An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 46/46
Fandom: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Julian Bashir/Elim Garak, Dukat/Elim Garak, Elim Garak/Palandine, Elim Garak/Pythas Lok, Elim Garak/Kelas Parmak, Elim Garak/Barkan Lokar, Elim Garak/Other(s), Julian Bashir/Palis Delon
Characters: Elim Garak, Julian Bashir, Kira Nerys, Jadzia Dax, Ezri Dax, Worf (Star Trek:TNG/DS9), Benjamin Sisko, Palandine (Star Trek), Palis Delon, Kelas Parmak, Pythas Lok, Barkan Lokar, Leeta (Star Trek), Rom (Star Trek), Dukat (Star Trek), Miles O'Brien, Quark (Star Trek), Vic Fontaine
Additional Tags: Deep Dish Nine, Alternate Universe - Human, Scott Pilgrim References, Inspired by Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010), Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff, Garaks Dubious Dating History, Star Trek Beta Canon References, Drug Use, I Mean C'mon It's Garak, but it's still pretty fluffy, Episode: s02e22 The Wire (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine), Episode: s02e18 Profit and Loss (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine), Episode: s05e07 Let He Who Is Without Sin... (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine), Episode: s06e20 His Way (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine), Songfic, Accidentally A Song Fic, Blame Vic Fontaine, Bunch Of Refrences, can you catch them all?
Summary:
College student and part time Deep Dish 9 employee Julian Bashir attempts to woo the hottest tailor on the promenade. Chronic overachiever he is, he decides to take on Garak's dubious dating history himself. Does he get the get the girl-er Cardassian of his dreams? Does he behave like a total ass for half of this fic? find out Tuesdays and Thurdays!!
GUYS!!!! IT”S DONE!!!!!!!
just watched season 5 episode 16 for the first time and got so pissed the fuck off i had to immediately draw a julian with joy in his life. world so cruel. i'll save you
I Wish They Stayed Platonic Tournament - Round 3 - Poll 4
Who would you like to have stayed platonic?
Ezri Dax and Julian Bashir (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine)
Katara and Aang (ATLA)
Remaining time: 2 days 16 hours
This tournament is not meant to cause any shipwars or spread hate. Please stay kind when sharing your opinions on the submitted ships.
Vote in the other polls here
Why people wished they stayed platonic:
Ezri Dax and Julian Bashir
Another example of a random pairing in the final season because everyone must be as comphet as possible. Julian had a massive thing for Jadzia earlier in the series (as did everyone because have you seen her) but moved on and was happy for her when she married Worf. When Ezri shows up in the final season and is working through the sudden integration of Jadzia's memories, it makes sense that she has very complicated feelings about Worf but Jadzia was never interested in Julian. Also Julian already had a built-in love interest with Garak but this was the 90s and they were too cowardly to give us that.
Katara and Aang
Aang felt more like a little brother figure to Katara (at least to me). Their dynamic and age difference made me lowkey uncomfy because Katara acted more like a mother figure towards Aang. Also Katara gets reduced to a mother/grandmother/healer after her marriage to Aang despite being a powerful bender and fighting for her right to learn waterbending fighting techniques.
They are kids. It never really felt like Katara's choice to be with Aang. She constantly acts like his mother because that's her main role in the show to be the mothering one. Have I mentioned they're kids? Maybe could have accepted them if they were canon in Korra but didn't like ATLA ending on it.
The vibes were all wrong
Generally I just have a serious dislike for straight couples where the woman basically has to babysit the man. I get the point is Aang went through character development and matured and everything but the fact the crush started the way it did made me incredibly uncomfortable every time it was brought up. Especially since I have experience dealing with guys like these. And that's not even mentioning season 3 where Aang treats Katara as if she basically owes him an explanation as to why they aren't together when she clearly has a lot more on her mind rn considering the fucking WAR. I just. Why. Why would you write it like this. Why do you think this is cute. I hate straight people.
They were such sweet friends, and I feel like they're both too young to be getting into a relationship at the end of the show.
Katara was not interested for so long and I just feel like Aang growing out of his crush and respecting her as a friend and ally would have made for a much stronger narrativ.
On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:
You’re an idiot.
Let me further explain:
Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layers lengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.
When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans cannot usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito and not a multi-stage rocket to the planet Fucking Disgustingupiter.
And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:
Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.
Nope.
My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.
You built this thing life a fucking pack of LifeSavers.
And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer this nonsense. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER.
In conclusion:
You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.
“The LEGO Movie was my favorite movie of 2014, but it strikes me that the main character was male, because I feel like in our current culture, he HAD to be. The whole point of Emmett is that he’s the most boring average person in the world. It’s impossible to imagine a female character playing that role, because according to our pop culture, if she’s female she’s already SOMEthing, because she’s not male. The baseline is male. The average person is male. You can see this all over but it’s weirdly prevalent in children’s entertainment. Why are almost all of the muppets dudes, except for Miss Piggy, who’s a parody of femininity? Why do all of the Despicable Me minions, genderless blobs, have boy names? I love the story (which I read on Wikipedia) that when the director of The Brave Little Toaster cast a woman to play the toaster, one of the guys on the crew was so mad he stormed out of the room. Because he thought the toaster was a man. A TOASTER. The character is a toaster. I try to think about that when writing new characters— is there anything inherently gendered about what this character is doing? Or is it a toaster?”
— Bojack Horseman creator Raphael Bob-Waksberg commenting on how weird gendered defaults in entertainment are, and why we should think twice about them. Excerpted from this longer original post.
(via 360degreesasthecrowflies)
This man has his own agenda when it comes to people like us. He’s more likely to recruit you… Garak and Bashir, on Starbase 375. Set during 'Favor the Bold'.
Cold Heaven
Starbase 375, 2372
They were in the turbolift together, just the two of them, heading up to the observation deck. Bashir, falling back loose-limbed against the wall, said, “Bit much, isn’t he?”
“Who?”
“Lieutenant Tunok.”
“Oh,” said Garak. “Him. Yes. What did you say to get him to go away?”
“I said I’d be with you the whole time. And that I’d let them know when I’d delivered you back in your quarters.”
“I’ve slipped my collar at last. Shall we seize a runabout and make our bid for freedom?”
“Not today,” said Bashir.
The lift stopped, the doors opened, and they came out onto the observation deck.
“Nice view,” said Bashir. “If you like watching ships come and go.”
Garak hadn’t, in fact, liked watching the only thing left to care about fly off into peril, but he’d come and watched anyway. “This way.”
“Where are you taking me now?”
“You’ll see.”
Early on during this period of confinement to Starbase 375, Garak had found himself staring at the reflections on the windows of the observation deck and thinking, idly, with some small part of his frenetically overactive brain, that something didn’t quite compute. It hadn’t been easy catching Tunok looking the other way, but Garak was a patient man, not to mention conniving, and that was how he’d learned that, through some error of construction, there was a piece of wall jutting out which, when combined with the curve of the station, created a small dead space into which he could slip and be entirely concealed.
Garak had been surprised and rather pleased about this. His impression of the Federation in general and Starfleet in particular had always been that everything was a perfect fit. It had been comforting to discover that sometimes they didn’t get the measurements right either. As he led Bashir over, he explained all this to the doctor, and found, to his delight, that it still lay within his power to make Julian Bashir laugh.
The space wasn’t particularly large, but they could sit on the floor together, side-by-side, quite comfortably and look out into the darkness.
“This actually worked?” said Bashir.
“Incredibly, yes.”
“Tunok must have done his nut.”
“Oh, I only did it once or twice,” said Garak. Three times, to be precise, but who was counting? Apart from Tunok. Who didn’t count.
“Took pity on him, did you?”
“Doctor, I thought you knew by now that there’s no pity in me.”
“Hmm.”
In fact, Garak had stopped amusing himself this way because he’d been afraid. Afraid that if he misbehaved too much they might decide he was far too much trouble after all and pass him up the line. Pack him off to Earth, perhaps, or worse. A shame, really, since the peace and quiet – and the simple fact of knowing he was not under direct observation – had been helpful. He had no intention of saying any of this to Bashir.
Garak sat with his hands resting on his knees. Bashir leaned his back against the wall, folded his arms, and said, “What was that about earlier?”
“What?”
“All that guff about people putting gadgets in your brain.”
“It’s… happened before, Julian.”
“Yes. When you were in the Order.”
“Meaning…?”
“This is Starfleet we’re talking about—”
“You don’t think Starfleet would cross a line like that?” Garak felt a familiar sinking feeling. He hadn’t been able to get Sisko to listen, not really, and he’d been hoping for more from Bashir.
The younger man sighed. “You know, Garak, I’m absolutely knackered. So, for one night only, how about we cut to the chase and you tell me what’s really worrying you?”
Garak looked at the stars. The stars, which had – until quite recently – been completely unfamiliar, glinted back, but, as usual, gave no helpful insight. “Two men arrived,” he said. “They wanted to take me away with them.”
“Take you away? Where?”
“I don’t know, doctor.”
“Who were they?”
“I don’t know that either.”
There was a pause as Bashir digested this. “What’s your best guess?”
Garak, in turn, gave some thought as to how he should answer. Bashir already had some questions about his state of mind. He didn’t want him dismissing his worries out of hand. “If I said…”
“Go on.”
“If I said that I thought they were from a clandestine intelligence organisation operating within your government about which even Captain Sisko seems unaware, what would you say?”
“I’d say…” said Bashir, after a moment or two, “that I need to give that scenario some consideration.”
“Yes?”
“I mean, some careful consideration.” Bashir rubbed his hand across his mouth. “Have you been all right here on your own?”
Ah, so first they must indeed establish the current extent of his paranoia. Good luck with that, doctor. I’m increasingly unable to judge. “I’ve not been on my own,” Garak pointed out. “I’ve had a lengthy conversation every day with Lieutenant Commander Blok.”
“I’m not talking about your interrogator, Garak.”
“Oh, so I am being interrogated? And everyone was quite insistent earlier that it was a debriefing—”
“Garak—”
“I’ve also had the company of the relentlessly attentive Lieutenant Tunok.”
“Well, he’s not turned up dead yet, so you must be getting something out of the relationship.”
“He doesn’t read, he doesn’t listen to music, he’s not interested in politics, and his conversational skills appear to have atrophied before he learned to speak. We’ve had a marvellous time together. I imagine he admires me as much as I admire him.”
“Yes, you sound like peas in a pod. You still haven’t answer my question.”
“I know.”
“Have you been all right here on your own?”
Well, really, what did Bashir think? He’d been cold, alone, afraid, and under constant supervision. He’d spent a large portion of each day in an interrogation room. There was practically nothing available that he liked to eat or drink, nor had he found any books or music on file that were familiar. His wider computer access was severely restricted, and they were cagey about talking to him about the progress of the war. He’d thought about asking if there was any sewing around the place that needed doing, but he didn’t want to sound like he’d gone mad. Which he hadn’t. He was fairly sure he hadn’t.
“I’ve been fine,” he lied.
Bashir gave him a look. What was that word the Chief sometimes used? Oh yes. Bollocks. “Oh well,” said the doctor, dryly. “Could be worse.”
Garak nearly laughed. “You know, doctor, I’ve stopped saying that to myself.”
“Oh yes?”
“Every time I do, things take a turn for the worse.”
“Huh,” said Bashir. “Maybe that thing Starfleet’s put in your head has given you the power to alter reality with your thoughts. You should start saying, ‘Could be better’. See where that takes us.”
“If only that were true. Can we change the subject?”
“Sorry.”
They sat and stared at nothing. Garak focused on his breathing.
“You know,” said Bashir, “I would’ve assumed this space would be too tight for you.”
This wasn’t, Garak thought, a little impatiently, changing the subject. “Sometimes, doctor, it seems to me it would help enormously if the whole world disappeared, or at least shrank to something more manageable.”
“Ah,” said Bashir, nodding wisely. “A paradox.”
“Life’s never straightforward, is it?”
“No,” agreed Bashir. They sat quietly until Garak’s breathing steadied, and then the doctor said, “Did I ever tell you about the time I did a runner?”
“You did what?”
“Two days after I found out what my parents did to me. I ran away from home.”
Oh, thought Garak, he does understand… And he felt in that moment that he had never loved this man more.
“I didn’t get very far. I wasn’t really making an effort. I just… didn’t want to be around them. So I ambled off one evening. Hadn’t packed anything. Thought I’d see how far I got. I was only gone a day, if that. My dad found me walking down the road. Gave me the bollocking of my life. What did you think you were doing. Imagine if we’d had to call the authorities, that kind of thing. Heaven forbid we attracted the wrong kind of attention. Anyway. I didn’t do that again.”
“Until you joined Starfleet, you mean.”
Bashir turned his head to look at him. “Yes.” He seemed to sound pleased. To be understood, Garak assumed. Or hoped. “Until then.”
I knew I could trust you, thought Garak.
“Are you coming with us?” said Bashir.
“What?”
“When we set off for DS9. I’m assuming you want to come along?”
“Yes. Well. I hope so. I asked the captain if I could.”
“Want me to have a word?”
Garak thought about that. “No,” he said. He’d rather know where he stood with Sisko on his own terms.
“Mm, well, try not to worry either way. Because I’m not leaving you here.”
On your own.
“I believe you, you know,” said Bashir.
“What?”
“I believe you.”
People didn’t say that very often to Garak. But other people didn’t matter. “Yes,” he said. “I know.”
“After careful consideration,” said Bashir.
A whole five minutes, thought Garak. No, this was the most he’d ever loved this man.
They leaned against each comfortably. Garak, warmed, let his mind wander. What would he do, he wondered, if those people ever tried to come at him through Bashir? He didn’t have to think long or hard for the answer. He’d kill them, of course, with his bare hands… Would they try that? Would they harm him? Or, worse, would they try to recruit him to their cause? Bashir would make a good agent. Not that stupid holosuite game. Everything else. The intelligence, the quick thinking, the nerve, the practiced concealment, the ability to live life between the lines… Yes, they’d probably try to recruit him. Wasn’t that what Garak had intended, back at the start of all of this? Good luck with that, he told his shadow colleagues. This man has his own agenda when it comes to people like us. He’s more likely to recruit you…
Garak closed his eyes. Put his head against the young man’s shoulder. Felt Bashir’s hand upon his arm. He tried to pretend that they were sitting under the sun on the vast empty shores of the southern continent, but some reason he couldn’t summon up the image as easily as he might have done in the past. All that came to mind was his quarters on DS9. The rest, it seemed, was slipping away, like a dream that could not withstand the harsh light of morning.
I don’t know about you, Julian, he thought, but I’m long past ready to go home.
got so distracted by a really good garashir on the tl i took like 10 seconds to answer a question someone asked me in real life. Yep. The poison kicking in. The downfall starting
Oh yea i have also FINALLY updated my artfight and will be including my star trek ocs. Since so many of my friends are rejoining (or newly joining) this year i wanna participate at least a little...
Maarek has been added and his is profile finished!
I also added the others but shhhh they are not finished dont look at them yet
I just realized that in the ending of Hollow Knight, when Hornet woke up, she turned around and saw just a broken shell, in Silksong she woke up and saw Lace alive. It's so emotional. I'm so glad it ended differently this time.
The journal entry lampshades this, too. "Finally, a long-lost relative I can actually save" / "this time we're not throwing any kids into the void if we can help it"
She was fully prepared to off Lace if that's what it takes to stop the apocalypse/ demoralize GMs into submission (& tells her as much before the fight), but, I think she was very relieved that she didn't have to resort to that in the end.
