Clown By Blood. Corpse By Choice

charlie. 28. formerly darknessandterrorandkittens. 18+ only thanks. fighting for my life against the genre awareness. Writer for Above The Crowd Below The Lights (read my comic)

[itseasytoremember]

(To the tune of Rasputin): BLEH BLEH DRACULA, KING OF TRANSYLVANIA, HE IS A BAT AND ALSO A MAN

[jeffgerstmann]

If someone jerks me off with a puppet it counts as a threesome, right?

read your bible

[marsixm]

thanks!

[maidthings]

[clearly experiencing symptoms of mania] oh i get it! im finally normal!

[astralbondpro]

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine // S06E07: You Are Cordially Invited

[apathetic-revenant]

love how much of Aragorn’s initial interactions with the hobbits is just telling them not to say things

[apathetic-revenant]

aragorn: could you stop casually invoking the dread name of the ancient and terrible evil that even now follows at our very heels for FIVE MINUTES

[apathetic-revenant]

aragorn: hey I gotta take a breather can you take over the hobbit duties for a bit

gandalf: no worries got you covered

[apathetic-revenant]

Aragorn’s given up

[apathetic-revenant]

elrond: hey you can’t say that here

gandalf: you can’t tell me what to say, do I look like a hobbit to you

[elodieunderglass]

The film repositions this for comedy, but in Return of the King, there’s this scene:

Gandalf, outside the door: oh hang on, just a sec. for reasons I won’t explain; this is about to get super geopolitical. Try not to spill too many beans in front of Denethor.

Pippin: Do I have that many of them?

Denethor: right, you ignorant child! Under my skilled interrogation I shall force you to spill the beans.

Pippin: I know three things about beans and will share them (under skilled interrogation, discourses for a full hour on beans, the preparation thereof, the cultivation thereof, and the Shire’s various thoughts on beans in general)

Gandalf: (pretends to be annoyed) denethor if you wanted SENSIBLE discourse on geopolitical beans I am RIGHT HERE

Denethor, fascinated: no! I already know everything you’re about to say and I’m NOT accepting criticism at this time. And I genuinely have no idea what this guy’s going to say next - do you have ANY idea how fun that is for me

Pippin: now the classic market share of baked beans inna tin belongs to Heinz, but I myself am a Branston man, because - referencing my previous statements - if you want beans, you do NOT need to faff about with a tin opener. The decision to retain the pop-top -

Gandalf: this is unbelievable. denethor, can we -

Denethor: BZT! ✋ let him cook

(Later)

Pippin: are you mad at me for talking about beans for an hour

Gandalf: it was, in a weird way, the best move on the chessboard, and so politically savvy that it furthered three of my agendas, and was also really funny to listen to. Denethor has the long sight; he is accustomed to reading the minds and hearts of men at a long distance, these long years. Actually, maybe this has jaded him as much as anything else. To meet a mind whose umwelt, whose very nature, he has not already fully plumbed is not just an act of political obfuscation on our part; for Denethor himself, could such fresh provocation burst his stagnant social bubble, and save him from being so terminally fucking online? Might we have uncovered the potential of a Theoden thematic parallel? Much to ponder. The only unfortunate bit was that you kept freezing up and looking guilty when Denethor asked you about containers

Pippin: you said not to spill any beans and I was worried he’d trip me up

Gandalf: it is, as ever, like talking to a fucking genie with you people

[dilfhamlet]

[dilfhamlet]

the literal only funny tags on this entire post

[washlore]

data: i have no emotions

data, later: hello, geordi. i have created a portrait of us as terran cats. this artistic technique is known as pointillism. it became popular during the late nineteenth century. i selected an american bobtail to represent you, and an oriental shorthair to represent myself. after researching feline behavioral characteristics and common humanoid-to-animal artistic associations, i concluded these were the most statistically appropriate choices. of course, it is not possible to determine which cat breeds we would actually resemble unless we experienced a transporter malfunction or a similar form of energy fluctuation leading to an unexpected physical transformation. i also adjusted the composition to accommodate your VISOR’s perceptual processing. you have previously informed me that faint details tend to blend into surrounding imagery. because of this, i used a high level of contrast to better define the silhouettes. the cats' whiskers and ocular details were rendered in pure white to improve clarity. i additionally incorporated bright violets, cyans, and saturated blues to the main color palette of the piece, as these wavelengths appeared more distinguishable within your visual spectrum. what do you think, geordi?

[darkcomedies]

evoking bertholt brecht’s “the way people cast a play!” quote as a spell against prescriptive, stereotypical, fatalistic typecasting

[darkcomedies]

idk what to tell you except go look at the fishwives

[calvinandhobbescomic]

[cooknumber3]

Honestly nobody is doing it like Trafalgar D. Water Law. He’s German. He hates bread. He keeps to himself. He gravitates towards extroverts. He has a nasty reputation. He doesn’t kill people during fights. His first appearance resembles Salad Fingers who smokes weed. He’s weak to cute things and one of his best friends is a fluffy bear. His moniker is the Surgeon of Death because people thinks his power is creepy. He wants to become a doctor like his parents. He looks emo and edgy with his tattoos. The DEATH tattoo on his hand is the reminder he gave himself during childhood of what’s at stake while treating patients, and the rest is to honor a loved one. He’s stressed 24/7 like he’s a workaholic. He spends all his time napping against his emotionally supportive bear and wandering to collect coins. He flips people off. He loves comics and geeks out amidst a battle. He’s a smart strategist and he knows it. He has never talked down on anyone. He comes off as sadistic and dangerous. He never betrays his ally and gets bullied constantly by the crew of said ally. He wears tragedy like high fashion. At the lowest point in his life he finds out that he has always been loved and never alone.

[thotsandpreyers]

[hiveswap]

Everyone go look up the song nasa banned from space

[hiveswap]

Don't forget to play it loud as fuck

[hiveswap]

[hiveswap]

The thing is that this guy almost certainly has normal songs too because david bowie was apparently inspired by him a lot. But i'm scared to check it out after this

[hiveswap]

Oh GOD lmao he didn't actually like it either

[macrolit]

[theehorsepusssy]

[tpwrtrmnky]

The idea of Mario and Peach having any kind of relationship beyond the occasional kiss on the nose and "mama mia" is like viscerally incomprehensible to me

Not like in a prude way I just can't conceive of Mario experiencing... urges. He's a character outside the scope of that. I'm not saying he's asexual either cause positioning him on the allo/ace spectrum implies that it's a dimension of his character that at least exists, that he has at some point noticed it. I think he just jumps.

[tpwrtrmnky]

Luigi probably fucks though.

[tpwrtrmnky]

#op interrogate yourself about why you think this right fucking now

So unlike Mario, who continues to be essentially a void with no internality, I actually act with thoughts and intent and already did do that when writing this post.

Mario is a mascot of one of the most sanitized corporate brands in existence. He differs from real, full-fledged ace people in that his sexlessness is not queer, not transgressive in any sense of the word, just a void left by his position as a player character. He has no queer identity because he has no identity beyond the fact that it's-a-him, Mario.

[antigyro]

Ok but why is Luigi different

[tpwrtrmnky]

displays internality by being capable of fear. to fear is to have something to lose. and what does he stand to lose? fucking.

[jarmes]

Similarly, I don’t know if Peach could comprehend the concept of sex. There is no light beyond that blank stare. She doesn’t not understand anything besides baking and being a princess

Daisy fucks nasty

[tpwrtrmnky]

Peach lives a life that is almost entirely defined by her position as an object of other people's desire, wherein she is robbed of autonomy by Bowser and expected to reward Mario with signs of affection. I think if anyone in Mario has complex thoughts about sexuality to work through with a therapist, it's Peach.

[demilypyro]

What I'm hearing is Daisy needs to take Peach to a strip club

[tpwrtrmnky]

It's crucial to help her escape from comphet

[cparti-mkiki]

[miraclemaya]

living in one of those free use public sex kinda hentai but no one wants to have sex with me so i mostly just stay home and post. i look outside and sigh wistfully at the sight of a woman getting eaten out so hard she somehow cums twice in one moment and then close my blinds so i can focus on cookie clicker

[str8aura-no-not-that-one]

Charles guiteau

[communistrainbowdash]

The man who assassinated James Garfield??????

[str8aura-no-not-that-one]

[prime89]

I will always love how you can learn things that your history class failed to teach you from shitposts on this site. Never change.

[comicgeekscomicgeek]

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