Warning: S*icide mentions, non-explicit
A year and a half after graduation, after he had moved away from Hawkins and started college, Will gets a box of letters in the mail,
He hadn't been expecting a package, the only people who really sent him anything were his mom and Hopper, but he had taken it inside anyways. It was addressed to him after all.
He set in on the counter, hanging his jacket of the rickety coat hook that was nailed to the inside of his door and putting his bag down on the floor.
It was with curious eyes that he peeled back the tape that was holding the box closed, no idea what he was going to find when he opened it. He peeled back the cardboard flaps and peered down at the items that the box was holding.
Envelopes, dozens of envelopes, all signed and sealed. For Will in a loopy scrawl of handwriting that Will recognized on sight. Mike had sent him a box of letters? Why had Mike sent him a box of letters?
With curious eyes, he picked up one of the ones on the top of the stack, flipping it in his hand before he set it aside on the table and picked up another. Over and over, the letters near the bottom of the box clearly older than the ones that Will had already pulled out.
He opened a random one, yellowing paper crinkling against his fingers as he tore open the envelope and pulled out a neatly folded letter.
How is California so far? Is it nicer there then in Hawkins?
I hope it is, Hawkins isn't the same without you, and you definitely deserve to live somewhere better than Hawkins. It feels empty here now, like you took everything with you when you left. I don't understand why I feel this way; I shouldn't be feeling this way, I know. My dad would kill me if he knew that I was even thinking about you the way I am.
I should be better than this, I have El and she's perfect, she's everything that I could have ever wanted in a girlfriend... But she isn't you, and I hate the fact that I am too much of a coward to do anything about it.
Anyways, enough about me, I know you'll never get this letter, but I still feel like I should ask you about your day. Is the sun warm there, are you warm there? I know how much you hate the cold...
I miss you, Will, I really, really miss you.
Will clutched at the paper with white knuckled hands, his fingers trembling as he stared down at the letter with wide eyes.
he dropped it to the table, frantically beginning to tear open more of the letters and scanning through them with an energy that he hadn't known that he possessed.
Paper tore and ink began to stain his fingers as he read letter after letter. They got more and more recent, the yellowing paper giving way to crisp white sheets and sharp cornered envelopes.
Something cool happened at school today...
I think I hate myself for feeling like this.
He was almost hysterical when he dove for the phone, almost pulling it off of the wall in his haste. There was a giddy feeling building in his chest, one that he had never hoped to feel in all of his lifetime. There was proof that Mike loved him back, that he wasn't going to have to live his life with the ache that he had been carrying around in his chest since he as a kid.
His fingers trembled as he dialed a familiar number, the dial tone ringing as he waited to be connected to the Wheeler's home phone. Mike hadn't moved out yet; hadn't gone to college like the rest of them, but Will was pretty sure that the Mike was just scared of moving on.
But he wouldn't have sent the letters if he wasn't ready to move on, so maybe... Maybe Will would be seeing Mike outside of Hawkins soon. The idea of that filled him with an infectious sort of joy.
The line clicked and Will was talking before whoever was on the other side could say a thing.
"Hey, it's Will, is Mike there?" He asked into the receiver, bouncing up and down on his toes.
There was silence on the other side, followed by a stuttered breath.
"...Will? Why are you calling?" That was Nancy's voice on the other side, even though Will had been pretty sure that Nancy hadn't been in Hawkins for a few months.
"Hi Nancy, I wanted to talk to Mike, he sent me some letters, and I wanted to talk to him about them!" He couldn't keep the chirp out of his voice, but his excitement waned when the only reply that he got was a hitched breath, "Nancy, what's wrong?"
"Will, Mike..." A long pause and a pained sound that sounded almost like a sob, "Mike's dead, he jumped off of the quarry two days ago."
The smile dropped from his face like it weighed a thousand pounds, his ears ringing as he tried and failed to process what he was hearing.
Mike was dead? That couldn't be true, it couldn't be. Mike had just sent him those letters; he wouldn't have sent them if-
Except he would have. He would have sent the letters if they contained something that he intended to take to his grave.
He sunk to the floor, hands clutching at the phone so hard that his fingers ached. He couldn't register the tinny of words that were being spoken through it, couldn't focus on anything aside from the ringing in his ears and the agony that was blooming behind his sternum.
Sitting innocently on the countertop was one of the few letters that Will hadn't gotten around to opening. It was the newest one, the envelope newly bought and the paper still smelling fresh. This one was different from the others; this one was meant to be read instead of hidden like all the other ones had been.
Thank you for being my friend, thank you for being in my life and I am sorry that I will no longer be in yours. You'll be better off without me though, I know you will.
It isn't your fault; it was always going to end this way. It was set in stone from the first time that I stepped off of the quarry all of those years ago. You were the best thing in my life, the light of my life.
Don't dim, okay? Don't let anyone turn you into something you're not, don't end up like me. I let people decide what I should be and then I did everything in my power to be what they wanted me to be.
I think I would have been happier if I could have been myself. No, I know I would have been happier, but it is too late for me now.
Would you live for me, Will? Would you be happy so that I can be happy where I am watching over you?
I don't know, I never knew, that's why I'm writing this letter.
I love you Will Byers, always have, probably always will, but I don't think that I was meant to be happy in this life. Maybe not even in the next one either, but I can always hope.
I'll see you on the other side, but it better be years from now before I see your ass Will, I want you to die old and happy.
Love, your Paladin, your Heart, Mike.
I have no idea why I wrote this because I am now crying in my bed. I had the thought and felt I needed to share without turning it into a whole fic, so I am posting a oneshot? Drabble? Idk what it's called, here.