@theashleyray @theashleyray - Tumblr Blog

do not engage with these, i just need to post my headshots for a thing, thanks

Badass Black Women History Month: Celebrating 28 Black Women Who Said, “Fuck it, I’ll Do It!” Day 3: Mabel Fairbanks America’s First Black Female Figure Skater

Mabel Fairbanks was the first black person to be inducted into the US Figure Skating Hall of Fame in 1997. She was also inducted into the International Women’s Sports Hall of Fame. While Mabel coached some of the biggest names in figure skating like Scott Hamilton, Debi Thomas and Kristi Yamaguchi, she was never allowed to compete in the Olympics at the height of her career because of her race. As a black woman skating in Jim Crow America, she was often banned from rinks and competitions.

Born in 1915 in Florida, Mabel was left orphaned after her mother died when she was 8. Mabel went to live with her older brother in New York City, but his wife wouldn’t allow her to stay with them and she was soon homeless. A wealthy woman saw her sleeping on a park bench and gave her a job as a babysitter in her home overlooking Central Park. Mabel watched the children skating from the Central Park apartment and decided she could do it too. At only 10 years old, Mabel bought a pair of used skates that were too big, stuffed them with cotton and headed to the whites only ice rink. “Blacks didn’t skate there. But it was a public place, so I just carried on,” she once said.

By the 1930s, Mabel was a skating sensation, but she was still not allowed into most ice rinks. There weren’t any black skate rinks and she was denied entry to the white rinks. Still, Mabel would return every single day until, finally, the manager let her in. Even though Olympic medalist and nine-time US Champion Maribel Vinson personally took Mabel under her wing as a student, Mabel still wasn’t able to compete in any qualifying events for the Olympics because she was black.

Instead, Mabel would perform at black charity events and private shows. White producers refused to book her despite her skills. With few options, Mabel decided to move to Los Angeles where she was able to tour internationally, skating with Ice Capades in Mexico and later with Ice Follies. Mabel would go on to coach singles and pairs skating. Many of her students would go on to compete in the Olympics and win gold. Mabel was never bitter and was proud of her accomplishments. In a 1998 interview the Los Angeles Times wrote:

“If I had gone to the Olympics and become a star, I would not be who I am today,” she explains. And who she is, many colleagues agree, is the woman who helped break the color barrier in U.S. figure skating, who became a coach and mentor to youngsters of all races, many of whom became famous and many of whom still call her “mom."

theashleyray

Fuck Tonya Harding. I want a movie about Mabel.

ak-accountability

I have been asked to take my post down

I have been asked to take my personal posts down because survivors have said they are damaging. I want to not cause any more harm, so I am taking my personal posts down.

theashleyray

lmfao he took all this down because it was an admission of guilt. no one in the accountability process asked this. none of the survivors did. they asked him to take down ONE THING about survivor statements, not all of his personal posts. remember when he wrote “i was too concerned with being called a serial rapist to consider if i was one?” yea, this was to cover his own ass. glad i could log into tumblr for the first time in forever for this.

aquariushawty

HOW HE TREATS YOU IS HOW HE FEELS ABOUT YOU. DON’T TRY TO DECODE IT OR MAKE EXCUSES ITS SIMPLE. IF HE ACTS LIKE HE DON’T CARE, HE DON’T CARE.

theashleyray

ok but see sometimes they act like they care

#rick and morty tattoo

roseydoux

The Silence (1963)

ak-accountability

Beginning the Process of Accountability

EDIT: This post was written before I was made aware of the full scope of the widespread harm my actions were responsible for. I absolutely know that this statement is insultingly inadequate. I hoped releasing something that acknowledged in any way that these claims are valid and I’m seeking a trained professional would be an indication that this isn’t something I’m just waiting out with the hope it’ll go away.

I have reblogged the groups post because their statement is a much more comprehensive overview of everything than what I posted.

All seven statements of harm have been given to my therapist and we will be going over them in the weeks to come. I am in no way trying to dispute or argue any of the survivors experiences. I believe their accounts more than my own because I know I have had years of mental justification and denial that clouds my memory of reality. This is something that my therapists specializes in overcoming. The full depth of my harmful actions when I first wrote the below statement were still being put together, and agree it minimizes the hurt I’ve caused people in a way that is manipulative and untruthful to the community and the survivors.

After I go over each statement of harm with my therapists I will write another statement that better recognizes, and takes responsibility for my acts of sexual violence, including the manipulation I have applied to the survivors and the group. For way too long in this process I centered my own emotions in a way that was extremely damaging to people who were even trying to help me. At first, I was too worried about being called a serial rapist, and not worried enough that I actually was one. This has been a shift in how I see myself- the denial and rationalization I’ve been using for the past 8 years is actively being faced with both of my therapists. I also know this is too little too late, no amount of work I do will undo the damage I’ve caused so many people. I have caused widespread harm both emotionally and physically, and there will never be an excuse for that.

At the beginning of this process, I was pushed by a friend to seek intensive therapy from the Center for Contextual Change. The individual program I currently am in is the same one rapists convicted in a court are legally required to enroll in. Each week she assigns me work to do every day I am not in therapy. At any time in the work she feels like I am not being honest with her or myself, she will stop and challenge what I have said.

This is the beginning to a lifelong process. I am committed to seeing it through. I am committed to not running away from this, and doing everything I can to work towards the goals both the group and survivors have. The sexual misconduct therapist I have been working with will be in regular communication with the group to insure that any misrepresentation of facts I have will be dismantled and corrected.

——

Many folks in the community have recently become aware of my history of harmful behavior both in and outside of relationships, and are rightfully very concerned. I have violated partner’s consent and have been emotionally harmful to people I’ve dated. When my friends and some community members confronted me about it, I agreed that engaging an accountability process with the community would be the best course of action. This accountability process is currently being outlined and I am dedicated to seeing it through. I am taking steps to address my behavior, and these will be very integrated into my accountability process.

I am engaged in daily therapy with a specialist who focuses on intimate partner violence, as well as a separate weekly therapist who focuses on healing patterns of sexual harm. Breaking down the years of rationalizing and denial– to fully understand and face the pain I’ve put into other people’s lives– has been the first step in this process. I have begun reading extensively about consent, masculinity, and fostering healthy relationships(1). I am building up a group of friends around me to guide me as I do this, as well as keep me accountable.

I am currently in a relationship and my girlfriend is aware of my harmful actions. She is supportive of my recovery and her participation is giving me the chance to practice the growth and change I am actively pursuing. I am very grateful for her support.

I am deeply sorry for all people I have hurt and violated. I am taking the harm I have done very seriously and am working diligently to make sure it never happens again. I know there is no forgiving what I’ve done, and even posting this will just be seen as empty lip service. I hope that by sharing my commitment to progress over the coming months and years I can regain trust in the community as a safe person.

-Alex Kime

(1) 1. The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love 2. Learning Good Consent: On Healthy Relationships and Survivor Support 3. Rape Is Rape: How Denial, Distortion, and Victim Blaming Are Fueling a Hidden Acquaintance Rape Crisis 4. The Liar in Your Life: The Way to Truthful Relationships 5. Yes Means Yes!: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape 6. Radical Honesty: How to Transform Your Life by Telling the Truth 7. Conflict Is Not Abuse: Overstating Harm, Community Responsibility, and the Duty of Repair 8. Queering Sexual Violence: Radical Voices from Within the Anti-Violence Movement. 9. Getting Past the Pain Between Us: Healing and Reconciliation Without Compromise

theashleyray

I am only reblogging this and adding this statement because victims who approached me asked me to. Honestly, I protected myself from the truth about Alex by telling myself that the accusations were all old, that they all had happened a long time ago. In fact, it has honestly still been hard for me to reconcile my experience with him with the statements I’ve read from victims. I feel guilty when I write about it or share posts outing him. I still feel bad for him. I still feel like he doesn't deserve this because I still wanna think it meant anything when he met my mom or said he loved me or carefully said "you have to say yes first" when we were in bed together. While I believed all the victims, I really thought he had changed when all of this started coming out. When I dated him, he was always concerned about consent. He wouldn't even take my sock off without asking. He would constantly ask for active consent. If I got too drunk at a bar, he would refuse to go home with me, even if I said it was ok. So, a month into dating, when one of his victims contacted me to warn me and said, "people change, maybe he changed," I really thought he did. I talked to my closest friends about it and we all agreed, he had to have changed. Even as 7 women came forward, I thought "well, these are from a long time ago and he stopped assaulting women, he just emotionally manipulates people now." I really thought he wasn't capable of doing those things anymore. But then another victim contacted me and told me her assault took place only a few months before Alex and I started going out. That made me realize Alex had never changed when he was with me, he was just putting on a performance. He had already been called out by previous victims and knew he had to be careful. He knew I knew his friends when we started dating. I knew people in his industry. I had the right social capital. His focus on consent was only a way to protect himself. But if I had just been a complete stranger on tinder, with no ties to the DIY community or his friends or career, I wouldn't have gotten that performance. I would be like this girl, who has just been suffering alone for 18 months, until one day she saw a post on facebook outing him for what he did. Alex is very good at performing. When his friends went to his house and told him they were starting an accountability process, the first thing he did was donate money to a rape and sexual assault charity. I know this because the second thing he did was tell me about it and sent me a screenshot of the receipt. When I told him his anti-black actions/comments and lies meant I could no longer be his friend or support him, I jokingly said he could make a donation to Assata's Daughters and leave my black ass alone. He replied with a screenshot of the monthly donations he set up for Assata's Daughters. He is all about performance. So know this: -Both of his statements were written without the knowledge of the group leading his accountability process. Both of his statements have further distressed his victims and are for his own benefit and reputation. -All seven victim statements were NOT shared with his therapist. Some of them did not want to share them.

The Badass Black Women History Month Project - Update

Since I started this project, interest has expanded beyond anything I would’ve imagined. On Facebook, a post about Fannie Lou Hamer received over 3,000 likes and almost 3,000 shares. Chance the Rapper shared the project on Twitter. The Tumblr @staff featured it on their "Black History Month Tumblrs to Follow" post. I was proud of the project and hadn't really considered expanding beyond social media platforms until the requests for a book became too numerous to ignore. Teachers wanted to share these stories with their students. Mothers wanted to gift these stories to their daughters. So, I started planning and found an illustrator who could help bring these women and their stories to life. While I have received one grant for $1k, this only covers the cost of an illustrator. With additional funds, I hope to create:

2 versions of the Badass Black Women History Month Book for distribution

One version will be edited for schools and children and will not feature profanity.

An illustrated bookmark featuring a 29th Badass Black Woman for Leap Year!

My hope is to provide all who donate with a free copy of the book once it's published, but first we have to raise the funds!

If you would like to see this become a reality, please donate HERE and spread the word. These women deserve to have their stories told.

#bbwhm #bhm2017 #women's history month