My name is Bex. Here you will find BOOKS! My book binding projects, sci-fi fantasy book reviews or just book related flailing. Also, feminism, queerness, space Latinos, art, and The Amazing Devil. Etsy shop: thebookishbruja
Fic: Dream House by @emblematik and @rainstormcolors, Tidal Forces by @emblematik; Orphic Calculations and some beast will find you by name by @kaibacorpintern (me!)
Fandom: Yugioh! | For: @emblematik
Book #9! This is an anthology with a focus on the dreamy and surreal - uncanny things are afoot, and not all of them can be explained. Emblematik and Rainstorm are two of my very favorite writers in fandom - any fandom! - so this was a real joy to work on, and I strongly recommend reading Dream House and Tidal Forces if you're looking for something dark and unsettling, written in gorgeous prose
The case is made of black silk moire. The body of this text is set in 11pt Perpetua font (as usual), with accents in Jugendreisen, Skandal, Ottosidact, Roman Cavalry, and White Rabbit. This was the first time I chose to use art for each fic; I wasn't sure how they'd turn out, since my printer only does black and white, but I think they turned out nice (and I had a lot of fun making these melty clocks.)
(Big thank you to the CA Renegade bookbinding server for reassuring me that the messed-up vinyl titling looks melty and eerie and not wack, I almost ripped it all off in a fury of thwarted perfectionism LOL.)
So, I finished Howl’s Moving Castle (the novel) last night, and now I’ve been up since 4am going through the tags on tumblr. I saw someone say that in Howl’s Moving Castle, both Sophie and Howl are the beauty, and they both are the beast. It got me thinking.
This novel beautifully subverts two tropes: the Beauty and the Beast trope (girl goes to scary castle housing legendary monster and falls in love) AS WELL AS the Princess and the Frog trope (Wherein Sophie is the cursed and Howl is the princess longing for true love).
Beauty and the Beast
So, I’ll be the first to admit that this trope isn’t normally for me. I absolutely understand its appeal. But it’s not for me. But this novel turns it on its head so delightfully I love it.
What is different about Howl’s Moving Castle is, first of all, the girl doesn’t go to the big scary castle against her will. She isn’t a tribute or sacrifice, and she doesn’t go there to free a kidnapped loved one. Nothing is coerced.
This hat shop girl literally forces her way into the home of this terrifying beast (who kills girls and takes their hearts, mind you, oh and has a fire demon) because she wants to sit by the fire. Then she bullies him into letting her stay. It was hilarious as shit.
Secondly, he’s not a dick or emotionally abusive to her. He’s just annoying lmao. He just has normal flaws!! They are comedic in contrast to his reputation and appearances. This supposed terrifying man, this lothario who seduces women, is emotionally needy, melodramatic, vain, and he avoids his problems rather than confronting them. His house is messy, and it’s not even a castle, it’s an illusion.
The descriptions of his tantrums are so fuckn funny and you just know...this comes from a place of experience and affection on the part of the author. And yes, in an interview, the author said that she didn’t need to invent Howl’s dramatics when he got a cold, that’s just what her husband (a medievalist/academic) acted like when he was sick. She was like...I just watched him and wrote it all down.
Another comment I saw in a tag of a tumblr post was someone saying...why do you guys like this guy (Howl)? He’s a mess!
Yes! And that’s the point! His fake castle, his hair dye, his fake reputation, it is all just a slightly heightened version of what we all are. We all project a front. We curate our image. (Can you IMAGINE how insufferable Howl would be if he had instagram???) We all have insecurities, and we all sometimes want more attention and validation than we get.
Sometimes we all want to dramatically slink around the house going ‘oh woe is me, I need a bit of attention’. And so we smile when we see Howl just go for it lmao at least I do. Because of course, despite working overtime to seem more perfect than we are, we all just want to be loved for who we authentically are.
So then of course as Sophie gets to know the real Howl, she also finds out that he is kind. He undercharges poor people for spells, he takes in an orphan and an old lady looking for a rest, and he is very protective of his fire demon, and judges people based on how nice they are to Calcifer.
And again, that’s the whole point. We humans are bundles of kind, squishy hearts, as well as flaws. And we all work overtime putting up images, but in the end, we just want to love and be loved both for our good points, and our absurd, stupid, vulnerabilities and flaws. We want to find value in the soggy human condition.
The Princess and the Frog (where in Howl is the princess and Sophie is the frog)
So, Sophie is cursed into a shape that will (according to fairy tale villain logic) prevent her from finding love. And since the character is a girl, and this book has emotional intelligence, that shape is not a frog, it is an old woman. Women are still valued by society primarily for youth, fertility, and beauty, and are put out to the pasture of invisibility and irrelevance when we get our first crow’s feet. This ‘should’ have been (if Sophie bought into all that) the end of her life, so to speak.
But the absolutely amazing thing is, being an old woman turns out to be Sophie’s secret weapon, her path to self actualization. It gives her strength and courage. She is like...oh, old women can get away with just saying whatever they feel. Oh, people have to be nice to me. And she just gains all of this confidence. Maybe too much! Lol She gets pushier and nosier and more stubborn.
Sophie has flaws too! But Howl falls in love with her too, and again in the theme of genuine love and inner beauty, he falls in love with her just like she is. He knows she is under a spell but he doesn’t know what she ‘really’ looks like. He just falls in love with who she is.
It’s like the polar opposite of the Little Mermaid (Disney version). In that movie, Ariel loses her voice, and the prince has to get to know her in the silence. In Howl’s Moving Castle, Sophie’s voice is amplified by her curse. She just comes tromping into his house, shouting at him. And he loves her for it.
Howl needs her honesty and her clear eyed assessments. He loves that she is protective of his found family (Calcifer and Michael). (They become her family too.) And, despite her complaining, she is very protective of Howl as well. She even goes to save the woman she thinks he loves, even though she is unbearably jealous.
And in the end, his love doesn’t break the spell. Sophie herself lets go of her ‘disguise’. Her elderly persona has become the armor that she wears to give her courage and strength. It is like assistance, or an aid to her personal growth, and when she grows strong enough on her own to make the choices she wants to make, (love Howl, embrace her magic, choose her own place in life) she lets go of it.
Another subversion to the Princess and the Frog is that Howl is the princess. I just love the gender fuckery of it all. Howl is the one who yearns for true love and relentlessly pursues it. It is Howl who wears jewelry, who primps, and who colors his hair.
Men are told that if they enjoy anything associated with the feminine, then they are not men. I hate that. I want people to be able to express their gender however they see fit in their individual ways. So to have Howl be aggressively vain and embrace the trappings of femininity and for him to also be loved and the hero, Idk I just really like that.
Sure, in the end, the fact that he rushes out to save her without doing his hair is a sign that he’s truly in love. But that’s just because he prioritized her wellbeing over his beauty routine that day to save her life. He doesn’t stop being Howl. You get the idea that he’s still gonna be traipsing around in dangly earrings and flashy suits for the foreseeable future. I’ve noticed that on tumblr, the bisexuals have embraced him and Sophie, which is right and good.
So yeah, I love the trope subversions and the idea that we can be messy, flawed, human beings and find humor, nobility, and love in that. All of us. Even princess wizards and even (if you can believe it) eldest daughters.
This is going to feel a little random, because I’ve never posted about Star Trek or my deep and abiding love for Spock and Leonard Nimoy.
However, I just came across the poem I wrote back when he passed away, and I’m in my feelings. I’ve never shared it, and I want to, just to put it out into the universe. Here it is:
Kohanim
Little Leonard
Beheld the sacred blessing
One day at temple
It stuck to his dreams
This blessing belongs to everyone
He thought
In South Carolina
A little mixed girl practiced
With disobedient
Sticky fingers
She didn’t fit in
But she had a hero
The blessing had drifted down to her
From space
Now he is a star
Dust to dust
Dust in her eye
Not in front of the Klingons, Rebekah
RRL
I've never watched Heartstopper, so in that sense, I don't go here. But in the sense that I am a bisexual with opinions, I do go here. (I saw that they forced that boy to out himself as bisexual and I have thoughts.)
I just think it's highly ironic that people have taken the inclusive, positive (as in, do something actively to add to the world) concept of 'Own Voices' and made it exclusive, negative (take away stories, police people's identities), and then used it for clout, pretending that they have any moral authority.
LMAO THAT'S ABSURD. YOU ARE ABSURD.
The entire point of 'Own Voices', and having people tell their own stories is to bring more people into the fold. It is to prevent the all too common bullshit of studios and publishing companies and powerful straight white men, of benefiting from marginalized communities while at the same time, leaving them out in the cold.
The point of Own Voices is to put a stop to the common Hollywood phenomenon of "oh look at that brave straight man willing to debase himself and play gay for a role" and lauding him with awards. Meanwhile gay men can't even get in the door because 'you're too femme' or 'no one will believe you as a straight man.'
The point of Own Voices is to address the fact that there are a ton of unemployed trans people because 'we don't know what to do with you' and 'we don't think you are versatile enough to play cis people' or 'we don't need any 'niche' writers, thank you' meanwhile they've got cis people picking up Oscars for the 'brave incredible' act of pretending to be trans for a few months. It's having people lining up to suck you off because 'oh look how much you care about those people' but in real life, they wouldn't piss on them if they were on fire.
The issue is, the vast unemployment problem for visibly queer people, and then, us having to watch the people who exclude them parade around acting like their savior.
The answer is always…if the money is flowing, you need to make sure little dams are not being built to keep it from flowing to the communities you are profiting from.
The solution is to make sure marginalized people are in the room in positions of influence, so that the characters aren't mocked. To make sure the stories are told in an authentic manner.
If you are telling queer stories and you haven't got any queer people on the project? That's a problem. If you are making money off communities and excluding them? That's a problem.
Own Voices is a principle that targets the capitalist element of producing art. It looks at the people who fund the project. It takes into account makeup of the project over all. It makes sure that the capital is flowing to the places it is benefiting from.
IT IS NOT an exclusionary principle of 'you have to be of that exact queer identity in order to depict that queer identity'. That's literally absurd. It inhibits empathy. It restricts storytelling. And, it goes in the dead opposite direction of where we want to go!!
AND it is actively homophobic and destructive and malicious, because it leads to policing people's identities. It leads to outing people. It leads to reductive, predatory, behavior, it leads to harassment. And for bisexual people, it creates this constant hostile environment of we cannot just be. We cannot just exist. We have to keep proving ourselves.
I remember when I told one of my friends that I was bisexual. (I talked about this in my day of bi visibility post) She told me she didn't believe me. That all girls like to kiss girls for boys attention and for fun. She told me when I ate pussy, she'd believe me. (lmaooooosob I know!) And this is a common common common attitude towards bisexual people. "I don't believe you. Perform a sex act." PEOPLE I'M NOT KIDDING THIS IS ABSURDLY AWFUL AND HORRIBLE AND YES SOMETIMES FEELS DARKLY COMEDIC BUT IT IS SO HARMFUL AND IT IS SO COMMON. STOP IT.
Now, is there nuance to the question of casting queer people in queer roles? Yes. Of course. As a feminist I would be remiss to not mention trans women. (actual feminists give a fuck about all women not just cis women, just, you know, for the record) For example, with trans women, the most overbearing stereotype of trans women is that they are men in disguise. There are quite literally legal defenses that are built on it that have (and continue to allow) men to murder trans women and escape punishment in America. That they are just men under women's clothes, tricking you. Waiting to spring the truth on you. They are literally murdered behind this vicious bigotry. When you have a cis man playing a trans woman, you risk feeding into that stereotype.
Now. There is more nuance on top of that. If the project involves trans people, trans women are writing it, is it well done, is it humanizing? It may have value! But people also aren't obligated to feel overjoyed about it either. People are allowed to point out that connection and to prefer to see a trans woman in a trans woman role.
BUT THERE IS LITERALLY NO NUANCE ANYWHERE that allows you to take this concept of own voices, and use it to say "you must always be x to portray/write x or we will harass you." THERE IS NO EXPLANATION ANYWHERE that allows you to require people to 'prove' their identities to you. There is LITERALLY NO WIGGLE ROOM for you to demand people to perform sexual or romantic acts for you to 'prove' who they are. That is disgusting. And it is actively hostile to bisexual people.
And when you fix your fingers to get on twitter and say that a boy (HE IS BARELY 18) is APPROPRIATING queer identity because he hasn't fucked a dude for you on camera, I mean lol you don't give a fuck about queer people. STFU lmaooo. You don't look like Marsha P Johnson, you don't look like Harvey Milk. You look like a petty, small minded little asshole with too much time on their hands, trying to get clout on the internet. (I also suspect there is some horny fetishizing behavior at play there because people want to watch him kiss other boys. This is the whole....please understand the difference between fiction and reality. Enjoy fictional queer relationships all you want. Find men hot together all you want. But do not treat REAL LIFE ACTUAL men and boys like they are your little performing dolls ffs. Gross, people. Gross!!)
Anyway,
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE QUEER TO PLAY QUEER. We can demand broad and consistently inclusive projects, AND not be utter assholes and police people's identities. I promise you. We can. In fact, it is perfectly logical, consistent and normal. We can include gay men and bisexual men in projects that depict them, without bullying children. I promise you that. It's easy. It's simple as pie my dears.
And if you get online and use the language of social justice to be a heinous little bully, I hope you know everyone else can see you for what you are. No one thinks you're smart or that you care about social justice. You're just a clout chasing asshole and you need to stop.
Happy bi visibility day from your local tumblr bi. I always say that I didn’t come out for a very long time, not until my thirties.
But that’s not true.
I came out when I was 16 and was told no. You can’t be bi. Because then you would burn in hell.
I came out when I was 19 and was told no. You’re misunderstanding yourself. You’re confused. That’s not what you are.
I came out when I was 24 and was told no. Bisexuality does not exist. Bi men are in denial about being gay. Bi women just want attention.
I came out when I was 28 and told a therapist, and she said no. You aren’t bi, it’s just the trauma. As soon as we make progress in here, you will lose your attraction to women.
I was told by other friends that (and this is going to sound funny but this is gods honest truth) that they would only believe my bisexuality was valid when I ate pussy. Because until then, I only wanted to kiss girls, which just made me like every other girl. (We don’t have time to unpack all that, folks)
So actually, I did come out. People just kept trying to shove me back in. It wasn’t until my thirties that I stopped listening to them. When I finally gave myself the respect and dignity of defining my own self and accurately reporting my own feelings.
At a certain point you just have to say, actually, fuck you guys. I ain’t going back in.
So here I am, (*whispers* even older) being bi and visible. Here I am going to an NKOTB concert this year because what else is an old queer to do? (And actually I also identify as pan, because I refuse to do the “fighting over terms” thing.) So happy day to all my fellow bisexuals and queers.
I took a prettier pic of my The Amazing Devil lyric cyanotype print. I can’t get enough of them. And this song makes me lose my mind every time I listen to it.
Today I went to a workshop to learn how to do cyanotype prints, which I’ve wanted to do for awhile. Why? Because it just looks cool, that’s why!
So here’s the process and what I made today. First, you put this solution on your paper. (Not shown). Then, you put a bunch of stuff on top of the paper. The teachers set up a table of a lot of random items and here’s what I did:
Those are rocks, bones, little plastic table and chairs, glass bottles, and fake plants. (The bones I guess were from an owl pellet? Gross, but looked cool and was on theme)
Then after letting it sit out in the sun for a few minutes, you take all the crap off the top and dunk it in water.
Aaaand violá!
I would have chosen a font that doesn’t look like it belongs in a Dr Seuss book, but that’s the only ones they had. 😆
The Amazing Devil fans will know that the quote is from a song off of the Ruin album. It scratches something that itches in my soul. Go listen to the album if you haven’t!
Anyway, I’m not an artist but it’s fun learning cool new shit.
Started a little over half a year ago, I have finally completed my first “books in books” project! There’s elation, there’s pride, and there’s a sense of relief in the project turning out pretty much how I’d hoped it would from the start. Although instead of just one series tucked into a book, I’ve two!
This six (seven?) book set features two series by @argyleheir, both canon divergent from the Dracula 2020 Netflix series (which itself is already a canon divergent off of Dracula). Be warned, they are both very explicate.
A Gentleman Vampire’s Dossier [AO3] is the 4 book series- each book exactly 5k- done in black with spattered edges, hand sewn headbands, home made cover paper, and home marbled end pagers. It was done first, completed in… December?
House of Dracula (Fearful Symmetry AU) [AO3] is the 2 book series- both ~13k- done in red suede on bible paper with home marbled end pages. It was completed early April.
The enclosing book was painstakingly cut throughout April to early May (worked on during HavenCon!), covered in leather with cranberry alcohol ink staining the edges. I’ll have a post later bemoaning the process in greater detail.
The small binding of my sunlight, sunlight, sunlight is now finished!
The cover is quite plain and I couldn't trim the edges successfully, but I'm very pleased with the result.
It's blue! And real and solid, I can hold it in my hands!
Look at how tiny it is!
Also, right after this one I was very close to finishing my second binding, but alas, a mistake happened near the end. Life is like this, things don't always work out.
But here's the one that did work out, so please look at it! And look at it some more and be very proud of me! 😌
A big thanks to @petrifiedforests and @rebrandedbard for answering my many questions, and to everyone who encouraged me! Crafts are so much fun despite the failures, and I'll be here if anyone also wants to try too.
It turned out so beautifully! This will sound silly, but that book is a Little Gentleman. Look at it, all dressed up so nice! I love it so very much <3
theartofmadeline
tangentwithtanner
kianamaiart
origamiaround
