#sometimes it feels like these people need to be reassured like children that there are no monsters under the bed#can we be for real. what part of op implied genuine abuse or harm
So I can't speak for the person above, but this is what I've noticed (and speaking as someone who was, once, a minor on the internet extremely concerned with the scourge of the Bad Sex Perverts who were Ruining Lives with their mildly cringe consensual ageplay):
A lot of people, especially younger* people, on the internet are extremely, extremely, extremely anxious about sex and sexual harm and sexual morality. And depending on how you plinko machine your way through internet cultures and subcultures, you end up surrounded by takes that are constantly priming you to search for and exorcise sexual immorality from your life lest you be tainted. And because a lot of people get this message from communities that are also left-leaning and queer and joke about sex, you start to develop beliefs and values that are sexually progressive while also developing ones that are sexually conservative and driven by moral panics.
So when engaging with something that is actively sex positive and focused on sexual liberation (in the sense of liberating sex and sexuality itself), they want to agree, because some of their values do align with that. But because they are also deeply concerned with the looming threat of pedophiles invading the LGBT community/zoophiles nvading the furry community/teenage girls being seduced into relationships with older men because of dark smut, they NEED everything that slightly implies sexual libertion to come with seventeen warnings that it doesn't apply to the Bad Sex Perverts.
You have the belief that sex is uniquely powerful and significant and meaningful. It's not and cannot be just a thing people do that can be fun or bad or hurtful or life changing or boring. You need strict and clear and extensive guidelines on how to Do It Right Or Else. and if you have broken the Sex Rules you are forever tainted by the worst possible moral dirt, and anyone who associates with you is tainted as well. kinks must be approved on an individual bases once they are thoroughly examined for any signs of immorality, because sex is so powerful that doing a Bad Kink during sex can forever change your brain chemistry and destroy your life and body and also turn you into a Bad Sex Pervert. And naturally, because sex is so powerful and how exactlyy you do it matters so much to your personal moral standing and relationships, it's really a civic responsibility to monitor each other's behaviors to make sure no one is breaking the Sex Rules and becoming tainted.
When your relationship to sexuality is so steeped in moralizing and fear and guilt and restriction, you cannot simply hear someone say "kink is not a reliable source of information on someone's moral standing." Because while sex positivity certainly aligns with some of their values, the idea that other people's sexusl interests genuinely cannot tell you about how they act as a person is simply incomprehensible. It's objectively wrong. Playing naked pretend with your friends is the most morally powerful thing you can do if and if you break the rules you are a rapist pedophile zoophile who deserves a violent death.
It's really hard to jump straight from that mindset into an actually pro-kink worldview, so you get a lot of "I agree, but–" takes by people who want to be sex positive but still cling to those conservative sexual anxieties. It's hard work helping people change how they think about this, because it requires a lot of adjustment, big and small, in your beliefs and values which shape your understanding of the world. And not every moral issue relating to sex and kink has a black-and-white answer, which makes things harder because going from a black-and-white worldview, to one that inherently values nuance and complexity, is a tough path to walk.
*i say this as a person who is young on the internet and was for many years a minor on the internet. i think this is a problem amongst young people particularly because they are growing up mired in this culture and these moral panics. I clarify this because I dislike when people blame minors for sexual conservatism as if they are the primary force behind it and as if they are not being negatively affected by it. where do y'all think minors learn it from first!
