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Noah Kahan
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Andulka
Not today Justin
KIROKAZE
#extradirty
Today's Document
Mike Driver
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
Sade Olutola
titsay
ojovivo
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@phoenixremix69
she makes me poop
and i make her pee
ok, so if I have this right, your girlfriend is Trans and she pegs you, causing you to have loose bowels, then she has to pee because honestly that's just part of safe sex with a dick. Remember to pee after orgasming, it prevents uti's
Something Something Flowey thought no one was real because everyone had become predictable caricatures to him even though he was the thing not letting any of them "progress" while Flowery thinks every darkner is real because they all have hopes and dreams that supercede fate itself
Deltarune is popular for the same reason One Piece is popular, that being their creators aren't afraid to take completely different characters and settings into one place and treat them all with the same amount of sincerity and care each deserves
Take most anime and video games
Most of them "fit" their world for lack of a better term. If you watch Fire Force, all the main characters are going to be fire related because it's the fire anime. Or Dragon Ball, sure there are aliens and gods, but most of them also practice martial arts and shoot lasers and are stereotypical heroes and villains.
In the Strawhats alone, there's a traditional samurai fighting to become the world's greatest swordsman. A French ish skeleton who's trying to reunite with his last living friend. A woman who's experienced the genocide and was forced into the darkest pits of despair before joining her new family. Sanji ALONE is a nazi clone/power ranger/chef/wannabe harem anime protagonist. And they're all from a Manga about PIRATES
And it's not just the people, the arcs themselves have wildly different tones even right next to eachother. Are we doing a horror Manga in a spooky zombie filled mansion? Or how about some religious commentary by literally exploring the heavens? Or fuck it, let's go to transgender island for a while to talk about how the government sucks
A lesser author would say that none of these fit together, that a story should have a single consistent motif or genre. But Oda said fuck that, I can fit them all in, I just have to take these places seriously as an author and try to find out HOW these jigsaw pieces fit into the greater narrative
And Deltarune is the same way. Obviously the Dark Worlds are different, they all reflect where the fountain is. So we can have board game world, cyber world, tv studio, library world, even your dad's flower shop
But it's also true for the characters who are all experiencing WILDLY different genres of games. Susie is the only one playing an RPG where she's the big hero on a redemption arc where she makes friends, gets the girl, save the world. Ralsei is kind of experiencing the same thing, but with the added bonus of knowing SOMETHING fucked is going to happen to one of your only friends, and the only thing that can stop it, deviating from the prophecy you've based your entire life around, is also the thing that scares you the most. Noelle depending on the route is either experiencing a slice of life romance with the secretly sweet bully girl of her dreams or a psychological horror involving your best friend breaking you until you willingly drown yourself to escape the mundanity of life. And Kris is experiencing eldritch horror via the being from beyond their comprehension controlling their body and also a BUNCH of other shit like a pack of murderous cats and your "ally" the possibly reanimated corpse of your kind of sister that went missing years ago
I can't remember if "One Piece" has ever explicitly explained where the "King of the Pirates" title came from.
The "Emperors" make sense to me as that seems to have originated from the Pirate Emperors collecting large fleets and having many islands (as opposed to ruling over one kingdom / island) under their control or protection, even if not all the new and current "Emperors" follow that original pattern. It sounds like something a dramatic newspaper might have come up with or something a very successful pirate might naturally proclaim themselves to be.
The "Warlords" (yes, I know the titles are and nuances may be slightly different in the original Japanese) also make sense to me from the perspective of the World Government wanting their privateers to sound impressive and intimidating. An official, flashy title is important for propaganda purposes.
But where did "King of the Pirates" come from? I suppose that I can picture Roger making such a declaration himself under specific circumstances, unseriously or seriously. Roger definitely has a flair for the dramatic and a dislike of the WG's authority. It could also easily have been title first used by one of Roger's rivals and enemies, also seriously or unseriously, or by a newspaper seeking to drive interest and alarm. Someone said it at some point and everyone ran with it, maybe, sure.
It would be really, REALLY funny if the unofficial title was intentionally bestowed by the World Government, as a propaganda thing, directly before Roger's execution. Like, "Right, here is the 'king' of the pirates, whom we will execute, symbolically ending the era of pirates forever- oh, shit, wait. WAIT." And it backfired on them. Sooo badly.
I think it was implied to have come from either Big News Morgan's or his predecessor
The man's most famous title was unwillingly forced upon him so they could sell more newspapers
Imagine a JJK AU where Heavenly Restrictions weren't just a one off case by case basis, but a hard fast rule of Cursed Energy
It'd really be an interesting take on a shounen, where physical and magical abilities often go hand in hand, were instead made inverse
A wirld where the strongest sorcerer in the world is basically a walking corpse that can't take a solid haymaker from a normal man to the chest without dying, making Limitless even more invaluable
A world where extremely weak sorcerers like Miwa and Mai were more invaluable than some grade two's because they could actually run a mile without passing out
A world where Sukuna is still an extreme anomaly because he absorbed his non-sorcerer brother giving him both the health and vitality of a normal human combined with a sorcerer's power
I love how here on tumblr dot website we regularly cast the greatest curse we can muster on each other by pointing our long creepy fingers and intoning "10,000 notes" in a voice that carries the winds of the mountain with it.
I might have made an error here
#here we have the classic case of tossing apollo's dodgeball in the air and standing directly under it as it comes down (via @qqueenofhades)
I am eternally haunted by a moment of hubris, gotta be real.
Have you been crushed under the weight of your sins yet?
If not, give it time
Ruthlessness is Mercy Upon the World: A PJO X ATLA CROSSOVER(No Epic is not a part of it but I did have several of the songs playing during various scenes in my head)
Poseidon could count on one hand the amount of times he had felt this apprehensive in his own kingdom.
Ok, so he may have to add a few fingers to that hand, but definitely less than Zues would have to to pull off that same trick!
Still, as he approached the sea cave containing his most powerful son, he couldn't deny, this was a bit more awkward than the time he forgot his and Amphitrite's 864th anniversary.
"Percy!" He called
There was a rattling of chains and a voice that seemed to echo through the water, like the pulse of a gigantic heart.
"What'dya want old man?"
Poseidon frowned to himself at his son's tone
"Percy, I'm not old, I'm immortal, that's kind of the whole point."
"Damn, so Uncle Drama Queen CHOOSES to look like that? We gotta get that guy some therapy. But anyway, back to my original question, why are you here? We both know I'm not going to back down, and frankly, after 3 months of this bullshit, I'm even more inclined to do it just to kill the boredom."
"I know Percy. I also know that you're far more likely to get smote by your uncle than actually make progress on this fool's errand."
"Sounds like a win win to me. Either Dear Uncle Z finally carks it and I get back what I want or I die and I get what I want. Now for the last time. Why. Are. You. Here?"
Poseidon sighed "Percy, there is a quest-"
"And just like that you've lost me." Poseidon heard the chains clanking again as their owner layed back down on the ground.
"There is no prophecy this time Percy. This is a personal request on behalf of a very dear friend of mine, and if you were to complete it," Poseidon sighed, "I will remove the blessing keeping you alive despite your best efforts."
More chains clattered "And just like that I'm back in again! What is it this time? Zues missing his duckies pajamas? Amphitheater needs a magazine that doesn't come pre-soaked? Ooh, or Hera, PLEASE tell me it involves punching Hera?"
"No Percy, though maybe we can discuss that last one at a later point. No, this quest involves...another pantheon. You of course know of your Roman cousins, and I've even heard through the grapevine about some tangle with Egyptian magicians?"
"Oh yeah," Percy mused "Carter and Sadie. They seemed pretty chill for the two hours I talked to them. They also seemed to be pretty hung up on some giant snake problem, am I killing a big snake? Because I thought Apollo just did that."
Poseidon sighed once more "No Percy, you will...most likely not be killing any giant snakes. In fact, this pantheon exists on a completely different world, one where our family has no power. This quest is on behalf of the ocean god of that world, Tui and his wife La."
"Makes sense, ocean gods gotta stick together. What's the deal?"
Poseidon frowned at his son's nonchalance "The deal, as you put it, is that his wife recieved a vision of her death, and as per the laws of their pantheon, they cannot simply dispose of their would-be killer themselves."
"And why don't they just get whatever demigod or magician type thing to deal with it? Are they just wimps?"
"Their benders, as they call them, are mere mortals with some minor blessings. Tuition and La's can merely move water around, and they have been losing a war against the Sun's people, the fire benders, for nearly a century now. And only the Avatar, the spirit of Balance, can directly commune with them, outside of very specific circumstances. Which means THEY are in need of exactly the type of muscle our pantheon excels in creating."
"OK dad, I can pick up what you're putting down. You want me to ice the guy planning to kill the moon? Don't feel great about killing humans, but again, moon killing, don't love that."
Poseidon once again sighed at his son's...exuberance "No Percy, you cannot just 'go ice the guy' as you put it, they don't know what he looks like nor where he could be. They don't even know when the exact time of the murder will be beyond some time in the next year. Which is why I am giving you said year to live in that world, protect La, and bring the perpetrator to justice. Other than that, you have complete carte Blanche to do as you wish."
There was another clank as Percy facepalmed "Dad, we both know I'm not smart enough to know what that means. In English?"
It was frankly amazing how much sighing Poseidon was doing considering he was underwater "It Means Percy, that you can do this however you wish. It's unlikely that anyone from there even could stop you. Their avatar is the only mortal who might pose a threat to you and he's been AWOL for a century. So go nuts. If you kill the guy in the first week you have the rest of the year to do whatever you want. Once the year is up, I will bring you back and remove the blessing keeping you from killing yourself. Though I do hope you will find something else to live for in that time.
"Unlikely. Now undo the chains Pops!"
Poseidon waved his hand and the manacles binding Percy's arms popped open.
"One more thing Perseus. As these benders are still mortals your usual blade won't exactly be up to snuff, so I had Tyson make you something for your trip. I hope you don't mind he went through some of your old things."
Percy waved him off "If Tyson wanted he could have my kidney, now fork it over."
For the first time today Poseidon smiled "Apropriate choice of words, son," as he passed over the weapon.
"Oh yeah. This is going IN someone."
"if i had a time machine i would go back in time and kill hitler"
I would put sea mines around medieval britain. i would give hannibal barca ww2 era heavy artillery and tell him not to stop till he starts seeing gauls. i would give boudica a fucking abrams. i would appear before jesus like an angel and tell him "you gotta stop. not cause theyll kill you, youre fine with that, surprisingly, but because your fanclub is gonna spend about 1500 years making everything worse for everyone, everywhere." I would take a glock back in time and shoot romulus, shoot remus, and shoot that damn dog too just to be safe. i would be on the side of christopher columbus' ship in a scuba suit planting c4 on that bitch like rainbow six siege. i would be waging a one woman campaign of terror across andalusia to prevent the reconquista. i would be getting way out in front of that shit is what im saying,
My kids once expressed a plan to me that involved a time machine, Andrew Jackson, and a hickory walking stick containing a bomb. What it lacked in practicality, it made up for in understanding the history lesson I had just given them (having at that point thrown the school's weak-ass mid-lockdown lesson plan across the room and engaged in a furious rant about the real stuff). The more you look at history, the more you start thinking you're gonna need a bigger time machine.
my plan for having a time machine was learning enough slight of hand close up magic that I could convince the British monarchy that I was an actual for real angel from da bible and that God was not only specifically pissed at the church, he sent me down with a list of new commandments and that if they didn't listen there was gonna be a new flood
I don't know why the fun gang keeps saying Pink isn't a flower, they've even got their own jar like the others
if you know you know
GOOD LUCK BITCH!!!! HAHAHAHAHA HAAAAAAA!!!!
I don't know why the fun gang keeps saying Pink isn't a flower, they've even got their own jar like the others
if you know you know
To get the egg in Chapter 6 we have to steal estrogen from the hospital and give it to Ralsei
What if instead of immediately jumping to sex stuff when he hears about pink kryptonite, Batman is just interested in the science of it all? Clark, how does this rock determine your sexuality? What if I hold it from far away, do you feel bi? Or what if you were already gay and this rock just forces you to tell the truth? Clark you need to let Zod out, I need a bigger sample size! Don't you run away from me!!!
Vilest Villain Contest! Round 1! Part 64!
Manfred von Karma (Ace Attorney)
The Roaring Knight (Deltarune)
Bill Cipher (Gravity Falls)
I have to insist that von Karma is the worst. He convinced an 8 year old that he killed his own dad.
yeah sorry, no one beats that.
Counterpoint, Bill was about 5 minutes away from making the town believe a 12 year old committed graphic suicide, then making his twin sister think it was her turn next
Feel like a missed an episode.
it was in the book of bill. As soon as he got the book, he was going to throw dipper off the water tower, but not before leaving a note telling Mabel she was next
Vilest Villain Contest! Round 1! Part 64!
Manfred von Karma (Ace Attorney)
The Roaring Knight (Deltarune)
Bill Cipher (Gravity Falls)
I have to insist that von Karma is the worst. He convinced an 8 year old that he killed his own dad.
yeah sorry, no one beats that.
Counterpoint, Bill was about 5 minutes away from making the town believe a 12 year old committed graphic suicide, then making his twin sister think it was her turn next
"it's not that deep" START DIGGING!!
DIG
DIG
DIG
DIG
OOPS TOO DEEP
CLIMB
CLIMB
CLIMB
CLIMB
CLIMB
CLIMB
OH NO
FLY
FLY
Oh Fuck!
So, good news bad news, my first long term DnD character died, but that means I get to finally talk about Jackson Thorne, the amnesiac wizard who thought he was a pedophile
So, first off, he one hundred percent wasn't, but he thought he was
So first off, the good Mr. Thorne was actually a teacher at the local magic academy, but he wasn't the potions teacher, or curse magic, or beasts, he was essentially the magic home ec teacher
Beginner potion ingredient gathering, Lair maintenance, how to prepare for a ritual. Small scale but important shit, which is good because Jackson was never all that great at big scale stuff
And the kids liked him, he was old but chill and he told lame jokes, the first year kids actually loved him so much that he got an enchanted robe where the pockets are full of infinite candy.
But he wasn't the MOST popular teacher. No, that honor belonged to his much younger sister Rose Thorne(can you tell what movie I was watching when I first made the character?). Now they thought he was fun, but she, She was cool. She wore a leather jacket, she had piercings, and instead of candy, she let the kids pet her familiar, a cockatrice with a falconer's hood
Now, he didn't have any negative feelings toward his sister, he loved her and she loved him, he just wanted the kids to think he was cool too. A cockatrice is a chicken egg hatched under a snake, right? Well, the only egg he had was this emu one(man like BIG omelets) and he had a cobra. Let's just see what ha-why is the egg glowi-
BOOM!
When Jackson came to in the crater, he had almost no memories, just his name, some basic magic tricks, and dozens and dozens of memories of...children? And being really happy? And is this...candy in his pockets? Oh. Oh no. He's gonna be sick.
He has to get out of here, he has to leave, find some place to lay low and never come back and hope he could maybe do enough good to make up for whatever he had done
Except he barely made it two weeks in this new town before this scary looking biker lady rolled into town with a picture of his face asking about him. He's gotta get outta here!
The thought that each of the flowers represented the original 6 souls from Undertale breaks my fucking heart for so many reasons
Green is the nicest lady Ever, all she wanted was to cook food for people and heal them. I bet she spent a lot of time with Toriel before moving on
Cyan is just a little baby that wants to make friends, but unfortunately Humans are naturally WAY stronger than monsters physicality wise, and her favorite "game" is stab the friend. She probably unintentionally killed SO many monsters before Asgore got her. He probably had tears in his eyes the whole time
Orange is in the same wheelhouse as cyan, but where Cyan was happy, Orange was afraid, but her fear response is always fight.
Yellow is such a cool guy, but he's WAY too into self flagellation and suicide. I wonder how far he made it before a monster shouted that everything would be better if he were dead and he took it to heart
I can't really think of much for Blue and Seth, other than i feel like Seth spent A LONG time out in the underground just studying monsters and magic
But most of all, it makes be feel terrible for Asgore, because it PROVES that in another life, one without a war or the burdens of the crown, every one of the humans COULD have had a positive relationship, been friends, and cared for one another. Unfortunately, this isn't that life.
