dangerously optimistic

hi! i'm ellis, they/them. i have an about page you can't see on mobile. frequently christian on main (i understand if this is a dealbreaker). i'm terminally_underwhelmed on ao3.

[warumin]

[barstoolblues]

mozzarella and parmesan is kind of like the age gap yuri of cheese

[frogseyy]

mutuals feel free to do this

[mite75]

I love this lil guy he looks so happy ;_;

[pangur-and-grim]

my humours have balanced. I have become mentally normal again

[pangur-and-grim]

no, mentally normal people can still write spider sex books

[teaboot]

YOU

[fidelcostco]

can't believe the only options are 30 minutes early or 10 minutes late. if only there were some other way. but what can you do

[mushroom-soup-is-my-religion]

[teashoesandhair]

I'm in a little local cafe and the women behind the counter started griping to each other, "Oh Christ, Stephen's back again," "It's him, is it? I thought he'd stopped coming," "It's definitely him, look, it's bloody Stephen on a Thursday morning," "Do you want me to get rid of him or are you going to do it?" and so I was peering outside, trying to spot this nightmare customer, this pestilence of a person, this pox upon the cafe trade, and then one of the women from behind the counter ran outside, clapping two trays together loudly and yelling "GET OUT OF IT, STEPHEN!" and it turns out that Stephen is an absolutely gigantic fuck-off seagull who hangs around outside, menacing people for crumbs

[louisegluckpdf]

none who ask me what i plan on doing with my master’s degree shall prosper

[shrockeyy]

do you guys remember having hopes and dreams

[shrockeyy]

ok idk why this is breaking containment but to be clear this post is about Game 3 of the 2026 Stanley Cup Western Conference Finals where the Colorado Avalanche were up 3-0 against the Vegas Golden Knights after the first period and then managed to lose the game 3-5. I do see how it could be interpreted as being about the general disillusionment of adulthood but I was actually talking about ice hockey

[duckbunny]

"biblical angels" you do realise there are angels in the old testament that are literally just regular looking guys, right? you do know that the hallucinogenic incoherent descriptions are in like. two books. and the rest of the time angels are just guys. you know that, right?

and I'm not saying don't have fun with weird angels. I'm saying, either the eldritch forms are for special occasions, or the society of the angels is Many-Eyed-Many-Winged-Interlocking-Circles, Four-Faces-Six-Wings, and Mike.

[witches-ofcolor]

Literally Raphael is just a normal person!

[rubensmuse]

this is what the heavenly breakroom is like

[callmebliss]

Oh no now I love the water cooler angel

[a-sentient-cup]

[replicated]

i'm not really into blondes but this is an objectively absurd connection to make

[peachfromcmbyn]

In order to be properly non-pedophilic you have to want to fuck somebody old but not with gray or white hair because that's too close to blonde which as we've established is the hair color of children. So ideally somebody old as fuck but bald. And obviously wanting to have sex with a man is misogynistic so it has to be a woman. And it can't be a white woman because that would be racist and it can't be a woman of color because that would be fetishistic, so ideally a woman with some unnatural skin color, oh let's say, purple. But it can't be an alien, because we don't know anything about alien life cycles so it could be an alien child or an alien that looks like a child. So it has to be an animal from Earth, but obviously one of human level intelligence that can communicate is otherwise that would be bestiality. So an old purple female animal that can speak English. I think the only creature you can be hot for is the Ant Queen from A Bug's Life.

[kholdseid]

[hppjmxrgosg]

"going out to get milk" is a common turn of phrase used to describe a man abandoning his family.

the "milkman" is a common figure in stories depicting a woman's infidelity and adulterous affair.

this implies that the ability to provide milk would both decrease the likelihood of a man abandoning his wife and children, as it would eliminate the need for leaving to get milk AND would secure that man's marriage, as his wife would have no need to seek milk from an extraneous source.

therefore, all men should produce milk, through various means such as:

- being a cow

- being an almond

- being a woman

- being a coconut

- being in the omegaverse

- being an oat

(list is exemplary and not finite)

in this essay, i will redefine the nuclear family and explain the seductive and inflammatory nature of the 1993 "Got Milk?" commercials.

[hppjmxrgosg]

you shut your mouth.

[ishowdespair-deactivated2026012]

[jimmyhoffathecat]

The toy player

[jimmyhoffathecat]

Stop calling me a Montessori mom😔😔😔😔

[beaft]

google help me

[beaft]

the thing is, stephen king is generally pretty good at creating complex, well-rounded characters, which makes it all the more jarring when one of those characters abruptly comes out with what i'll term a "kingism". i don't know how best to define a kingism other than "you'll know it when you see it". it's the voice of the author intruding on the voice of the character, and in this case the voice of the author has a bad sense of humour and is ravenously, inexplicably horny

[beaft]

random example of a kingism aka "he would not fucking say that"

[beaft]

this too is a kingism

[beaft]

one of the hallmarks of a kingism is that when a character is being Horny On Main (or In Maine), they can never do it in a normal way. they have to come up with a sequence of words that nobody has ever said before in the history of the english language. here's another example:

[beaft]

i'm starting a collection

[mikkeneko]

[nobeatnomelody]

You're stranded on a deserted island with the person on your lockscreen. How screwed are you?

[tlirsgender]

Being sensitive to changes in barometric pressure is crazy what do you mean my problem is that the wind changed direction. What do you mean it's the fuckin clouds

[postoctobrist]

have you ever been to a cat cafe? what do you think of the idea?

I worry about having a kind of ‘thinking the stripper likes me’ relationship with an animal