I am running a marathon with a twisted ankle and it hurts but some pain is normal, right? Everyone says it's supposed to be hard. It is a marathon after all. I am running a marathon with a twisted ankle but honestly it could be worse, right? I heard someone once finished with a broken leg. The ankle is nothing compared to that. I am running a marathon with a twisted ankle but you can get used to pain, right? The body can endure almost anything. The problem is always the mind. I am running a marathon with a twisted ankle but I made it this far, that means I can keep going, right? Everyone says it's supposed to be hard. It is a marathon after all.
On Saturday I said to my partner, as I have said for months, "A ten thousand dollar a year raise would solve so many of my problems."
As of this morning I was reluctantly looking for jobs because I love my job and don't want to leave it, but see: $10k raise problem solver.
As of noon today this was no longer an issue, because my boss called me with the news that I was getting a $10K merit raise.
I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. This is roughly $200 extra per paycheck. Enough to pay off debt faster, rebuild my savings, and spend a weekend a month in Milwaukee getting obscenely laid. The sex I'm going to have on $200 extra per paycheck. You can't even.
May all of you get the $10K raise your soul has yearned for. And whatever level of sex you can be satisfied with for $200.
Some of our favorite quotes from Artemis ii so far:
"Copy. Moon joy."
"I have two Microsoft Outlooks, and neither one of those are working."
"Houston, if you could give me about 20 new superlatives in the mission summary for tomorrow that will help out my vocabulary a little bit, that would be great. Thank you."
“If you’ve ever seen the top of the spotlight of the top of the Luxor at night in Vegas, this looks like what it wants to be when it grows up.”
"To all of you down there on Earth... we love you, from the moon. See you on the other side."
"We just went sci fi.
"It is so great to see Earth again. To Asia, Africa, and Oceania: we are looking back at you. We hear you can look up and see the moon right now. We see you too."
"We will always choose Earth. We will always choose each other."
“It’s a bright spot on the moon, and we would like to call it Carroll.” (The name of Commander Reid Wiseman's late wife)
"Amaze amaze amaze."
"I said that we do not leave Earth, but we choose it. And that is true."
"Christina has been sleeping head down in the middle of the vehicle, kind of like a bat"
"It's really fun to be floatin' around, it just makes me feel like a little kid."
"Trust us, you look amazing, you look beautiful."
"'Homo Sapiens' is all of us, no matter where you're from or what you look like. We're all one people."
"We're going to power cycle the toilet from the ground."
"I'm proud to call myself the Space Plumber."
"We were all eagerly awaiting the chorus." (After Mission Control cut off Pink Pony Club early when waking up the crew)
"Copy heart. Copy bracelet." (In response to Wiseman giving his daughters heart hands and showing them the bracelets they made him that he was wearing)
“Welcome back. We are still here. They are in space.”
"Copy. Bubble wrap nominal."
"We have rediscovered the chocolate snacks."
“The truth is, the moon really is its own body in the universe. It's not just a poster in the sky that goes by, it is a real place."
“We will build ships. We will visit again. We will construct science outposts. We will drive rovers, we will do radio astronomy.”
"I've seen a lot of new perspectives, but my perspective has not changed because I launched with the perspective that there is enough for all." (After being asked if they had a new view on humankind.)
"On behalf of all Canadians, we wanted some reassurances of your preferences for maple syrup over Nutella on your pancakes."
You, once again, shout out to Team Cherry for deciding to pick "Motherhood" as the main theme of their game and deciding to explore every harsh reality and facet of the concept, and not just for Hornet and the Silk family
Like yes, Hornet did have a loving mother who couldn't be there for most of her life, as well as 2 foster mothers who had their own priorities and values they were instilling as they raised her
And Yes, Silk did love at least Lace enough to defy the god of death, but she still made an environment where Lace reasonably assumed she would eventually be discarded and ignored for a shinier newer model
But there's also Shakra and her master who left Shakra so she wouldn't have to watch her die, and in doing so allowed Shakra to travel the world and learn so many new things
And there's Huntress who's essentially a mother living off food stamps and relying on the kindness of others so neither she nor her child has to starve. And yes, she would sacrifice herself for them in a heartbeat, but she wants so badly to see them grow and thrive
The Broodmother is an example of people who have kids to perpetuate flawed and unjust systems. She and her children are just as much prisoners as everyone else in the slab, but to them, this is essentially the family business. Leave? This is all they know?
Hell there's an entire storyline where Hornet gets raped, has a parasite inside her that's slowly killing her, and has to let a crazy quack doctor that has been known to accidentally kill people give her an abortion using seriously dangerous untested technology because that's her only option to receive medical aid
Anyway, Silksong is great, thank you for coming to my Tedtalk
ok. i'd seen ppl talking about "hornet getting a back alley abortion" and how a certain crest can be interpreted as sexual assault but man. that really does not compare to actually playing through that segment. it's so fucking upsetting and i mean this in a positive way
first, this thing has been emphasizing the birth aspect. while it technically gets her permission, hornet has no idea what her role in it was supposed to be. she asks what she's supposed to do as part of the rite, and is forcibly impregnated without an answer
after this, she can't equip tools, she can't change the crest, and she's constantly doubling over and losing breath even at full hp
everyone notices something has happened. but no one can help her, and the comments they make are.... so loaded even when they're trying to be friendly
her only hope is, in fact, a back alley abortion. performed by a woman outcast from her hometown for harming her patients. not only is hornet in potential danger getting this procedure done, but she has to pay out the ass for rusted tools to be inserted into her body (literally described as cracking her shell open, btw)
the procedure doesn't even completely remove the parasite. it will likely be there forever, just easier to deal with. and the doctor shows no compassion for what hornet has been through. she repeatedly asks to perform more invasive procedures, and doesn't stop until hornet physically fights back against her. like. jesus christ
the fact that it becomes the crest of the witch... like that could just be referring to the greyroot but euuuggh. the way survivors of rape are demonized. the fact that she has to carry a fragment of this pregnancy with her forever. there's so much you could read into here. also you can kinda kill her rapist but it does literally nothing. there's no catharsis available. it will likely never have to experience consequences for the harm it inflicted on hornet. dude
Genuinely baffling to me how people don't realize that the Witch Crest questline in Silksong is an abortion allegory. I'm not sure how TC could have made it any more obvious without literally throwing the word "abortion" into the script somewhere. Like, just read this and tell me if it rings any bells:
A woman is forcibly implanted with an unwanted child which will kill her if she lets it come to term, and due to living in a crumbling, corrupt country primarily controlled by a religion very similar to Catholicism, is forced to resort to a sketchy back-alley doctor who lost their medical license with painful, rusty, makeshift tools out of sheer desperation, and after going through this extremely painful process to only partial success and still experiencing side effects from the crude procedure failing to fully remove the child, she is then branded a witch for using medical knowledge not approved by said dominant local religion.
We can argue all you like about whether a baby technically counts as a parasite or whether what Hornet went through is literally an abortion or not, but I genuinely do not understand how some people, in Hollow Knight of all fandoms, lack the ability to read between the lines to this extent. This is a series that's infamous for weird, obscure, hard to interpret lore, and yet the moment TC throws the most obvious abortion allegory to ever abortion allegory right in their faces, suddenly they become wildly literalistic to the point of outright denial of the obvious.
(Also, don't even get me started on the fact that the entire game revolves around motherhood and an abortion allegory slots perfectly into that overarching narrative, apparently this fandom doesn't have the reading comprehension necessary for that conversation.)
art block is your brain telling you to do studies.
draw a still life. practice some poses. sketch some naked people. do a color study. try out a different technique on a basic shape.
art block doesnt stop you from drawing, it stops you from making your drawings look the way you want them to. and thats because you need to push your skills to the next level so you can preform at that standard
As a scientific illustrator- this is 100% true and going to review your basics will fix it every goddamn time. Not only does it keep your skills sharp, when you’re not emotionally invested in the final product of a piece, you relax and your brain makes more/better art juice for you. So, when you get back to that big/important piece? You’ll know what to do and how to do it.
Nothing in nature blooms all year round. Rest, and take care of yourself.
Write a description of an object. write the weather today. Write a made up characterization of a random photo of an actor from the internet as to the character they are in that picture. Write a little story about your pet’s day. Write about spilling soup and make it super dramatic and tragic. Write about someone’s day being ruined and make it funny. Write a meetcute coffeeshop AU of two OCs you’d never put together- maybe from different stories. Write them breaking up.
Write a bunch of short stuff meant for no audience ever and super duper self indulgent.
I found out relatively recently that it really helps if I write short fiction surrounding the novels I write. Like oh? I’m stuck for a bit? Ooh there was that section I wanted to explore but doesn’t fit in the plot really. There was that what-if that could never happen in the actual story but would be fun to explore. It keeps me in the characters’ headspace (tho that’s not always what I’m needing) but not right where they are exactly.
Yes! I have gotten past writers’ block multiple times by writing drabble collections. Making something coherent happen in just 100 words is a very different challenge from writing a long story and it also lets me get past plot points that I don’t want to explore in-depth.
I am also going to have to start drawing studies now…
for everyone in the notes lamenting that this guy is poisonous: they are not! they're just pretty :) since they're a glass frog, their major defense mechanism is being translucent and hiding their blood while they sleep so they look extra translucent and blend in with leaves <3
DO NOT PIRATE ANYTHING. NOT SHOWS/MOVIES. NOT GAMES OR SAFER GAMES. AND CERTAINLY NOT BOOKS. AND DO NOT DOWNLOAD YOUTUBE VIDEOS. AND NEVER EVER EVER WATCH MUSICALS WITHOUT GOING TO THEM AND DONT USE ADBLOCKERS/OTHER ADBLOCKER TO AVOID ADS AND VIRUSES PIRATING IS VERY HARMFUL TO THE CORPORATIONS WHO WORKS VERY HARD TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF PEOPLE AND THEIR MONEY. ANYONE WHO PIRATES IS BAD. BAD PIRATING. EVIL. OH AND THIS
i constantly fucking forget i installed this extension and i almost never send emails so every time it happens i get massively jumpscared i damn near pissed myself
honestly in pad's perspective, them being in a coma didnt make rutile happy and them being healthy still didnt make rutile happy so it's like fuck you. try fixing me then, here's a piece of something that fixed me, see if you can replicate it if youre so stubborn about it. meanwhile, im gonna pay back the gem that actually helped me by giving myself to them cause you clearly only care about being able to fix me and not my recovering itself
after trying to answer this concisely, I found out that i had a lot of thoughts.
So have a meta about Padparadscha’s wish for death, Rutile’s insecurities and why Padpa came back to Rutile.
How Padparadscha's Disability shapes her Perception of the World
I’ve always found Padpa’s role in Houseki no Kuni’s story really interesting, appearing spontaneously once every dozens of chapters and leaving a huge impression on the reader.
Her character and story is one that is told extremely subtly throughout the chapters, and I’d say that only by examining her actions is it possible to understand her intentions, and thus, the thematic purpose of her character.
Padparadscha's Past
We know little about Padparadscha's past, but we do know that:
She was partnered up with Rutile, who is used to tending to her due to her condition.
2. She's as old as Yellow Diamond.
3. She's almost as strong as Bortz.
And that's all we really need to know!
Judging by Phos' admiration for Padparadscha and the gems' reaction to him in subsequent chapters, it's obvious that he's seen as a cool and wise guy—that is his reputation. He looks cool, acts cool, and is cool.
Padparadscha was incredibly valued for his battle prowess and intelligence—he's not only strong, but he's smooth, nonchalant, and knows how to read people. He's almost like a legend. I'd argue that he wasn't born like this, however, but rather, that it's because of his condition—his disability, that he started to realize why he needs what he calls "discretion" in his first conversation with Phos.
Padparadscha is Discreet
Discretion, like "Courage" is for Antarc and Winter Phos, is the perfect word to describe Padpa's way of living. He thinks before he acts, he understands how fragile people's feelings are and as such he proceeds with caution. This is even shown when he calls Phos out for being too reckless.
But how does someone end up like this? It's strange to see just how cautious Padparadscha is of altering things... of altering the status quo.
So let's go back to Kongo's society—a community that values usefulness over everything, and in which you need an unchanging role to thrive. Padparadscha was useful, yes... but her role was not "unchanging".
She had to constantly be examined and repaired by Rutile, and everytime she woke up, things were different... and yet the same. Gems were taken away, never to be seen again, and yet everyone still acted the same. Everyone stuck to their roles, and the only exception to that was Padparadscha.
It must have been sickening for her, because for every other gem, they live so long that every year starts to blend together—they aren't aware of what changes or not (unless it's as flashy and uncommon as Phos).
But then you have Padparadscha, who wakes up in a world that acts the same, looks the same, and yet shouldn't.
Because valuable companions are missing—cherished people have gone away, and everyone still acts as if nothing has happened.
Really, how must this all feel for her? She's as old as Yellow, which naturally brings a special kind of tiredness and apathy, and she's as strong as Bortz, and yet unable to do anything about all the tragedy surrounding her.
Thus, due to her condition, Padparadscha realizes that the story of a hero was nothing more than a sham, and the roles the gems attribute so much meaning to now seem like a way to cope with their meaningless existence.
Not only that, but changing your role from the hero she used to be to the gems to the burden that Padparadscha is to Rutile must be eye-opening... Even the bond she valued the most can be turned into nothing but a puzzle for Rutile due to how much she values her work—due to how dehumanizing the gem society is.
It's a question about what society does with you when you stop fulfilling its expectations, when you stop fulfilling your role, an allegory that's intimately linked with disabilities, similar to the way Gregor in Metamorphosis by Kafka is rejected by his family after becoming unable to work by becoming a literal bug.
Why else do you think Padparadscha looks uncomfortable here? It's like she's heard this a million times, and now she's learned to be discreet and nod, or rather, not even say anything, because she understands how fragile and yet resistant the gem society is.
Padparadscha states it rationally and objectively: her luck is to blame. Rutile responds subjectively and through existentialism: her inability to fix Padparadscha means something in regards to her ability as a doctor. It's a battle of outlooks, of cynicism vs meaning, and Padparadscha gives up because she has come to understand that detracting meaning will only break Rutile, just like it broke her.
Despite knowing that the gems lack empathy, that they lack perspective, and they lack proper relationships with each other... she can't do anything about it, because the truth would make it even worse. It's better for them to continue to believe the lie than for Padparadscha to reveal it—that their society only makes them more self-absorbed, and that the roles they find meaning in only contribute to their torture.
It's similar to the way Moon Phos interacts with gem society, don't you think? Detracting meaning, being rational...
Except Phos isn't discreet, and that's why everything breaks.
Padparadscha is Useless
Padparadscha understands the hierarchy so well that she even teases Phos about it:
Despite Phos not obeying the figure they're supposed to, and cataloguing him as a bad child, she can only laugh, because whatever they do is futile in face of the society they're trapped in.
Padparadscha is lonely—probably even resentful for the life she's gotten and the burden that comes with her disability, both physically and mentally.
She seems relaxed and nonchalant probably because the only way to cope with her circumstances is to pretend that nothing really matters, and live only valuing the little things, like the weather and sleep, which is what she talks about over everything else in her minute of screentime.
Anything else would not only futile, but perhaps even damaging—the only thing Padparadscha can do... is do nothing. Ask meaningless questions, and talk about meaningless things.
Why would she make Rutile aware of the truth, that what she's doing is useless, that there's no point, when Padparadscha knows best how it feels to have your role suddenly taken away like that?
Padparadscha sees the truth of gem society, and she's become cynical because of it—she's the gem who understands everything and will do nothing, not only because she physically can't, but also, because it's easier that way... It's easier for Rutile, easier for the gems, to play pretend, rather than face the truth and have their emotions distorted like Padparadscha has.
If you want an example of why she's justified in thinking that way... just look at Phos, who stared at the abyss and paid the ultimate price for it.
Padparadscha’s character is defined by her inaction, by her state as a passive agent, one that wishes to enact change but can't and will choose not to—not even her body will respond to her wishes.
She can't do anything to change society, and she can't do anything to change herself... that is, until her savior, Phosphophyllite, comes.
Padparadscha and Phos
I find it funny how nonchalant Padparadscha is with everything on the moon, and how she points Phos to the right direction by being the voice of reason once more. She understands more than anyone how rapidly things can change for the worse, so she begs Phos to think before she acts.
It's also this very same quality that points out that things may have already changed on the enemy side.
But why is Padparadscha going along with Phos so much? Knowing what we know about her now, it should be obvious.
Padparadscha sees Phos as all that she isn't—a reckless, but hopeful, force of change. And she can't help but but go along with her, as it's precisely that same force that allowed her to have a functional body again. Not Rutile's meaningless meaning, but Phos' reckless advance. It's precisely this why she's the only gem to fight for Phos until the very end, despite his instability.
She's happy to see him succeed, and tries her best to mentor him despite feeling incapable for the role, as stated by the character introductions.
Phos, despite doing everthing she doesn't want to do and viewing her as nothing more than an immature child, is her savior, and strangely, it motivates Padparadscha to finally let go and imitate her courage.
Padparadscha's Rage
Every gem changes in the moon, and Padparadscha is no exception.
What's funny though, is that unlike everyone else, who changes because of the influence of the lunarians, Padparadscha changes simply because her condition, her disability, was fixed, and that unleashes the monster that was always there, shown in full display.
Because the apathy she had accepted as a necessity in face of her disability isn't needed anymore—now she can live for herself, she's no longer an object or a reason for someone to exist. She's a person.
I think her breaking point is this scene right here... Rutile isn't refusing to attack Padpa because she cares about her... she refuses to attack the pieces of the puzzle that managed to make her move again—she only cares about that, the object, not the person. This is the epitome of everything wrong with Kongo's society, and Padparadscha loses it in response.
The aggression and indifference she exhibits in her return to earth is a response to the silent but growing resentment she had of Kongo’s society—a society that always neglected the individual in favor of the majority, a society that was unchanging, cruel and impersonalized. In a way, she's just returning the favor, along with repaying her debt to Phos. It's finally the excuse she needed to lose her discretion, her composure.
Padparadscha seems to be more aware of the flaws of Kongo’s society than any of the other gems, and for hundreds of years she was unable to do anything about it. It's no wonder that when she is given her agency back, she goes in a rampage—she can finally act now: she's tired of the charade she's been part of since the beggining of her existence, and, rid of her condition, she unleashes all her potential as a monster into the world that tied her to the ground.
Padparadscha is a Burden
However, despite her rage, Padparadscha did still care about Rutile, deep down. Perhaps, the only meaning Padparadscha allows herself to find at this point is the one she serves for Rutile. That's why she feels bad that she was repaired, instead of feeling grateful.
It's even pointed out in the volume introduction of her final appearance, as that is the redemption Padpa chooses for herself as her last stand—to repay her debts to the two people that meant something for her, Phos and Rutile.
Her appearance on Earth is nothing short of suicidal, showcasing just how deep the gem's self-loathing due to her condition must have been. She doesn't see herself as a person anymore... she's a gift, for Rutile, a subordinate, for Phos, and nothing, for herself. In a way, she's choosing to fulfill the role she's always had—that of a burden.
She distracts Rutile for Phos, and she gives her a piece of herself, ultimately choosing to die for the two—she returned what was lost, she reverted the progress back to the status quo... because it's the only way in which she, paradoxically, has found meaning in her life. Meaning in the meaningless burden she was born to carry.
Padparadscha's Samsara
Thus, when she returns as a lunarian, she stays depressed—helping with Rutile's clinic, barely talking, barely existing. She's described as lifeless by implication. She chose the status quo, and that's that.
However, because she still has to live, Padparadscha chooses to value the little things: sleep, a book, and eating sweets.
What others might call laziness, she sees as the only way for living—now rid of her condition, she still chooses not to do anything meaningful, because she understands that whatever she might find meaning is, is as feeble and superficial as everyone's relationships around her.
As shown by the "Party of the End" interview, just as always, the only thing she has to grasp on left is her discretion, her composure—rationality. That's why she's reading a book about a scientific view of the universe.
The last thing we learn about her through this interview is that apparently, she's also a therapist in Rutile's clinic.
And what does a therapist do if not hear people talk about their secrets? About the prohibited truth that will destroy its surroundings, that has to be contained? Padparadscha is repeating her affliction again and again, trapped in the samsara...
While Rutile prospered, Padpa is "content" sticking to her role, lifeless, but by her side. She saw everything, and yet did nothing once more. Despite her brief moment of freedom, now she's nothing more than accessory, as she always was, and, as society and her body dictated, as she should have always been.
Padparadscha gave up, by judging that her life wasn't worth living.
dededos
theartofmadeline
origamiaround
tangentwithtanner
germansingergirl
baratheonpilled
annaxmalina
