Maybe an unpopular opinion given how I don't see a single soul talk about this, but the notion that Kaz actually did try to overcome his fear of touch before he met Inej and even then the catalyst was a girl he used to like is actually so important to me.
It doesn't even take away anything from Kanej since that failure, the humiliation and frustration of it, is part of why he is as unforgiving and violent as he is and how he eventually got nicknamed Dirtyhands, so it's a little surprising to me how this never seems to be brought up in character discussions- at least not from what I've been able to see (I had a full year of spoilers for the duology before I ever got to read the books).
Knowing that Imogen existed at some point for Kaz, that receiving and giving physical affection isn't something he just point blank gave up because it triggered his trauma- rather, he always saw it as a worthy reason for him to try to overcome that pain... knowing that what made him ultimately gave it up wasn't really the very same repulsed reaction he gets from skin to skin contact in the first place but what failing the attempt to best it costed him, what he understood that yearn for affection would entail for him, how hard it was for him to crawl back from the shame of it which he never really did because otherwise he wouldn't have been so deeply hesitant to try it again...
I think it really puts into perspective just how self aware Kaz is of both his own suffering and the way he treats others, and of how those two things correlate. It's such a relevant part of his character.
(turning comment into a reblog) completely agree! i also think it’s fascinating that when he first attempted to get over his fear of touch for imogen, it wasn’t actually with her. he wanted to start out small, but the only associations with touch he ended up building were with acts of violence (i.e. the exact opposite of what he was probably taught growing up), and that becomes the moment when he can no longer separate dirtyhands from his old self, which makes the shame and embarrassment of failing so much more difficult to bear.
also love that @action-and-echo pointed out imogen has an “i” name like inej, parallel to jordie and jesper. obviously kaz had romantic interest in them and decided they were both worth trying for, but i think inej’s faith is the changing catalyst. her ability to always see the best in him even when he calls himself a monster, to have so much confidence in the fact that he’s capable of being vulnerable (and just choosing not to be), saying “go on” when he runs up against a wall. that’s why this time around when he starts with affection and a physical manifestation of healing (i.e. bandaging her arms) rather than violence, he can actually take steps forward.
