Penny Lane

Please don't sing the song Penny Lane || 31 yrs old || pansexual || barista/film maker

[stevienick]

[the-younger-lane]

verity-cross​:

It was part of who she was, blaming herself for things she couldn’t control or her fault. “I wish you would have.” Verity’s voice was soft. “How about now? Can you let me in now?” She questioned. Her fingertips grazed over Penny’s knuckles softly. “You were good to me though, Penny. You really were.” She really believed that because it was true. Her eyes remained on her ex, even as the other woman looked at the ground. “We are both fine. I promise you this. Just some a sprang arm and Sophia had a bump on her head. But she is okay. Like I said keeps asking about you.” She sighed a little bit before nodding her head some. “Yeah, I did. Last thing I wanted was for you to be in jail. Especially since the accident could have been a lot worse. You didn’t mean to hurt us.” 

Penny nodded at Verity’s admission. She also wished that she would have opened up to her.  She looked up at her question, nodding gently. “I want to try.” She admitted. She meant it to.  Showing Verity her weaknesses was hard but she knew that if she didn’t do it now that there probably wouldn’t be a time that she could.  She smiled softly as she traced over her fingertips, the feeling so familiar.  “Thank you, for saying that.” It was something that she needed to hear.  Talking about Sophia just made the note swim through her head.  “I’m sure Macey won’t be happy to know that Sophia asks about me.” She said softly, before looking up a Verity. “I didn’t mean to hurt you but I still got in that car high to pick you up.”

[the-younger-lane]

verity-cross​:

Last thing Verity wanted between them was awkward silence, nothing about them had ever been awkward. When she heard Penny, she looked back at her. “I should have seen something was going on. That you were hurting and that you needed me.” Taking a chance, she reached over and took Penny’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. Last thing she wanted was to make her ex girlfriend cry. Penny had been her first everything. This wasn’t far to either of them at all. “I still shouldn’t have reacted like that.” It just brought up memories of her brother, stuff she was still dealing with. She hardly talked about Donny. “I think Jonas has a lot to do with that and the fact that I pleaded for you not to sit in jail any longer.” She told her softly. 

She didn’t want Verity to feel like this was her fault and she wondered if Shelby could talk to her or if there was somewhere she could go to for this.  “I didn’t let you see any of that.  I didn’t let you in enough.” She admitted, furrowing her brow slightly. Penny looked over as Verity reached for her hand, letting her take it and returning the squeeze,  “I wasn’t fair to you.” She used her free hand to wipe at her eyes as she looked down at the ground in front of them. “I don’t think anyone would have reacted differently in the moment.  I’m just so thankful that you and Sophia are alright.” She thought about Jonas, trying to remember those days but she had been coming down hard and everything was such a blur. “You did?”

[the-younger-lane]

verity-cross​:

Verity couldn’t help it, Penny could make her blush easily and she always did whenever she was around the other woman. “Yeah, I do. I know it’s a big deal with seeing me again due to what happened. I should have..I should have done things differently. I can only imagine what you are going through, Penny. I’m sorry that I wasn’t here for you. I should have been and I wasn’t.” She said this softly, her eyes not leaving hers. “And I know it’s probably going to take some time. But I would like to be here for you in any way that you need.” She smiled a little bit, before shrugging some. “It was the only way I knew if you were okay or not. Sophia asks about you and I never know what to tell her. She doesn’t understand why you haven’t been around.” Her voice was still soft. “Well I’m glad your therapist would have noticed that.” She chuckled lightly. “That is a good thing. It’s always good to open up to someone and I’m glad that you found that person even if it wasn’t me.”

Penny had been expecting awkward silence until she found the words to apologize and try to even start making amends for everything that she had put Verity through and when Verity started to apologize all she could do was sit there and shake her head.  He hands clenched at her sides, her nails digging into her palms, as she looked at Verity. “I don’t, please stop. You don’t owe me anything. You don’t have to say any of this.” She pleaded softly as she looked at her.  “I owe you all the apologies and even that wouldn’t be enough.” She said quietly, thinking about the message that -A had left under her pillow, finding a way even here to torture her.  A small sob escaped her when Verity mentioned Sophia asking about her, shaking her head as she fought back the tears that were stinging her eyes.  “I don’t blame you, for any of it. Especially not the way you reacted that night.” She admitted. “I deserved it, and worse.  I honestly still don’t understand how I ended up here and only spent the three nights in jail before sentencing.” She said softly. She listened as Verity spoke about Shelby but she couldn’t concentrate on any of that, not when Verity was making no sense to her.

[the-younger-lane]

verity-cross​:

Verity couldn’t help but feel her cheeks starting to heat up and probably turn red, looking away for a moment. “Thank you.” She looked at Penny once again. “You still look good though even with you hair growing.” She said softly. The weight gain wasn’t something that the brunette noticed at all. She just noticed that Penny looked a lot more better. “You’re welcome.” She continued to let her eyes linger on the other woman for a moment. “Thank you for seeing me and I’m sorry if I pestered Paisley.” Maybe she was a little bit jealous of Shelby, she got to see Penny and help her through this difficult time. Be there when Verity couldn’t be. When they first started their visit, Verity noticed the other woman watching them before she left. “She seems nice and I’m glad that you have someone that you can count on. I know opening up isn’t the most easiest thing for you to do.” At least it wasn’t with her. And if Penny found someone to open to up well she would support that.

Penny noticed the blush on Verity’s cheeks and she smiled softly.  “You’re welcome.” She couldn’t even remember if she brushed her hair today and she moved her hand to run her fingers through her hair.  “Thank you.” She smiled again, feeling Verity’s eyes on her still.  She rolled her lower lip against her teeth before looking at her. “You don’t have to thank me. I’m sorry I didn’t let you in sooner. It was just rough in the beginning.” She admitted, letting out a small sigh.  “I think it’s kind of nice that you checked in with Paisley.” She said, looking over at her.  “Yeah, it’s definitely something my therapists have noticed.” She chuckled softly. “But I think I am getting better at it.”

[the-younger-lane]

verity-cross​:

Verity was doing her best to not seem jealous especially since that person was helping Penny. The thoughts of seeing the other woman again were there all the time and she replayed which ways this could have went. There were so many different ways this could go. “Hi.” She repeated herself, she felt nervous and the awkwardness between them. It was overwhelming because it had never been there before. “Thanks.” She reached up and a ran a hand through it. “Thought it was time for a change.” The brunette admitted, looking Penny over for a moment. “You look good. Better.” Which was true considering the last time that she had saw her. “Who was that woman with you? Another patient, friend or someone helping?” She had no right to ask anymore. Penny didn’t have to justify anyone to her. “Sorry..you don’t have to answer that.”

Penny smiled softly as she watched Verity run her fingers through her hair. “It suits you.” She admitted, understanding the part about wanting a change. “I never thought I would see the day when you had shorter hair than me.” She chuckled softly.  She felt Verity’s eyes on her and she wondered if she should feel self conscious about the weight she had put on. They told her it was a sign of her healthy recovery and that it was only a few pounds but still. “Thanks.” She said softly, looking back at her.  At the question about Shelby she raised her brow slightly, trying to figure out if there was a chance that Verity could possibly be as jealous as she seemed.  “No, it’s okay. I don’t mind.  That was Shelby, she’s my sponsor.” She looked back to see if Shelby was still around but she didn’t see her. “She’s been great.”

[verity-cross]

@the-younger-lane​

Paisley had given her the okay after she went to check and see how her visit went with Penny. Which meant that Penny actually wanted to see her and maybe she was a bit excited for that. When the woman at the front desk mentioned that Penny was with her sponsor right now, and told Verity to wait. She couldn’t help but pace a little bit, spotting Penny with some woman who she figured was Penny’s sponsor, she watched them for a moment. Feeling a small ping of jealousy. But that woman was just helping Penny right? And that was what mattered. All she wanted was for the other woman to get better and try to be there for her if that was what she wanted. She had a lot of time to think about things and she wasn’t even sure where they stood. Even though Verity had broken up with her. Maybe in a haste because it brought back so many memories with her brother and if something had happened to Sophia, she wasn’t sure if she would even forgive herself. When she seen Penny come over, she gave her a small smile. “Hey.” She wasn’t sure what they should do here. God, she wanted to hug her, she really did.

[the-younger-lane]

After Penny had said goodbye to Shelby, she turned to the entrance of the room where she saw Verity waiting for her.  She ran her tongue over her lower lip before moving to cross the room to her.  She had imagined over and over again what it would be like to see her again and she wasn’t sure which of the numerous ways this would go.  “Hi.” She nodded, giving her a small smile as she approached.  She could feel the awkwardness hanging in the air as Penny walked with her to find a place for them to sit.  She stood next to the couch, looking Verity over. She looked good, which was a relief for her, motioning to her hair but stopping herself from reaching out to touch it. “I like your hair.” She said softly, looking at her again before sitting down.

[the-younger-lane]

shelby-whitfield​:

“Seems like you have a lot of important people in your life which isn’t a bad thing at all. You need to hang onto those people. You have hurt some of them with your actions while you were high but they will forgive you.” Shelby nodded her head. “I understand that completely.” She really did considering she was still friends with the person that introduced her to everything. “I believe there is something out there. Something after all of this.” She looked back at her. “Maybe you did, maybe you didn’t but you have been given this second chance and not a lot of people get that.” Maybe Shelby would tell Penny what she did one of these days. Looking back at her, she nodded her head. “That’s right. You have this, Penny. And like I said I’m here for the rest of the day and a little bit through the night if you need anything at all.”

“I just hate living in a world without him in it.” Penny admitted, sighing softly.  “How are you so sure that they’ll forgive me?” She asked earnestly.  She smiled at the idea of there being something after this life.  “Here’s hoping I can stick with it this time.” She mused.  She ran her tongue over her lip as she looked at Shelby. “I couldn’t do it without you.” She said softly. “I’ll probably come and find you later if that’s okay.”

[the-younger-lane]

paisley--lane​:

Paisley smiled over at her, it seemed like she was doing better. Which was all she wanted for her. “I hope so. I don’t know if Harold has anything planned or not. But I will definitely be waiting for you call.” She stood up and leaned down to kiss her head. “You have this, Penny. I know you can do it and you are not alone in this.”

“He better.” Penny smirked slightly.  She smiled at the kiss to her head. “Thank you for everything Paisley. I’ll see you soon.”

[the-younger-lane]

shelby-whitfield​:

“So you loved him but you weren’t in love with him?” Shelby noted that to write down later. “You shouldn’t regret that choice because clearly from the way you speak there are differences between Nathaniel and her. And you love her.” She nodded her head a little bit. “It’s okay not to believe in god, but you can believe there is something out there. That is totally your call. I’m not one to push religion on anyone.” She couldn’t help but brush away the tears, and she hoped like hell she wasn’t crossing a line. “You did. Trust me on that. If I had realized my own problem sooner maybe things would be different.” Maybe the guy she killed would still be alive.” After she dropped her hand and stood up, she placed her hand onto Penny’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. “You’re welcome. And you know if you aren’t ready, I can ask her to leave. The choice is yours.”

Penny nodded at the question. “He was probably my best friend. He was very important to me.” She admitted softly.  “I know that, it’s complicated because he introduced me to all of this but... I don’t regret knowing him.” She nodded when she said she wasn’t going to push religion on her. “What do you believe?” She asked, looking at her.  “Yeah, but I think it’s more that I got lucky than anything.” It wasn’t anything she did that had made the accident any better.  She looked at Shelby as she squeezed her shoulder. “No, no, I can do it.  No time like the present, right?”

[the-younger-lane]

paisley--lane​:

“Totally and completely the plus side. That is totally why I want you to move in with me.” She teased lightly, with a small chuckle. “It does mean a lot and I hope she doesn’t break tradition.” Paisley gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “I should get going before Edward does burn the Hideaway down to the ground. But next time I come it will be to pick you up from this place hopefully.”

“I had a feeling.” Penny chuckled softly.  “I hope you have a good birthday, I’ll try to call you but if I can’t I hope you have a good day.” She smiled, squeezing her hand back. “I guess we’ll see what happens.”

[the-younger-lane]

shelby-whitfield​:

“Did you love him? The way that he loved you. What do you believe in? Think there is a higher power out there?” Shelby leaned forward again, this time she reached out and brushed some tears away from Penny’s cheek. Hopefully the the woman wouldn’t feel like she was crossing a line or something. Of course she noticed how Penny opened up and that was big progress that she trusted the brunette enough to talk about this. “Sometimes when people do bad things that is all people see and can’t get over.” She told her softly. “Maybe you didn’t or maybe you were just shielding yourself. A lot of people do that especially with what we have. We don’t want it to darken the people in our life that brings light but we don’t realize that is exactly what we are doing until it is too late. But you caught before it was too late.” She pulled her hand back. “I don’t think she could do any better. Yes, you have your flaws but you are working on them and that counts for everything.” Another worker came over and told Shelby something, she looked over at Penny for a moment. “Guess that answers my question. She’s here. I know we are in the middle of a session but you can totally go early. You did wonderful today, Penny. I mean that. And next time we can pick up right were we left at. Take a deep breath and let it out. Everything is going to be fine. This visit might be a good thing and it might be bad. Just remember that you are stronger than what you think you are. Even if it doesn’t feel like it.” She stood up. “But let me know if you need anything. I’m here the rest of the day.”

“I definitely loved him but I don’t know if it’s the way he loved me.” Penny said softly. “I made the choice to be with Verity over him and I never regretted that choice.” She admitted, letting out a small sigh.  “I don’t know. I tried to pray, you know, when my mum told me she was sick but I don’t know.  I feel like I need to believe that there is something after this.”  She watched as Shelby leaned to touch her face, her heart skipping a beat as her fingers wiped her cheek.  “I don’t feel like I caught it before it was too late but I guess that is true. “ Penny looked at her when she said that she didn’t think Verity could do better.  She put down the tissue on the table so she wouldn’t play with it but she was sure there was a clear look of panic on her face as she said that Verity was there. It was all over so fast and Penny couldn’t do anything besides nod and watch as she stood up, wiping her face again.  “Thank you.” She said softly.

[the-younger-lane]

paisley--lane​:

“It is. And hey, if you ever want to pick up some shifts or something feel free.” Paisley told her, not minding one bit and she knew Edward wouldn’t either. “Maybe. I mean we do have that tradition since we were born on the same day. It is.” The brunette couldn’t be mad if Penny didn’t remember it. She had a lot going on. She smiled back at her. “I’m super excited for it and I can’t wait to have my sister home.”

Penny smiled softly when Paisley said she could pick up some shifts.  “Is that the plus side of living with you? I’ll get to cover all the shifts people don’t sign up for?” She teased gently.  “I don’t think she’ll break tradition.  I know she doesn’t show it much but I think it means as much to her as it does to you. “

[the-younger-lane]

shelby-whitfield​:

“Tell me about the letter.” Shelby sat back, not picking up her notepad. “Maybe he was on his way out of town and he had to make sure you got the letter because in some way maybe Nathaniel was in love with you also.” She reached for some tissues and handed them over to Penny. “From what you have told me about her, I don’t think she would have gotten upset. I think if you would have told her, she would have understood it. You didn’t fuck up everything, Penny. You have a disease and it just happened to win this time.” Honestly Shelby was glad that Penny opened up to her. “Yeah we all have weeks like that but at least this addiction isn’t as bad.” She joked lightly as well. “He seems like it. When is Verity coming?” 

“He wrote that he remembered who had framed who, who buried him in the ground.  He said they were going to come for him and that if he was sending me the letter to say that he loved me and that he was hoping for a higher power because he didn’t want to believe that he and I wouldn’t cross paths again.” Penny whispered, feeling a tear drop onto the back of her hand. She reached for the tissues from Shelby and wiped the tear on her hand before wiping her face.  “So many people saw the bad things in him and he said I was the only one that saw the good.” She nodded when Shelby said that Verity would have understood. “There are so many things I never told her.  I always tried to hide all my secrets from her, never trusting enough that my darkness wouldn’t be too much for her.  I guess I never gave her enough credit.”  She started to wring the tissue in her hand as she sighed.  “She really does deserve so much better than me.” She shook her head when Shelby asked when she was coming. “I’m not sure.”

[the-younger-lane]

shelby-whitfield​:

If Penny wanted to know, Shelby would show her. It was just notes after all. “Yes, you have to say his name sooner or later. And Verity does deserve to know the truth about your involvement with Nathaniel. The question is are you ready to tell her that story? How this all got started?” Shelby was sure that she would be Penny’s friend. Even if she wasn’t her sponsor. “Exactly. That is the best way to look at it. And trust me after you get passed these hard conversation, everything will seem like a piece of cake.” It was hard when she did it. “So seeing Tom isn’t such a bad thing. He might surprise you actually.”

“That fucking letter.” Penny said quietly. “If he knew he was going to die here why didn’t he try and leave or something? Why did he take the time to make sure I got that fucking letter?” She wiped at her eyes, even before the tears fell  “I just, I thought crying over an ex would upset her, obviously all of this was more upsetting for her. I just fucked everything up.” She admitted, furrowing her brow.  She wasn’t sure how Shelby got her to open up so easily and she still wasn’t used to it.  “I guess that’s true.  I never thought I would make it through the weeks where they kept me from the caffeine and look at me now, coffee in hand.” She joked softly, shaking her head. “He’s a good guy.”

[the-younger-lane]

paisley--lane​:

“You’re right he isn’t. He’s been really good about staying.” Paisley looked down for a moment before back at Penny. “I haven’t really spoken to Emily, if I’m being completely honest.” She stated. “About both actually. I am looking forward to us moving in together and becoming sisters.”

“Things are working out with you both owning The Hideaway then?” Penny asked, thankful for a conversation that wasn’t just about how she was doing.  She nodded at the comment about her talking to Emily.  “Maybe you’ll see her on your birthday. It’s coming up, right?” Time wasn’t an easy thing for her to keep track of in here. She smiled softly at her comment about them becoming sisters. “Me too.”

[itsemilylane]

@the-younger-lane​

“Hey, you…” Emily walked into the room, a little nervous because who knows if Penny would even want her there.

[the-younger-lane]

After her talk with Paisley about Tom and Verity maybe stopping by, Penny had gone to the Doctor to ask about removing any restrictions on her visitor but she had to admit, this was not a voice she expected to hear.  “Hey Em.” She smiled softly, motioning for her to sit down.