reeling through the midnight streets

mun: kayla - 22 - mst

[thebeckpost]

           NOAH WAS a sweet person ; someone who didn’t have great luck, but someone who tried their hardest to maintain positivity and happiness no matter what was going on. he didn’t get angry easily, he learned early on how to deal with his emotions when he got upset or frightened, but this had been so unexpected that it left him feeling so unlike himself. he felt overly emotional - he was feeling so many things that he didn’t know how to juggle - and he wanted so desperately to just run away, which was so different from the usual noah. he was already planning on calling in sick for his shift the next day, knowing that he’d need a day at least to recover from getting his heart broken in such an uncomfortable manner.

he really liked beck ; he was different from noah’s usual type, but things had felt great between them, and noah was really hopeful about where their relationship would go, he was excited to get to know him better and to develop their relationship as far as it could go. though some would probably criticize the boy for feeling this upset over - what he felt was - the end of only a casualrelationship, he couldn’t help the way he felt, and it made sense for such a sweet, sensitive person to be so hurt.

he was avoiding even looking at beck’s table as he was headed back to the kitchen, so it was a slight shock to say the least, suddenly having beck be at his side, pulling him out of view and away from the tables. his heart started beating faster and faster, the idea of any confrontation being something noah dreaded ; regardless of that, however, noah put on a brave front, standing in front of beck as he spoke, trying to act as unemotional as possible - not wanting to give him the satisfaction of knowing how broken he was over what he thought had happened. “ i’m in the middle of my shift, beck, i need to go back to work. ” he started, honestly scared to hear anything beck was to say, expecting him to break his heart even more. “ if you don’t want to see me anymore that’s fine, i just would have thought you’d tell me before you made me serve you on your next date. ” somehow, his voice was still soft, still gentle, no matter how angry and upset he was ; unfortunately that only made him sound sad, an emotion he had been trying to hide from the other. “ i need to go back to work. ” he repeated.

            it wasn’t a game to beck, though dating had been in the past. he did those casual relationships, not really knowing what to think of a strong relationship that was stable. but with noah he did find that, found stability and found it was worth keeping. now he’d gone and screwed it up the way he screwed up most things. by putting his selfish ambition before everything else. beck saw the hurt written all over noah’s face and if he didn’t already feel bad enough, it certainly made him feel worse.

“noah, that’s not what i want. it’s really not what it looks like. i know that’s a cliche sentence, but it’s actually true. i’m working right now too, noah, that’s all this is. i’m not ending things or trying to hurt you. it’s just this guy has some information i need for the story i’m writing and the best way to get that out of him is to get his guard down on a date. it was never going any further than dinner, and i didn’t know he was going to make it happen here.” beck sighed heavily and said, “i’m so sorry noah. but seriously, i’m not, i’m not breaking up with you or cheating on you. you and me we’re serious, there’s only you. this thing with him, it’s just for work. i wouldn’t be interested in a guy like that in a million years. noah, he’s ridiculously alpha male, i mean he repeats the shit i say like someone only hears if it comes from his mouth, and he likes oysters. i could never like a guy like him. i like you though, a lot,” beck says stepping closer to noah.

[thebeckpost]

at this moment in time, arthur wished he was anywhere else but here. with a throbbing headache from his hangover still leering over his shoulder, he couldn’t shake the feeling of awkward which brushed around his body as he took a seat opposite the other, a closed-lipped smile still perched on his face. “your shirt–” is all that came from his mouth as he placed a small plastic bag on the table between them, “i washed it because i felt bad but it’s still in mint condition.” he was itching to move on from the conversation.

one night stands did not usually entail having to meet the other person again for a social call, and even though arthur remembered having a good time whilst it lasted, his truly awkward self was not created for moments like these. “so, i don’t feel like a criminal anymore, not that i was expecting to get arrested for stealing a shirt- well i didn’t steal it was an accident- but thanks, i guess.”

beck smiles a bit and touches the bag slightly and sighs, “well thank you. really would have been the low and big regret of the night, if i didn’t get this back. kind of irrationally attached to this shirt,” he says good-heartedly. 

beck raises his brows at the other and says, “didn’t think it was a malicious thing at all. it would have sucked to not get it back, but not devastating or anything.” he notices the others continued discomfort and sips his coffee slowly and says, “are you okay? you seem a bit...bothered or something. if you’re worried i’m upset about you making a runaway i’m not. it’s totally good. wham bam thank you ma’am right? it was good, fun, and now it’s done, all good.” it couldn’t be that beck was the one in the wrong here right? he had to be bugged about leaving without saying anything and what beck was thinking. not something beck did, though it did give beck pause, cause typically it would be something he did.

[thebeckpost]

i seriously can’t believe i live in a world where tony vlachos is a two time survivor winner. i mean i predicted it from the start, but still so so happy.

[thebeckpost]

“the latter. i mean, i didn’t know you were gay either. i hadn’t put those pieces together, honestly.” he laughed quietly, shifting on the barstool. kai fixed his hair and leaned over the bar to get a little closer to the bartender, and he ordered them both a vodka soda. he turned to beck again, laughing. “oh yeah no they definitely don’t go together, i keep them separated at all times.“ after the drinks were put down in front of them, kai smirked. “you here alone?“

beck shrugs and says, “well i mean i guess there’s some truth to that. i typically wouldn’t come to one of these, i’m typically prideful in silence,” he laughs. “but i figured i can drink some and maybe even write an article on it,” he shrugs. beck takes the drink and sips at it and he nods his head, “yeah, i’m here alone. you?” he asks raising his brows.

[thebeckpost]

“i’m doing really well. yeah i’m doing so well.“ he nodded his head quickly and he smirked a little, then gazing back at beck. for a while he studied him. “honestly, you’re the last person i would’ve expected to turn up at a pride party.“ he spoke with raised eyebrows. “oh, and i work in a pet store! it’s so much fun, i do the rodents. and the snakes.“ he nodded his head slowly and brushed his fingers through his hair then, holding up his hand to the bartender. “do you want something to drink from me, beck?“ he asked slowly and licked his lips.

beck chuckles a bit and says, “why’s that? do i not give off the gay vibe or is it just my demeanor that seems like i wouldn’t want to participate in pride?” the second part is kind of true, it’s not really his scene but he’s not opposed to drinking a little and then writing an article for the paper about the party. so it had a double pay off. he raises his brows at kai and says, “quite the mix. they don’t really go together do they? except one eating the other.” he nods at kai when he asks about a drink and says, “sure. can’t say no to that,” he smiles a bit.

[thebeckpost]

☾┊— ✶ HE was sensitive, to say the least; he was emotional, an overthinker, and he was terribleat reading people. all of that added up to noah believing that beck wanted to be there because he wanted the other man, there was no way he would have been able to see through his act and see his true intentions, leaving him upset. perhaps it was a little more upsetting for noah considering he didn’t date often, and had an awful habit of assuming he was exclusive with someone when the other person didn’t feel the same. he was really hoping that their relationship could go further, that things could get more serious soon, but now all of his hopes had been crushed, and noah was under the impression that they were over.

baby. the pet name made noah flinch slightly; he was already feeling slightly sick to his stomach due to all of his strong emotions, and having to listen to beck’s date call him names like that, having to watch him touch the man noah was meant to be dating, it all made it even worse. “ of course. the oysters. ” he tried his hardest to not sound passive-aggressive, though he wasn’t sure he had succeeded. “ i’ll be back with them when they’re ready, let me know if i can do anything else for you in the meantime. ” he was far from being enthusiastic and friendly as he usually was, far from being the noah beck had seen on their dates, not even smiling at his customers slightly before he turned away, heading to the kitchen.

once in the kitchen, he gave the cook their order and slumped down on a stool in the corner of the room, taking a deep breath and hiding his face in his hands as he felt his eyes prickle with tears. he wasn’t going to cry - he wouldn’t let himself cry over a boy - but he was slightly overwhelmed in the moment. the cook - a friend of his - seemed to notice, asking what was wrong as he prepared the order, and noah couldn’t help but to laugh slightly in disbelief as he answered. “ i’m serving the guy i’m dating. while he’s on a date. with another man. ” it sounded ridiculous, the cook was understandably speechless, and noah couldn’t bring himself to say or do anything else before he was suddenly walking back out to the front of the restaurant with a plate of oysters.

noah never saw the appeal, never understood how these could be considered romantic, and suddenly he was thinking that maybe that’s why beck was seeing someone else. maybe noah just wasn’t his type; that would be okay, but the boy wished so badly that beck could have at least warned him before he moved on to someone else. he silently placed the plate down in front of the two men, meeting beck’s eyes for the first time - accidentally. his breath caught in his throat, but he liked to think he disguised it well enough as he spoke. “ enjoy. “ he stated simply. ”let me know when i can get you guys something else. ” again, he didn’t waste any time standing at the table, walking off as soon as he finished speaking, going to seat another couple that walked in.

beck didn’t do serious relationships, they didn’t suit him for all too well for a number of reasons. there was the fact that he didn’t have any positive role models of healthy long term relationships in his life. his parents made each other miserable for years before finally divorcing, and their subsequent relationships were just as toxic. therefore love and affection weren’t things that came easy to him. he wasn’t good at giving it or receiving it, maybe cause he saw himself as undeserving or something like that. he saw himself as a burden for someone to have feelings for with his number of unflattering qualities. worst of all his endless ambition. he was a workaholic, constantly moving and trying to advance, always wanting to achieve more. he didn’t let anything stop him on his way to his goals. it made him a deeply selfish being which is exactly what you didn’t want in a partner right?

then there was noah, who was different. he was perhaps the opposite of beck. sensitive, giving, kind, and bubbly, absolutely things beck is not. and it is odd to him how they just work. he likes noah’s bubbly nature and kindness, and even his sensitivity. it forces him to be better, and it’s opened him up more and more every day.

he tries the best he can to keep his focus, keep asking questions, keep up appearances, and listen to what the other says. it’s difficult and if his phone wasn’t running on the table recording the conversation, he’d probably forget most of it. when noah comes back and places the oysters in front of him and catches his eye it’s a stab in the chest. beck smiles at his date as noah walks away and once noah’s gotten the other couple seated he excuses himself from the table with the excuse of having to go to the bathroom. he intercepts noah just before he goes into the kitchen quickly dragging him out of view of the tables, “we need to talk. or i have to explain,” beck starts.

[thebeckpost]

☾┊— ✶ NOAH couldn’t afford to lose his job, so he knew the second that he saw beck and the other man together he had to be professional no matter what, no matter how badly it hurt. to some, it mightn’t have seemed like that big of a deal, but noah didn’t have much experience when it came to dating or relationships, so this would have easily been the most heartbreaking thing he’s experienced in that aspect of his life so far. he couldn’t meet beck’s gaze, he couldn’t face him, worried that if their eyes met he’d get too upset and let his emotions spill out. and he couldn’t believe that out of everyone beck could have started seeing behind his back, he chose some seemingly obnoxious alpha male that made noah’s skin crawl. clearly, he didn’t know that this date wasn’t real, that it was only for beck’s job, and as he was so busy trying to control his emotions and maintain professionalism, noah didn’t have the capacity to think about it further and see what was really going on.

“ sure thing, i’ll be right back with those in a minute. ” his voice was quiet, the boy sounding only slightly disheartened as he spoke, scribbling down their drink order before he turned away - rolled his eyes at beck’s date - and let out a loud breath as he walked to go get their drinks. he wanted so desperately to just leave, to be able to run away and forget everything he saw, everything beck did, but of course, he knew that couldn’t be done. instead, he was just going to try his hardest to get through the night as quickly as possible.

before long, he returned to their table with their drinks, placing them down in front of each of them before he pulled his notepad back out. “ now, can i get you any starters or run you through the specials, or do you need more time? ” he looked up at beck’s date, but stillrefused to look at beck himself.

he knew noah well enough to see through the male's composure, he could feel the hurt, anger, and sadness radiating from him. then again noah was far more sensitive than beck, and while beck could see he was trying very hard to cover his emotions, beck could see through it. he wasn’t like beck who had a face of stone and the ability to process his emotions internally. even as he worked the guy across from him for information, he was trying to figure out how he was going to fix this in the corner of his mind. beck dated around and all that, but nothing as serious as what he and noah had. sure they’d never said the words exclusive, but it definitely was to beck, the first relationship he had where he viewed it as such. 

beck thought he’d be lucky to get through this night without noah burning anything of his at his place or poisoning his food, both would be deserved most likely. he did his best to ignore the guy's hand squeezing his thigh under the table keeping his leg crossed tightly at the ankles to avoid the guy from reaching anywhere else. he laughed at the males jokes, probing further for info, and he was slowly but surely getting it without him even realizing how revealing he was being.

when noah came back though his focus shifted back in his direction, watching him carefully. he wasn’t even looking at beck now which was deserved. he was so focused on noah that he jumped slightly when the guy squeezed his thigh underneath the table and said, “what do you think baby? appetizers?” beck smiled softly and tilted his head in mock flirtation. it was unlike him to do so, he wasn’t this romantic, sappy, or gentle in reality. it was an act to play up. in truth, even in his real romantic relationships, he had more of a unique yet endearing sarcasm and a shyer approach to affectionate displays. he has always had uncertainty in accepting or giving affection to people. this was an act though, he wasn’t being himself, and this meant nothing so that nervousness was all but absent from his behavior towards the guy he was with.

“whatever you want,” beck answered silently hoping the guy didn’t want any so this would be over quicker. the guy nodded at his response and looked up at noah and said, “the oysters then.” beck wanted to roll his eyes internally cause it truly had to be apparent that this guy was the exact opposite of what he’d want. he had that alpha male attitude beck despised, he had nothing wrong with confident or outgoing people, but this wasn’t just that. and beck absolutely hated oysters, as if there was anything romantic about sucking down that slimy booger like things. 

[thebeckpost]

open to m/nb

“Shit, shit, shit,” he begins shouting as the oven is smoking nope, not just smoking somethings actually on fire in there, and the pot on the stove is running over. Good maybe it’ll put the fower out, he thinks. It hasn’t by the time he’s raced back with the fire extinguisher. He shoots it at the fire as the smoke alarm starts shrieking in the background. What good is it for anyway? He’s seen the fire already, and it could have possibly killed him before the damn thing went off had he not been in the other room grabbing the extinguisher. The fire stops and he reaches over to turn off the stove and oven shoving the pot away. 

The pasta is clumped at the bottom, not exactly burned but definitely not what you want. The bread in the oven is absolutely burnt, it’s not even bread anymore it’s a lump of coal for someone's Christmas stocking. The alarm is still going and he reaches up and shuts it off grumbling, “Oh shut up.” He runs a hand through his hair, cause truly this is what he gets for trying to be romantic for once. He absolutely doesn’t know how to cook or bake, he was raised on fast food, tv dinners, and canned foods. Still was, but he had to go and make this grand romantic gesture and all he’s managed to do is almost catch the house and fire and kill himself. It only further cements his theory that he is meant to be an entirely unromantic individual.

When he turned he stopped his cheeks turning red as he saw his significant other standing there watching him. Apparently, they’d come in at some point during the commotion. Beck huffed running his hand through his hair that had bits of flour in it still from making the now burnt bread. “So uh...I can explain...I promise that I had only the best of intentions in trying to set the apartment on fire.”

[harryisart]

[collcgiates]

open: f / m / nb

—  “why won’t you let me get close to you?” his yell is accompanied by his hand slamming against the table. “we’ve been doing this bullshit dance for months! on, off, dating, separate!” pushes trembling hands through his hair, pacing back and forth before the other. “i love you! why can’t you let me do that?”

[thebeckpost]

beck’s taken off guard by the sudden outburst of anger, typically there’s not too much yelling despite all the bullshit beck says or doesn’t say in his apathetic way. if the outburst takes his guard down for a moment it’s back up just as quickly and he looks down at his lap. he frowns deeply and gives a large shrug with his shoulders. “i don’t know. i...,” he gives a frustrated groan, more annoyed with himself than anything. “i...i don’t know a lot of things. i don’t know why you love me, i don’t know what you even mean when you say you do, i don’t know what i’m supposed to feel to know if i feel it back. i have no point of reference, i...i’ve never loved anyone before and no one’s ever loved me, family included, so i don’t know what you’re even saying when you say that, and i don’t know what’s being asked of me in return, i just...i don’t know any of it.”

[reverixs]

                 his face is blank as he stares at them in front of him. “i-i didn’ know y-ye’ felt t-t’at way.” how is meant to react to their words? he’s not even sure how he even felt. people never really stayed and cared about him. they would grow tired of him having to write down his conversations or stutter them out slowly. he hated it as well but what else was he meant to do? a deep breath passed his lips as he ran a hand through his hair. he needs words to come out but nothing could pass his lips.

[thebeckpost]

               beck’s nervous, of course, he is, emotions and feelings aren’t his thing, and sharing them doesn’t come easy. he’s being brave here though and he’s trying to remain calm. he prepared for this though, he knows christopher’s quirks. knows he has even more trouble communicating than he did. “yeah, that’s kind of the thing about crushes,” he cringes at the word it sounds so juvenile, “typically it’s not something people want people to know about till their ready. he chewed on the inside of his cheek as the silence remains and says, “look...i’m not expecting you to say anything right now i get that it’s a lot to process. and i had a lot of time to figure out how i felt and how to tell you, so it’d be unfair of me to expect you to just know how you feel in return. so i’m not rushing you to answer. and if you do know you don’t feel the same or figure out later that you don’t that’s okay too. you can tell me, i can take it, and we’ll be good. it’s not going to be this thing where i’m bitter or hard to work with or be around now, i can accept it.”

[lamedehaan-deactivated20201018]

same

[thebeckpost]

hopping onto the bar stool, kai leaned against the bar all while looking around and finally turning his attention to beck completely. back in high school things were different for kai. he wasn’t out, but made friends with basically everyone. he didn’t dislike anyone and no one disliked him. in college it was slightly different though, people were a little more distant and after a big falling out with his brother kai just liked to keep to himself. he then soon realized that college wasn’t exactly for him, hence why he dropped out. he lived much more free now. he had a minimum wage job- but he was happy. out- and happy, and at pride with a shit ton of friends. and it would be a lie if he said he wasn’t a little drunk. kai chuckled at beck’s words. “back of my head?” he raised both brows, actually grabbing the back of his head before he laughed softly. “oh yeah, well- i do recognize you… yeah i do. how are you!?

beck was always relatively reserved, at least when it came to talking about himself. he could write up a storm, but being open wasn’t his thing really, around people like him or not. he preferred to just sit back and listen in on everybody else, a silent observer. if you wanted his opinion on something though he’d certainly give you an unfiltered answer on what he thought though. it shouldn’t be thought for a second that him being reserved was from a fear of what others would think of him, cause he’d never care about that.

he nods a bit at kai and grins a bit as kai clutches the back of his head. beck leans back to look at the back of kai’s head and nods, “yep, now i definitely recognize you.” he smiles a bit and raises his brows as kai sort of stumbles over his words as he confirms that he does recognize beck. “i’m good,” beck answers with a nod, “i’m a journalist for the tribune now, so i’m where i want to be. uh, how are you?” he asks.

[svperfar-deactivated20251031]

☼ OPEN TO: m/f/nb! ☼ BASED ON: we met at a mutual friends party and had a one night stand and i was an asshole and ran out on you the morning after but i accidentally took something of yours and now we’re meeting up and i feel so bad because you’re actually really nice.

awkward, that is the only word that arthur could use right now to express the feeling pulsing through his body. he had avoided eye contact with them as soon as he’d sat down, the breath knocked from his body as he recognized that familiar face. he was never one to shag and ditch, but when he’d woken up that morning a few days earlier, his head throbbing with the toxins of the alcohol he had poured down his neck, he’d just grabbed his clothes and ran. he didn’t even leave a note, he hadn’t even got their number. it was a rookie mistake and this was karma’s way of pointing out how much of an asshole he had been right then. his eyes were training on the table as he read the menu over and over again, memorizing each word in the hopes he could distract himself from the feeling of guilt creeping into his chest. his head shot up at the clearing of a throat and he just smiled at the waitress beside him, “just a coffee for me please.” he mumbled, before turning his head, hoping to catch their eye, if only to offer an apology.

[thebeckpost]

beck wasn’t someone who got his feelings easily hurt, he wasn’t the sensitive sort by any means. in fact, when he woke up that morning alone in bed he hadn’t even batted an eye. in some respects, he was grateful that he didn’t have to do his normal song and dance of ‘this was great. you’re great. but i’m a workaholic with several unflattering qualities. the likes of which no one has been able to handle, and rather than waste your time and mine by attempting anything further i think it’s best we leave it here.’ though personally he would have liked the price of missing out on that awkward conversation hadn’t been losing his favorite green shirt.

he rested his cheek against his hand as he started writing his next article out in his journal. he was easily sucked in and didn’t notice the stare for a while, before feeling the sort of prickling on his neck of someone watching him. he looks up and catches a familiar pair of eyes, familiar in the sense of his slightly foggy drunk memory. he raises his brows in question not really phased by the run-in. after all, it’s hardly awkward for him, he didn’t run or have to do his speech, after a few more moments he gives a small closed-lip smile in arthur’s direction.

[thebeckpost]

Sunshine bby

[thebeckpost]

He really is just the cutest nugget.

[thebeckpost]

      there was always tension when they were at each other’s events. but right now, matthew was itching for a beer – he knew they should probably get home though and the private jet would have enough alcohol for him to celebrate once they got there. “ well i want to make youcomfortable.” he sighed, letting his arm wrap around beck’s waist and hold him there. people were congratulating him continuously as he walked around and every time he passed someone, there was a congratulations or a high five. it definitely wasn’t beck’s place that made him comfortable so he slowly looked down at him after waving towards one of his buddies across the club house, “ – i’ll celebrate later with the lads once we’re home, maybe this weekend i’ll go out and have a few beers. no big deal. we’ll head home tonight and then we can relax.” he whispered, squeezing his shoulder and moving towards the entrance of the clubhouse, signaling to have his car ready to the valet, knowing his driver was always ready whenever he was. matthew looked at his husband and smiled sadly, “ are you okay? you seem….upset.”

      beck was someone who never got much attention growing up and it created quite the internal complex. on one hand, he was definitely someone who sought attention, but he wanted it based on merit. the kind of attention he got beside matthew at these events was very unwanted, it was based on trivial stuff and resulted in him shrinking into himself as much as he could to avoid anyone’s gaze. beck chewed on the inside of his lip as matthew spoke about wanting to make him comfortable and celebrating later so he would be so. it was the kind of unselfishness and giving nature beck was pretty sure he, himself was incapable of. when the tables were turned beck was unyielding, ambition driving him like a bulldozer. he relaxed into matthew’s side though some of that discomfort he felt slipping away since they were going home. he looked up at matthew and gave a short nod, “i’m okay. just the usual annoyances. people i don’t know calling me sebastian, asking thoughtless questions, looking at me. you know i prefer to be asking the questions and being an observer.” he rests his head against matthew’s shoulder as they wait and squeezes his gently before saying, “but it’s okay. i’m really happy for you. you did a great job and i’m proud of you. don’t let my discomfort take away from that.”