Heated Rivalryâs Third Parent.
There are two boys at the center of this story, and they are seventeen years old. They will not know it for several more years, but the rest of their lives will be a working-out of a moment that passes between them in a parking lot in Regina, on the eve of the gold-medal final of the International Prospect Cup, in December of 2008. They have never met. They know each other only the way two top prospects know each other, from tape and reputation and the long rumor of a rivalâShane Hollander, the captain of Canada, dark-haired and half-Japanese, and Ilya Rozanov, blond, Slavic, the first-overall lock for the coming summer's draft, his English still broken at the edges. It is Shane who crosses the cold lot, Shane who puts out a hand and introduces himself. Ilya looks at him a moment longer than necessary before answering. They talk in the cold, in the half-fluent way of two boys raised in different alphabets, and at the end of it Ilya tells him, almost as an afterthought, that he is going to beat him tomorrow. The chirp is a small, late, clumsy weapon, the only one his English can reach. Shane laughsânot the press-trained laugh but a real oneâand says something kind, and does not take the bait, and does not flinch from it either. For once he is only himself. Something moves in Ilya that has not moved in five years.
The next day Russia takes gold. He does not see Shane again for six months.
At the draft the following June, Ilya goes first overall to the Boston Raiders and Shane second to the Montreal Metros. For the cameras they are posed together, Ilya grinning and holding up one finger, Shane beside him holding up two, his smile the careful, trained one his mother has been arranging on his face since he was small. He is visibly disappointed, and the tension is plain even in the still photographs. At the reception afterward they stay attached to their parents while executives circle. Ilya is up on the mezzanine with his father, Grigori, being introduced to Boston's managementâanimated for a moment, the boy who reached the top of the draftâuntil his father takes the moment away, telling the Boston bosses that his son is lazy and refusing to let him speak. Ilya goes flat. The animation drains out of his face. He becomes the thing he has been trained to be when his father talks about him in public: present in the body, vacated behind the eyes.
Down on the floor, Shane is meeting Montreal's executives, one of whom delivers the line that, within weeks of the show's premiere, would become one of its most quoted: that they are thrilled he is "Asian, or Asian Canadian." The little hyphen of hesitation does its quiet damage. The franchise has chosen him less for who he is than for the category he can be sold inside. His parents lap up the attention and help him brush the comment off. His mother's life's work is succeeding in this exact room, and he cannot yet name what it costs.
On the mezzanine, Ilya hears the word lazy and lets his gaze drop to the floor below, where Shane stands in his good suit beside the mother who has spent her life making the country want him. The two of them find each other across the room and say nothing. What passes between them is not quite desire, though desire is in it; it is closer to envyâeach wanting to stand where the other stands. Ilya looks at the welcome Shane is being given and wants it. Shane looks up at whatever it is in Ilya's flatness that reads, to a Canadian eye, like freedom from being handled, and wants that. Each is looking across the room at a life he doesn't have and a body he does.
Neither sleeps that night. Shane is the first to give up on it; he goes down to the hotel gym, and it is Ilya who comes in after him, finding him already on the machines. They needle each otherânot lovers yet, just two boys trying to look like men in the one neutral space the building has left them, between the reception below and the rooms above. Ilya, the one who arrived second, wins the race between them anyway, barely; he is a smoker, and he beats Shane all the same. And Shane, who has spent his whole life being furious about losing, is not furious. He is winded, and a little rueful, and underneath that he is something he has no plan for: fascinated, openly and bodily aroused, and working very hard to keep it off his face. He does not entirely succeed. The next year, Canada takes the Cup back, and the rivalry begins in earnest. But already, on the machines at midnight, the camera has read them before they have finished refusing to read themselves.
Love stories have always known about the recognition scene. Romeo and Juliet meet at a party, and the rest of the play is the cost of their having seen each other; Beatrice and Benedick meet mid-quarrel, and the comedy is the slow surfacing of what was obvious from the first line. Two thousand years ago, Aristophanes had it that the lover recognizes in the beloved the half of himself he'd been looking for since birth. What Rachel Reid did across two novels, and Jacob Tierney across six episodes, was to set that very old shape inside a very modern problem: two boys built by their countries with such different tools that no one else in either life can see them whole. Each becomes the other's only available witness, and, across a decade, the other's only available cure.
To see how, you have to go back before the parking lot, to opposite sides of an exhausted Cold War.
Ilya was born in Moscow in June of 1991, six months before the country that bore him ceased to exist. His childhood household is, in the books and the show alike, nearly invisibleâno apartment, no father at the breakfast table, no mother alive on the page. What we get instead is sparer and truer: the household read backward, years later, through the men who came out of it.
We learn the father chiefly through the brother. Alexeiânamed Andrei in Reid's novels, lightly drawn there, given real weight and a new name on screen, though the man is the same in bothâarrives in the first episode already calling Ilya for money, entitled and desperate at once, while Ilya sounds irritated and conditioned to comply. Neither behaves as though this is unusual. Affection has been almost entirely displaced by transaction, and the transaction has a lever. When the money is slow, or when the older brother simply needs to feel, for a moment, like the superior man he is not, he reaches for the one word that can still make Ilya go quiet: 'fa**ot.' He uses it as a threat and as a toll. He uses it because it works.
What is terrible about the exchange is not the slur itself but what Ilya does with it. He does not detonate. He does not threaten back, though by then he has the money and the fame and the distance to do it. He foldsâpays, placates, lets the word standâwith the flat compliance of someone for whom this is simply the weather the relationship has always run in. He first pays his brother at nineteen, newly drafted and newly rich, and the paying never really stops; it only changes denomination. It is the mezzanine again, in a kitchen, on a phone call: the older male relative says the diminishing thing over the boy's head, and the boy vacates and complies, because the habit of vacating is older than any power he has since acquired. A man raised outside such a house would hear 'fa**ot' from his brother as a wound, or a provocation, or grounds for hanging up. Ilya hears it as a bill. He pays it. That he can be reached this way, deep into adulthood, by the one person who shares both his blood and his exact formation, is the clearest measure the show gives of how deep the training wentâand of why the threat is so much more dangerous in his brother's mouth than in a stranger's. A stranger could only out him. His brother can make him feel that being outed is no more than he deserves.
The brothers came out of the same house and survived it differently. Ilya turned the inheritance into performance, charm, sex, concealment, and stayed porous underneath; Alexei took the humiliation inward and went hard, and learned to pass it on. Beneath the ideology is an older griefâAlexei carries himself like the elder son quietly demoted the day the younger turned out to be a prodigy. There is a Russian grammar under this that the show never states and lets you feel: the eldest son continues the father, carries the name and the debts and the discipline, doesn't choose so much as inherit. Ilya, the generational talent, got the one exemption Alexei never didâpermission to leaveâand the bitterness in those phone calls, the slur included, is partly the bitterness of the boy who stayed at his post and watched the other walk out of the building. He is not the bad brother. He is the brother who could not become what Ilya became, and who discovered, somewhere along the way, that the one thing he still held over the brother who got out was the power to name what would destroy him.
Grigori we learn almost entirely by what his sons say and don't. Ilya speaks of his parents' marriage late, only to Shane, only in fragmentsâthat his father was hard on her, that he was old-fashioned, that he was police. Neither Reid nor Tierney keeps him onstage long enough to be fixed in place; the closest the show comes to his grammar is that mezzanine, the word lazy delivered over his son's head, to the team, with the son forbidden to answer. He was a powerful man in the post-Soviet security apparatus, not the beat officer the English word suggests. The mother, Irina, was Orthodox, beautiful, much younger than her husband, depressed for years in a country and a decade with almost no vocabulary for a depressed woman. In 2003, when Ilya was twelve, she took too many pills and died in her bed, and he was the one who found her. He kept the small gold cross she wore and has worn it since. His father told everyone it was an accident and told the boy to repeat the story, and the boy, twelve years old, obeyed.
It matters to say plainly that Grigori did not do this to wound his son. He was made by a particular centuryâan Orthodoxy in which suicide is catastrophic enough that a priest may refuse the grave, a masculinity with no register for naming a wife's despair, an institutional culture in which controlling information was simply how you stayed alive. By his own lights the lie was a kindness. He loved his son as well as a man of his formation knew how, which was not, in the end, well enough. The lazy at the draft was the same love in the same idiom: not humiliation, to Grigori, but strictness as the highest paternal virtue, even a kind of advocacyâlower the foreign manager's expectations so the boy can clear them. Forbidding the son to speak was just how a son stands beside his father. This is not how an Anglophone audience reads it, and not, in the end, how Ilya reads it either. But it is what the man was doing. He is less a villain than a true believer. The villain is the system; he only carried it.
And here is a difficulty the novels never resolve, so neither will I. When Ilya, grown and living in English, finally reaches for the word abuse, he is reaching for the only tool his second language hands him for the shape of the injuryâa word that is both true and a mistranslation at once. He hates his father cleanly in English in a way he never could in Russian. The hatred keeps him alive. It is also only a partial rendering of something sadder. The lie about Irina did not stay a lie about Irina; a child told that the truth of his mother's death is unsafe concludes, without ever putting it into words, that all unsafe truths must from now on be carried alone. By seventeen the brash, charming, faintly cruel surface everyone mistook for his character had set hard over the silence. And yet, in a parking lot the winter before that draft, a Canadian boy laughed kindly at his chirp, and something cracked open a single notch and stayed open.
Shane was born in Ottawa about a month earlier, the only child of a gentle, faintly dull senior civil servant and a second-generation Japanese-Canadian woman raised in postwar Montreal. The internment of her parents' generation is the fact that hovers over Yuna's whole project without ever being named in the houseâin the room without being in the room. She raised her son inside the fluency she'd built for herself. He skated at three; he played for her team, Montreal, the team she'd loved her whole life; and when the Metros took him second overall, two decades of quiet insurance paid out at once.
Shane is, canonically, autisticâReid never names it on the page, but Tierney and Hudson Williams drew it out, and the criticism has caught up to it. It is the thing that organizes him. He is rarely at ease in his body except in two places: on the ice, where the rules are total and the physics predictable, and with Ilya, where another body meets his without asking him to perform. Everywhere else he is masking. Sensory overload, perfectionism, and model-minority expectation braid together with his queerness in a way that, as one clinician writing on the show put it, amplifies stress across a lifetime. His mother's project handed him exactly the equipment a neurodivergent child needs to pass in publicâthe scripts, the languages, the brand, the trained smileâand it worked. It also sealed him inside the only model of love he was ever shown: love as something earned by getting it right.
Yuna was not cruel. The actress who plays her, Christina Chang, has been firm that the tiger-mother reading misses itâ"She's not wicked; she's not mean." She was a daughter of a community told, within living memory, that its belonging was conditional, and she raised her son to be legible enough that no future government could revoke him. She loved him as well as a woman of her formation knew how, which was, like Grigori's love, not quite enough. Both houses loved their boys; neither was made of monsters; and that is exactly what makes them hard to read. The same training cuts both ways. The grace that lets Shane laugh kindly at a chirp, that lets him absorb "Asian, or Asian Canadian" without flinching, is also the cage. What lets him meet Ilya gently is what will not let him leave.
Both boys, in fact, are raised twice. The second parentâthe one that finishes what the families beginâis hockey, and it raises them in the same grammar the families used: belonging in exchange for performance, love in exchange for discretion, a place in the family so long as the difference you carry stays the kind that can be contained. The sport does not punish difference outright; it does something quieter and more durable. Acceptance for the gay athlete, as the sociology of sport has documented for decades, is conditional, tied to performance, discretion, and not disrupting the order of thingsâa rule a young player absorbs the way a child absorbs the weather of a house, without anyone ever stating it. One critic has named Shane exactly: a model of acceptable difference, present but tightly contained, where deviation is not punished so much as quietly discouraged. That is coercive control in the uniform of professional culture. It is also a parent.
For Ilya this third parent arrived first and literally. The Soviet sporting system that produced him was a state apparatus before it was a game, a machine for manufacturing national pride out of boys, run on the same strictness his father kept at home. By the time Grigori stood on that mezzanine, he wasn't introducing his son to a new institution so much as handing him from one conditional sporting state to another. The accent changed; the terms did not. For Shane the third parent speaks Canadian, which is to say it speaks the language of welcome. It drafts him second overall and tells him in the same breath that it is thrilled he is Asian, or Asian Canadian. It makes him a role model so that it needn't ask why role models are necessary. And because his neurology reads a known system as a safe oneâbecause he mistakes I am known here for I am safe here, and I know what is expected for I am lovedâhe cannot tell being valued from being used. Hockey is the parent he will defend longest, because hockey is the parent that never once raised its voice.
So the Shane of the first novel is not a competent young man enduring the closet because the job demands it. He is a brilliant autistic boy raised by two families and one sport, all of which loved him on the same terms, and he has taken those terms so far inside himself that when, at twenty-six, at the cottage, he authors a ten-year plan for coming out slowly and safely, he does it not because he is calmer than Ilya but because the plan is what his mind reaches for when feeling becomes unmappable. A free self does not need a ten-year plan in order to exist. Before Ilya, no one had ever really seen himânot his mother, whose love had a purpose; not his kind, incurious father; not the teammates who knew only the locker room; not the sport that made him a credential; not, in the end, himself. And then a Russian boy chirped him in a parking lot and he laughed as himself, and the Russian boy saw it.
What follows, across years, is the slow conversion of that seeing into a life. On a commercial shoot in Toronto in 2010 the look becomes a shower, the shower a hotel room, the hotel room a pattern. At an All-Star game Ilya hands Shane his room number and Shane goes; they trade numbers under fake names, comic and devastating at once. At the league awards a few months laterâVegas-bright, the machinery of celebration that is also the machinery of containmentâShane wins Rookie of the Year. When Ilya turns sharp with him, Shane reads it as wounded pride and tells him, more or less, not to take it personally. Not everything is about you, Hollander, Ilya says, and then, I go home in three days. Shane does not yet have the key to that sentence. We doâwe know what home is for Ilya, the father, the watching, the self he has to put back on at the borderâand so we hear, underneath the deflection, a man telling the truth about his dread in the only slantwise way he can manage. Shane hears a non sequitur. The distance between what Ilya says and what Shane is equipped to understand is the whole tragedy in miniature. They fight; Ilya, frightened and wanting, kisses him; Shane, certain now the cameras might be on them, panics and runs. It is the first breakup before they are even together. Ilya reaches; Shane retreats.
It continues anyway. They sext across whole seasons. They sleep together fully for the first time in 2013, in Shane's apartment after a game, and the show films it on their faces rather than their bodies. Sochi, the next year, is harder, and not only for the reasons the audience expects. Russia is not the safe glitter of an awards weekend; the father is alive and watching; and a former lover surfaces with a proposition Ilya turns down, because Shane has stopped being interchangeable. But the scene that does the lasting damage is a quiet one, between Ilya and Grigori, getting ready for a gala. The father berates him for the loss to Latviaâthe old strictness, love in the only grammar he hasâand then, in the same few minutes, does something the show has not let us see him do before: he ties his son's bow tie, carefully, with his own hands, tender in a way his mouth could never manage. It is the closest Grigori comes, in the whole story, to saying it. And before the tenderness can finish, before Ilya can take it in or answer it, the father's mind slipsâthe first clear sign of the dementia that is taking himâand the moment does not merely break, it falls away. What is revealed to Ilya in that instant is worse than the coldness ever was. He is losing his father twice: the man who was, for the length of a knotted tie, almost gentle, and the man himself, dissolving now into an illness that will close the door on every conversation they never had. There will be no reckoning, no late repair. The system's final cruelty is its timing. Afterward, frightened by all of it, Ilya turns cruel; hurt, Shane turns controlled; they have sex, Shane asks whether Ilya is safe in Russia, Ilya shuts the door, and Shane leaves.
Boston is the single great exception, and singular is the point of it, which is why I won't multiply it the way the fandom does. In 2016 Shane comes to Ilya's house expecting sex, and Ilya instead asks him to stay the night and makes him a tuna melt. They talk in the kitchen; Ilya worries aloud about his father's failing health; in bed they use each other's first names. A hotel room can be denied. A sandwich in a kitchen cannot. Shane leaves abruptlyâit is the night Ilya first offered him an ordinary life, and Shane could not yet stay for breakfast.
Then Rose, who is not a villain but the most generous of the show's secondary women: the cover Shane dates in public, and then, over dinner, the person who tells him gently and correctly that she knows he is gay and lets him say it without punishment. She gives him the thing Ilya was too much in love with him to give safelyâa name, with no cost attached. It is what lets him walk into the next All-Star game, on the same team as Ilya for once, able to try to say what they have become. Ilya doesn't deny the feeling. He says Russia and his family will never permit it, and breaks down in Shane's arms. Not I don't love you, but love doesn't survive where I come from.
Days later Grigori dies, and the Moscow funeral is the only sustained look at Ilya's family the season allows. By now the man has already been lost once, at Sochi, to the illness; this is the second loss, the bodily one, and it lands on a son who was never given the conversation. Alexei is there, the old grievance now dressed in fresh grief, and he reaches, as he always reaches, for the leverâinsulting Ilya, insulting Svetlana, the insult to Svetlana the one that lands, since she is the last working thread between Ilya and home. But for the first time, Ilya does not pay the bill. He hits back. The man who has folded under his brother's slur since he was nineteen, who has heard 'fa**ot' and reached for his wallet, breaks the compliance that has organized every exchange between them for a decade. It is not triumphant; it is the failure of years of restraint, and afterward he cuts himself off from what remains of his family. Then he calls Shane, and Shane tells him to stop translating, to speak Russian, and he doesâgrief and rage and love in his first language, and, finally, that he loves him. It is the reckoning he never got to have with the father who tied his tie and then forgot how. He has it, instead, with Shane.
At the end of that fifth episode, Ilya is in his Boston house, packing to fly to Russia to see his niece, and he and Svetlana are watching Scott's team win the Cup on the broadcast when Scott kisses Kip on the ice, in front of everyone. The image reaches him not as a solution but as a proof: it can be survived. He does not wait to be asked. He picks up the phone, calls Shane, and tells him he is coming to the cottage. After a decade in which Ilya has been the one who retreats and Shane the one who plans, it is Ilya, this once, who reaches first.
The cottage is the season's answer to the funeral. They are twenty-six. Over a long, quiet weekend in which neither has slept with anyone else for months, Ilya tells Shane what he has told no one in twenty yearsâthe mother, the pills, the lie, the cross. The foundation that will bear her name is born at the kitchen table. The lie is broken; Shane stays; Ilya keeps talking; and even here the words he uses for his father stay small, and Shane reads what is under them and does not push. When Ilya floats marrying for citizenship, Shane objects, and out comes the planâturn the rivalry into a friendship, build the charity, move closerâwhich sounds like devotion and is, and is also an autistic mind handed an unmappable feeling and building a ten-year structure to hold it.
Then the father walks in. The thing Shane has feared since the balcony has happened, and the show refuses to make it a catastrophe; this father is not Grigori. Shane comes out to his parents over dinner, Ilya beside him, and his mother apologizes, and then gets up and walks away from the table, and Shane follows her, crying, and tells her that he tried, that he couldn't help it. That is the hinge of the whole season. The apology in his voice is not for being gay; it is for the failure of the project, for not staying the boy she built. After a lifetime of being that boy, the only language he can find for his first act of refusal is the language of confessing a failure. He has refused the cage and has not yet stopped speaking its grammar, and both are true in the same breath. His mother hears him, and whatever she says back is the moment her life's work becomes visible to her as a cost. Ilya, watching, sees something he will never have with his own dead father: a parent recognizing the harm in the love. Something shifts in his face, and the show lets that be enough.
The second novel, "The Long Game," is most often misread as the book in which Ilya is depressed and Shane holds steady. It is the opposite. It is the book in which Shane begins to understand that he, too, was abused, and does what people inside coercive systems almost always do firstâclings to the structure and defends its enforcers. He cannot yet see the commissioner, the league, the coach, the ten-year plan as the things hurting him; he was raised inside them and believes they keep him safe, and the autism doubles the lock, since what is familiar is, for him, nearly indistinguishable from what is safe. Ilya did his single devastating piece of work in the first book; in the second he does the nextâtherapy, depression, the slow lesson that the end of silence is not the end of pain. He leaves the stronger team to live near Shane, and no one around him reads it as the sacrifice it is. Shane has not even begun to mourn. They are equals in damage and unequal only in time served, and the gap nearly destroys them.
Two questions hang over the book, and it has the honesty not to answer them. Does Shane actually understand Ilya, or only as far as his own half-finished recovery allows? Does Ilya, for his part, romanticize the very Canadian safety Shane is just beginning to refuse? Loving someone is not the same as being healed by them, and the novel knows it.
The plot supplies the pressure. A Halloween party where every other couple arrives as a couple and Ilya folds inward; an overnight drive, half in costume, after which Ilya comes apart anyway; late-night texts that Shane keeps misreading as desire rather than distress, partly because he was trained to read flirtation more fluently than pain, and partly because the unspoken signal is a language his neurology was never fluent in. It is the Vegas scene again, scaled up and given years to do its damage: one of them tells the truth in a register the other was never taught to read. And beneath it all the commissioner, who objects to the players' activism and asks Shane, gently and repeatedly, to keep his private life privateâand whom Shane mishears as care, because he sounds exactly like every authority that ever kept him safe by keeping him small. The reader sees it long before he does. It is the mezzanine again, the word delivered over the boy's head, only translated into a register so polite that everyone calls it professionalism. The Russian sporting state did it in the open; the Canadian sporting market does it with a handshake; and the handshake is the harder of the two to refuse, because a handshake is a rule, and rules have always been the thing Shane could trust.
The Christmas fight is where the gap stops being survivable. Shane still believes in eventually; Ilya, after years of it, has begun to believe in never; and both are right, which is the cruelty. Then a plane carrying Ilya's team hits severe turbulence and an emergency landing, and Shane, watching from his apartment, understands at last that caution never promised him safetyâthat strategy does not keep a plane up, and patience does not earn a future, only postpones the one already available. Something calcified since the mezzanine begins to give. An openly queer couple already in the league becomes the proof he cannot unsee. And when a teammate's video accidentally catches the two of them kissing in the background, the institution does exactly what it always said it would: benches them, summons them, slides a false statement across the desk calling the kiss a prank, and threatens their careers if they won't sign.
Shane refuses. He says, in the room, that he is engaged to Ilya, reveals that he has been recording, and gives the three words that will be on T-shirts in three languages by spring: I choose him. It is the grown, fully voiced version of I tried, I couldn't help itâthe same self, finally without the apology. The boy who once had only the cage's grammar has found his own, and there is a hard rightness in the economy of it: the autistic boy who was told all his life that love is earned by precision says the most precise sentence available to him, three words, and the precision is no longer a cage but a blade.
This is what saving looks likeânot the rescue from the tower but the slow work of being the one person who can bear to know what is in another, and the slower work of letting yourself be known in return. Shane does not drag Ilya out of his father's house; he becomes, at the cottage, the listener Ilya never had, and stays it. Ilya does not pull Shane out of hockey; he is, across a thousand rooms, the witness who watched the performance go up and loved the boy underneath it the whole time.
None of the parents meant any of it. Each was passing on, faithfully, a century that had been passed on to them. The institutions are the villains; the parents only carried them. The sport is the hardest of the three to acquit, because the sport, unlike the parents, is still doing it, and will go on doing it to the next boy after the credits roll.
It is worth being plain about the limits, because the criticism has been. More than one writer has argued that the show raises Shane's Asianness and then does too little with itâgestured at in dialogue, left undramatized. Reid's novels barely touched it; many readers felt his Japanese background was thin enough that he could have read as fully white; and Tierney deepened it deliberately for the screen, calling it monstrous to have made him white. But deepening is not inhabiting, and the internment history I have been tracing under Yuna's vigilance is, in candor, partly the essay supplying an interiority the show only points toward. A story that hands its Asian lead the line Asian, or Asian Canadian and then declines to follow him far inside it has enacted, perhaps without meaning to, the very containment it depicts. The show is itself a model of acceptable difference. That is not only a criticism of the show; it is part of its subject.
The romance calls the meeting fate. The structure underneath is harsher. By any reasonable logic these two were never supposed to find each otherâa son of the Russian security caste and an autistic Japanese-Canadian raised inside an assimilation project, on opposite sides of a spent Cold War, handed in turn to the same sport. That they did is a kind of miracle, and miracles are not earned. They are given.
The echo outside the fiction has been impossible to miss, and the people who made the show are now living inside it. Hudson Williams, who is half Korean, has said his mother warned him it might be harder for him to break into acting, because she had not really seen anyone who looked like him doing it. He did anyway. Within weeks of its premiere the show was a phenomenonâbetter than ten million viewers in the United States, a chart-topper there and in Britain, and a thing watched in Russia on VPNs in defiance of the law. It also drew sustained racist abuse at Williams, biphobic abuse at the openly bisexual François Arnaud, and racialized abuse at Ksenia Daniela Kharlamova, and in the spring the three issued a joint statement telling fans not to call themselves fans if they trafficked in that kind of hateâthat none of them needed such love. Williams stepped back from social media.
It is worth being colder about this than the warmth of the story invites. The machine that made these two boys globally legible is the same machine that, twenty years ago, would not have made the show at all; the institutional liberalism now congratulating itself is the same liberalism that handed Shane Asian, or Asian Canadian in his first professional conversation. The academy has noticed, one scholar's verdict being that the show raises real questions about its own potential and its own limits, and that whether its symbolic gestures will translate into structural change within hockey remains to be seen. The fandom that printed I choose him in three languages is the same fandom that sent Williams the messages he had to flee. The disease and the cure share a bloodstream: that a hockey romance manufactured by the culture machine has reached real closeted athletes is true, and good, and does not absolve the machineâit only complicates the verdict.
And the other half of the response is harder to be cold about. Williams has described the anonymous messages reaching him through Reid and through his own inboxâcloseted professional athletes, from hockey and football and basketball, writing to say the show had reached them where nothing else had. Tierney has said he was moved most by the viewers in Russia, has called the show a counterpunch to a regressive moment, and has said the response will stay with him for the rest of his life. The recognition the story is about has begun happening outside the story. The work is doing, at scale, what the two boys do for each other inside it: standing as the witness the institutions refused to be.
None of us need your hateful love is the sentence the books had been writing in invisible ink for years. Nearly all the harm in this story arrived dressed as loveâof country, of sport, of the model-minority promise, of a mother's careful devotion. Becoming free, for the fictional Shane and the real Williams both, has meant learning that love which sets itself against you is not love, however much it feels like it, however sincerely it is meant.
The cottage and the commissioner's office are the two scenes the whole thing hangs between, and they mirror each other. In the first, the Russian boy finally says the thing that was killing him, and the Canadian boy receives it. In the second, the Canadian boy finally refuses the lie, and the Russian boy stands beside him and makes the refusal survivable. Each saves the other by seeing, and each time it takes both. It is an old propositionâPlato's lover recognizing his other half, the beloved set as a seal upon the heart in the Song of Songs, Donne's one little room made an everywhere, the long line of queer writers for whom two men seeing each other is the moment the closet gives. Reid wrote a Canadian-Russian queer hockey romance that belongs, whether it set out to or not, in that company, and Tierney filmed it as though he knew.
She once said she had wanted to write a love story about two people who weren't supposed to find each other and did. She wrote something harderâtwo children bent in opposite directions by countries and parents and a sport that loved them on terms none of them had chosen, who then, over a decade, made each other visible in the exact shape of the damage, and healed each other not by removing it but by loving the boy through it until the damage was no longer all there was. Shane chooses Ilya in that office because Ilya had been choosing him steadily since the parking lot in Reginaâthrough the mezzanine and the floor, the balcony, Sochi, the tuna melt, the late-night texts. The choosing was the love; the love was the seeing; the seeing was the healing.
And so we leave them not at a wedding, not at a finish line, but in the middle of the work. They are both twenty-nine nowâIlya the younger by a month, as he was that first night in Regina. Shane is freshly defiant, only beginning to grasp what was done to him; the office door has closed behind him and the rest of his understanding is still ahead. Ilya is further along the same road, no longer silent but not yet whole. They are two men mid-recovery, unequal only in time served, who have stopped performing for everyone but each other. Neither has been cured, exactly. What they have is the one thing neither was given by the families or the sport that raised them: a witness who stays.
It turns out that is most of what saving ever wasânot the removal of the damage, but someone who keeps looking at you while you carry it, until carrying it is no longer the whole of who you are. The boy who crossed a cold parking lot to introduce himself could not have known that was what he was offering. He knows now. So does the other oneâthe boy who came in second and still won the race on the machines, and who has been choosing, ever since, to be seen.
