your parents desperately clinging to any gender conforming interests you had ever had in your life, leading to discussions at age 15 about why you didn’t want to wear dresses despite the fact you had one that you liked when you were 6
“why do you want to be like a boy?” when you just wanted to be yourself
being hyperaware of the double standards between males and females from an early age
getting praise for performing femininity despite being wildly uncomfortable doing it
“of course you can be yourself! but only within these constraints”
having an especially strained relationship with your mom/female caretaker
watching Mulan a thousand times
seeing boys get praised for the same exact things you get shunned for
“why don’t you want to be pretty?” or even “why do you want to be ugly?”
getting feminine clothes/accessories as gifts and either feeling guilty for never wearing them, or wearing them out of the guilt and pressure and feeling like you’re wearing a dunce hat while everyone compliments you for “looking nice for once”
feeling like an alien in your own body when puberty hit
swinging between phases of extreme masculinity and extreme femininity
obsessing over any even slightly gnc women in media or in your life (teachers, neighbour’s big sister, etc) and not understanding why your parents told you she wasn’t a good role model and that they hoped you wouldn’t turn out like her (this is usually lesbophobia btw)
intense guilt for not being the daughter they wanted
feeling jealousy and resentment towards your gc sisters/relatives/friends and always being compared/comparing yourself to them
thinking you should have been born a boy or wishing you had
internalised misogyny up to your ears
“the boys like it when (femininity)” “don’t you want the boys to like you?”
questioning why exactly you weren’t allowed to do the same things the boys were; never getting an answer
“ladies don’t sit/talk/walk like that”
being the only one the adults got mad at when you and a (group of) boy(s) did something forbidden
“why can’t you just be like (x)?”
attempting to look feminine when the pressure got too bad; receiving only more negative feedback for doing it wrong
escaping into your own world through books, music, art, nature, sports, etc; having large and detailed imaginary worlds where you’re free to be who you are; having more imaginary than real friends
enduring years and years of bullying and self hatred and having to deal with the aftermath alone and confused because nobody around you understands
“i wish i was a girl again, half savage and hardy and free”
areudirty
germansingergirl
titsay
blakekathryn
andulkaphoto
gracieabrams
