have seen in my life.” But seeing her like this, talking about another man made his stomach turn. Why would she marry anyone… who wasn’t him? “I am sure he’ll be happy to see you like this, more beautiful than you were ever before.”
“You flatter me... I’m glad that you can be here with me today,” she picked up her bouquet and smiled, “You know you’re the best friend I ever had, I loved you… for a long time, I never realised being so caught up in my silly little crush for Arima, but I thought I never had a chance with you… and then he asked me out of the blue, how could I say no?”
“But -”
“Ihei are you ready? Everyone’s already waiting for you.”
Director Washuu…? What was Furuta doing here?
“I’m coming!”, the young bride turned to Ui, holding the bouquet of red spider lilies firmly in her hands, “Let’s go, Koori.”
Go where? They slowly walked down a long and dark corridor, Furuta guiding Ihei towards the altar in seemingly unreachable distance, but just in the blink of an eye Koori found himself standing in a group of people. Investigator, children in white hospital gowns, staring at him with sad eyes.
Seeing Ihei walking towards her future with another man made him choke up, his stomach turn, this wasn’t a dream he wanted to have, it felt like his brain was mocking him. Just as everyone turned their heads towards the altar he did the same thing, he didn’t want to but he had to, he felt a cold shiver running down his spine as he finally realised why the groom looked so familiar to him.
“Kanou…?”
“Take good care of our little flower,” Furuta said, patting her head before it slowly detached from her neck, “She’s a precious good after all, isn’t she… Koori?”
How much time had passed since he fell asleep? The sheets below him were drenched in sweat, his throat was dry and a numbing pain washed over his stiff body. 2 AM. He had 7 more hours of sleep until he had to go to work. Should he go for it…? He was exhausted, he was sick of sleeping but the pills did their work and so he drifted off into sleep again, hoping that this time he wouldn’t dream.
Soft and gentle humming reached his ears, he slowly got up, sitting in a field of flowers, staring at a lilac sky.
“The stars are the most beautiful during the day, aren’t they? Look at them explode… they look like a firework, don’t they?”, Ihei laughed as she put a flower crown on top of Koori’s head, “Now you’re a prince.”
“The prince of what…?”, was she making fun of him again?
“Melon pan and train stations,” he was such a killjoy just as usual, “But I still love you.” She let her head fall into his lap while she looked up at him, “Don’t worry, it won’t come off this time, we’re alone now.”
“Really…? I don’t want to see you hurt again,” why did it rain? Why did it only rain on her pretty face?
“Oh… I don’t hurt anymore, I’m okay here, in my field of flowers… I grew up in a garden but this is way more beautiful. Nobody here can hurt me, everyone’s just passing by for a visit, Kishou and all of our colleagues, they pass me by… and I stay here,” Ihei let her hands run through Koori’s hair, “I want to stay here… always.”
He widened his eyes in terror, she wanted to stay here? Forever?
“I hope that one day you’ll come and visit me too, but please take your time… maybe if we’re lucky you can stay here with me then,” the girl pulled him down, closing her eyes and parting her lips but before they could kiss he woke up, crying as he always did when he was forced to face reality.
He wanted to hold her just one more time, tell her how much he loved her and forget about the mistakes he made but life just didn’t work like this. Life wasn’t fair to him not anymore, was it ever fair to him? There was a point in time when he thought it was, but it wasn’t anymore. Maybe he only pretende he was happy then… ah, no now wasn’t the time to think, he had to wash up and get ready for work. When would be the next time he’d sleep again…?
Koori looked at the pills on his nightstand and decided that he had enough of them for the next few weeks, but in the end he always told himself he did and then came back for them only days afterwards.
Think about work, damnit, the sooner the day would be over the better. He hated it now, arriving there, seeing everyone run into each other their voices creating this strange and perverse melody.
“Ui, I am glad you’re here, follow me I have to show you something.”
What did he want from him now? Did he come up with yet another brilliant creation like the oggai? God he didn’t even want to know, if he could just drop dead right here he would do it. It would make everything so much easier.
The elevator took them deep down below the first story of the building, he felt sick going so far down, because he knew that the laboratories were located there.
“I am sure you’ll be pleased to see my little surprise for you…”
Why did he make such a fuss about it? Couldn’t he just shut his mouth and - “I-Ihei…?”
She was sitting in a chair before him, her skin was foul in colour and paler than usual, bandages covered up the cut on her throat. Ihei slowly raised her head, her eyes dull and filled with rage, “Koori…” Her voice was coarse and broken, “Why did you do this to me?”
Sleepwalking
Rating: Mature
Pairing: Kaneki Ken/Kirishima Touka, Sasaki Haise/Kirishima Touka
Character: Kirishima Touka, Kankeki Ken, Sasaki Haise, Marude Itsuki, Washuu-Furuta Souta
Word count: 1347
Chapter: 3/3
Additional information: Human AU, Pregnancy, Parent-Child Relationship, Parenthood, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers
After not needing therapy in years, Touka returns to the ‘Lighthouse’ to seek help after the loss of the two people who meant the most to her, but the past isn’t something she can easily bury, it’s still alive and breathing, always around.
Read on AO3 or under the cut
Buy me a coffee
“Goodnight!”, Touka waved goodbye and didn’t look back, this time she felt better about going home, should she call Haise and ask him what he’d like to eat for dinner? No, maybe she should surprise him. He wouldn’t notice that she came home a bit later than usual, their therapy sessions always took a bit longer.
Make peace with the past don’t live in it, it was something Itsuki had told her after she mentioned her baby again. Yes, she had to leave whatever remained of the past behind and try to live on, at least for now… it was hard to say that she would never look back or feel this dread and pain thinking about it, but she would at least try to start over again.
With or without Haise by her side…
She wasn’t sure if she had it in her heart to ever love another man, Ken was the one she gave the promise to to love him until she’d die, which she would always do without a doubt but would letting another man into her heart mean she betrayed him…?
Why did these thoughts come at the worst times? Didn’t she want to buy dinner for them? Touka laughed and wiped over her eyes, she was a horrible woman… wasn’t she? Not being able to follow her own plans.
“Haise! I’m back,” the light in the livingroom was still burning, she was convinced someone was sitting on the sofa, judging by the shadow his body casted, “... Haise?” Usually he was like a happy puppy when she came back home, following Itsuki’s advice she slowly but steadily opened up to Haise, trying to let him take the place that once belonged to someone else.
“... you’re back, Touka…,” he slowly turned to her and smiled tired, “It’s so good to see you again.”
What was she supposed to do now? Her body gave in and she dropped the bags she was carrying. She knew this voice this scruff, broken, voice. “... Ken… what…”, it had been months since she last heard it but it was her husband.
“Did you miss me?”, the young man slowly stood up and walked over to her, wrapping his arms tightly around her shaking body, “Please don’t cry…”
“I am not dreaming am I? I-It’s really you not… him?”
“... no it’s me…”, he smiled but there was something off, “I don’t know how long I can stay now, but it’s really me.” Only now that he was able to hold her in his arms again he realised how much he missed her, but at the same time he felt the thoughts that have haunted him while he was in the coma for so long returning, weighing him down.
“Did something happen…?”, Touka sniffled and wiped over her eyes, shortly after he woke up in the hospital he switched between his personalities more often but the more time passed, the more it seemed like Ken was lost somewhere in Haise, never to return to her ever again.
“Well, it seems like Haise stumbled upon an old picture of us… in all the…”, he felt his body slowly giving in so he walked back to the sofa and sat down, “... the chaos I created in my own mind to forget that horrible day, you’re the key to my memories…” There was no doubt that she was, but all of these memories also brought back an unspeakable pain.
“Then you shouldn’t be around me. I don’t want you to remember it,” was it selfish of her to send him away like this?
Ken turned to her and smiled tired, “Touka, we both know that it’s not something either of us wants, no matter what you’re trying to convince yourself of now. … what I mean is, it constructed memories around everyone, your uncles, my friend… but not you, you’ve been such a crucial part of my life… but also so deeply connected to the trauma that my mind just erased every trace of you.”
That was exactly like him, wasn’t it? Tactless, rude, but at least he was honest, “... but I could never forget you.”
“And I don’t want you to, but in all honesty, I am not sure if this will be just one of… a few more times for me to come back of the last time I’ll ever be able to see you… so maybe this is goodbye,” there was no denying that he looked tired, his eyes were overflowing with emotion, but it was agonising to look at him.
“So… that means you’re going to sleep, huh?”
“Haise is the sweetest dream I had… since a long while, I never wanted my work to ruin this…”, was it bold of him to long for her touch this one last time? “You should let go of me, Touka. Move on.”
Move on, hm…? Maybe it would the best for both of them, letting go after holding each other one last time, moving on after sharing the same dream that connected them before they’d never see each other again.
What kind of pain did he feel that night? That they looked into each other's eyes, their guys pointed at the other… what kind of connection did they feel? Was it something Touka would ever understand? She felt jealous of him for most of the time, this nameless killer that occupied so much of her husband’s time, that consumed him whole, heart and soul, was it love they had felt in the moment they died together?
Was it relief? What did he fell? Was it so meaningful for Ken that he had to give up his life after all of this? Or maybe she didn’t understand. Maybe she never would.
“Hold me closer… just this last time…”, it was hard to speak, the words dripped over her lips and he kissed them away, it had been months since they been this close, years maybe… she didn’t want to let go but he felt so distant from her, he wasn’t hers anymore.
“Take care of him,” were the last words he said, “I’m sorry…”
Touka felt a tight grip around her body, the warmth of another body as she slowly woke up, was it just a dream…? No, he was still lying next to her or… rather Haise was. They didn’t talk about it, they just let things be, no questions were asked, no vows exchanged.
3 months later
“Do you feel ready to become a mother?”
“I was ready the first time too… but life got in the way,” Touka gently caressed her growing belly and smiled at her psychiatrist, “This time nothing will go wrong. I am sure of it.”
Itsuki sighed and returned the gesture, “Well, I mean it’s your life. Nobody can tell you how to live it and if it feels like this is the step you need to make to recover fully, then… I hope that you will only live to see happy moments from now on.”
“Thank you… I am sure I will, letting Ken go was probably for the best and… I mean he is still with me, always, even if I will never see him again, it feels as if I’m living in a dream that I don’t need to wake up from you know?”
“I do, it’s late Touka, I think your boyfriend is getting impatient if he has to wait any longer,” he carefully took her hand and helped her out of her seat, “If you still need me you know where to find me, but I hope that we won’t ever have to see each other again.”
“At least not as patient and doctor,” the young woman sighed and rubbed her lower back, “But my little one needs a godfather.”
“Touka!”, Haise jumped up seeing his girlfriend, again much to the displeasure of Souta and Kimchi, who again exchanged annoyed looks, “Let’s go home.”
“Yes… let’s go. Goodbye!”, holding his hand it felt as if nothing could ever ruin their dream, their shared dream that was now growing inside of her.
Sleepwalking
Rating: Mature
Pairing: Kaneki Ken/Kirishima Touka, Sasaki Haise/Kirishima Touka
Character: Kirishima Touka, Kankeki Ken, Sasaki Haise, Marude Itsuki, Washuu-Furuta Souta
Word count: 1694
Chapter: 2/3
Additional information: Human AU, Pregnancy, Parent-Child Relationship, Parenthood, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers
After not needing therapy in years, Touka returns to the ‘Lighthouse’ to seek help after the loss of the two people who meant the most to her, but the past isn’t something she can easily bury, it’s still alive and breathing, always around.
Read on AO3 or under the cut
Buy me a coffee
“You didn’t come alone today, did you?”
His features had softened a bit since the last time they saw, he looked so relaxed, it seemed like married life was something he truly enjoyed, there had been a time when she was just like that too, “He wanted to tag along… he’s worried about me, but he couldn’t really tell what I was going to do here.”
“Well, I hope that he is aware that I won’t be able to tell him anything about you, that’s confidential. … but on the topic of Haise, I would like you to tell me more about your relationship,” Dr Marude made a gesture to let Touka know she should speak up, maybe something he picked up on the studies abroad.
“What is there to tell… we live together, he is… friendly to me, but I just can’t bring myself to… open up to him, there is something about him I just can’t stand, it makes me angry it appals me,” did she really feel so disgusted by him? “It’s not because he’s a bad person or anything, no it’s me -”
“Touka,” he sighed and leaned forward, looking into her eyes with a stern but sincere expression, “None of this is your fault. It’s only natural to react like that considering what Haise symbolises to you, it wasn’t an easy transgression… from grieving your husband's death and the miscarriage… to taking care of a total stranger. If you allow me to tell you my honest opinion on the matter…”
“Sure, go ahead…”
“... let him go, this isn’t right for either of you,” the words were so softly spoken, drenched in compassion and worry, he understood her not only because he had to, but because he cared for her.
“But I-”, she knew he was right, without a doubt, of course he knew what he was talking about, but why did it hurt so bad? Just the thought of letting him go? “I can’t live with him but I also can’t let him go - he’s all that’s left of …”
How many hours had already passed with her just crying trying to figure out what to do next, while he was just sitting in his chair, watching her, letting her cry in peace? This place created such a warm and welcoming environment, it wasn’t as warm as a home or as safe… but it radiated this calm sense of compassion, it was okay to cry here, nobody would ever know.
“... thank you…,” Touka vibed over her eyes and glanced at the clock, “... see you next week?”
“I am sure Souta can find a spot for you, … Touka, what I said earlier, the decision is yours but please do what is best for you, not for him. Sometimes you have to be selfish in order to protect yourself,” Itsuki sighed and placed his hand on her shoulder, “I know you’re strong, but you need to rest too.”
“... thank you…,” there was nothing she could say, she knew he was right, he knew what he was talking about but he also knew how stubborn she was, oh so stubborn.
“Doctor!”, Haise jumped up and dropped the magazine he was reading, the noise came to much displeasure of the receptionist Souta and the cat, his assistant receptionist, who both exchanged questioning and annoyed looks, “I’m sorry - it’s so good to finally meet you! I’m Sasaki Haise, I am Touka’s roommate.” He bowed deeply and then smiled warmly at the man.
“The pleasure’s mine, I’m Marude Itsuki… as you already know Miss Kirishima’s doctor,” it sent a shiver down Touka’s spine to hear him talk like that again, he sounded so formal and distant, well… of course he did, he didn’t know Haise personally.
“Thank you for taking such good care of my Tou- … Miss Kirishima,” he bowed again and then started to search for his car keys blindly, “I-I I’ll be waiting in the c-car Touka.”
They quietly watched him leave before Itsuki turned to Touka, “... so that’s him, huh?” He wouldn’t mention the slip, why should he? It would only do more harm than good anyway.
“Yeah…,” her mouth felt numb, as if her tongue was swollen and heavy, she walked over to Souta and smiled tired, “I need an appointment for next week…” While he was busy checking the calendar she took the time to pat the friendly black cat, “Hey there Kimchi…” The little guy purred pleased and rubbed his head against Touka’s hand.
“Is Wednesday at 7 pm okay?”, a few strains of long black hair feel into his face as he tilted his head waiting for an reply.
“Yes, that’s fine with me,” even though she always set a reminded in her phone, she let Souta press a small piece of paper into the palm of her hand, “Thank you. Sorry for making you wait again. Good night.”
“Good night, Touka-chan!”, Souta waved lightly, but he noticed that his brother-in-law didn’t respond at all, “Itsuki, is everything okay?”
“... what do you think about the two of them, do you think this will end… well?”
“You know, I only wish the best for Touka-chan,” he lowered his gaze and stared at his hands, “But when I am honest I don’t think this whole ordeal will have a happy end. The world doesn’t work like that… sadly. No matter how much you love someone, sometimes they’re just out of touch, no matter how close…”
“Mhm… now, enough of that let’s go home, your brother is waiting for us,” maybe he shouldn’t have asked something like that in first place, the poor kid had enough worries already.
Touka’s steps were light as she ran down the stairs, she didn’t want it to end, she didn’t want to see Haise right now, if she could she would have asked him to leave on his own and then she’d just spent the night somewhere else, maybe at the docks in the harbor, all by herself… but she couldn’t do that, she couldn’t stay away from him for too long.
Haise threw his head back and sighed, why did he say something like that infront of an audience…? His Touka? His? What in the world got into him? Should he apologise for that…? It wasn’t appropriate of him to say something like that especially not considering that he was talking about a widow.
… but most of all, he didn’t have a right to speak of her like that when he was the one who rejected her months ago; could he blame himself for it though? Probably not. He barely knew her and her advances were overwhelming, but telling her that he didn’t even have an idea who she was seemed to have made a switch turn in her mind, she got distant, she apologised to him. Now he missed it, her kindness, her warmth, he was just scared to be a replacement for her dead husband, but Touka wasn’t a person like that… and now there was no way to ever go back, or…?
“Sorry that I made you wait,” Touka sat down and fixed her shirt, “Are you hungry? We can drop by an fastfood place, whatever you feel like… I don’t want to cook tonight. I just want to eat and then sleep.”
“... y-yeah, we can just get some KFC…”
Was something wrong? This wasn’t like Haise at all, but then again, she wasn’t in the place to ask any questions. It was none of her business, she was nothing but a stranger to him after all.
“Do you want to watch a movie…?”, it took him a while to speak up, but when he finally did it felt like a burden was lifted off him at the same time his anxiety kicked in, what would she think of him now?
“I am not in the mood to hang out,” Touka laughed and sighed, “Maybe tomorrow, I can ask my friends if they’d like to join, we could all go to the movies and spend some time in the city afterwards, only if you want to of course.”
“Sure! Sounds great…,” so much for the idea of making it a romantic date, yeah sure… as if she’d ever spend time with him alone out of her own free will; it was a start though, wasn’t it? “I’m looking forward to it.”
“Me too,” the aspect of not having to endure it alone was what gave her enough strength to stomach the thought that she’d be alone with him, “Wait… what… day is it tomorrow?”
“Tuesday… Oh! You… meant the date, the 23rd why?”, was it some kind of special day; did he miss something?
“... I am sorry, but I think we can’t go to the movies tomorrow…”
Every 23rd of the month was somewhat dreadful to her, but this one was especially bad. It only marked another year she had to live without the love of her life and their child, she still remembered the night that her husband's colleagues were standing in front of her door, pale and shaking. Their eyes were swollen, red and filled with despair, she knew what they were going to say but she didn’t want to hear it.
No apology, no explanation, nothing would ever be able to heal the pain she felt in the moment they told her that the operation failed. Ken wouldn’t come back to her, never again. She remembered that everything went blank, but she heard that she went berserk, she screamed and cried, woke up in a hospital with a hollow feeling in her stomach.
The numbness spread through her entire body, consumed her. They said they’re sorry, but they have bad news about the baby, she knew it already, oh God, why did they have to say it? “It’s gone, it’s dead isn’t it?”, she laughed after saying it, oh the irony, in that night she not only lost her husband but also her child.
“Let’s go out some other time Haise…,” it was merely a whisper, she let her fingers trace the marks the rain left on the car window on this clear and warm night.
Sleepwalking
Rating: Mature
Pairing: Kaneki Ken/Kirishima Touka, Sasaki Haise/Kirishima Touka
Character: Kirishima Touka, Kankeki Ken, Sasaki Haise, Marude Itsuki, Washuu-Furuta Souta
Word count: 2031
Chapter: 1/3
Additional information: Human AU, Pregnancy, Parent-Child Relationship, Parenthood, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers
After not needing therapy in years, Touka returns to the 'Lighthouse' to seek help after the loss of the two people who meant the most to her, but the past isn't something she can easily bury, it's still alive and breathing, always around.
Read on AO3 or under the cut
Buy me a coffee
“It's a surprise to see you again, Mrs. Kaneki… Or would you prefer it if I would call you by your maiden name?”, the man leaned back and took another look at his notes, “The last time you came here you were only 19 years old, we talked about your father back then, didn't we? … I would love to say it's good to see you again, but nobody ever comes here because they only want to chat.”
Touka felt a stinging pain in her chest and a sinking feeling in her stomach, he was right. The lighthouse wasn't a place anyone would go because they were happy and content with their life, they came here to seek help, “I hope we won't have to perform any of your tests this time…” 8 years have passed since she had last seen him, he aged well, there was no denying that he was an attractive man… he also seemed to have overcome his negative stance when it came to marriage, judging by the small platinum ring on his finger.
At least one thing they had in common.
“I don't think it's necessary this time, you'll be honest with me from the start, won't you? It seems as if you know exactly why you're coming here again, so tell me all about it,” he checked the small recorder that was lying on top of the desk that was sitting between them again, “So?”
“It's because of my husband,” she looked up, seemingly uncomfortable as months ago it was a topic she enjoyed bringing up in conversations but now it made her feel sick in her stomach, “You see… I suppose you read the newspapers and know the TV reports -”
“Miss Kirishima… please. It won't help either of us if you want me to play guessing games, I need your version of the story or I won't be able to help you.”
He was right, of course he was because in the end he was only doing his job, “I met him shortly after we ended therapy… it was… at first I didn't know what to think of him. Ken was so shy, always hiding behind his books, I wouldn't even dare to think of him as a man of his profession. He's a detective…”
It seemed as if Dr. Marude was still seemingly unimpressed, he knew that she was just hedging but you couldn't start a story in the middle just because it was convenient for the listener, “... but I gave it a chance, I just had a good feeling about it, about him.”
A small smile formed on her lips, she gazed out of the window, almost as if she wanted to forget why she was talking about him in first place, “You said I should let go of the old pain… start over new, bury whatever remained of my father and I did. For the first time in my life I felt free and this freedom meant loving Ken and I… I still do.”
What followed was a long pause, she felt choked up. Saying these words meant admitting that she knew that something was going horribly wrong, it meant giving into reality and waking up from a pleasant dream, “Everything went downhill when he decided to chase down this serial killer, I told him I don't want him to but he was so incredibly persistent, putting his job above everything else and… who am I to stop him? I didn't want our relationship to be ruined because of something I regarded as trivial…”
“Trivial…?”, she was still as naive as she was 8 years ago. Who would call things like that trivial? After all she was talking about a serial killer. Despite him saying he needed her side of the story, he of course knew the details. It was a sad story, it had been all over the news for months and only ended when two more lives were taken, one of them was Miss Kirishima’s husband.
“I thought it would be over quickly, you know like all the things you see on TV but when this child got abducted it felt as if reality started to crumble, everything was falling apart. You know, the victims he picked used to be random but one thing they had in common were that it were always adults. During the time that Ken took the case… before it even… we talked about raising a child together, we were ready but then he killed this child as if he were to mock Ken… as if he was saying, hey look, I know what you think, I can destroy your happiness before it even formed!”
At this point she felt her hands shake and her eyes water, he let her cry, he always did. She was his last patient for the day, as usual, so it didn't matter that they took longer. Not longer than needed, he was professional after all he had to be, but that didn't mean he was heartless.
“And so he abducted 4 children. 3 died. The fourth survived because Ken gave his life to protect it… whatever happened that day… they took it to their graves. The little girl died of shock later on… but is it cruel of me to say I am glad she did? I mean, whatever it was that she saw must have been horrible… whatever he put her through.”
Silence spread through the room, what was there more to say? This wasn't the last time she'd come here, Touka was certain of it and so was Dr. Marude. They quietly watched the sun set.
“Congratulations on the marriage, Itsuki,” weren't they friends by now? After hours and hours she spent here opening up to him, after all the times he watched her cry. They trusted each other, he cared about her, it wasn’t like he ever said it but his words and actions were enough for her to know it.
“Thank you, Touka,” a wide smile formed on his lips, how unusual… but not unpleasant, he looked so kind, “It was… surprising, even for me. My husband and I were friends for ages, one day he just proposed to me. It’s not… how it’s properly done I know that and I also remember what I told you about marriage years ago, but things change, don’t they?”
“They do,” But often not for the better.
“I think that’s enough for today, you need rest. Souta is still at the reception, you can make another appointment, we’ll leave after you so take your time.” They both stood up and Touka felt her legs shake, she was slowly walking to the door before she turned around one last time. Itsuki looked at her, anticipating what she had to say.
“Thank you.”
The drive back home was empty, black. A void. What was everyone else doing right now? Her uncle started dating one of Ken’s nurses, he always spent so much time by his side and then they met, he was younger than Renji, a very energetic but nice person. They did what they could for Ken… a wound to the head was such a delicate and sensitive thing. She didn’t blame them for what happened to her husband, after all they did what they can and she was more than just grateful for that.
There were no lights burning in the house, why would they even? She was alone now, maybe she should just eat something and then go to bed. When she was still a married woman, she spent a lot of time just lying on the sofa, waiting for her husband to come back home after a long shift at work. They’d eat dinner together, laugh and chat.
She used to be a teacher, she loved children… now she couldn’t stand being around them anymore. Everytime she saw one it reminded her of what happened 3 years ago, she felt empty and numb, there was no way that she could continue her work when she couldn’t stand being around something she used to love so dearly.
Her hands searched for the light switch in the dark, when she found it the bright and cold light burned in her eyes, made her tear up. That’s what she told herself to say the least, it was easier to pretend that she didn’t cry because of the pain in her chest. This place used to be a home, a happy place she couldn’t wait to return to, now it was nothing more but… functional. It wasn’t warm, it wasn’t welcoming.
Back then she still put effort into the meals she prepared, now all she wanted was something fast that filled her stomach at least for a little while. The noises she made seemed to have caught his attention and she cursed under her breath.
“Is something wrong, Touka?” He smiled at her, a little shy and a little nervous. He never liked it when people got angry and the worst was that he always knew when something was off.
“No… no it’s okay, Haise, I just burned my hand on hot china that’s all.” Instead of facing him she just stared at her meal. She hated looking at him, she didn’t want to look at him at all.
“Oh… please be more careful next time. I… uhm… I'll go back to bed then, good night,” did he do something bad? For some reason she was always distant when she was around him, other times there was this sadness in her eyes when she looked at him, this desperation, like she wanted to tell him something badly but didn’t know how. But they only just met a few months ago… what was there that she wanted to tell him? He was paying his rent, he wasn’t loud, but maybe she needed the house for herself now.
Haise wouldn’t mind if she did, he’d leave and find a new place to live, maybe she found someone she wanted to live with. It was odd, there were picture frames filling the house but they were all empty, he heard that Touka’s husband had died but still leaving empty picture frames in their old places wasn’t something people usually did.
Ah, he shouldn’t judge her, he couldn’t even imagine how it must feel to lose someone one loved so dearly and be certain they would never come back.
Just one bite, she wanted to eat just one bite but after seeing him it was hard. Should she call him…? Her hands were shaking as she pulled her phone out of her pocket, she was shaking, crying. It took a while until he picked up, he sounded surprised.
“Touka? Touka what’s wrong?”
“…,” she slowly slid down the counter until her body slowly collapsed on the kitchen floor, “I can’t do this anymore… I can’t stand being in this house anymore… uncle I don’t want to be around him…”
“... do you want me to take him in? We wouldn’t mind, the house is two big for two people and a cat anyway.”
“No, I can’t put my burden on you…,” Touka sniffled and sat up, “I did this to myself, I can’t just back out of it now… right?” Not that she wanted to abandon Haise, she knew that there was no where he could go and nobody he could ask for help, as much as she hated it, she was all that he had.
“We can take him in for a few days if you want, take him on a trip or something…”
“Thank you uncle… but… I think I’d miss him too much,” the young woman laughed bitterly and rubbed over her belly, “Can I call you back later? I need to eat something.”
“Of course you do, take care okay? I love you.”
“I love you too, thank you… tell uncle Itou I said hi,” her food was already cold but she didn’t mind, it was bland, tasted like nothing but texture. While she ate she choked and coughed, this was bad, so bad… it reminded her of the times when her family of 3 was still okay… when they were still okay…
To build a home
Rating: General
Pairing: Kaneko/Tsukiyama Shuu
Character: Tsukiyama Shuu, Kaneko (Kaneki Ken), Fueguchi Hinami, Banjou Kazuichi, Yomo Renji, Tsukiyama Mirumo
Word count: 1578
Chapter: 2
Additional information: Human AU, Pregnancy, Parent-Child Relationship, Parenthood, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers
Suddenly confronted with the unexpected news of his best friend’s pregnancy, Shuu decides that it’s time to take action and take care of her and the baby. A naive idea soon confronts them with the troublesome reality of being a single parent and an uncle, all whilst trying to figure out their own feelings and plans for the future.
(Based on fanart/idea by @ghostyartblog)
Read on AO3 or under the cut
Buy me a coffee
Frantic steps echoed through the almost empty hospital hallway, heavy breaths were drawn and released, the tension was unbearable, but neither of them dared to speak. They only exchanged worried at times reassuring looks, it would be okay, she would be okay, she was a fighter after all.
“... I can’t do this… it almost feels like she’s giving birth to my baby…,” Shuu laughed but he was pale and shaking like a leave in the wind, he felt Yomo placing his hand on his shoulder, he sighed but there was something like uncertainty in his actions.
“She is strong, she’ll be fine,” but was he sure about that? He remembered when his sister gave birth to her daughter, her husband was just as nervous as Shuu was now. Only a few hours earlier he threw an anger tantrum about why the child’s father wasn’t anywhere near the hospital, but it didn’t help either of them so he now found himself in a state of somberness, even though it was forced.
“Are you Miss Kaneko’s family?”
The men stood up, nodding while holding onto each other expecting the words.
“There there… no need to look at me like that,” the doctor smiled at them, “She gave birth to a healthy girl, congratulations. Give her some time until you go to see her, she needs to rest.”
Even though they were both impatient, they respected the doctor’s order and of course Kaneko. The past months had been so hard for her, she fell sick often, she cried many times not because she didn’t want to give birth to the baby but because she was worried that something, anything, might go wrong. How happy must she have been hearing the news that her baby was alive and healthy?
The hours flew by and they were finally able to visit Kaneko. The young woman was sitting in her bed, smiling bittersweetly as she held her daughter in her arms, she didn’t even notice that her friends were standing next to her bed.
“Oh - … I’m sorry…,” Kaneko gently caressed her daughter’s soft features, “I just can’t believe that this little human had been growing inside of me for the past 9 months now, she’s beautiful, isn’t she?”
Shuu sat down on the edge for the bed and smiled warmly looking at the new addition to their family, “She is… just like her mother, what’s her name?”
“Momoko,” if she would like the name growing up? Hopefully so, “A beautiful name for a beautiful little girl. Do you want to hold her, Yomo-san?” He's been standing so far off the little family it almost felt like he was thinking of himself as an intruder.
“... I do,” it had been years since he had last held a baby in his arms, he carefully picked her up and smiled at her, “Hey there little one.” The baby didn't cry being separated from her mother again, she only looked at the stranger, observing what he did.
“Kids love him, I'm a bit jealous to be honest,” a soft sigh escaped him before he gently placed his hand upon his friend’s, “You’re so strong, I’m very proud of you.”
“... you know I wouldn’t have been able to do this without you…,” did she really have to cry right now? It was a little embarrassing to be honest, especially considering that she was crying in front of them, “If it weren’t for you and the sacrifices you made, I wouldn’t have been able to hold her in my arms today… thank you so much, Shuu.”
“I wouldn’t say it’s a sacrifice, I did it because you’re my best friend,” when he was honest, this was nothing like them to get so sentimental and worked up, but there was a new life being passed around from uncle to uncle back to its mother, there was no way to play it cool right now.
“How long do you have to stay here?”, of course Yomo asked the important questions first, but he did seem to be a little worried.
“Not for long, I can’t wait to finally go home with Momoko… and Shuu.”
What an odd feeling it left in her chest, the swelling and rising, the warmth and the happiness, the tears it provoked to walk home holding her baby in her arms. “We’re almost there,” her lips touched Momoko’s head and the baby made a pleased sound, “Everyone’s waiting for you.” She didn’t feel like telling anyone when she’d come back, no, it was time for her to walk on her own, she didn’t need their support… well, Kaneko didn’t want to rely on them all the time.
Still, she knew how Shuu was, he knew exactly that it was the day that she’d come back, if he had organised another party? It was quiet when she opened the door, as she peeked inside there was no excited crowd waiting for her, “Is anybody home?”
“Ah! You’re back,” now that wasn’t exactly who she expected to see but it wasn’t an unpleasant surprised, “I wanted to see my granddaughter.”
“Did Shuu tell you that I’d come back today, uncle?”, no matter how much time passed and no matter how much emphasis he put on the fact that he’d like her to call him papa, Mirumo would always be her uncle, “I am sorry that I didn’t call you earlier to let you know we’d be coming home…”
“Fukumi, you were stressed, giving birth to a baby is nothing you can brush off easily,” how warm his smile was as he finally got to hold Momoko in his arms, “Hello little princess… I’m your grandpa.”
“Kaneko!”, Shuu might have been a bit too loud but he was just happy to see her again, “Did you make it here safely? Do I need to pay the taxi?”
The young woman waved lightly, she had already taken care of everything, “Don’t worry about it Shuu. Will Mirumo-san stay for dinner?”
A quick glance at his father who was now walking off with Momoko, telling her stories about her mother as if she got what he was saying, was enough for Shuu to know the answer, “I suppose he’d love to stay even longer than that. Are you hungry? Do you need anything?” His fingers brushed lightly over the bags under her eyes, “You look exhausted…”
“... trust me I am… more than anything else.”
Maybe it was rude of her to excuse herself and leave Momoko in care of Shuu and Mirumo, but as soon as she find a moment to relax her body finally gave in, she wasn’t just exhausted, she was drained off all her energy. It was hard to find a moment of peace in the hospital, she barely slept in the night, instead Fukumi watched her daughter sleep, she got up and fed her, but sleep was always something out of consideration.
Up until now.
Just to lie in her own bed after a little over a week felt so good, her stomach was still sore from the c-section, her body didn’t recover fully from the stress so all she could do now was drift into a dreamless sleep, but as much as she wished for it to be dreamless an unnamed and unfamiliar panic suddenly overcame her. “Momoko -”
Her bare feet touched the ground and she blindly wandered through the darkness searching for her crying child; someone else had already made his way to the baby’s bedroom, all the young mother could do was stop in the doorframe and watch the man pick her baby up.
“Shhh… what’s wrong, hime-sama? I’m here now, are you hungry? No, we fed you… ah… I need to change your diaper, hm? No problem,” he waltzed over to the changing table and carefully laid the baby down, “We’ll be done soon, no need to cry, you’ll soon be able to sleep again, you’ll need plenty of sleep so you can grow up and become just as beautiful as your mama.”
Such a sweet talker, did he know she was listening…? Even if he didn’t, who cared anyway. All that was important now was that he took care of Momoko. Did she fail as a mother already…? God, where did that thought come from all of the sudden…? Asking for help didn’t make her a bad person or a bad mother, but she was exhausted so it was easy to succumb into thinking like that.
“There you go… now sleep well, hime-sama, you can call for me any time and I’ll be here to come for you aid,” he bowed after he made sure that the baby was comfortable and pleased, “Oh! Fukumi, I didn’t know you’re awake.”
What kind of slip was that all of the sudden? He never called her by her first name, “I heard Momoko scream, but you were here faster than me, thank you, Shuu.”
“No need to thank me, you need rest. I told you’re not doing this alone,” maybe it was because of the late hours, the time was passing so much slower, he carefully wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly, “This isn’t an easy task Fukumi, that’s why I’ll stay with you… through it all.”
“... what did I do to deserve you…?”, in this moment she wasn’t sure what was louder, the rain hammering against the windows and roof, or the self doubt that was slowly but steadily eating her alive.
tenmillionotters:
Why should you commission me?
You probably found this page of my blog after reading a few of my fanfictions. At the moment I am a full time University student who doesn’t have a job. So that means besides doing homework and working on projects I have a lot of time on my hands and more than willing to spend that time writing for you.
Another merit is that I am a literary student with a versatile writing style. No matter if you need the fanfiction for yourself or you want to surprise a loved one with a story that is crafted after one of their fantasies, there’s almost nothing I can’t write for you.
My rates are:
100 words = 1 $
Minimum 500 words
500 words = 5 $
700 - 800 words = 7 $
1000 words = 10 $
Discount starting from 1500 words, save up to 5 $ per fanfiction!
1500 - 2000 = 15 $
2000 - 2500 = 20 $
3000 - 3500 = 25 $
4000 - 4500 = 30 $
If you want a longer pieces, prices and length are negotiable! If you consider commissioning me, please contact me via tumblr direct messages so we can discuss the details.
You can ask for:
Tokyo Ghoul (:re)
SGRS
xxxHolic
Berserk
JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure (To part 5)
Almost every ship (rare pairs are okay too!!)
Angst
AUs
Crossovers (but I can only do them if I know the series)
Fluff
Solo scenario
Reader insert
NSFW
Absolute no goes:
Incest
Rape
Underage
Harmful themes (racism, homophobia etc.)
No omega verse
DD/LG
Age regression in a sexual context
Ships/Character I won’t write for out of personal reasons, please do not ask why, just respect my personal boundaries:
Yomouta
Yomotake
Fururize
Arifuru
Mutsurie
Any ship including Mutsuki
Mutsuki
Arima/Rize
Thank you ٩(◦`꒳´◦)۶
August heat
Rating: Explicit
Fandom: JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure
Pairing: Diavolo/Vinegar Doppio
Character: Diavolo, Vinegar Doppio
Word count: 1710
Additional information: Canon Universe, Phone Sex, Established Relationship
Commission for @d0ppi0 - Commissions open - please refer to link in my bio
Was he really asking this? “J-Just the usual, boss, nothing fancy.” The sudden groan for the other side of the speaker made him frown, great. He really shouldn't have said that only now it dawned to him what the real purpose of this call was.
“It would be so nice if you'd be here with me now, you know? The heat really makes the wine get to my head,” he laughed again, but it wasn't his usual laughter, there was a husky tone to it, he was clearly aroused, every word and sound he made was dripping with lust and affection, “Why don't you join me in the fun, hm?”
“I’m still on the train, boss… I shouldn't even be talking to you right now.” He nervously looked around, he felt people staring at him, judging him. Did they know what they were talking about? Maybe the sheer fact that they were on the phone was enough to upset them.
Read on AO3 or under the cut
Buy me a coffee
There were only a few things that could possibly make Doppio uncomfortable, one was the feeling of knowing that people didn't answer his calls because they regarded something as more important than him and the other thing was the heavy, thick and hot air of August. What made it even worse was the fact that he was oh so reliant on public transport, regardless of the awful heat.
Bodies were pressing against each other, some were annoyed others lost in their conversations barely noticing the people around them. It must be nice to be so caught up in your own world… all that Doppio could think about, taking a deep breath, was that he'd soon get off this godforsaken train.
Feeling hot sweat run down his body he wouldn't even dare to touch himself until he showered, the best would be a cool and drawn out shower…
God, the heat must have really gotten to his head if only the thought of cold water running down his bare skin got him so excited. He should shake that thought off and just continue to suffer quietly, just like everyone else too.
“...?” Who would call him all of the sudden? In all honesty, he doubted that he even had the brain capacity to answer but he still did. “Yes? What is it?”
“Doppio… it's so good to hear your voice.” Was he drunk? There was something warm in his voice and words, sweet and sticky, like molten honey that slowly spread through his entire being, making him lose his shame and sanity.
“... it's good to hear your voice too, boss.” What would people think it they heard them talk to each other like this? He couldn't act nor pretend to be professional, it was too hot and he was so tired, all he wanted was to lie next to Diavolo, skin on skin until they'd wait for the night’s cool breeze to kiss their aching skin.
“What are you doing right now? Where are you?”
Was this some kind of interrogation? Well, it might have just been genuine curiosity on the other’s side, so he would answer his questions truthfully without any doubts about his intentions. “I'm on the train right now, on my way home… from the other side of the city,” because he was a fucking idiot, “Why do you ask?”
“Because I'm lonely,” he sighed sweetly and let out a not so accidental moan as he stretched, “You know I was bored and needed a little change in my daily routine, make things a little more interesting and so I checked into a hotel… such a pretty place but the air is still so thick.”
“Well that is bound to happen in August.” Doppio laughed tired, did he really just call for small talk? Not that he was complaining, oh he would never even dare to think of something like that but it was just hard to focus when half of his body felt numb and his damp clothes were pulling him down until his knees almost touched the ground.
“Mhm… but you know, taking one’s clothes off already gives you a great relief… talking about clothes, what are you wearing right now?”
Was he really asking this? “J-Just the usual, boss, nothing fancy.” The sudden groan for the other side of the speaker made him frown, great. He really shouldn't have said that only now it dawned to him what the real purpose of this call was.
“It would be so nice if you'd be here with me now, you know? The heat really makes the wine get to my head,” he laughed again, but it wasn't his usual laughter, there was a husky tone to it, he was clearly aroused, every word and sound he made was dripping with lust and affection, “Why don't you join me in the fun, hm?”
“I’m still on the train, boss… I shouldn't even be talking to you right now.” He nervously looked around, he felt people staring at him, judging him. Did they know what they were talking about? Maybe the sheer fact that they were on the phone was enough to upset them.
“But you want to, don't you?”
What was he even talking about now? “Yes… yes I do.” The laughter that followed sent a shiver down his spine and made his head spin, his voice was so gentle and yet every word was heavy, dripping.
“Good, because I have no intention to stop just here. I miss you and I have to admit I miss your sweet body just as much…”
He sighed again, rolling on the bed that ached below him. Doppio could tell by the noises the bedframe, and the sheets rubbing against his damp skin made, however reality looked like it couldn't be more tempting than what he saw in his head.
“Don't say that,” still he longed for every word, “I’m just not in the right mood when it's so hot.” He always got tired and the last thing he needed was another hot body pressing against his own.
“You know people can have sex without touching each other,” of course he knew, he was such a naughty boy, “But I want you so much… still, we can’t help it if you’re not in the mood, can we? It would be so nice just to feel the wet tip of your cock pressing against my lips.”
Doppio felt his fingers press hard against his mouth, so hard that the blood slowly shot back and left only white traces and a feeling of bloodless numbness in his hand. His pants tightened in his crotch area and he felt a hot wave of shame wash over him, did he make a sound? Did they hear him…? More importantly did anyone notice the bulge in his pants?”
“Hm? How comes you’re so quiet? Would you rather be sucking my cock? Ah… I know I know, it’s too hot… would you like to watch me instead?” Again a deep and husky chuckle escaped him before he let out a drawn out and loud moan, “God I wish you were here right now, it feels so good just to imagine you… watching me stroke my hard cock… while you try to stay calm… biting your sweet lips… I know you love my dick, you’d be kneeling in front of me in no time, eagerly sucking and licking -” He moaned again, Doppio felt his legs shake and his body being crushed between those of other passengers.
“... y-yes… please go on…” Hot breath escaped his mouth, the words were sweet and thick, he felt the piercing stares of the strangers lingering upon him, some were curious, others were clueless, yet a few lucky ones knew exactly what he was doing but no matter what they were thinking in this very moment, they would never have the chance to touch him, kiss him… explore his body like his boss did.
“That’s my boy…,” Diavolo rolled his hips and tighten the grip of his hand around on his cock, listening to the irregular and sweet sounds his Doppio made, “Go on…? You know if you’re good I have to reward you of course, and I know how much you love my lips pressed against your sweet ass, exploring every inch of it with my tongue until you beg me to fuck you.”
There it was again, this feeling that tickled in the back of his throat, the feeling of knowing that a moan would escape him, a sound that was so strange to him, something that sounded as if he wasn’t the one who produced it, he was merely listening. A few people looked around in confusion, other’s turned their heads away in shame, but Doppio didn’t care, it felt as if he only existed in his own reality, it felt as if Diavolo was holding him in his arms, proclaiming their love and passion in front of everyone to see.
“God yes… I want to hear your moan again, you have no idea how much I want you… I want to feel your tight walls wrapping around my cock while I fuck you,” It was slowly but steady getting harder to speak, he moaned and growled, felt hot pre-cum spill over his hands, “I want to lick the sweat off your spine and feel your body shiver, it’s such an amazing feeling to be inside you and feel you react to my touch, I want you so much… I want to fuck you… until your voice breaks.”
Could he touch himself? He whimpered and whined while he pressed his legs together, but the summer heat and the imagery wiped out any sane thought he could gather in his mind.
“I want to feel my body pressing against yours while you moan and scream my name, oh my sweet Doppio… I want everyone to know you’re mine…”
Did he come? He was so loud, did other people hear it? It didn’t matter, nothing mattered in the moment he felt his pants wetten, hot semen soaking through the fabric of his clothes. “... boss?”
After he caught a few more breaths he sounded more composed, a little mocking even. “Did you just come in public transport? That’s a new side to you… Hm… I wanted to wait with that until you’re with me, I think I have to punish you.”
As if the sudden humiliation and shame weren’t enough punishment already. “I’m sorry, boss.”
“You can beg for forgiveness later, get off the train…”
Why so sudden? But he couldn’t ask anymore questions, the air had slowly cooled down, it was such a beautiful evening and the gentle breeze that messed up his hair comforted his glowing skin. He felt dizzy and just before he could fall he felt a pair of arms catch him, the familiar scent made him sigh in relief and smile as he felt a large hand ran through his hair.
“My beautiful Doppio… oh my sweet… sweet… Doppio… the room is mine until tomorrow... and you know that I can’t let this one slip,” Diavolo carefully lifted him up, his lips brushing against his forehead, “I’ll make sure to punish you good and love you even more in return.”
