In Omnia Paratus (everyone DNI)

Adult || System of over 50|| The body is black, native american, and white (like a 50/25/25 split- in that order) || traumagenic, obviously ||

[the-lad-system]

Actual good pinned post in progress. This blog is questionably active (it just feels easier to post on sideblogs) so there’s more system stuff elsewhere. Sideblogs are:

@metalhealth-willdriveyoumad (Jabari & Corey || Mostly J + 80s glam metal atm with some mental health stuff, that should hopefully change eventually)

@im-sixx-sixx-sixx (Nikki || Mötley Crüe, knives, and some [artistic/drawn] gore)

@call-me-xyl (Xyl || Currently kind of inactive, mostly Guns N’ Roses & fan art)

@cherrie-py (Cherrie || Currently kind of inactive, mostly Warrant)

[metalhealth-willdriveyoumad]

To get kinda personal for a sec, I forgot how surreal switching can get especially for the long ones. The short ones that weren’t caused by something immediately bad/traumatic for us have always been *oh something’s wrong* *blurry blurry blurry* *intensifies by 100* *mental flash of white* *oh hi rockstar #37* and that’s kind of it

But with the long ones, there’s a whole range of things that you either don’t experience or speedrun through when they’re quick so the feeling doesn’t stay with you after the fact. Like, I can just be sitting there and just feel like I have someone else’s facial features. Not like the face attached to my body isn’t mine, but like the nose that is definitely mine and attached to my face is a completely different looking nose, or eyes or whatever.

Or, having fluctuating control of different body parts (which is odd enough with just other frontera because we don’t have full possessive switches all that often). This is still kind of happening. Right now I can move my right hand fine, but it feels kinda syrupy like it’s been asleep and it keeps defaulting to a position like I’m about to play piano. Last night I had almost no control over two fingers, and a little bit ago I just couldn’t do anything while it had what looked like a tic attack (that I know wasn’t one). I wrote half this post so far with just one hand, which is a pain and a half. (I took it off the phone for a second and it started again for a second). The whole process feels like it’s staring with the left now which is fun.

I’ve also spent most of today and the end of last night listening to the same album on loop. It’s something I’ve done completely by myself and it’s an album I would do that with, but it feels way different. I’ve switched to something else by a different artist to maybe help get someone else out so I at least don’t have to do this solo, and I’m actually having jitters (physically shaking) and I can only assume it’s because of that.

Honestly, I don’t even know how long this thing’s been going on. Because a while back, I remember getting a vague feeling of a half-formed someone new here (two someone’s, actually) and getting the kinda spacey feeling, and then they both went away and I haven’t seen them since. But now this is happening and I’m getting flashes of them again, so I get the feeling it turned into a three part split instead of two. Because that would help explain why this is hitting so hard.

The big positive I can find for this at the moment is that it would absolutely explain why I’ve had such a hard time grounding in the innerworld or getting anyone else solidly out front, with or without me. That’s it. That’s the bright side. My thumbs are fighting with me and my head hurts. The headcount getting higher doesn’t bother me, it never really has (perks of not being the original host, I guess), I’m just so tired of the active part of splitting. If someone could just give me a button to make this whole thing go faster, that would be great.

[the-lad-system]

hi by dollen did you mean Dokken?

Yeah, sorry!

[the-lad-system]

Question!

What’s the funniest/most unfortunate/what have you time you’ve split?

I’ll start. Watching the new Mission Impossible. In the theater. With our mom right next to us.

The whole split didn’t happen during the movie (it didn’t stop until the next morning), but that first hour-ish of it was a //trip//

So, stories?

[metalhealth-willdriveyoumad]

I think just one hug from Mr. Rogers would fix me

[metalhealth-willdriveyoumad]

I’ve seen a lot of people (online and in my real life) talking about how, even though it feels weird, it’s okay to feel sad or nothing at all after someone you’ve had a rocky, abusive, etc relationship (parents, partners, whatever). And that’s 100% true, but there’s something else I’ve never really seen anyone else talking about that I’m sort of dealing with right now. 

Sometimes you’re going to be angry.

Maybe it's because they left you, even if you haven’t seen them in years. Maybe it’s because they never really got retribution for what they did. Maybe it’s because how dare they put you through all these emotions. Maybe there’s no reason for it at all.

And that’s all okay. 

It’s a lot to deal with and it can feel really, really wrong, but that’s unfortunately just par for the course for this kind of situation. Because of its nature, stuff like this is always going to be messy. Grief is complicated and messy and rough when it’s over someone you had a good relationship with, it’s a whole different animal when you didn’t.

As someone who’s wrestling with this for really the first time myself, I’m not exactly in a position to give advice, but I can say that this is an okay thing to feel. You’re not broken, you’re not a bad person, you’re just in a screwed up situation that you should never have been put through in the first place.

[metalhealth-willdriveyoumad]

In theory mostly rock, horror, and mental illness stuff, but it’ll probably deteriorate to just stuff we like. Tagging is questionable at best, but we’re very charming so it’s all alright.

Run by two members of a DID system - Jabari & Corey

Main system blog @the-lad-system

[system-of-a-feather]

Hey why did you split as a part? Wrong answers only.

[call-me-xyl]

Okay, see, the three answers I wanna give (Tom Cruise/we needed a bitch/someone had to do the hot guy shit) are all accurate in one way or another. Uhh….

Someone had to keep Ethan and the serial killer way he takes coffee in check

[metalhealth-willdriveyoumad]

Am I about to fall asleep for the third time in less than 24 hours? Yes. Is my music taste still immaculate? Fuck yes

[system-of-a-feather]

Can grounding make somatic flashbacks worse?

Yeah lol

Grounding in general can be a double edged sword for people with C-PTSD. It's great if you can do it in a good time and have a safe and positive experience cause being grounded and learning to be comfortable being grounded is a really good step for healing and recovery, but like it can be a lot for people who are still trauma processing, in early trauma processing, or having really bad flashbacks since it like, gives *more* information which is often overloading and all

But tldr, yeah lol.

-Aderis

[system-of-a-feather]

Genuinely, if there is anything I would like to say to anyone new into recovery with DID and similar disorders is that actively trying to trauma process beyond what naturally comes in day to day triggers is more often than not a risky game and not really the professionally advised way to approach it as you are often going to find yourselves in state of relative overload and flooding.

While it is easier said than done, the main theme of early recovery is not trauma processing but just living life and trying to make your life safer for you as a whole. Seek out positivity, life improvement, things for yourself in the present and a little bit in the future - don't intentionally start out seeking the past and hurt and pain.

If it comes to you, it comes to you and its probably worth looking into, but don't ask more questions you don't want to know the answers to. The questions and answers will come when they are ready. Take this slowly.

[cootcutebatkat]

If y'all see @did-is-not-real clowning on your post, just block them.

They're ableist and aphobic, but worst of all, they make it everyone's problem. Or maybe they're actually not, but what does it matter? They continually reblog posts with annoying comments about how someone is faking or attention-seeking.

Don't bother sending asks. They're just a dumb troll who wants attention. Happens all the time and yeah, it's annoying as hell and it does real damage. But you're not their therapist or their parent, now are you?

Again, stay safe, block them, and report them. And remember kids! Don't feed the trolls!

Screenshots of their blog will be listed below the cut.

[artisticallygay]

This is so stupid but the idea wouldn't leave me alone

[twistcmyk]

a daily occurrence

[the-lad-system]

Names in systems are fun, because you either get the most normal names or the kinds of things that make people look at you funny when you say them out loud, and there’s almost no in between. For example:

‘Normal’ names: Tom, Ethan, Marshall, James, Darius, Richie

??? names: Stargazer, Killjoy, Bruiser, Way, Ravenmore, Keeper

There is also a secret third thing. Not in between, but completely beyond categorization, like: Aether, Całyx, Xyl (pronounced axl/aksel), Lestat, Maverick, Everest

[the-lad-system]

Figuring out faceclaims & alter portraits is so difficult, especially as a polyfrag system, because appearances range from:

A literal animal

Just some guy

Just some guy with something obviously weird about them physically

Literal character/celebrity/etc.

Literal character/celebrity/etc. with something incorrect about them

Just some guy who does not exist and you can’t find anything similar because you don’t even know what to search for

?????

Animal with wings

The same face 30 times

Shapeshifter/Face-shifter

I swear I’ve seen this face before, I swear I swear I swear, it was like… some guy in the grocery store, right? Like five years ago? How in the world are we supposed to find a picture of them? I never even heard their name! No, I won’t scour local facebook groups to see if I can find them, and if you ask again, I’m going to that escape room without you!

Object

[the-lad-system]

Jokes are such a dangerous thing when you have DID, cuz you make one off hand comment about “oh, wouldn’t it be funny if we got a fictive of that piano guy that sang It’s a Small World in that one episode of Golden Girls for 30 seconds,” and guess what happens next week