BUTTLICKER, OUR PRICES HAVE NEVER BEEN LOWER!

Alyssa, 28, USA. (She/her).

[bold-baddie]

[velvetys]

Everything used to be 20 dollars and now that I finally have 20 dollars everything is now 200 dollars

[vixvigil]

it’s never a normal temperature anymore it’s always some fucking bullshit

[robertmitchum]

what do you do for a living?

I exist against my will. 

[uncannycookie]

Actually genuinenly enjoying my customer service job sometimes

Customer (calling from Ireland): “Yes hello, I would like to -”

Sheep in the background: *gentle baa*

Customer: “Uh, sorry, what I want to do is -”

Sheep: *slightly more insistent baa*

Customer: “No, not now! -cough- Excuse me. I have a reservation and -”

Sheep: *VERY LOUD ACCUSATORY BAA*

Customer: “Arnulf! Please be quiet, I am on the phone! … Sorry, I sincerely apologize on behalf of Arnulf.”

me: “I love and forgive him.”

Customer: “Don’t, he doesn’t deserve it. Anyway, I’m calling about -”

Arnulf: *small, very self-satisfied baa*

[totallynotsarah]

I still love this lol

[uncannycookie]

It’s ruining my notes dude :’D

[narcissene]

affirmations:

- it’s fun to be awake & in an upright position

- consciousness is a gift

- i CAN do this anymore

[skajador]

Message to all Americans: you BETTER NOT have brought BURGER in your SUITCASE

[runasulienadanika]

i'm searching for physical copies of the locked tomb series and EXCUSE ME

gotta teach them young i guess

[katakaluptastrophy]

Harrowhark "Harrow" Nonagesimus is the cleverest bone witch her age — maybe even the cleverest bone witch in the whole empire!

If she can solve the puzzles at the mysterious Canaan House, she'll get to meet the Emperor and become one of his super powerful Lyctors.

But it turns out Canaan House is a group project, and Harrow has to work with her worst enemy ever, Gideon Nav, who likes swords and comic books, and thinks bones are yucky. Can the girls work together to solve the puzzles...and maybe even become friends along the way?

(Includes bonus vocabulary list of wacky bone words!)

[beardedmrbean]

[6qubed]

that was everything I was hoping it would be. marvelous

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I love this because you know exactly where it's going and you're not disappointed

[charlesoberonn]

I was so looking forward for the Jupiter gravity and it didn't disappoint and THEN THE SUN GRAVITY MADE ME HOLLER

[bunjywunjy]

i think you could reach escape velocity on pluto by just jumping really hard

[mokimo-art]

THWE DRAMATIC PAUSE IN THE SUN GRAVITY HAD ME

[cumdumpstiel]

so cool how advanced the algorithm has become, it literally only takes like a decade or more of spying on all my internet activity and then it can expertly curate a selection of 15-20 youtube videos that i don't really want to watch, and then keep showing me those videos over and over again for a week so i can scroll past them again. the future is now

[prodomius]

[gaynehollander]

A few years into Shane playing for Ottawa, one of the younger Centaurs, maybe Holmberg, comes to him with a problem. He has been sleeping with this girl for a while now and he's so into her but she travels for work and he knows she has a couple of regular hookups all over the place. So, since Shane - judging by Cap's reputation - has been in a similar position, he asks him how he convinced Roz to be exclusive.

Shane stares at him, uncomprehendingly, for a second before slowly replying, "...I didn't."

Holmberg gives him a deeply skeptical look. "I've seen the way you react when people flirt with Roz in front of you," he says, "there's no way you guys have an open relationship."

"No," Shane clarifies immediately. He would rather set himself on fire than have to live with sharing his husband with another person. "No, we're exclusive," he confirms, "but I never asked him to stop sleeping with other people. He just kind of... stopped. I didn't even find out until a few months after it happened so, I don't know, maybe just wait it out?"

Eventually, the Centaurs learn that, although Cap and Hollzy have clearly found in each other what most people spend their lives searching for, they are the absolute worst people to ask for any type of relationship advice.

[anglaised]

it is so annoying being so self aware about all my issues like okay what now girl

[sufjansjoy]

does anybody know how to get out of bed. or be a better person

[sufjansjoy]

wow

[bishopony]

my really funny and original concept

[aromanticduck]

Free service with ads: Well, if I'm not paying for it they have to foot the bill somehow.

Paid service with no ads: Well, if they're not funding it with ad revenue, they need to charge us something.

Paid service with ads: Well that's bullshit.

"We used to be a paid service without ads, but now we're putting ads in it! If you want the ad-free version you have to pay more for preeeeemium": Fuck you fuck you fuck you

[bareniabirkin]

😟😳😳😳

[squadron-of-damned]

#idk what this means or if i do this but ig i'll just hold my phone with my pinky stuck out from now on?? 

Good question, also no that won’t help.

shitty MS Paint 3 minutes doodle, nto entirely accurate: When you have your pinky hooked on the “bottom” edge of the phone for the extra security so it doesn’t slide out of your hand that easily, you’re wreaking damage on your hand, since the pinky is extremely askew from it’s resting position. You might have noticed that when you hold your phone like that for long time it begins to hurt, like when you are gripping a pen too tightly for example.

Green lines - the fingers are going their natural way. Red line - the pinky is way off, that’s bad.

[theclockworkjudas]

Me: Oh, good thing I never-

Me, looking down at hand: By talos this can't be happening