I don't have feelings and I don't hold hands

|| 21 || they/them || Marvel Comics and mental health advocacy blog || always pro-recovery || pro educated and informed self diagnosis ||

[saltseashark]

youngvengers babie!!!!! ive been looping be my baby for weeks now

[cweercrippledcrafter]

Had a revelation recently and thought it might help other people too.

There is absolutely NO shame in having a ton of projects on the go and switching between or even dropping them on a whim.

Hobbies are meant to be FUN.

You can have 20 writing projects, or knitting, or whatever your thing is, and putting them down for a bit or abandoning them is a-okay.

I personally would never think that someone who started playing a video game and then decided to play another before it was finished was a quitter, so why am I so judgemental towards myself?

Doing your hobbies in a way that brings you joy isn't selfish or weak, it's...literally the whole point of them. Go nuts!

[the-marvelous-tommy]

heres a photo of peepy i mailed to someone

I love Peepy! Such mischievous eyes.

[the-marvelous-tommy]

Something I'm learning in therapy right now is that not everyone is my abuser.

It seems very obvious. It should be obvious--but especially when you grow up with abusive people, patterns of behavior get ingrained in your head, and you become hyper vigilant around others.

So it should be obvious, but it isn't.

For instance, when my boyfriend's mom acts stressed, especially when she's in the kitchen (the kitchen is a major trigger spot for me), I start projecting a lot of my own mom's attributes onto her. She's being passive aggressive. She is angry with me, but she's not saying it until she does. And in that case she's going to kick me out after a long blown-out fight and all sorts of scenarios play out in my head.

But she's never once indicated that she would behave that way. I'm projecting my own biases onto her. And sure, my brain is trying to protect me, but is that really fair to her?

That's what my therapist told me, and it clicked. "Is it really fair to decide how another person is going to behave. Is it fair to assume the worst of them when there's no evidence to support that?"

And I've been trying really hard to break my mistrust towards people. I'm cold and distant and untrusting and a hundred different things because of my trauma. But I don't want to be. So I guess the point of this is just to say that I'm trying something new.

Whenever my trauma brain starts drawing conclusions, I at least try to ask myself if there's a reason to assume the worst in that person. And if I'm still not convinced, as embarrassing as it is, I've been trying to ask them their intent/feelings. I can't always do this, but it does help when I can.

[tamdrry]

Another sketch request and I think I love them, I’m obsessed now

[the-marvelous-tommy]

[ID: a digital drawing of Billy Kaplan and Teddy Atlman from Marvel Comics. They are both wearing their super hero costumes, and Teddy is in his skrull form. Teddy has his arms wrapped around Billy's shoulders from behind. /End ID]

[maggieithink-06]

I feel like Tommy should become morally gray again. As a treat

[cykelops]

added a boy to my etsy and recalculated shipping to b included and cheaper even

[the-marvelous-tommy]

Drawing the Batman.

[the-marvelous-tommy]

WIP

I don't know if I like it or not...

[grendel-menz]

The flies

[positivelyqueer]

[Image description: a pencil illustration comic of a person and some flies, across several images. Panel 1: The person is shirtless and drawn from the upper chest up, in a rectangular comic panel. His eyes are closed and she has a short, choppy mullet. To his right is a face in profile, covered by feathered wings. Text outside the panel reads “How do I know where psychosis ends and god begins?” 2: The person is naked and it is hunched forward on her knees and crying, in a tall, rectangular panel. His hands are held forward to catch her tears. Text inside the panel reads “I’m devoted to the vague idea of “holy”, to whatever big love that watches me”. 3: A partial illustration of a dead fly on its back. A close up on the person’s eye. Both are framed inside tear drop shaped panels. Text outside the panels read “My medications sedate me and I drop from them like a fly”. 4: Two illustrations inside circular panels. The first is the person drawn from the lower half of his face to her chest. Flies buzz to its left. Text outside the panel reads “I twitch, I gather noise”. The second is the person’s arm, from the elbow down, with the inside facing towards the viewer. His fingers are curled inward and there is a long scar running along her forearm. Text outside the panel reads “I cannot escape the paranoia because I am scared of being ripped from purpose“. /end ID]

[carnivoroustomatoes]

I've touched on it a bit before but a large amount of resources on "narcissism" are based on "how to destroy a narcissist" rather than understanding people people with NPD work so you can learn to accommodate and make compromises with them (treat them like actual people).

These are usually presented as "how to defend yourself from a narcissist" but something to look out for in the narc abuse crowd is just how often when they're confronted about their ableism (after they've posted it in NPD spaces) and people with NPD try to educate them they'll use their surface level understanding of NPD to lash out by trying to take down their self esteem. When you react to someone just adding links to medical articles that counter what you're saying by trying to emotionally tear them down you're not "defending yourself from the narcissists" you're literally going on the offense against someone whose never done anything to you other than the crime of existing, you're pathetic.

[opalwreck]

What are the best ways to help someone with NPD?

/genq

[carnivoroustomatoes]

I'm egotypical myself so if people with NPD have some accommodation tips they could add on that would be very valuable thanks!

Since I interact with a lot of narcissists I do have some things I keep in mind for accommodation:

Responding positively to bids for admiration, I always try to let people have their moments when they come to me proud or happy about something. Not taking away from what they've done to be and if I ever relate it to myself I use it to amply them rather than focus on my own accomplishment aka "I've done something similar and it was really difficult I'm impressed by what you did" is good vs "Yeah well I did this and this" is bad. Brag about your accomplishments in your own time.

More centered around giving advice but like with ASPD I do always try to be careful with how I present critiques or suggestions to people with NPD. I'd never say "what you did is bad and wrong do this instead" but instead "I understand why you're doing what you're doing but it might be worth considering it may hurt you in such ways in the long run and if that is a concern this may be worth trying instead"

Educate yourself, learn about NPD from people with NPD and the thought patterns that make the disorder what it is to better understand and sympathize with the struggles they face.

Communication! Conflict is just a fact of life and in relationships you have to be willing to make compromises. From both sides set up your boundaries, establish your needs and try to minimize the hurt your conflict might cause each other. (For example if you need a lot of space and they need a lot of attention then the compromise might look like responding to messages that you're currently socially overwhelmed and committing to making time for them once you're able, the compromise on their side being waiting and giving you space until your ready)

In general whenever I'm interacting with narcissists I take their shame response into consideration and make sure I'm not triggering it in preventable ways.

[muragos]

[ID: digital drawing of Noh Varr in his super hero outfit. He is standing with his leg up and his hands held up with peace signs. He is smiling widely with pointed canines. He is depicted as white with short white hair and green eyes. The background is blue and a little heart is drawn next to his head. End ID]

Commission for @the-marvelous-tommy

This was so fun to draw! Thank you for commissioning me.

(Reblogs>likes)

[girlfromenglishclass]

Childhood made everything feel like it lingered. The time it took for hot chocolate to cool down was eternal. Christmas day took weeks. The two-hour drive to my grandparents' house took us to a new world. It's all too fast now.

[log6]

I think the counters at popular chain coffee shops I won't name should be replaced with a fully covered area where customers can't see the employees faces or what they're doing. I'm talking once ler levels of obfuscation. The counter should look like this

secondly, the whole enclosed area should constantly emit various steams and smokes like a horrible machine, and employees should be encouraged to make as much conspicuous noise as possible. I want customers to walk up to what is basically a steel wall on a steel counter, nervously place their order in a microphone, hand over their method of payment through a small door, have it returned, then the cashier slams shut the door, they hear an absolute cacophany for a minute and their drink and receipt are unceremoniously slid out the very same little door in the wall

[angelbabyspice]

This is EXACTLY what it’s like.

[orange-marzipan]

[ID: A screenshot of a Tiktok with text overlaid on a picture of two people in a kitchen together. The text reads: “when i was younger i don’t think i realized how much marriage was going to just feel like hanging out with your best buddy all the time. i didn’t realize how much of it would be so platonic. when you’re together 24/7 only maybe 30% of your words and interactions are romantic, sexia;. etc. most of your time is spent in the mundane.

make sure you wait until you find the person that even just going to the grocery store or cooking dinner is a highlight. and where arguments feel like healthy stepping stones and not exhausting. where you light up differently when you with them 💘.” The Tiktok is by @vora.quinn and is captioned “this was meant to be funny bc it doesn’t match the music but then i wrote this out…(cut off).” End ID]

[muragos]

[ID: Two digital drawings of Billy Kaplan (Wiccan). They are nearly identical with the one of the left featuring him with light blue glowing eyes and background to show his magic and the one on the right without the magic. The painting shows him from his shoulders up and he is depicted as Romani with brown skin and curly black hair. His eyes are hazel and he has light freckles. He is wearing his super hero costume with his red cape and he is wearing black earrings. End ID.]

I couldn’t decide which one I liked better.

[the-marvelous-tommy]

I've been thinking about him again (Tommy Shepherd)

[wtylas]

[the-marvelous-tommy]

[image description: a picture of Tommy Shepherd drawn with scribbles drawn to look like a panel from Avengers: Children's Crusade. He stands next to a stick figure. Next to the stick figure, it reads: "thank u for changing my life". Next to Tommy it reads: "this is virtually the only good picture you have of me in suit". /End ID]