Bi-Disaster zone

Just a fully Grown GOBLIN Accepting headcannons at any time and willing to write them at any time. "Words were different when they were inside you."

[aliteralchicken]

Duke: hey where’s Tim? I haven’t seen him all day, its Christmas Eve

Dick: Tim buried on his mother on Christmas Eve so he tends to spend the day with young justice, I think it’s a comfort thing

…

Tim, is with young justice on Christmas Eve but not for the reason everyone thinks: I can’t believe it’s been so long since we saw Santa die

[fact-dogsarehappiness]

The only batkid who’s microchipped is Dick because when Bruce started fostering a hyperactive 8 year old who liked somersaulting off buildings and beating the crap out of people, he thought it would be a good idea to be able to keep track of the kid and no one knew he was doing it so no one stopped him

But then Jason was (mostly) well behaved so it didn’t feel necessary and then Tim wasn’t technically his kid at first so it would’ve been weird, so by the time any of the post-Tim batkids roll around, Bruce has forgotten about the concept of microchipping his children (and he absolutely does not remember that Dick is chipped)

The problem is that everyone thinks the batkids are microchipped because Bruce always knows exactly where they are (Barbara tracks their devices) and it’s not like Bruce is gonna tell people that his kids aren’t chipped and expose a potential security flaw

So basically all the batkids think they’re microchipped but Dick is the only one who is actually microchipped

I see this coming to a head with one of the kids having to go through regular airport security or something and asking if the microchip will set off the metal detector, and then Bruce will say “none of you are actually microchipped” at the same time that Dick will say “yes, but just tell them you have a pacemaker”

And this will of course cause an argument that will cause Dick to not come to Gotham for a couple months

[deecotan]

absolute doodles

[catfancyceo]

Let's kill this guy with mama.

[aroace-madness]

Robin Dick ragebaiting goons so he can sic Bruce on them

[noodles-and-tea]

It’s a lil snowy

[reillyikes]

DONNA AND DICK MY GOD

[optichocolate]

“Touch comes before sight, before speech. It’s the first language, and the last, and always tells the truth” -Margaret Atwood

[flourkkay]

redraw

[ashoss]

conversation i had abt which characters have dimples led to this :>

[cowsnotcrows]

wonder twins!!!!

[ieatstarsss]

sparkles

[geckyjuno]

my bedsheet is pregnant and it's. the rest of my laundry

[muppetyaoi]

another one for the collection, gang.

[kaaaaaaarf]

is there anything worse than accidentally putting on the non-explicit version of an album? where is my beloved wife fuck and my beautiful daughter cunt?

[ochibrochi]

america's sweetheart olympian 🥇

[robs-your-robins]

Thinking more about the rumour if how Bruce Wayne acquired his two eldest boys because they both are carbon copies of him and everybody at first thinks that Bruce fathered them with the same woman on the side but for some reason didn't marry her or couldn't for some reason but then...

Then Superman flies into Gotham to rescue Bruce and the kids. And everybody is like, "wait a damn minute" because while Dick and Jason are copies of Bruce, they do sort of look like... And Superman is very intimate with them, hugging Dick and crouching down to talk to twelve year old Jason who looks a little wary and then there's Bruce. There's Bruce, who is smiling, not that ghastly social smile or that flirty smile but something real, and he looks so comfortable around Supes and... Did Superman just brush something off Bruce's Wayne face? Immediately rumours start spreading and Gotham has a new reason to loathe Big Blue from Metropolis:

Superman: Don't be afraid, just take my hand and we will get you somewhere safe.

Gothamite, clinging to a lamppost: How about fuck no?

Superman: um, excuse me, sir?

Gothamite: You think I'm letting you fly me out of here? Taking me off to god knows where? So you can what?

Superman: Save you?

Gothamite: Oh, like you "saved" Bruce Wayne? Got him pregnant with two babies you don't pay child support for or even visit? They're beautiful boys but I'm not having no alien baby let alone with some deadbeat baby daddy.

Superman:

Batman, deadpan: I'm mean he's right, Superman. You did me wrong like you did Bruce Wayne. Two babies and no daddy.

Gothamite, angrier now: YOU KNOCKED UP THE BAT TOO?

Batman: He won't even visit us any more. Nightwing and Robin miss him so much.

Superman:

Nightwing, holding Jason Todd, both looking like puppies in the rain: Daddy?

[finnoky]

He’s a great influence (Tim broke into his flat)

[batman-katflap]

Clark: "Hey, B, are you okay, you look a little--"

Bruce: "What ever you are about to say, don't say it."

Clark: "Why?"

Bruce, in a whisper: "Because Dick has taken it upon himself to impress me with backflips should I appear upset."

Clark: "And this is a problem because?"

Bruce, still whispering: "Because whilst in all other ways he is a gifted acrobat, every time he does a backflip, without fail, he falls on his face and fighting back the urge to laugh everytime is starting to wear on me."

Clark: "Aww, Bruce. Sounds like he messes up on purpose to try and make you laugh, 'cause I've seen him do backflips lots of times."

Bruce: "Oh..."

---

Bruce, later as he tucks Dick into bed: "If you really want to make me laugh, you should do that thing where you jump onto Clark..."

---

Dick, the next morning leaping from the chandelier: "SKY ATTACK."

Clark, scrambling to catch him: "Jesus, Dick!"