the apple orchard (collective)

they/them - obsessed with bugs - system (endos dni) - p-sys @poognthebrainbois

[the-apple-orchard]

"dont cry over spilled milk" ok every time i spilled milk i got screamed at. it's not about the fucking milk

[the-apple-orchard]

she everything on my everything til i everything. #bagel

[thehousetenants]

sometimes i simply wish ppl would realize that while alters are a defining trait of CDDs that we are extremely traumatized people and have symptoms outside of the alters. you know. the trance states, the somatic symptoms like joint pain and stomachaches and headaches. the high comorbidity of eating disorders, of personality disorders, of psychogenic non-epileptic seizures. alters are something to deal with, sure. theyre stressful. its messy, with persecutors. its not all bad, with alters, either. sometimes its warm and good. but i wish people realized the hardship of these disorders rather than glorifying and aestheticizing what so many of us are going through.

[the-apple-orchard]

can someone explain to us what "polymind" is? ive seen the anti polymind tag a lot recently and anything i click on looking for info leads me to endo spaces and the info is often vague and not fully understandable.

thanks guys - 🐛

[v1per-b1tez-deactivated20251231]

genuinely fucking hate other systems who are against fictive/nonhuman heavy systems.

we cant fucking control who we split. its not our fucking fault that we connect to fiction more than our reality. god forbid disordered and traumatized people latch onto fantasy more than their fucked up reality to cope.

FUCK YOU if you think fictive/nonhuman heavy systems are "dumb" and "cringe". we cant fucking control that. you arent better than us just because you dont have fictives. go fuck yourself.

[sotiredofendos]

A system is a collection of alters. Alters are chronically dissociated self states, with different neurological pathways that often are accompanied by a varying degree of amnesia. Dissociation is caused by stress/trauma. Alters are a byproduct of dissociating from trauma. You can’t dissociate from trauma you do not have. You cannot dissociate without trauma. You cannot have alters without trauma. You cannot have a system without alters.

You cannot be a system without trauma.

Do you have to know about the trauma ? No. Does it have to be a certain type of trauma ? No. Does it need to be a certain severity ? No. It just needs to have occurred during critical developmental period of the brain. Before the ego states have stitched together, it must be chronic, and beyond the child’s stress threshold, otherwise it will not disrupt the developmental growth. This is different for everyone. The reason trauma cannot be listed as a diagnostic criteria, is because there is no “xyz trauma that causes dissociative disorders”. It’s completely unique to each person suffering from the disorder. And in often cases, the person suffering from the disorder isn’t aware of their trauma. That’s the point of the disorder. This does not mean you don’t need trauma to suffer from a dissociative disorder. Systems are byproducts of dissociative disorders, you cannot be a byproduct of a disorder you do not have.

Endos are not systems. What do I mean by this? I mean that, by definition, that term is not suited for them, and is not meant to describe them. Just like kinning doesn’t mean you’re a system, just like roleplaying doesn’t mean you’re a system, just like religious practises such as tulpamancy isn’t a system. You are perfectly free to do whatever you please, truly. But do not compare it to being a system. You do not share our experiences. You are a different community entirely, and that’s ok.

But please, for the love of god, stop invading our community, and stop spreading misinformation about an already stigmatised and misunderstood disorder.

I understand if you didn’t know better. But please, educate yourself, and stop spreading this misinformation. Being a system isn’t an identity. It’s not a label. And please, stop comparing it to being queer. This is a mental illness. Being queer is not a mental illness.

[alteredrole]

INTERNAL SELF-HELPER PARTS

[ PT. Internal self-helper parts. /End PT. ]

our personal flag for internal self-helpers. an internal self-helper (or inner self-helper), often shortened to ISH, is the official term for an alter (or fragment) that holds vast amounts of knowledge about the system, alters, trauma, and/or internal workings of the system.

this wasn't made for non-traumagenic plurals or those without a CDD. do not add this or anything else on this blog to pluralpedia or any other website like it.

[the-apple-orchard]

🐦 We have had a sorft of struggle recently trying to understand fully what my role is. I think this label may fit nicely. I am not exactly a gatekeeper, but I do bring a lot of knowledge forward when it is needed. I also generally have an understanding of other alters' roles.

I don't particularly care what my role is either, but it is nice to have a name for it.

- Peyton 🐦

[syscultureis]

autistic sys culture is you think any of us know how to be socially acceptable?? Ha funny but truly idk how we do it so terribly well-

.

[meliora-ghoul666]

Being Anti-Endo is not syscourse!

Being Anti-Endo is not syscourse!!

Being Anti-Endo is not syscourse!!!

BEING ANTI-ENDO IS NOT SYSCOURSE!!!!

I can't believe I've gotten to a point that I'm actually crashing out over this. Fuck Endos, Pro-Endos, and Endo neutrals. You're all ableist pieces of shit. Yeah. I said it. Fuck all of you. Ableism is not quirky.

— Nihil / Panic 🐐

[the-apple-orchard]

🐛 endos pmo so fucking much. what do you mean you have a trauma disorder with no trauma. what the fuck r you talking about.

[the-apple-orchard]

continuing: one thing that REALLY pisses me off about endos is just how many of them treat alters and parts as completely separate people. thats not how it works, you're not multiple people, your brain percieves yourself as such due to dissociative barriers and a lack of stable identity. because it is a disorder. not a roleplay. you are not a different person. you are an alter meaning altered state of mind or alternate identity. youre not a different guy.

i dont want to necessarily downplay the feelings of individuality that alters have from each other. obviously they can present very differently (i say this as a system with a very wide range of behaviors) and i'm not saying that's not valid. i just get so frustrated when people don't take accountability for their toxic behaviors because "it wasn't me." system accountability is a thing.

i also get so...annoyed, i guess, is the best word i have for it--when people say they "got tired/bored" of an alter or the alter just evaporates completely when a hyperfixation is gone. and i don't mean "idk we haven't heard from them in a while" because a lot of times alters front more frequently when they're more relevant to the life of the body (no shit), but i mean like "nah he's GONE gone. fully integrated and fused bc i finally finished One Piece!" like girl. what

[the-apple-orchard]

🐛 endos pmo so fucking much. what do you mean you have a trauma disorder with no trauma. what the fuck r you talking about.

[queeriousss]

heh yeahh I think I’d know if I have amnesia, I’d remember that

[queeriousss]

can you assign roles to alters. We want to assign a host, but idk how possible that can be since it doesn’t seem we have any roles and we kinda just vibe (besides like two guys who may be holders of things, I’m not gonna say rn) like how can we assign maybe a protector or host.

[the-apple-orchard]

⚔️ Wade - For me, I showed up and my job was basically "the guy that shows up to feel like a fuckup." Our partner system (specifically, my now-boyfriend) basically sat me down and just...*listened* to me and let me talk until I felt better. After that, I felt far more comfortable fronting, and I became a co-host because of it.

Basically, what I'm saying is, make your environment comfortable for you to be able to live in. It's possible that part of the reason you don't have a host/aren't sure who the host is rn is because everyone is struggling to Be in the space they're in (or around the people they're around).

I'm not a professional and this is based on my personal experience so take it with a grain of salt lol.

🐛 buggy - tacking onto what wade said, our *current* host (and co-host, which is no longer wade) doesn't even reslize they're fronting most of the time. they often don't realise they've been gone at all either, their job is to Be a Person in Their Life. so it's also possible that you do *have* a host that you just don't realise is a host.

hopefully this was helpful, like we mentioned this is all based on our own experience and not professional advice lol. i personally advise talking to a professional about it if you are comfortable and able.

[thetimeloopsys]

i dont mean to be that person but when someone is questioning if theyre actually a system or not, one of the worst answers you can give is "well it sounds like youre a system in denial, which is normal"

ive seen MULTIPLE people answer asks like this, whether or not you state that youre "not a medical professional" people are telling this to YOU for a reason, answering this isnt exactly helpful and it doesnt work for everyone.

i know multiple people that thought that they were a system for a long time but it was just that they didnt know their own identity and latched onto the idea of being a system for coping with it.

WE think that the best advice for people questioning if theyre actually a system or not, is to take a step back from system communities, take a step back from your simplyplural or pluralkit or any sort of system things you have, actively avoid thinking about whos fronting and just.. be.

stop focusing on anything system related and just exist outside of that for multiple days. make note of any symptoms that you experience in this time, and go from there.

We are not medical professionals, only you know you best, but this is a better way to go about judging your systemness than just replying "oh well systems actually go through periods of denial a lot so you must be a system", like thats not... helpful?? and while its true that systems go through a lot of periods of denial, a lot of people who think theyre systems but turn out not to just have unstable identities because they tend to be younger and thats.. just generally how it is being younger, though they do tend to be trauma survivors as well.

[the-apple-orchard]

Pisses me off so much that the Deadpool fandom doesn't know he canonically is a system in some of the comics. Others call it schizophrenia but as a Deadpool introject, I get so viscerally upset when I see people saying he has "multiple personalities" or "multiple personality disorder," especially because his seems more like OSDD or partial-DID than DID to me and "multiple personality disorder" has an implication that the "personalities" are completely different to each other when that's really not how his system functions.

Anyways. I wish more people were more educated about it. We need better/more consistent system rep in media. It upsets me a little that Wade isn't a system in all iterations and it's sometimes "just schizophrenia." I imagine people with schizophrenia (and like disorders) probably feel a similar way too.

- Wade ⚔️

[jellybeanium124]

there's a jewish story about a rich man who goes to his rabbi to ask him about building an orphanage, and the rabbi is like "yeah duh go for it!!" and then later the rich guy comes back and is like "actually I've decided not to... I was just doing it for my own image and not coz I cared about orphans" and the rabbi was like "bitch the orphans don't care why you're building the orphanage!!!" and sometimes I wish I could say that to lefties who haven't unpacked their christian upbringing. sometimes motives don't matter!! who give a fuck why a politician wants to do a good thing? bitch the orphans don't!!

[stinkweed-imp]

This bumps up directly against the deep-seated christian beliefs that a) actually yes the reasons do matter and if you do good deeds for sinful reasons it's just as bad as doing bad deeds, and b) charity should only be the domain of the church. eg it's all well and good for the church to run a soup kitchen, but if some wealthy pensioner who's bored after retirement does it instead? That's suspicious, he's trying to turn the needy away from god, or he's trying to inflate his own ego, or he could even be acting from the pure unalloyed goodness of his heart and love for his fellow human beings, but the devil is still working through him.

And keeping all this in mind I look at the current state of disk horse online and I'm like. huh. A lot of these folks grew up christian probably

[the-complicity-system]

HEY SO FUCKING BLOCK THIS PERSON

I DONT WANT THEM TRYING TO BEFRIEND SYSTEMS IF THEYRE LIKE THIS