Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea!

Random Page, Anybody? The Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea Newsletter! Enter your email address powered by TinyLetter These are my shit opinions on what is primarily shit pop culture. Index of All Reviews Who's Who Entries! The Goggles/Futures End Novella Commentary on Friends Comics That Have Made Me Cry Non-Comic Book Books I've Read/I'm Reading You might also like my other websites: Places & Predators Lyle's Bible Study Guide Afterlife of Richard F. Burton Old Trivia

[tessatechaitea]

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Troll with dick Frequency: Uncommon. Thank God. No. Appearing: One is too many Armor Class: 4 (-3 penis) Move: 12" (not a penis joke)

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[tessatechaitea]

Your reviews are mean and hilarious. Thank you for the laughs.

Thanks! I thought my reviews were compassionate and understanding but I guess we’re all allowed our opinions. Congratulations on replacing yourself on Batgirl. I really thought DC had lost their mind there for a second.

[weirdchristmas]

Ye Ancient Masher

[tessatechaitea]

Which Magic the Gathering set is this from?

[pixiedeadbeat]

Alice Cooper, Donovan, Glen Buxton and Bob Ezrin during the recording of Billion Dollar Babies in 1972. Donovan duets with Cooper on the title track.

[sharmeeyn]

Black Cowgirls 1800s. ♥️ 🖤 💚

[fuckyeahblackgoths]

Not goths, but black history. And tangentially related to rockabilly goths.

[vgadvisor]

[fadedsignals]

[catsofyore]

Lil buddy. 🥹 Photo from my collection, 1966.

[tessatechaitea]

oh my god crying from joy while crying emoji

[tessatechaitea]

Journalists and the media somehow think their job is to spread the messages of politicians to the general public. But journalism is supposed to be about forcing transparency. The media is supposed to expose things the government or corporations or local businesses want to keep hidden. The media is supposed to shine a light on the truth and let the people decide if the truth is one they can live with. The media is not supposed to shine a light on everybody’s lies and let the citizens fight over which lie they believe in the most.

[tessatechaitea]

“The Atom and Killer Frost take a field trip to the Museum of Unnatural History. It’s in Manhattan and it’s full of unnatural things like sex between two men and uncircumcised penises. That was a joke for my conservative and religious followers. Sometimes they like to laugh too! I know that seems outrageous judging by how none of them seem to be amused by anything whimsical but I suspect everybody likes to laugh. I sometimes think the real anger filling conservatives is that they don’t have anybody funny on their side. Mike Huckabee wants to be that guy but the only jokes they know how to make are ones that feature the word “libtard.” It’s tough when they can’t laugh at being caught in the shower by their grandmother with a dildo halfway up their butthole. That’s like a moment where their life is completely ruined. Whereas if you’re on the left, you now have a funny story to tell all of your friends! It’s so much more fun being liberal. I really pity those other humorless assholes. I mean, if you found a joke about two men having sex being unnatural funny, you’re not actually laughing at a joke. There’s not joke there! The joke isn’t, “Oh yeah! That’s funny because God would kill the fuck out of them for that! So unnatural!” The joke is that some people think that two men having sex can somehow be unnatural! It’s not like my dick was made by Big Oil. I was born with it! If I choose to stick it in the asshole of a man who was also born with that asshole, it couldn’t be more natural. Now if I fucked a robot’s asshole, that would be unnatural and disgusting.”

— Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea, Grandmaster Comic Book Reader!

[tessatechaitea]

In Which I Confess A Thing

Over on my Blogspot Version of this site, Anonymous said:

I must be the only one that liked The Gypsy,Steel,Vixen and Vibe era Gerry Conway had some great idea’s but he lost his way and justed gave up.Vibe was such a nasty little creep but he had potential which we saw in Justice League Of America #258.I must say i like this Vibe better he is a sweet likeable kid.

My Reply: Transparency Time! I never actually read the Vibe/Gypsy era books. My cousin read Justice League of America and I believe I made fun of the group mostly due to the covers. And then they all died and I basked in the glory of my cynicism and mean-spiritedness having correctly judged a book by its cover.

[catsofyore]

Bless the patient teddy bear cats who understand children. ❤️ From my collection, ca. 1970s.

[tessatechaitea]

[tessatechaitea]

Futures End: Superboy #1

Five years ago, the world as we know it ceased to be. Luckily, the world as we know it from The Road Warrior came into being. Many people were prepared for this turn of events. Too bad those people were geeks and nerds without any real survival skills. Tragically, they were all rape-murdered by corporate CEOs who, it turned out, were the biggest sociopaths on the planet. Some nerds and geeks survived longer than others due to their proficiency at oral sex. But even these desperate, shameless nerds could not last for long. Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea gave and gave and gave but eventually, as he knew deep down would happen, he used a little too much teeth. He was thrown into Lightning Dome, a more terrifying version of Thunder Dome, where twenty combatants entered and nineteen left. Mostly because the nineteen were working together to fightfuck the lone other. Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea lasted thirteen minutes, a good showing but not good enough to be remembered for more than the long weekend. As it turned out, some of the most depraved and richest CEOs were the biggest fans of Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea. When the updates stopped (for, you see, DC Comics continued to publish during these post-apocalyptic times although their market share was now worse than Dynamite. In their defense, Gail Simone was being forced to write all of the titles deep within Dynamite headquarters, and all of the titles featured naked lesbians as every character), the CEOs grew desperate for the only written entertainment they could stomach. A new Tess was needed. And who better to take over the job than the monster that delivered the death thrust to Tess, Goggles McDeathhurt. And now, five years later, Goggles McDeathhurt and Xanadux Rat Wine (Mit Jellied Pinkies) Present: HOLY FUCK! Don’t Put That There Chai Tea!

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[tessatechaitea]

This was so good to re-read years after writing it. I did some impressive work in my forties.

[tessatechaitea]

It's my 13 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

[tessatechaitea]

Review of December 2018's The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Volume 4: The Tempest #4

[tessatechaitea]

Review of Spring 1992's Justice League Quarterly #7

[tessatechaitea]

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Volume 4: The Tempest #3