Paradise Lost

INFP. This is a blog about things. Things I like. Things you may like. Stay a while. Enjoy. I also may occasionally post my art here. No promises.

[whencartoonsruletheworld]

did i tell u guys i got into an argument on twitter bc i said foxes are dogs and someone tried to bring up their actual fuckin. classification or whatever and i just said “foxes are dogs cause they are fluffye” and they kept arguing with me. the entire time i was like “you will not survive the immigration to tumblr you are lucky we are not there right now”

[neopolitanfox]

This is especially funny because they aren’t even right. Foxes *ARE* dogs.

[trojanhorse8-2]

No they aren’t.

[supreme-leader-stoat]

yes they are. because they are fluffye.

[trojanhorse8-2]

OK yes they are.

[mr-deep-downer]

Dog

[jooshthepunished-deactivated202]

Dog

[utah-mountain-drifter-deactivat]

Different family, but same order as @pictures-of-dogs

[zarabithia12365-deactivated2022]

No, they are the same family. They are the same kingdom, phylum, order and family. They separate at the genus.

They’re a dog.

[birdsareblooming]

yeah they’re fluffye

[dacavendishtime]

theyre literally not dogs theyre not even fluffy. can we get science tumblr over hear or what!?

[birdsareblooming]

checkmate athiests

[ajarofpickledtears]

fluffye

[pa-pa-plasma]

okay but they literally are dogs, for those who are confused

[stele3]

If foxes are dogs, then so are wolves, coyotes, dingoes, jackals, and several other extant and extinct species.

Behold! A dog.

[lemon-badgeress]

of course it’s a dog you buffoon. it’s fluffye.

[findingfeather]

Why on earth would someone think “BUT IF THEY’RE DOGS SO AR -”

Like yes of course wolves are dogs, where have you been. Jackals are excellent doggies! So are coyotes. Why is this confusing.

[theknightlywolfe]

I love that this is literally two completely different arguments running simultaneously.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

That guy up there who said they’re not even fluffy was thinking of sharks

[thebelovedlion]

sharks are also dogs. ravenous water dogs, but still dogs

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Sharks can NOT be dogs they are SMOOTH

[porcupine-girl]

Tags via @jenroses

[gabyluvsxena]

sharks are smooth dogs

[grubby-gerblin]

BEHOLD, a SHARK

[bamboozled-bumblefuck]

17 clown car pileup 84 injured 193 dead

[emi--rose]

@theworldisaplace

[halloween-sweets]

[albatross-the-pen-chewer]

While taking a nap today I dreamt there was a hazard sign called "never found" which was used to indicate a location where people disappeared never to be seen again

[albatross-the-pen-chewer]

it looked like this

[lethesbeastie]

The imagery and vibes of this were so visceral I had to do art about it

(Grayscale version under cut)

[heathyr]

alright everyone

[feluka]

cats being capable of understanding accidents and even giving you a little head bonk to let you know you're still cool makes it infinitely funnier that they don't understand when you're trying to help them

cats when you step on their tail: i'll admit that was rather ouchie, but given the lifetime of goodwill and trust between us, one must conclude this booboo is but a fluke.

cats when you try to get their claws unstuck from the couch covering: this nefarious bitch has never had a single honorable intention in their dishonest and shameful life, this must be one of their sinister plots or perhaps even an attempt on my life,

[selfship-quotes]

making a collection

[selfship-quotes]

adding to the collection

[derezzcartes]

[shoku-and-awe]

This screenshot from a gardening Facebook group has been on my phone for several years and I'm not sure I'm ever going to be able to delete it. Apparently it comes from a British gardening book from the 80s. I know we all joke that the English are afraid of flavor, but I assure you, you are not prepared for this.

GARLIC

Until quite recently, scientists smiled at all the wonderful medicinal powers claimed for garlic, but recent research has shown that there is some truth in a few of the old wives' tales. Garlic, of course, has an important role in Continental but not in British cookery — it really isn't worth growing unless you are a fan.

Any well-drained spot will do. Buy a head of garlic from the greengrocer or supermarket and split it up into individual cloves. Plant them 2 in. deep and 6 in. apart in March. Apart from watering in dry weather there is nothing else to do until the foliage turns yellow in July or August. Lift the bulbs and allow to dry under cover, then store in a cool, frost-free place.

If you are a beginner with garlic, you must use it very sparingly or you will be put off for ever. Rub a wooden salad bowl with a clove before adding the ingredients. Rub the skin of poultry before roasting and then you can try dropping a whole unskinned clove into a casserole or stew, removing it before serving. If by then you have lost a little of your garlic fear, you can try using crushed (not chopped) garlic in meat etc. as the Continentals do.

[shoku-and-awe]

That last paragraph HAUNTS me. How am I supposed to sleep at night picturing Paul Hollywood — sobbing, hands trembling — alone in his kitchen, gingerly rubbing the edges of a salad bowl with a single clove of unskinned garlic, wondering if he will ever be brave enough to do the same to a roast chicken?

[piedude]

No wonder Dracula wanted to come to England

[parkchanwoohoo]

I loved this post just because all the comments flipped between sincere appreciation and mockery of the birds

[kaijuno]

Who that man

[zoeberry]

the fairy on my windshield as i go down i95 at 210km/h

[dilfosaur]

they're all around us

[warthogreporter]

And now, a brief look at the human fucker community on a monster version of tumblr

🐙 WetterThanYou Follow

It's so sad that humans can't breathe underwater, makes bringing them to my lair so much harder

👺Ascetic-more-like-ass-cetic Follow

Was anyone going to tell me humans can't breathe underwater or was I supposed to just learn that from a text post?

🐙WetterThanYou Follow

Please tell me you didn't seriously look at humans and go 'they look like they can breathe underwater'

👺Ascetic-more-like-ass-cetic Follow

I thought they were like lions and how some live in the sea :(

🦁BEaST-MAN Follow

DID YOU THINK SEA LIONS WERE LITERAL LIONS?!

👺Ascetic-more-like-ass-cetic Follow

They're not? 😭😭😭

(10,053 Notes)

🐺HereWolf Follow

Vampires will be like 'I love humans' and then transform every human they know into another vampire. Weak. You are like someone who only watches Marvel movies and calls themselves a filmbuff.

🏏Batass Follow

Hey OP this is an important part of many vampire cultures so you should tone it down because this is really offensive.

🐺HereWolf Follow

You should get a culture that isn't fucking lame.

🦁BEaST-MAN Follow

OP you are literally a werewolf. And into throwing stones in glass houses I guess.

🐺HereWolf Follow

Gurl you don't know the amount of effort I put into keeping my human girlfriend a human girlfriend because I love her for being a human.

(8,000 Notes)

💚CraftedLove Follow

In the club on a date with a human straight up breaking it. And by 'it,' haha, well. Let's just say. His sanity.

(42,069 Notes)

🧙‍♂️ Crystal-Rooster-and-Orbs Follow

Sick of getting added to group chats like 'plots to overthrow our lieges.' Yes, I am both an evil wizard and an evil vizier. But I'm not plotting any treachery because my king is also evil, and so is my queen. We are in an evil polycule and give each other evil night kisses.

🧙‍♂️ Crystal-Rooster-and-Orbs Follow

Also stop telling me about the evil queen's OnlyFans like the king and I aren't helping her run it. Who do you think is taking the pictures? You have no idea how many evil yet deeply impractical schemes it's given us the economic cushion to do.

(48,835 Notes)

🤼‍♂️Bitch-of-Heracles Follow

Need me a human who will hold me like this and just destroy me 😍

♣️HeraclesOfficial✅ Follow

Hey.

🤼‍♂️Bitch-of-Heracles Follow

WHY DID NOBODY THINK TO WARN ME HERACLES WAS ON THIS WEBSITE?!

(33,333 Notes)

[birthdaypigeon]

Happy birthday Queen

[beaft]

types of nap, ranked by me (an experienced napper)

the siesta: the oldest and most reliable form of nap! you go to sleep around noon. you wake up an hour or two later feeling well-rested and prepared to face the rest of the day. this is the pinnacle of nap perfection. 10/10

the businessman’s nap: you have a limited amount of time on your hands, so you schedule a nap into your packed timetable and set an alarm. you spend half the duration of the nap worrying that you’re wasting valuable nap time by lying awake, and the other half sunk into a torpor so deep that when your alarm rings, it takes you a good few minutes to remember your own name. once you’ve splashed some cold water on your face you feel much better. 7/10

EW STICKY: you were cold at first, so you piled on the blankets and wriggled into your favourite comfy sweater. this was nice. now you are awake and trapped in a horrible sweaty gordian knot of your own devising. this is not nice. when you peel off the sweater you find to your horror that you have left an actual damp patch behind on the bed, like some sort of giant dead fish that can’t stop leaking its gross fish juice everywhere. 5/10 it was at least cosy to start with

the interrupted nap: someone barges into your room and starts talking to you. “wtsfhggl?” you enquire. they give you a judgemental look, and ask why you are sleeping in the middle of the day. “ghhfshsxkls,” you reply, graciously. they tell you to get up. you get up. the rest of the day feels like an extension of whatever dream you are having before you were disturbed. you boil with quiet resentment and shame. 4/10

the unsuccessful nap: you are tired. you want to take a nap. you lie down. you wait. you wait. time moves sluggishly forwards. you wait. your brain feels like a cup of mushy porridge but your eyes refuse to close. the noise of your fan is infuriating. you wait. eventually, you are forced to accept that this nap is simply not going to happen, and you have wasted 45 minutes doing absolutely nothing. god fucking dammit. 2/10

the handy-dandy fast-forward button: you really just want this day to be over as soon as possible, and the best way you can think of to do that is to take a nap. you only meant to sleep for an hour, but when you wake up it is already evening. the day is over. you glean no satisfaction from this. you kill time until you feel justified in going back to bed again, and spend the rest of the night tossing and turning, unable to sink back into the blissful stupor from which you so recently emerged. 0/10

The Unpleasantness: when you fall asleep, it is dark. when you awaken, it is light. this is the natural order of sleep, but perverted into a form that is frightening and wrong. you feel deeply unsettled and do not know why. are you sick? what does time mean? what does anything mean? maximum despair. -1000/10.

[foolfortune]

[zooophagous]

The Governing Council of the Cat Fancy (UK) posted this to their Facebook page today:

We are very excited to announce our NEW RECOGNISED BREED - The Transylvanian! 🤩

'Indigenous to the woodlands and forests around the Carpathian Mountain areas of Romania and Hungary, the Transylvanian cat is the most recently discovered natural breed in the world.

They have fascinating features such as the reverse Karparti coat, born white, over the first 12 months the kitten grows a black, blue or sometimes a red coat whilst leaving the points of the ears, nose and paws white. Basically a reverse point! The Transylvanian is thermal too, being lighter in summer and darker in winter.

The foundation breeders led by Beverly Elian (WCF Judge) are based in Romania, Hungary, Switzerland and in the UK with Stuart & Amanda Brass.

Extensive testing has occurred on all four generations supported by Leslie Lyons and it appears the breed is robust with no genetic or hereditary issues appearing in any of the litters.'

Not seen and heard enough? You can see our newly recognised Transylvanian at the Feline Fair! Buy your tickets here - https://tinyurl.com/5dm7kp9a! 🎟️

[buggycat]

@whatcoloristhatcat NEW KITTY

[iris-echos]

Wake up babe new cat just dropped

[littlefluffbutt]

cool kitty!!

[everythingfox]

Zen cat