Personified Novels

An amalgamation of things I find funny enough to snort at, usually. Also books, sometimes art.

[charl0ttan]

dog i gotta move like yesterday

[goth-queen]

[toskarin]

I used to reference this tweet all the time. I did it for years. I misremembered "kramer gets addicted to virtual yogurt" being a meme so I gave people shit for not remembering it

and then one day I looked it up and realized it was from a failed 2013 gimmick account that tweeted 6 times before being abandoned and got like. 2 retweets ever.

[thestuffedalligator]

They’ve been rebuilding the Tower of Babel, but this time they have a team of linguists on site. Every time God smites the builders and invents a dozen new languages, the linguists have a dozen decently sized translations in about a month and work can start up again.

The linguists have been really into it. They say the new phonemes are fascinating. As for God, I assume that at this point he’s just curious to see how far this goes.

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

To keep us on out toes, God gives the next group of builders an extra place of articulation called the flongus between the pharynx and the glottis, creating an entire new column of the IPA chart with sounds between sounds that are literally physiologically impossible for non-flongled people to replicate.

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

Improved symbols for the flongal plosives ("gacks"), flongal trill ("hacks"), flongal fricatives ("groans"), and and the flongal lateral approximant ("moans")

[inthefallofasparrow]

Update: The builders have now simply switched to communicating entirely through a universal sign language like they should've done to start with. No sounds need be spoken, flongal or otherwise. The Tower steadily rises. Be seeing you soon, God, you little bitch.

[koth-harvest-final]

update: the builders are all speaking different sign languages now

[unusual]

[entities-of-posts]

The Stranger

[mapsontheweb]

Map of religion in Spain before the edict of Isabella I of Castile in 1502

(by u/ShitteruKoto)

[luntfontanne]

dearly departed fung wah bus may she rest in POWER 🫡 obsessed with ayo's go-to bit in her last press cycle being the great molasses flood and this time around it's the fung wah bus. real bostonian representation 🙂‍↕️

now you gotta pay like $35 for a bus to new york and it STILL will probably break down and leave you stranded at an ihop in connecticut :(

[luntfontanne]

imagine this 💭: open your eyes 🫵 CLOSE 'EM 🙂‍↕️ now open your MENTAL EYE 👁️ right? you are in a BUS DEPOT 🚏🚌 in the DEPTHS of boston chinatown 🏮🌆 you get the opportunity to take a $10-15 💸 bus that will take you to new york 🗽 in UNDER four hours ⏱️ sometimes THREE 🏃💨 it's like the concorde of buses ✈️ this thing's going a hundred miles— BIG bus, too🫸↔️🫷not a small bus 🤏 BIG ol' bus 🙌💪 HUNDRED miles an hour 💯 on the speedway 🛣️ sometimes? catching fire 🔥🧯 don't sit in the back 👈 don't sit in the front 👉 you will hit things 🧳⚠️ and things will hit you 🤕🔨 the bus? might explode 💥💥💥 THAT'S NOT YOUR BUSINESS ✋ your business is GETTING TO NEW YORK 🫡 and then you do :)

[dduane]

Palantir CEO Makes Shocking Confession on Disrupting Democratic Power

They’re saying the quiet part out loud now.

Karp’s message is loud and clear: My technology will take political capital away from one of your greatest enemies—liberal women with degrees—and give one of your favorite demographics to patronize—working-class men—more political power to transfer to you. He’s aligning his technology with both GOP political strategy and the larger male-centered culture war that the right has been waging for the better part of a decade now. And how exactly would his technology only hurt Democrat women?

An uncomfortable read. Might be wise not to skip it.

[arielseaworth]

“Perhaps you have forgotten. That’s one of the great problems of our modern world, you know. Forgetting. The victim never forgets. Ask an Irishman what the English did to him in 1920 and he’ll tell you the day of the month and the time and the name of every man they killed. Ask an Iranian what the English did to him in 1953 and he’ll tell you. His child will tell you. His grandchild will tell you. And when he has one, his great-grandchild will tell you too. But ask an Englishman—” He flung up his hands in mock ignorance. “If he ever knew, he has forgotten. ‘Move on!’ you tell us. ‘Move on! Forget what we’ve done to you. Tomorrow’s another day!’ But it isn’t, Mr. Brue.” He still had Brue’s hand. “Tomorrow was created yesterday, you see. That is the point I was making to you. And by the day before yesterday, too. To ignore history is to ignore the wolf at the door.”

- A Most Wanted Man, John le Carré

[parkchanwoohoo]

You read Wretched of the Earth and how the colonizer has PTSD from torturing the colonized and the former has a panic attack upon seeing a former victim while the latter desperately tries to kill himself to avoid recapture and I think it's right to ask: Am I really supposed to pity the former?

[Speaking slowly, gently, as though trying not to scare a startled horse] Now. Consider. The US military

[parkchanwoohoo]

To be clear I am not saying Fanon is attempting to elicit sympathy for the colonizer. I mean "Am I supposed to feel sorry for them" in an aghast way because the colonizer, who is suffering, feels he deserves sympathy. You see it again and again, all throughout history, and even now people complain about how traumatized they are from murdering civilians. How even in the end, in their eyes, the true victim is the perpetrator who lives rather than the dead person who is "at peace." As though any number of extenuating personal circumstances is supposed to make your guilt weigh more than the actual harms other people have experienced at your hands. As though people overseas wouldn't also like to go to college, would like to afford a house, would like to escape poverty. It's infuriating!

[creatingblackcharacters]

If you think Remmick's behavior in Sinners towards Sammie was in any way queer or motivated by sexual attraction, boy do I got a book you'll love!!

Join your fellow centuries of believers as you learn the racist history of white people (yes, the women too!) taking advantage of their enslaved Black victims' bodies in any way they saw fit, because they had a psychosexual obsession with the power they held over them! I'm sorry, I mean the "enemies to lovers obsessed vampire trope"!

[theslinkystickyvoid]

That title is kinda creepy to me.

[creatingblackcharacters]

So is eating Black people both literally and figuratively, my dear

[queerliblib]

we were tagged in the replies here. just wanna say this book is incredible. we’ve got the audiobook at QLL (& hope to add the ebook in the future)

it is also an award winner! 2014 Lambda for LGBTQ Studies

[caesarsaladinn]

there should be a sequel poem called Ozymandias 2 where it’s revealed that the statue is actually the centerpiece of a bustling tourist town, the road to the town lies directly on top of a stone road that Ozymandias built during his reign, and that historical fiction about him continues to sell quite well in both domestic and international markets

[caesarsaladinn]

and the pharaoh himself is on display in the Egyptian National Museum

[antlered-vixen]

I am so tired of short-attention-span, trim-the-fat culture. All writing advice these days is for how to write like Chuck Palahniuk. "Cut 'think', cut 'feel', cut 'wonder' - only action, only pushing forward, show and move and move and move." What if I could emulate this style, and still don't want to? What if I want to write like Henry James, with three paragraphs of introspective musings between each dialogue line? The music advice is, "make it shortform, make it Tik-Tok compatible, make it punchy, hit the refrain as soon as possible." What if I want that 10-minute prog rock piece? What if I want that symphony? What if I want it slow and luxurious and lazy? Movies. Series. Poetry. Bodies. Everything is "trimmed trimmed trimmed trimmed, stripped bare, you have three seconds to win me over, make it airport chic." I don't want to win you over, then, I guess. I want the fat left it. I want the pleasure and the indolence and the indulgence. Fuck this art-advice that's always "your art needs Ozempic."

[holy-punks]

My favourite translator said that when she was an ambassador for Hungary she took all these Japanese politicians on a tour and she was trying to circumtranslate ‘merry go round’ cause she didn’t know the Japanese word for it by calling it a ‘horse tornado for children’ and they had no blessed idea what she was saying and she finally started running in circles going up and down and they go ‘ohhhhh, in Japan we call those ‘merry-go-rounds’”

[depsidase]

[dumnslut]

[quasi-normalcy]

[natalieironside]

Cowards. These jagoffs are such thorough cowards that they can't conceive of anyone being less cowardly than themselves. And they'll just say it out loud.

[natalieironside]

#don't these people know the big scary men with guns are supposed to intimidate them?#you're supposed to run away! let us win let us win!!!!!!!#- this guy probably

As the late, great Carl von Clausewitz might've said: "A conqueror is always a lover of peace (as Bonaparte always asserted of himself); he would like to make his entry into our state unopposed."