Villains for Humans

I asked my mom and she assured me that I am, in fact, super evil.

[that-villainous-human]

ahahahahaha *cough* *cough*

[that-villainous-human]

I THINK I PREDICTED THE PANDEMIC

[that-villainous-human]

The evilest thing to do is to omit the Oxford comma

I actually think you're wrong, incorrect and inaccurate.

[that-villainous-human]

"Maybe the true evil are the friends we made along the way."

Since I'm recommending stuff now, might as well recommend Escape From The Bloodkeep

[that-villainous-human]

How did I miss out on The Guards Themselves in my heyday???

[that-villainous-human]

Villain Tips #18

When you hear of a prophecy and a “chosen one” do NOT use all your resources to try to stop them. Prophecies aren’t real.

[that-villainous-human]

Okay, so Hufflepuffs as Villains

1. They are excellent finders (great for evil plans)

2. They understand people enough to comfort them in just the right way (so they would be great at getting followers)

3. They are particularly good a herbology (and can use herbs to knock people out rather than killing them)

4. No one would ever suspect a Hufflepuff

Now you might be thinking: A HUFFLEPUFF COULDN’T BE EVIL

And you would fall right into their trap

Think about this… morality is subjective As long as a Hufflepuff thinks they are helping those they love, they could do some evil things.

They could try to take over the world because their little pet dragon wanted to fly over banned territory

or because they really, really wanted some icecream one day and thought it would be nice if a servant brought them a tub of it to share with their friends and even the servant because they really deserve it… they just needed enough power to get that servant

[that-villainous-human]

Just realized I never came up with a villain name. Suggestions?

[that-villainous-human]

Sometimes you need to take a minute for you. Close your eyes and imagine calming things: the ocean at sunset, the smell of roses from your lover's guardian, your enemies dying peacelessly in their sleep, home-baked cookies fresh from the oven

[that-villainous-human]

Not really related to anything just hoping that you are safe and healthy good luck taking over the world

Thank you!

[that-villainous-human]

How do you deal with having plots and can't execute them becuse of the pandemic? I NEED INNOCENT BYSTANDERS!!!

Patience... And patients...

[that-villainous-human]

Do villains ever uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Yes, we do

[that-villainous-human]

If you're home alone it's the perfect time to be productive and finish that death ray you've been meaning to work on

[that-villainous-human]

I didn't realize my Plague Inc. app was set to "reality"

My bad guys

[that-villainous-human]

BOO!

Hahaha I have scared you!

I am a good villain.

[that-villainous-human]

Villain Tips #38

When you finally rule the world, make everyone work in fast food on a slow day. Make sure you have a strict manager there. No eating the food. No games. Only small talk with coworkers.

Anything slightly controversial is banned in conversation. (This includes discussing anything slightly violent in movies and other petty things along those lines.)

Make sure the idiots are the ones they serve. Makes sure the ones who don't know what the food they're getting is actually called because they are too thick to understand how to read the menu are the ones with power and money to spend on the greasy food.

Make sure the workers are paid minimum wage. Make sure they are understaffed for cleaning duties at the end of the day.

If you want to make hell, you make hell.

[that-villainous-human]

Villain Tips #37

Just kill off half the population to eliminate extinction and you'll get a whole movie where you're basically the protagonist and you actually win somehow

[that-villainous-human]

Villain Tips #36

Make all your followers wait a long time and wonder where you've been only for a dramatic and meta return