Will Blog for Food @terriblyoriginalusername - Tumblr Blog

in light of recent events i feel the need to reassure my followers: i am unequivocally against, and categorically opposed to, all things bad, wrong and evil, in any way, shape or form

theonion

CHICAGO—Worrying that he could be caught off guard anywhere, at any time, area man Dan Moritz on Friday was reportedly afraid some woman might come out of the woodwork to hold him accountable for something. “I’m honestly starting to get a little freaked out that a woman could, out of nowhere, start demanding that I take responsibility for something that I absolutely did,” said Moritz, adding that he had no way of knowing if the woman who would suddenly hold him responsible for his actions would be a female friend, coworker, or even a woman he met only once at a party. “I can’t shake the fear that, one day, I’m just minding my own business when I’m blindsided by a woman who’s spent possibly years building up the courage to confront me with something horrible that was definitely my fault.” Moritz went on to say that while he was anxious, all he could do was hope for the best and just keep living his life as he always had.

icedcoffeebee

i hope you guys know i have the chrome extensions that turn trumps tweets into crayon, “god” into nicolas cage, the owo extension, and all caps turned off

maekki

lesbianrey

well now that you mentioned it,

creativlog

Band-aid that goes through chemical changes to match your skintone

mcbatman-deactivated20121212

they look so happy about having suffered minor wounds to the face

beachdeath

“the CIA is releasing tens of thousands of files and videos from bin laden’s compound today, except his DVDs of ‘home on the range’ and ‘ice age: dawn of the dinosaurs’ and his copy of final fantasy vii, because those are copyrighted” is not a sentence i ever thought i would type, but 2017 continues to be full of surprises

lesbomatriarchy

*writes I LIKE GIRLS on every other page of my journals so future historians don’t try to insist that I’m straight”

penis-siz3-average

Future straight Historians: “we see several examples of her prioritizing a sisterly bond with the women around her, for example on page 12 she says ‘I like girls’ and throughout the text she references loving women and preferring their company. This is not to say she prioritized above her romantic relationships because on page 78 she mentions talking to a man one time in her life. It’s hard to know just how much she valued her sisterly bond with women due to this one reference of men and the ambiguity of early 21st century slang. For example on page 12 when she said she liked women, the passage continues ’…in a lesbian way. I want to kiss girls, they are so pretty, I’m so gay.’ Now it’s difficult to understand just what that sentence means. We know that in the early 21st century kissing on the cheek in greeting had gone out of vogue but the word gay, a word with an archaic meaning of happiness gives the contextual clues that perhaps she is references that old fashioned practice.

Going back to the nameless man that is mentioned once on page 78 for one sentance…”

aisandetsarepeopletoo-deactivat

“Now, given that she wrote on page 12, ‘Just to be clear: I’m sexually and romantically attracted to women exclusively,’ one may be tempted to read this literally, but we can’t rule out sarcasm.”